I’m kind of sad.
I did it again.
At one point in my life, I had Philip Rivers and Aaron Rodgers on my team.
I traded Rodgers and let Rivers go in order to keep LaDainian Tomlinson and Larry Fitzgerald.
Then, I traded for Matt Ryan and had him for a year, before keeping him and drafting Matthew Stafford.
Stafford led me to a Super Bowl title, so naturally, I had to keep him. But I can’t lie.
A great part of me wanted to keep Matt Ryan.
It’s why I praised him.
It’s why I traded for him in the Organ Thieves’ fantasy league.
It’s why I added draft-pick compensation to the deal with my brother.
And after three weeks, it’s why I wish I didn’t trade him.
It’s a curse.
Every QB I own will turn into a star. That’s right. Get ready for Jake Locker to consistently put up the 37-point weeks, like he did in Week 3.
From now on, if I want to trade a QB, I need to trade the other, that way, I keep QBs like Matt Ryan.
… And now, can we talk about the fact that the team I traded him to can’t score 100 points?
The World of Noise has the No. 2-ranked QB in all of fantasy football, and he can’t score more than 100 points.
It’s staggering, and it’s why we start the Week 3 roundup with the Houserville beating his loudest rival, the Noise.
That’s right. Silence of the Noise.
Real Houserville 118.1, World of Noise 94
Jimmy’s Jargon predicted that the World of Noise would score 94.5 points.
I was off by 0.5 points.
… The fact that I was only off by point-zero-five points is nuts. I was joking. It was meant to be a very funny joke. I wrote it in my diary.
But the Noise got 30.9 points from the QB I shouldn’t have traded. He got 14.5 points from the No. 1 draft pick (Michael Turner) that I should earned for trading the QB that I shouldn’t have traded.
Outside of all of the mistakes that I personally made, the Noise scored 48.6 points. That’s close to a Jamaal Charles point total — right Nikish?
Stephen Gostkowski’s 13 points was the third highest score for the Noise, allowing Houserville’s six double-digit scorers to easily beat him.
Now, Spiller scored 12.2 before suffering an injury that may keep him out for a while, but still, the Ville scored enough points to move to 3-0 in the JFL for the first time in franchise history.
And it worked out nicely for Houserville. He got 15.6 points from the wideout that the Noise gave up on — Andre Johnson. Instead, the Noise kept Marques Colston, who scored 4.6 points.
Right now, Johnson is ranked 16th in the JFL; Colston is ranked 70th. … Oops.
It doesn’t help that the No. 2 ranked WR Percy Harvin was selected in the 5th round after the Noise selected DeSean Jackson in the 5th round.
Sounds like the Noise has been out-smarted by the Ville.
He’ll still continue to talk, but the fact is, the Noise has only scored more than 100 points four times in the last 17 matchups, and eight times in the last nine games. … Oh, and that’s zero times this season.
This was supposed to change. What happened?
Perhaps it’s time for change in Noise-ville.
… Breaking news … As I write this, the referees have signed an apparent 8-year deal with the NFL.
This is excellent news. No more crappy calls. … Wait, check that. We’ll still have mistakes and blown calls that will cost teams games. We just won’t have to deal with the 20-minute delays to decide whether it is first or second down — and that’s all that matters. I don’t want to waste time with five-hour games.
So thank you Golden Tate, for ending the lockout.
That was random, but that’s what happens when you write about a crappy, 94-point team.
Score some points, Noise. Come on.
Jawz Attack 150.5, Jimmy Jammers 130.1
It sucks.
To score 130.1 points — knowing I could have easily roasted the Noise — and lose is upsetting.
It was the kind of luck that the Attack had all of last year.
This week, I got a taste of what the Attack dealt with most of last year.
He was the third highest-scoring team last year, yet he lost nine games.
I feel his pain.
I certainly had the points on the bench to beat the Attack, but who can “attack” someone who scores 130 and loses — right Organ Thieves.
He knows what I’m talking about.
He’s been there. He’s lost to his rival who’s QB and RB has gone off frequently.
For him, he’s been accustomed to losing to the News Team because Arian Foster and Aaron Rodgers went crazy.
