News Team wins Super Bowl V

It’s always a somber feeling having to write a Super Bowl recap after having lost the “Big Game.”

This will be the third time I’ve had this feeling. If my team was the Philadelphia Jammers, fans would be calling 610 WIP screaming for my head.

“Fire Jimmy Johnson! He chokes in the big game! It’s time for change!”

They might even say, “Let’s go hire Nick Nikish. Look what he’s done with the News Team!”

Look, indeed.

In 2006 and 2007, the News Team finished dead last both years with a combined 8-18 record.

Since then, he has gone 30-16 with two conference championship losses preceding a Super Bowl title, which he picked up after a 135-92 win over the Jammers.

And it’s easy to pick out what has made the difference for the News Team.

Aaron Rodgers.

He has been a fantasy superstar. Since trading for him, the News Team has gone 30-13. We’ve all heard this before. It’s been written a few times, but it has to be said again because this is Nikish’s moment to shine.

Still, as much as we can look back at the “trade” that changed it all, we must look at the draft pick and the waiver wire pickup that made the difference.

First, Arian Foster, the draft pick of the century. The JFL MVP (I’m declaring him the MVP now that we’re going back to the old system where I declare MVPs on my own) scored 20.3 points to go with Rodgers’ 49.6 points this past weekend. When you get 69.9 points from two players, you don’t need to worry much. Without them, the News Team would have been in trouble because four players — Tashard Choice, DeSean Jackson, Kevin Boss and Robbie Gould — combined for just 13.4 points.

Second, LeGarrette Blount, a great waiver wire pickup. He scored 16.9 points Sunday to give the News Team boost. He had double-digit points three out the last four weeks, and the third and fourth weeks were the big ones. His 17 points last week were crucial in allowing the News Team to advance to the Super Bowl.

Now, just like every Super Bowl winner, he has the tough decision on who to keep for next season.

It shouldn’t be a problem for the News Team who has been the Ruben Amaro Jr. of fantasy football. I wouldn’t be surprised to see Cliff Lee somehow crack his fantasy football roster. Great moves and a little luck equal championships. It shouldn’t be long before another great move equals another News Team championship — especially with Aaron Rodgers.

Oh, and this just in. Adam Scheffter has tweeted that general manager Jimmy Johnson has been fired from the Jimmy Jammers. A new GM will be announced soon. In a statement from the team, Johnson said: “Hey. I’m proud of my run. I’ve led this team to more wins than anyone in the JFL. I’m just glad the organization didn’t go the Mike Singletary route and let me go before the last game of the season. Good luck to the new GM, whoever that may be.”

We’ll see who the new GM is in 2011. That is, of course, if there is an NFL season in 2011.

Super Bowl V preview

Twas the night before Christmas Eve. OK, I’m not going to make a stupid rhyme. It would be corny.

But if I had the time to craft one, it’d be perfect for this matchup.

Two of the NFL’s top young quarterbacks, the top two running backs this season and two of the most exciting wideouts are just a small sampling of what Super Bowl V will feature.

And it’s likely that those three players will decide this matchup.

Two of them don’t step onto the field until Monday night — the Jammers Matt Ryan and Roddy White — so that means in all likelihood, the News Team will be leading after Sunday night. And that means the Jammers is going to need a Fear and Loathing Special — a Monday Night Football comeback.

Ryan and White will be going up against the Saints — a matchup that went to overtime earlier in the season with both players putting up decent performances. They should be in line to do the same thing this time around, but the biggest question is how many points will the Jammers be down by because he has a troublesome matchup in the Browns-Ravens game.

Peyton Hillis, who has tapered off over the last three weeks, will be running up against Ray Rice, who is coming off of his best game of the season.

One more and the Jammers will become the JFL’s first two-time champion.

But the News Team is going to have his say. With Aaron Rodgers back and playing against a defense that allowed Michael Vick to score 50 fantasy points, there’s no reason why he shouldn’t score 30 points this week. He would score 50 if he could rush for 100 yards and a TD like Vick, but he’s not going to do that — especially after suffering a concussion because he tried to stretch out a long run.

The hero who helped Vick score 50, DeSean Jackson, also is in line for another huge week. The Vikings are awful and just getting worse. Jackson should be set for 20 points this week, too.

Arian Foster, the League’s No. 1 back who went for 43 points the first time the News Team and Jammers squared off this season, has the perfect matchup this week. He’ll be rushing against the NFL’s worst rush defense in the Broncos, who have given up 25 or mote points to backs in three of the last four weeks, and they’ve allowed more than 150 rushing yards five times this season.

The only problem with all three of these stars is that they’re all dealing with injuries. None of the injuries will prevent them from starting, but News Team will have to worry about them finishing.

My guess is that they will.

Jammers’ Biased Prediction: News Team 147, Jammers 129

Week 15 Recap: News Team, Jammers move on to Super Bowl V

Super Bowl V is set.

And despite huge Thursday night performances from Houserville’s Vincent Jackson and the Organ Thieves’ Phillip Rivers, neither team is playing in Week 16. (So much for panicking on Fridays.)

The Jammers overcame the big Thursday night dilemma with 36.3 points from Ray Rice to advance to his fourth JFL Super Bowl.

The News Team used Matt Flynn to advance to his first Super Bowl.

It was a wild Sunday and a disappointing Monday for the Organ Thieves.


News Team 112.1, Organ Thieves 104.5
It wasn’t quite the comeback the Eagles had, but when DeSean Jackson returned the game-winning punt for a TD, the News Team put himself into position to defeat the team he hadn’t been able to defeat all season.

Add in Matt Flynn’s 30.8-point performance and the News Team was on his way to Super Bowl V.

It was amaz…

Wait a second? Matt Flynn? Are you serious? First career start and he leads a fantasy team to the Super Bowl. Never saw that coming. And Nikish made the right choice because if he had started Tim Tebow, he would have been fuc…

Wait a second? Tebow? 28 points? Really. So you’re telling me that the News Team could have started Tebow, too, and still won?

OK, so who had Matt Flynn and Tim Tebow on their draft boards? Half the NFL didn’t even have Tebow on their draft boards in real life.

Flynn certainly wasn’t the News Team’s top choice for this weekend, but at the time, he was his only choice. So, he rolled the dice.

Flynn wasn’t much of a hero for the Packers. He had a decent game, but in the final 60 seconds, his inexperienced showed and they wasted several chances to drive on the Pats. Still, by this time, the News Team had enough points.

Especially with Adrian Peterson not playing Monday night — and because the Thieves missed out on the chance to move Peterson to the FLEX spot, he had to go with Toby Gerhart instead of maybe Devin Hester, who is apparently ridiculous.

The Thieves also missed out on double-digit performances from bench players Mike Sims-Walker (17), Danny Amendola (16.4), Steven Johnson (14) and Thomas Jones (14).

All outperformed LeSean McCoy, Mike Goodson, Reggie Wayne and Lance Moore — but who would have guessed that all four would have had bad weeks.

It was a rough way to end the season, but still, looking back, it was yet another great campaign for the Organ Thieves. With Phillip Rivers, LeSean McCoy, Adrian Peterson, Thomas Jones, Josh Freeman, Jeremy Maclin and Reggie Wayne on this team, there’s a big decision for keepers and an even bigger decision if any trades pop up.

News Team will soon start thinking about keepers, too, but not until next Tuesday. Until then, he’s thinking trophy. Literally. He’s wants to know how much one would cost.


Jimmy Jammers 150.4, Real Houserville 143.8
The keepers showed up, the defense that everyone joked about came through and the No. 1 draft pick, Roddy White, proved his worth.

It was everything the Jammers needed to beat a conference rival and head to Super Bowl V.

Ray Rice scored his fourth and fifth TDs of the season and went over 30 points for the first time this season, scoring 36.3 points to cancel out Houserville’s big 32.2 points from Vincent Jackson on Thursday night.

Larry Fitzgerald had his third-best week of the season with 14.3. points. His nine catches for 125 yards were both season highs. He didn’t score — not surprising with the lack of QBs they have in the desert — so he remains at five TDs this season, but he certainly showed up when the Jammers needed him most.

Outside of the two keeper picks, the Jets defense opened its game against the Steelers with a 97-yard kickoff return for a touchdown that immediately put Houserville on the ropes. The Jets ended up with 25.5 points and have scored more than 25 points in three of the last four games.

And Roddy White (13.9 points) connected with Matt Ryan (26.1) for a late touchdown — one of three Ryan TDs — to bolster the Jammers’ chances of a comeback.

Heading into the Sunday night game, Houserville got a big interception return for a TD with the Patriots and Greg Jennings scored 9.7 points to make it close, but an early rushing score by BenJarvus Green-Ellis proved to be the difference.

Also making a difference was the return of Austin Collie. The Colts wideout caught eight passes for 87 yards and two touchdowns, keeping Jacob Tamme and Pierre Garcon off the scoreboard. That really hurt Houserville’s chances as the two roster spots combined for 10.2 points. Added with Peyton Manning’s 23 points — 18 of which came in the first half — and it was a disappointing day for the Ville and his Colts trio.

With the lead, the Colts started running the ball and Donald Brown ran effectively allowing Peyton Manning to rest his arm and Dawson to pull out his hair.

For Dawson, it’s a frustrating end to another great season. Last year, he got his clocked cleaned 154-5-101.3 in a loss to the World of Noise. Now, he loses to the Noise’s brother.

What’s next? My sister?

Ah, I’m just pulling your strings, Dawson. I do have some advice for you if you get back to the conference finals in 2011. Start Rashard Mendenhall. You’ve benched him to straight conference finals and he scored 17.1 points in 2009 and 16 in 2010.

Week 15 Preview

Here it is. The road to JFL Super Bowl V comes down to two final matchups this weekend.

And we couldn’t have drafted a better two matchups for this weekend.

The Jammers (9-4) gets the chance to host his chatty rival Houserville (9-5) in the Liberty Conference Championship game, while the Organ Thieves (9-4) host his college rival News Team (10-4) in the Nittany Conference Championship game.

Both matchups have intriguing storylines and it will surely make for a fun Sunday of football.

Real Houserville (9-5) at Jimmy Jammers (9-4)
Last season, the Jammers’ playoffs came to an end earlier than it ever had before. Three times a conference champion, the Jammers was a first-round casualty in 2009.