For me, I lost because Big Ben — the QB who led me to a Super Bowl title in 2006 — scored 43.8 points, and Maurice Jones-Drew, my running back who scored double-digits in that same Super Bowl, scored 27.7 points against me.
Yes, former Jammers came back to haunt me.
In fact, four of the Attack’s starters were former Jammers. Both Donald Brown and Larry Fitzgerald were once a part of the Jammers’ squad.
Together, the four former Jammers scored 101 points.
That’s right, 101 points. Right now, the Noise is cursing himself. “How can four guys score 101 points? I have nine guys?”
The Attack showed that he has a great team again — he had a high-scoring team in 2011 — and now he sets himself up for a huge matchup against the Slackers in Week 4. The winner takes a great step forward in winning division, considering the Jammers lost both divisional contests.
Both. That’s right. A new first in the JFL. The Jammers are 0-2 in the division and the best that he can go is 2-2.
That means the winner of Week 4’s divisional matchup has the upper hand.
Channel 4 News Team 128.3, Chinese Organ Thieves 88.4
I talked about the history of this matchup and how the News Team seem to go nuts for this divisional matchup.
Now, it wasn’t as crazy as we saw last season, but the News Team had a player steal the limelight and change the contest.
And can you believe it, Jamaal Charles was that guy.
I just made the joke that Jamaal Charles, my breakout, comeback player of the year, was a huge failure and I was glad that the News Team took him from me.
Of course, Charles explodes and makes that joke a poorly-timed comment. … Perhaps he reads the Jargon? Either way, he scored 39 fantasy points with 233 rushing yards, 55 receiving yards and a TD.
While I felt great for my fantasy team in the Thieves’ League where I spent 60 auction dollars on Charles, I was pissed because this was my No. 1 pick. I wanted him, and the News Team took him.
As he texted me on Sunday, “Jimmyjam, if you see anymore bullets headed your way, let me know, I’d be happy to step in.”
Now, I can’t let the News Team get away sounding like a genius. If I were to type word-for-word the first text he sent, you’d say, “What the eff?”
He was much more fluent with his second text that I just presented to you.
But I digress. He’s happy about Charles.
And I have to give him credit for starting him. In my preview, I said that Charles would have a good week, and apparently, the News Team agreed.
He could have easily benched the under-performing back, but he didn’t. And it was the key to victory.
The News Team won by 40 points, and Charles scored 39. Without Charles’ explosion, this matchup comes down to a few points.
He may have started 0-2 because of Charles’ slow start, but he’s now 1-2 because of Charles’ strong Week 3.
Charles will certainly lead the News Team to more victories, and we should all be upset that we didn’t play him Week 1 or 2.
Dottsville Toasters 98.2, Team Boyer 70.4
This pains me to write about.
RG3 remains the No. 1 QB in fantasy football with his third-straight 30-point week.
This would be great to write about if RG3’s point total wasn’t 33 percent of the Toasters’ total. But it was. Cavlin Johnson had 24.4 points and Michael Buch had 13.7, while the rest of the team scored single-digits.
But the 98.2 points were enough to beat the lowly Spacklers, who totaled 70.4 points — a number even the Noise could dominate.
Still, the fact remains, RG3 is in charge of an undefeated team. It’s what he was drafted to be. He hasn’t helped the Skins to three wins, but he’s certainly fueled the Toasters to three straight victories.
For Team Boyer, he has to be worried about his RB position.
Kevin Smith scored zero points with Mike Leshoure returning to the lineup. He also had zero points on the bench from Jonathan Stewart and zero points from James Starks.
This means, he needs Matt Forte to come back healthy and do it quickly. Otherwise, he’s in deep trouble.
The Toasters had four double-digit scorers on his bench, so he has the potential to score 120-130 points, but he has to make sure he makes the right starts.
In Week 3, he lucked out in the fact he played a team that scored just 70.4 points. We all should be so lucky.
Fear and Loathing 96.3, T-Money 75.9
Fear and Loathing was just as lucky as the Toasters.
T-Money scored just 75.9 points.