In 2010, he avoided the first round altogether with the bye, but he still finds himself running into the team that sent him home early last season — Houserville.

According to ESPN, the points will be coming in buckets in this matchup.

With all the high projections, it comes down to who will live up to the expectations and who will surpass them.

Houserville boosted his “stat projection” to go above the Jammers by raiding the waiver wire and picking up Ryan Torain (projected to get 14 points after a big week last weekend) and Vincent Jackson (projected to get 11.7 points because he’s not drunk), and his season is relying on these big moves to save him.

Double-digits or a big game out of either player will make him a genius — and it will get him into the Super Bowl for the first time.

The big game in this matchup will be the Colts-Jags contest. The Jammers will be a big Jags fan this weekend, but they haven’t faired well against the pass. Jacksonville yielded 28.4 fantasy points to Peyton Manning earlier in the season. So he’ll be in good shape at QB.

But at RB, it will be the tale of two backs. Rashard Mendenhall is going up against the NFL’s second-best run defense, the Jets. Darren McFadden is going up against Denver, the 32nd best — and that means the worst — who he scored 46 fantasy points on in their last matchup.

The third back, recent pickup Ryan Torain is an interesting play. He didn’t play in the game against the Cowboys earlier in the season. He’s coming off of his best game of the season after missing 5 1/2 weeks due to injury. The Bucs defense, which he ran against last week, has been plagued by injuries, while the Cowboys defense has a strong defensive front. So we’ll see if Torain can get off the ground running in this divisional matchup. But hey, he has to do better than Felix Jones.

Greg Jennings is in trouble because the Packers are likely without Aaron Rodgers, but that means the Patriots defense, which the Ville picked up a few weeks ago, is in for another big game. Inexperienced QB equals turnovers and sacks and POINTS!

So, the Jammers, who haven’t had a meaningful fantasy matchup in three weeks, will need to have one of his biggest weeks to advance to his fourth Super Bowl.

He, too, will be looking at three RBs to lead the punch, and the Jammers’ trio of Peyton Hillis, BenJarvus Green-Ellis and Ray Rice have been among the most consistent. They have been double-digit machines all season — with Hillis leading the way with 13-of-14 weeks — and they all should get to that number again this week.

But if Houserville’s squad goes off like it should, one of these backs is going to have to put up at least 20 points to give the Jammers a chance.

Still, the Jammers is going to need a lot of things to go his way this weekend to top the Ville.

It’s like the PowerBall. You need to hit all the numbers.

And like the PowerBall, it’s not happening.

Jammers’ Biased Prediction: Houserville 141, Jammers 128


Channel 4 News Team (10-4) at Chinese Organ Thieves (9-4)
The Redskins have been giving Rex Grossman a lot of snaps in practice because they have been talking about putting him in if Donovan McNabb struggles.

The same thing is happening to Kyle Orton in Denver with backup Tim Tebow.

Both of those guys are backup QBs for the News Team — and that is a very scary thought since Aaron Rodgers is very questionable with a concussion. He hasn’t practiced yet this week and could sit out this weekend’s big game against the Patriots.

If he can go, he will because the Packers’ playoff hopes are on the line. News Team is feeling the same sense of urgency as everyone in Cheeseland.

Going up against the highest scoring team in the JFL, he needs Aaron Rodgers, and he needs an effective Aaron Rodgers. To make matters worse for the News Team, the Packers game is a Sunday Night game, which means he may have to make a tough decision at 12:59 p.m. Sunday on whether he should go with one of the two aforementioned struggling QBs, or gamble and pray to God Aaron Rodgers plays.

If that is the case, he might be in line to pick up Matt Flynn as insurance (and the Thieves could pick Flynn up to be a douche/strategic fantasy owner).

The Thieves have their own injury issue, too. Adrian Peterson hurt his knee Monday and he hasn’t practiced yet this week. One would think that he’d be able to go by Monday night, but there are several factors playing into how effective he can be. One is that the Vikings are down to Joe Webb at QB. That doesn’t help. Two is that the Vikings still may have to take this party on the road because apparently the University of Minnesota’s field is loaded with two-inch thick ice and no heating coils which means it’s hard to get rid of. Players are already complaining that they are concerned about their safety.

The Thieves have no such worry with LeSean McCoy and Mike Goodson. Both should be good for double-digits, and McCoy could easily get to 20 like he did the last time he played the Giants.

A big tell to how this matchup will play out is Phillip Rivers, who opens the matchup tonight against the Niners. A big 30, 40 points tonight could set the tone and send News Team into a QB panic Sunday. A bad night — which I cannot imagine — would make the News Team’s QB decision much easier.

There will be points on the Thieves bench for sure — as I see Thomas Jones and Steven Johnson to have double-digits this week — but there’s no room in this Thieves lineup.

That’s why this Thieves lineup will be up against the Ville (former Villains) in the Super Bowl. (See, Dawson. You get rid of your mascot, the “Villains” and you ruin the coolest possible Super Bowl ever: Thieves vs. Villains.)

This is only happening because of Rodgers’ status, because the News Team is going to score points with Arian Foster, LeGarrette Blount, DeSean Jackson and the Cardinals defense — but it’s jut not going to be enough without the usual 30 points from Rodgers.

It’s a shame he’s not healthy. It would have made this matchup as exciting as it was in Week 13.

Jammers’ Prediction: Thieves 143, News Team 131

Week 14 Recap

And then there were four, and over the final four weeks of the regular season, these are the four teams we expected to get to this point.

Clearly, it would have been nothing short of a disappointment if the News Team and the Organ Thieves didn’t play in the Nittany Conference Championship game. The two division rivals were side-by-side all season long until News Team took a one-game lead into their season finale — a game that the Thieves won to complete the season sweep and win the division.

On the other side, the Jammers had solidified his playoff spot weeks ago and it seemed to be a certainty that Houserville would be the one to stand in the Jammers way.

And that is how it panned out. No upsets this year — I’m not calling the No. 3-seeded News Team beating No. 2-seeded T-Money an upset. No offense to the Money Man, but the News Team’s roster is stacked and much better.

Still, in the first week of the playoffs, it didn’t matter who had the better overall roster — rather, it mattered who had the top performers.

In Houserville’s win over Fear and Loathing, it was three players scoring 101.5 points that led the Ville to the Liberty Conference Championship game. Darren McFadden was the stud of the studs, scoring three touchdowns, all from long distance, to post 43.5 points. The Patriots defense added 30.5 and Peyton Manning had a respectable 27.5. Everyone else on the Ville scored singled digits.

Nevertheless, Fear didn’t put up much of a fight. Michael Vick had 33.1 points and the Seahawks had 16.5. Everyone else scored single digits. So even without McFadden, the Ville would have moved onto the next round.

Houserville will have some interesting decisions heading into next week after Felix Jones and Pierre Garcon each put up nice point totals on the bench, and Greg Jennings, who suffered the loss of his quarterback, has his status up in the air as the Packers wait to find out if Aaron Rodgers will return next week.

News Team will play that same waiting game thanks to Rodgers stupidity. That’s right. I called him stupid. Rodgers had one concussion already this season prior to Sunday’s game, and yet he scrambles recklessly. After he clearly got the first down, he pushed forward and dived forward allowing himself to be hit from his right side and from behind, the latter causing the concussion.

I understand the competitiveness of Aaron Rodgers and I admire it, but he has to be aware of what is going on. He has to know that his backup is a kid who hasn’t had much experience in the NFL — and he likely never will — and he has to protect his team from playing with QB No. 2.

I have no doubt that if Rodgers played in the second half, the Packers would have won that game by at least two scores. Instead, they lose 7-3 and damage their playoff chances with a weak NFC West team guaranteed to take up a spot.

Now his status is questionable for Week 15 — although, I’m sure he’ll play — and with two concussions, he’s a few more away from being Joe Buck’s sidekick in the FOX NFL TV booth.

As much as the NFL is creating rules and fines to protect QBs, it’s time that the QBs take the time to protect themselves. Get the first down and then get down. It’s not the quarterback’s job to get the extra yards. Leave it to the running backs and the wideouts. Because those players will never get extra yards if you’re on the sideline counting fingers and reciting the alphabet. (A, B, C, D, I, EFFED, G, B.)

And while I’m on this tangent, I’d like to add a thought that came to me this weekend. I had the Kansas City Chiefs beating the Chargers this weekend in my NFL Picks game until I heard that Matt Cassel was out after an emergency appendectomy. Now, we will never know if the Chiefs would have beaten the Chargers with Cassel, but I’m sure that he would have thrown for more than the 40-some yards his backup Brody Croyle did.

With that said, we’ve seen this happen before to key players during the season, having an appendectomy and missing a key game or two. With every game meaning so much — the Chiefs really could have used that win to create some separation in the division — I wonder why players don’t make sure that this always unexpected “injury” doesn’t happen. No one really needs their appendix — they’re useless in books, too — so if I was a star player or a coach of a star player, I’d get a non-emergency appendectomy in the offseason so that way I couldn’t possibly miss a game. I think this makes sense, but I’ve never heard anyone say it. (Except me on Twitter.)

OK, now, where was I?

Ah, yes. Aaron Rodgers being stupid.

His dumb move led to 3.5 points for the News Team. If he can’t come back next week, that means the News Team will have to run with Donovan McNabb, who had 23 fantasy points last week, or with Kyle Orton, who had 3.5 points, too — and he played the whole game.

Fortunately for the News Team, the 3.5-point performance didn’t hurt him — and that’s because DeSean Jackson is a beast. His 32.4 points were exactly what the Nikish ordered and it made Monday night easy to handle.

Jackson finished with 210 yards on just four catches. One of those was a 91-yard TD catch and run. And I mean run. He went about 80 on his own and score in the most fashionable way possible — and he kept the ball in his hands until he crossed the line.

Now if he can do the same thing a few times next week, the News Team can advance to his first Super Bowl. If not, the Thieves will return for a chance at another Super Bowl title.

Thieves snatch win, earns bye with Jammers

If you didn’t pay attention to the News Team-Organ Thieves matchup, well, you missed an amazing day. If you want to re-live it a bit, just go to scoreboard page and read my live thoughts.