Man, I wish I would have made the schedule a bit differently.
Nevertheless, the schedule worked out for Fear. He moves to 2-1 despite scoring less than 100 points, a.k.a. World of Noise territory.
For Fear, the key was Mike Wallace who score 20 points and led five double-digit scorers. Vernon Davis added 12.3 and DeMarco Murray had 12.1. Michael Vick was a mess scoring 11.3, but Fear lucked out in that the T-Money’s QB Tony Romo scored just 11.2 points.
The rest of the T-Money’s squad was a mess.
T-Money had the points on the bench to win, but at the same token, the Fear had points on the bench that could have dominated the Money Man. With Andrew Luck scoring 33.5 points on the bench, Fear could have easily destroyed the Money Man.
With the erratic play of Vick, I wouldn’t be surprised to see Luck get some starts for the Fear soon.
Sunday Slackers 139.7, Graybill’s Generals 79.4
The Slackers were yet another team lucky to be playing a low-scoring team.
Grant it, the Slackers put up 139.7 points, second most in Week 3, but the matchup allowed him to “Brees” through the weekend without a care.
He got 20 points from four players, and three were extremely close to 30 points.
Drew Brees battled through another Saints loss to score 28.9 points, while the Bears defense scored 29.5 points and A.J. Green had 29.2 points. Ray Rice was a true slackers in that crowd, scoring just 22 points.
That was basically it for the Slackers. Cedric Benson scored 13.2 points, while the rest of the team posted single-digits.
The Slackers certainly have the right players in place to make another run at a 10-3 season or better.
Brees is Brees and we all know what Rice can provide, but the key to this team is A.J. Green. He’s a superstar. He had a great rookie season and there’s been no problems this year. I thought about drafting him with my first or second round picks, but I wasn’t sure how effective Andy Dalton could be in his second year.
For the Slackers, his second round pick was worth the risk and he might have us all looking back in December wondering what our teams would have been like had we selected him in the first round.
Well, not all of us.
The Toasters is never going to regret his first-round pick.
I did it again.
At one point in my life, I had Philip Rivers and Aaron Rodgers on my team.
I traded Rodgers and let Rivers go in order to keep LaDainian Tomlinson and Larry Fitzgerald.
Then, I traded for Matt Ryan and had him for a year, before keeping him and drafting Matthew Stafford.
Stafford led me to a Super Bowl title, so naturally, I had to keep him. But I can’t lie.
A great part of me wanted to keep Matt Ryan.
It’s why I praised him.
It’s why I traded for him in the Organ Thieves’ fantasy league.
It’s why I added draft-pick compensation to the deal with my brother.
And after three weeks, it’s why I wish I didn’t trade him.
It’s a curse.
Every QB I own will turn into a star. That’s right. Get ready for Jake Locker to consistently put up the 37-point weeks, like he did in Week 3.
From now on, if I want to trade a QB, I need to trade the other, that way, I keep QBs like Matt Ryan.
… And now, can we talk about the fact that the team I traded him to can’t score 100 points?
The World of Noise has the No. 2-ranked QB in all of fantasy football, and he can’t score more than 100 points.
It’s staggering, and it’s why we start the Week 3 roundup with the Houserville beating his loudest rival, the Noise.
That’s right. Silence of the Noise.
 |
Creepy, isn't it? On a scale of 1 to 100,
I give this a 94.5 on the creepy meter.
|
Jimmy’s Jargon predicted that the World of Noise would score 94.5 points.
I was off by 0.5 points.
… The fact that I was only off by point-zero-five points is nuts. I was joking. It was meant to be a very funny joke. I wrote it in my diary.
But the Noise got 30.9 points from the QB I shouldn’t have traded. He got 14.5 points from the No. 1 draft pick (Michael Turner) that I should earned for trading the QB that I shouldn’t have traded.
Outside of all of the mistakes that I personally made, the Noise scored 48.6 points. That’s close to a Jamaal Charles point total — right Nikish?
Stephen Gostkowski’s 13 points was the third highest score for the Noise, allowing Houserville’s six double-digit scorers to easily beat him.