At 4 p.m., it was News Team’s day. He was on his way to the No. 1 seed. It was even better after Phillip Rivers started slow, as did Peyton Manning, because that kept Reggie Wayne off the scorebook.

But Wayne came around with 200 yards on 14 catches and a touchdown. The 29.8 points pushed the Thieves ahead of the News Team 145.6-137.6. But the News Team still had Todd Heap.

Or so he thought.

The first play from scrimmage was the last for Heap. He injured his hamstring and left for good, leaving the biggest ZERO on his lineup.

It was an awful ending to an exciting matchup. It took the excitement right out of it. It spoiled a great outing by Aaron Rodgers (40.4 points). It spoiled Arian Foster’s 23.3 points, you know, his usual. It spoiled Knowshon Moreno’s seventh double-digit day of the season (17.7 points). And it absolutely ruined the Giants’ 28.5 points.

Yeah, LeGarrette Blount was on the bench with the points necessary to win this matchup, but the Thieves also had points on the bench that would have countered Blount’s performance, so we can always speculate.

Still, it’s not like it ruined the News Team’s season.

It just means he has to work harder. He’ll face T-Money on the road in the first round of the playoffs, while the Thieves have a week off.

And it is well-deserved. LeSean McCoy had an excellent Thursday night with 26.6 points and Adrian Peterson benefited from the “death” of Brett Favre. His injury on his first pass allowed Tavaris Jackson to come in and move the offense — the best it has moved all season.

Which makes you wonder why three guys boarded a plane in August and persuaded Favre to return. This team could easily be competing for the division if it weren’t for Favre. And, maybe, just maybe, Childress would still have a job and Randy Moss wouldn’t be a Titan because the Vikings wouldn’t have traded for him and then released him.

See, Favre really effed up the 2010 season.

Good thing the Thieves left him on his bench. He could have ruined his season, too.


Everything else panned out as expected on Sunday when it came to the playoffs. Houserville eliminated the Noise and Fear clinched with a win, setting up this weekend’s great Wild-Card matchups between No. 3 Fear and Loathing (6-7) at No. 2 Real Houserville (8-5), and No. 3 News Team (9-4) at No. 2 T-Money (8-5).

No. 3 Fear and Loathing at No. 2 Real Houserville (8-5)
It’s just not enough to have Nick and Mike play each other twice a season. For the first time, they will go up against each other three times in a season.

They split the season series with Houserville winning the latest matchup in blowout fashion.

It would be easy to say that Houserville is going to win this based on the numbers, but the fact is, Peyton Manning hasn’t been himself lately throwing 11 interceptions in the last three games.

He still has posted decent point totals, but one has to worry with Manning playing on a short week. Even worse, the Thursday game is on the road, which means the Colts had only two days to prep for the Titans.

So if Manning struggles Thursday, it means Jacob Tamme has a bad day, and it means Houserville is behind the eight-ball heading into Sunday when Fear has a bunch of players primed and ready to go. Michael Vick is set for a big day against Dallas. It’s another prime-time game for the Eagles and Vick has had big prime-time games lately. With the national spotlight on him, I expect at least another 30 points from Vick.

Jamaal Charles can expect similar totals, too. The Chargers defense has been awful, giving up 250 rushing yards last week, and Charles is going to be good for double-digits this week, too.

The two backs who helped the Raiders rush for more than 250 yards last week will be going head to head in this matchup, too.

Fear has Michael Bush and Houserville has Darren McFadden. Each ran for more than 90 yards and a TD. This week, one of these backs could make the difference.

Another difference maker is Greg Jennings. Against Detroit, Jennings should be set for a big game, but looking back to the first matchup, he had just two catches and a touchdown for 8.9 points. After Jennings’ recent performances, one would think that he should do much better this time around.

The same could be said about Fear, who hasn’t had much luck in the playoffs. He made it in 2007 and 2008, but both seasons were first-round knockouts. Dawson, on the other hand, is 1-2 in the playoffs.

The winner will go up against the Jammers. Houserville is 2-3 against the Jam; Fear is 1-6.

Fear will get the chance to avenge all six losses in Week 15 after Vick explodes Sunday night.

Jammers’ Prediction: Fear 121, Houserville 108


No. 3 Channel 4 News Team (9-4) at No. 2 T-Money (8-5)
T-Money won eight games this season and looking at his lineup, one has to wonder how.

And it’s not like he ran into a lot of luck and faced teams that had bad weeks. T-Money was one of the highest scoring teams in the JFL. And even when his QB Tony Romo went down, his season wasn’t over. Matt Hasselbeck has surprisingly been just enough to get him to a division title.

So has Dwayne Bowe. He’s the top wideout in fantasy, and that remained a fact this week despite his zero-catch performance last week against Denver. He has 14 touchdowns this season, all coming after Week 2. He’s be crucial for T-Money.

He should get back on track this week against San Diego, and T-Money will need it because his trio of RBs, Shonn Greene, Ahmad Bradshaw and Fred Jackson, do not look good this week. Bradshaw had one of his best games last week, but he’ll be going up against a defense in Minnesota that hasn’t given up a rushing touchdown in five games. Cleveland, which will try to stop Jackson, has allowed just three rushing scores, and Greene doesn’t need a defense to stop him. He does it himself. He’s crossed the goal line only once this season, and I’m sure it was an accident.

Anquan Boldin should have a good week, like Bowe, but I’m not sure the two can carry this team past the News Team.

Nikish is a road team on a mission. I’m sure LeGarrette Blount will be in the lineup this week for the Bucs as they go up against the Redskins who have had a lot of trouble stopping the run. The Giants ran for 198 yards and four TDs last week against the Skins. Blount will get to 100 yards and at least one TD.

DeSean Jackson is in line for a huge game against Dallas — my personal prediction — and Knowshon Moreno will be in the end zone this weekend because he’s going up against the Cardinals. Arizona is ranked 32nd in the NFL in rush defense. … Mind you, there are only 32 teams. So, Moreno is getting 150 yards and two TDs.

Arian Foster, conversely, is going up against the No. 3 rush defense (Baltimore). It could be a tough day, but the News Team’s MVP candidate hasn’t let many obstacles slow him down.

So those three backs and Jackson will be key this weekend. They will be a big reason why the News Team gets his rematch with the Organ Thieves.

… Oh, and if those guys don’t do as well as I said they would, Aaron Rodgers will surely take care of the rest.

Jammers’ Prediction: News Team 141, T-Money 118

Thieves snatch win, earns bye with Jammers

If you didn’t pay attention to the News Team-Organ Thieves matchup, well, you missed an amazing day. If you want to re-live it a bit, just go to scoreboard page and read my live thoughts.

At 4 p.m., it was News Team’s day. He was on his way to the No. 1 seed. It was even better after Phillip Rivers started slow, as did Peyton Manning, because that kept Reggie Wayne off the scorebook.

But Wayne came around with 200 yards on 14 catches and a touchdown. The 29.8 points pushed the Thieves ahead of the News Team 145.6-137.6. But the News Team still had Todd Heap.

Or so he thought.

The first play from scrimmage was the last for Heap. He injured his hamstring and left for good, leaving the biggest ZERO on his lineup.

It was an awful ending to an exciting matchup. It took the excitement right out of it. It spoiled a great outing by Aaron Rodgers (40.4 points). It spoiled Arian Foster’s 23.3 points, you know, his usual. It spoiled Knowshon Moreno’s seventh double-digit day of the season (17.7 points). And it absolutely ruined the Giants’ 28.5 points.

Yeah, LeGarrette Blount was on the bench with the points necessary to win this matchup, but the Thieves also had points on the bench that would have countered Blount’s performance, so we can always speculate.

Still, it’s not like it ruined the News Team’s season.

It just means he has to work harder. He’ll face T-Money on the road in the first round of the playoffs, while the Thieves have a week off.

And it is well-deserved. LeSean McCoy had an excellent Thursday night with 26.6 points and Adrian Peterson benefited from the “death” of Brett Favre. His injury on his first pass allowed Tavaris Jackson to come in and move the offense — the best it has moved all season.

Which makes you wonder why three guys boarded a plane in August and persuaded Favre to return. This team could easily be competing for the division if it weren’t for Favre. And, maybe, just maybe, Childress would still have a job and Randy Moss wouldn’t be a Titan because the Vikings wouldn’t have traded for him and then released him.

See, Favre really effed up the 2010 season.

Good thing the Thieves left him on his bench. He could have ruined his season, too.


Everything else panned out as expected on Sunday when it came to the playoffs. Houserville eliminated the Noise and Fear clinched with a win, setting up this weekend’s great Wild-Card matchups between No. 3 Fear and Loathing (6-7) at No. 2 Real Houserville (8-5), and No. 3 News Team (9-4) at No. 2 T-Money (8-5).

No. 3 Fear and Loathing at No. 2 Real Houserville (8-5)
It’s just not enough to have Nick and Mike play each other twice a season. For the first time, they will go up against each other three times in a season.

They split the season series with Houserville winning the latest matchup in blowout fashion.

It would be easy to say that Houserville is going to win this based on the numbers, but the fact is, Peyton Manning hasn’t been himself lately throwing 11 interceptions in the last three games.

He still has posted decent point totals, but one has to worry with Manning playing on a short week. Even worse, the Thursday game is on the road, which means the Colts had only two days to prep for the Titans.

So if Manning struggles Thursday, it means Jacob Tamme has a bad day, and it means Houserville is behind the eight-ball heading into Sunday when Fear has a bunch of players primed and ready to go. Michael Vick is set for a big day against Dallas. It’s another prime-time game for the Eagles and Vick has had big prime-time games lately. With the national spotlight on him, I expect at least another 30 points from Vick.

Jamaal Charles can expect similar totals, too. The Chargers defense has been awful, giving up 250 rushing yards last week, and Charles is going to be good for double-digits this week, too.

The two backs who helped the Raiders rush for more than 250 yards last week will be going head to head in this matchup, too.

Fear has Michael Bush and Houserville has Darren McFadden. Each ran for more than 90 yards and a TD. This week, one of these backs could make the difference.

Another difference maker is Greg Jennings. Against Detroit, Jennings should be set for a big game, but looking back to the first matchup, he had just two catches and a touchdown for 8.9 points. After Jennings’ recent performances, one would think that he should do much better this time around.