Now, Spiller scored 12.2 before suffering an injury that may keep him out for a while, but still, the Ville scored enough points to move to 3-0 in the JFL for the first time in franchise history.
And it worked out nicely for Houserville. He got 15.6 points from the wideout that the Noise gave up on — Andre Johnson. Instead, the Noise kept Marques Colston, who scored 4.6 points.
Right now, Johnson is ranked 16th in the JFL; Colston is ranked 70th. … Oops.
It doesn’t help that the No. 2 ranked WR Percy Harvin was selected in the 5th round after the Noise selected DeSean Jackson in the 5th round.
Sounds like the Noise has been out-smarted by the Ville.
He’ll still continue to talk, but the fact is, the Noise has only scored more than 100 points four times in the last 17 matchups, and eight times in the last nine games. … Oh, and that’s zero times this season.
This was supposed to change. What happened?
Perhaps it’s time for change in Noise-ville.
… Breaking news … As I write this, the referees have signed an apparent 8-year deal with the NFL.
This is excellent news. No more crappy calls. … Wait, check that. We’ll still have mistakes and blown calls that will cost teams games. We just won’t have to deal with the 20-minute delays to decide whether it is first or second down — and that’s all that matters. I don’t want to waste time with five-hour games.
So thank you Golden Tate, for ending the lockout.
That was random, but that’s what happens when you write about a crappy, 94-point team.
Score some points, Noise. Come on.
Jawz Attack 150.5, Jimmy Jammers 130.1
It sucks.
To score 130.1 points — knowing I could have easily roasted the Noise — and lose is upsetting.
It was the kind of luck that the Attack had all of last year.
This week, I got a taste of what the Attack dealt with most of last year.
He was the third highest-scoring team last year, yet he lost nine games.
I feel his pain.
I certainly had the points on the bench to beat the Attack, but who can “attack” someone who scores 130 and loses — right Organ Thieves.
He knows what I’m talking about.
He’s been there. He’s lost to his rival who’s QB and RB has gone off frequently.
For him, he’s been accustomed to losing to the News Team because Arian Foster and Aaron Rodgers went crazy.
For me, I lost because Big Ben — the QB who led me to a Super Bowl title in 2006 — scored 43.8 points, and Maurice Jones-Drew, my running back who scored double-digits in that same Super Bowl, scored 27.7 points against me.
Yes, former Jammers came back to haunt me.
In fact, four of the Attack’s starters were former Jammers. Both Donald Brown and Larry Fitzgerald were once a part of the Jammers’ squad.
Together, the four former Jammers scored 101 points.
That’s right, 101 points. Right now, the Noise is cursing himself. “How can four guys score 101 points? I have nine guys?”
The Attack showed that he has a great team again — he had a high-scoring team in 2011 — and now he sets himself up for a huge matchup against the Slackers in Week 4. The winner takes a great step forward in winning division, considering the Jammers lost both divisional contests.
Both. That’s right. A new first in the JFL. The Jammers are 0-2 in the division and the best that he can go is 2-2.
That means the winner of Week 4’s divisional matchup has the upper hand.
Channel 4 News Team 128.3, Chinese Organ Thieves 88.4
I talked about the history of this matchup and how the News Team seem to go nuts for this divisional matchup.
Now, it wasn’t as crazy as we saw last season, but the News Team had a player steal the limelight and change the contest.
And can you believe it, Jamaal Charles was that guy.
I just made the joke that Jamaal Charles, my breakout, comeback player of the year, was a huge failure and I was glad that the News Team took him from me.
Of course, Charles explodes and makes that joke a poorly-timed comment. … Perhaps he reads the Jargon? Either way, he scored 39 fantasy points with 233 rushing yards, 55 receiving yards and a TD.
While I felt great for my fantasy team in the Thieves’ League where I spent 60 auction dollars on Charles, I was pissed because this was my No. 1 pick. I wanted him, and the News Team took him.
As he texted me on Sunday, “Jimmyjam, if you see anymore bullets headed your way, let me know, I’d be happy to step in.”