The same could be said about Fear, who hasn’t had much luck in the playoffs. He made it in 2007 and 2008, but both seasons were first-round knockouts. Dawson, on the other hand, is 1-2 in the playoffs.

The winner will go up against the Jammers. Houserville is 2-3 against the Jam; Fear is 1-6.

Fear will get the chance to avenge all six losses in Week 15 after Vick explodes Sunday night.

Jammers’ Prediction: Fear 121, Houserville 108


No. 3 Channel 4 News Team (9-4) at No. 2 T-Money (8-5)
T-Money won eight games this season and looking at his lineup, one has to wonder how.

And it’s not like he ran into a lot of luck and faced teams that had bad weeks. T-Money was one of the highest scoring teams in the JFL. And even when his QB Tony Romo went down, his season wasn’t over. Matt Hasselbeck has surprisingly been just enough to get him to a division title.

So has Dwayne Bowe. He’s the top wideout in fantasy, and that remained a fact this week despite his zero-catch performance last week against Denver. He has 14 touchdowns this season, all coming after Week 2. He’s be crucial for T-Money.

He should get back on track this week against San Diego, and T-Money will need it because his trio of RBs, Shonn Greene, Ahmad Bradshaw and Fred Jackson, do not look good this week. Bradshaw had one of his best games last week, but he’ll be going up against a defense in Minnesota that hasn’t given up a rushing touchdown in five games. Cleveland, which will try to stop Jackson, has allowed just three rushing scores, and Greene doesn’t need a defense to stop him. He does it himself. He’s crossed the goal line only once this season, and I’m sure it was an accident.

Anquan Boldin should have a good week, like Bowe, but I’m not sure the two can carry this team past the News Team.

Nikish is a road team on a mission. I’m sure LeGarrette Blount will be in the lineup this week for the Bucs as they go up against the Redskins who have had a lot of trouble stopping the run. The Giants ran for 198 yards and four TDs last week against the Skins. Blount will get to 100 yards and at least one TD.

DeSean Jackson is in line for a huge game against Dallas — my personal prediction — and Knowshon Moreno will be in the end zone this weekend because he’s going up against the Cardinals. Arizona is ranked 32nd in the NFL in rush defense. … Mind you, there are only 32 teams. So, Moreno is getting 150 yards and two TDs.

Arian Foster, conversely, is going up against the No. 3 rush defense (Baltimore). It could be a tough day, but the News Team’s MVP candidate hasn’t let many obstacles slow him down.

So those three backs and Jackson will be key this weekend. They will be a big reason why the News Team gets his rematch with the Organ Thieves.

… Oh, and if those guys don’t do as well as I said they would, Aaron Rodgers will surely take care of the rest.

Jammers’ Prediction: News Team 141, T-Money 118

Week 13 Preview

Three games have playoff implications this week. Three others, well, they’re just for fun, or for 2011 draft position.

The Jammers plays the Attack in what will be another “BYE” week for the Jammers. Having clinched everything two weeks ago, his next meaningful matchup will be in Week 15 against either Houserville, Fear or Noise.

Two of those potential teams will be playing this week as Houserville, who has already clinched the No. 2 seed, has the chance to finally and officially eliminate the Noisy Basterds.

The Basterds need a win, plus a Fear loss, plus score 58 more points than Fear to make the playoffs.

So, in all likelihood, Week 14 will feature a Wild Card matchup between Houserville and Fear.

The Nittany Conference playoff race is going to be a more exciting one to watch this weekend.

It’s perfect that the News Team and the Thieves close the season with a matchup that is basically the division title game. The winner will get the chance to rest a week and play in the conference championship game. The loser has to play T-Money in Week 14.

This all shaped up because Houserville pulled off a huge win over the Organ Thieves last week, benefiting from a poor Phillip Rivers performance and an Adrian Peterson injury — both occurrences any other week would have allowed a lot of other teams to beat the Thieves, so the Ville got lucky with that.

But luck is 80 percent of this game. (Skill is 15 percent and listening to the Jammers is 5 percent.)

Just as the Toasters ran into bad luck last week with Chris Johnson scoring 1.1 points. Against the Texans, the table was set for him to score 30 points, which would have given him a shot to beat T-Money.

Instead, T-Money basically has a BYE week in Week 13 and the Toasters is looking at the No. 7 or 8 draft pick in the 2011 draft.

Let’s take a look at Week 13.

Channel 4 News Team (9-3) at Chinese Organ Thieves (8-4)
By virtue of winning an earlier season matchup, the Thieves will hold the 2-0 head-to-head matchup with a win over the News Team this week.

Conversely, the News Team wins and he has his second straight division title and his first 10-win season in franchise history.

Hear that? Franchise history. The history of this franchise is reshaping itself. Including playoffs, the News Team has won 27 games in the last three seasons (9 in each of the last three seasons) and he still has the chance to get to 30 wins. A win this weekend, a conference title and a JFL Super Bowl V title would do just that.

But he’s going to need some of that Houserville luck this weekend. Adrian Peterson is questionable and his effectiveness against the Buffalo Bills will be a major factor in this matchup. We all know if he’s ready to go, the Bills do not pose a threat to him at all and this could easily be a 150-yard, three-touchdown day for A.P. That would be devastating for the News Team.