Now, I can’t let the News Team get away sounding like a genius. If I were to type word-for-word the first text he sent, you’d say, “What the eff?”
He was much more fluent with his second text that I just presented to you.
But I digress. He’s happy about Charles.
And I have to give him credit for starting him. In my preview, I said that Charles would have a good week, and apparently, the News Team agreed.
He could have easily benched the under-performing back, but he didn’t. And it was the key to victory.
The News Team won by 40 points, and Charles scored 39. Without Charles’ explosion, this matchup comes down to a few points.
He may have started 0-2 because of Charles’ slow start, but he’s now 1-2 because of Charles’ strong Week 3.
Charles will certainly lead the News Team to more victories, and we should all be upset that we didn’t play him Week 1 or 2.
Dottsville Toasters 98.2, Team Boyer 70.4
This pains me to write about.
RG3 remains the No. 1 QB in fantasy football with his third-straight 30-point week.
This would be great to write about if RG3’s point total wasn’t 33 percent of the Toasters’ total. But it was. Cavlin Johnson had 24.4 points and Michael Buch had 13.7, while the rest of the team scored single-digits.
But the 98.2 points were enough to beat the lowly Spacklers, who totaled 70.4 points — a number even the Noise could dominate.
Still, the fact remains, RG3 is in charge of an undefeated team. It’s what he was drafted to be. He hasn’t helped the Skins to three wins, but he’s certainly fueled the Toasters to three straight victories.
For Team Boyer, he has to be worried about his RB position.
Kevin Smith scored zero points with Mike Leshoure returning to the lineup. He also had zero points on the bench from Jonathan Stewart and zero points from James Starks.
This means, he needs Matt Forte to come back healthy and do it quickly. Otherwise, he’s in deep trouble.
The Toasters had four double-digit scorers on his bench, so he has the potential to score 120-130 points, but he has to make sure he makes the right starts.
In Week 3, he lucked out in the fact he played a team that scored just 70.4 points. We all should be so lucky.
Fear and Loathing 96.3, T-Money 75.9
Fear and Loathing was just as lucky as the Toasters.
T-Money scored just 75.9 points.
Man, I wish I would have made the schedule a bit differently.
Nevertheless, the schedule worked out for Fear. He moves to 2-1 despite scoring less than 100 points, a.k.a. World of Noise territory.
For Fear, the key was Mike Wallace who score 20 points and led five double-digit scorers. Vernon Davis added 12.3 and DeMarco Murray had 12.1. Michael Vick was a mess scoring 11.3, but Fear lucked out in that the T-Money’s QB Tony Romo scored just 11.2 points.
The rest of the T-Money’s squad was a mess.
T-Money had the points on the bench to win, but at the same token, the Fear had points on the bench that could have dominated the Money Man. With Andrew Luck scoring 33.5 points on the bench, Fear could have easily destroyed the Money Man.
With the erratic play of Vick, I wouldn’t be surprised to see Luck get some starts for the Fear soon.
Sunday Slackers 139.7, Graybill’s Generals 79.4
The Slackers were yet another team lucky to be playing a low-scoring team.
Grant it, the Slackers put up 139.7 points, second most in Week 3, but the matchup allowed him to “Brees” through the weekend without a care.
He got 20 points from four players, and three were extremely close to 30 points.
Drew Brees battled through another Saints loss to score 28.9 points, while the Bears defense scored 29.5 points and A.J. Green had 29.2 points. Ray Rice was a true slackers in that crowd, scoring just 22 points.
That was basically it for the Slackers. Cedric Benson scored 13.2 points, while the rest of the team posted single-digits.
The Slackers certainly have the right players in place to make another run at a 10-3 season or better.
Brees is Brees and we all know what Rice can provide, but the key to this team is A.J. Green. He’s a superstar. He had a great rookie season and there’s been no problems this year. I thought about drafting him with my first or second round picks, but I wasn’t sure how effective Andy Dalton could be in his second year.
For the Slackers, his second round pick was worth the risk and he might have us all looking back in December wondering what our teams would have been like had we selected him in the first round.
Well, not all of us.
The Toasters is never going to regret his first-round pick.
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