That’s a 1 p.m. Sunday game, so all we can do right now is look at Thursday night. Each team has two players going and this is where you want to get the jump.

It’s the News Teams Arian Foster and DeSean Jackson vs. the Thieves LeSean McCoy and Jeremy Maclin.

The Texans defense last week had an excellent week in a shutout of the Titans, but it didn’t take much to stop Dusty Rusty Smith, who had never taken an NFL snap until two weeks ago. He likely will never take another. Michael Vick will provide a much different challenge for the Texans.

And because the Thieves has two of the weapons, compared to the News Team’s one, it would be easy to say that he’s going to outscore the News Team tonight, but if DeSean Jackson’s total is equal to or better than McCoy’s and Maclin’s combined, I’m going to say that the News Team will win this matchup and get the BYE.

Both quarterbacks have excellent matchups (Aaron Rodgers vs. San Fran, and Rivers vs. Oakland). The biggest question marks may come from the News Team in LeGarrette Blount and Miles Austin. Austin has had three double-digit weeks in a row with Jon Kitna, so he should be safe, but again, it’s Kitna. And Blount has been up and down and cannot be counted on.

With all that said, I find it hard to predict a winner, but based on the issues brought up above, I’m going this way:

Jammer’s Prediction: Thieves 131, News Team 127


World of Noise (4-7) at Real Houserville (7-5)
Mike Dawson shuts off the Lifetime Network, tucks his baby girl in, then has his wife tuck him in, shuts his eyes and then he dreams.

Not of message board quips for his favorite fantasy football commish.

Not of unicorns, wizards and T-Rexes.

But of the chance to eliminate the World of Noise.

He had that chance in the conference championships last season, but he failed and the Noise went to the Super Bowl.

It’s a tough nightmare to deal with for him. The loud-mouth Noise beating him for a spot in the Super Bowl.

Well, it’s not for the Super Bowl, but it is a small chance for redemption. A win will keep the Noise out of the playoffs and get the Ville back in for the third straight season. He is one of three franchises to make the playoffs in every season (3 seasons) he has competed — the Jammers and T-Money are the other two as they have each made the playoffs in each of their five seasons of competition.

Nothing will change his playoff status this week, but it will be a nice boost to head into the playoffs with a win. It’s also important, because if somehow the Noise were to win and sneak into the playoffs, the Ville would have to face him again — and that would be tough.

But he shouldn’t have to worry too much. Chad Henne is healthy again, so it’s the Henne-Williams-Brown trio going against Cleveland in a matchup that should easily decide this one.

If Henne can play off of what he did last week and if the RBs can also have their second good week in a row, the Noise could get 60 points from this trio and make this matchup interesting.

It will be even more interesting if Felix Jones and Eddie Royal do what they normally do and that is fail. Both had good weeks last week, but on average, they are duds, and they could be costly this week.

Still, if I’m going to play the law of averages with those two players, I have to do the same for Dawson as a whole.

Jammers’ Prediction: Houserville 121, Noise 110


The rest of the League
Fear will not have to scoreboard watch. Not because the Noise is predicted to lose, but because I’m predicting him to win. Michael Vick is about to have a monster night and that’s going to be enough to propel him past his Sentinel Rival, Graybill’s Generals.

Fear has lost two in a row and a win this week will be relieving and refreshing, and it will get him ready for the playoffs and a looming matchup against another Sentinel Rival in Houserville.

I also like Jamaal Charles to score a bunch of points in this matchup.

Jammers’ Prediction: Fear 120, Generals 101

The Toasters and Boyer are both 6-6 and they’re playing for draft picks. So with five guys injured in the Boyer lineup, it could easily be Boyer’s day, and by that, I mean, a Toasters’ win.

Chris Johnson and Matt Forte will likely have big days, because that’s just how this cruel game is. Now that the Toasters were eliminated, what’s stopping them from rubbing it in.

I just wish Sam Bradford would get the start this week over Matt Schaub. I wanted to see Sammy get the chance for the Toasters, but he kept him on the bench. … Now, will he keep him as a starting QB in 2011? … Tempting. Him and Calvin Johnson are a franchise duo if you ask me.

Jammers’ Prediction: Toasters 141, Boyer 110

The Sunday Slackers slacked all season. Drew Brees was not as impressive as he was last season. Steven Jackson was an odd keeper choice from the start and three TDs later, he hasn’t been worth it. Beanie Wells has been a bust. It’s been tough.

But he looks to be in good shape for a season-finale win, which will keep him away from the No. 1 overall pick. That may be a blessing considering how well he did drafting this season.

Jammers’ Prediction: Slackers 129, T-Money 118

And lastly, it’s bound to be a high-scoring matchup between Uncle and Nephew. It will be just for bragging rights as the season comes to a close. For the Jammers, Matt Cassel will get the start and try and help the Jammers win the points title.

Here’s the standings for the points title right now.

Thieves 1,468.7
News Team 1,468.2
Jammers 1,455.9
Toasters 1,455.3
T-Money 1,439.3

And back to my matchup.

Jammers’ Biased Prediction: Jammers 145, Attack 123