Well, I’m glad I wrote my piece about the Villes before this week.
Part of me thought about holding out to write that fun piece until next week when both were 4-0, but I thought, I better be safe and write it now.
That was about the only thing that went right for me this weekend.
Both the Toasters and Houserville lost — handedly, too — to fall to 3-1.
Their matchup in Week 5 still packs a punch, but it isn’t quite what it could have been.
Houserville lost to division rival Fear and Loathing, who joins him at 3-1 and because he is 2-0 in the division, he owns the early tiebreaker.
Still, for Houserville, it wasn’t a bad loss. Fear is respectable.
The Toasters, however, have to be smacking themselves. World of Noise dropped 142.6 points on the Toasters in a blowout win.
Most of his points came from a pair of Falcons, who are making me look good.
I picked them to win the Super Bowl, and they certainly look to be on their way. At 4-0, they’ve win in blowout fashion and they’ve won in come-from-behind fashion.
This team knows how to win and I’m hard-pressed to find a team that they’ll lose to.
Fear and Loathing 127.7, Real Houserville 86.5
Houserville was taught a valuable lesson by franchise QB Cam Newton on Sunday: “Never bench me.”
Newton scored 37.1 points to most likely earn back his starting job from Joe Flacco, who also had a good week, but still came up 9 points short of Newton.
Either way, it wasn’t enough points to change the matchup.
The points that would have changed the matchup were the 36.7 on the bench from Brian Hartline. With 253 yards and a TD, Hartline was a stud on Sunday, but who the heck could have predicted that? Not me. He certainly would have been on my bench, too.
Lord knows Fear would have benched him, too.
We all know Fear loves to bench high-point-scoring WRs. Right, Chad Johnson?
There were also benching issues for Fear, but he avoids critique because he still put up 127 points.
For Fear, it all went well from the start of the Sunday games on.
Percy Harvin returned the opening kickoff 105 yards for a touchdown to start the day with 14.5 points.
Yes, that’s Houserville’s player, but it didn’t change the matchup whatsoever.
The score might as well just remained 2-0, because that’s basically what that kick meant to Houserville seeing as Fear and Loathing picked up the Vikings’ defense and earned the same points for that kick return.
Later in the game, Fear got another big special teams play, this time by a guy not named Harvin, giving him the points alone.
The rest of the matchup had similar outcomes.
The biggest blow came from Roddy White, who scored 32.5 points with 169 yards and two TD catches.
He was on fire and certainly worth the first-round pick for Fear.
His point total could have been higher had he started Willis McGahee. Why he didn’t, I’ll never know. The Raiders defense is awful against the run and Fear should have taken advantage of that.
Still, he got the win over his division rival, whose running backs failed. Darren McFadden and Doug Martin combined for 8.6 points, making it impossible to compete against the Fear.
Fortunately, the Ville knows he has plenty of time to come back and do what he did last year — keep Fear out of the playoffs.
World of Noise 142.6, Dottsville Toasters 113.1
Toasters was a bit upset that I wrote my preview the way I did.
Did I incite the Noise to score 142 points?
Probably not.
Who could have predicted that explosion.
Matt Ryan — my second biggest mistake of a trade in franchise history — was expected to do what he did, but Michael Turner, Marques Colston, DeSean Jackson and Owen Daniels all scored touchdowns and hit double-digits.
They all worked together to overcome zero points from Robert Meachem, who for some reason remains in this lineup.
If I really had an effect on the matchup with my preview, the Noise would have benched Meachem.
The Toasters downfall was a lackluster performance by Calvin Johnson — I feel his pain — and Martellus Bennett. To make matters worse, he finally benches Chris Johnson and he goes on to score more points than he’s had in Weeks 1 through 3 combined (16.1).
That doesn’t make it easy for future weeks, but it does help that Stevan Ridley appears to be the real deal, rushing for 106 and two TDs for 22.6 fantasy points.
And Michael Bush didn’t do much as there wasn’t much of a rushing attack.
Nevertheless, the Toasters can rest easy that he was beat by a point total that would have beaten 8 of 12 JFL teams.
That, and he can still enjoy his top-3 JFL QB.
Sunday Slackers 149.5, Jawz Attack 81.9
The Jawz Attack were flying high.
A huge division win over the Jammers and a chance to own a 2-0 lead in the division was at hand, but his team laid a huge egg.
We knew going in that he would be at a disadvantage without Big Ben, but Josh Freeman scored 20.3 points which was expected, because as we proved last season, when you want Josh Freeman to score 19 points, he’ll score you 19 points; when you want him to score you 29 points, he’ll score you 19 points.
It was the rest of the Attack that fell apart as Maurice Jones-Drew had just 9 points, Steve Smith had 5.8 and Shonn Greene had 3.4.
It was ugly all around.
Not for the Slackers, though.
A big 43 points from Drew Brees, who seems to step up in big fantasy matchups — how does he know? — helped put the Attack away late in the day Sunday. Cedric Benson, Ray Rice, A.J. Green and Torrey Smith all added double-digits.
The Slackers now sit at 3-1 and have won 14 of their last 18 regular season fantasy matchups. It’s a great streak and it’s one that can be attributed to three players, Brees, Rice and Green. All three have been on the roster for 13 of those 14 wins, and at least two of them will be there for the next couple years.
Channel 4 News Team 155.3, Jimmy Jammers 117.3
OK, things are going really wrong for the Jammers.
That’s right, me.
I’ve got the fifth-best offense in the League, having scored over 100 points each week, yet I have the same record as the Noise.
The reason why? The 541.1 points allowed. In the last three weeks, all losses, the Jammers has allowed 130.4, 150.5 and 155.3 points.
After winning the Super Bowl rematch in Week 1, the Jammers has scored 107.6, 130.1 and 117.3 points, but lost each week.
Sound familiar?
It sounds eerily like the year Jawz Attack had all last season.
Even worse, that dreaded record the Jawz set for allowing more than 1,600 points is in jeopardy. Right now, the Jammers are on pace to give up nearly 1,750 points.
In all likelihood, this will level out, but after three straight losses, the Jammers finds himself in a huge hole.
With three 3-1 teams in the AFC, the Jammers already finds himself in a two-game hole.
The News Team is just happy it isn’t the other way around. Instead, he’s 2-2 and looking good.
Jamaal Charles has come around to be the player I was so high on to start the season. With another 22.1 points in Week 4, he’s vaulted the list to No. 2 in the JFL among fantasy backs.
Makes you wonder if there was ever a chance to deal for him after Week 2 when Charles seemed to be a huge bust.
He was one of eight double-digit scores for the News Team. His only blemish was the 4.2 points scored at tight end. (Poor him.)
Aaron Rodgers scored 39.8 points, making it two straight weeks that the Jammers has faced a QB that 39 or more points.
Meanwhile, Matt Stafford was a bum again, scoring 22 points for the second straight week. His 22.9 on Sunday were a season-high, which is sad considering how good he was last season.
Even worse is that the Jammers kept him, ranked 17th in the JFL, instead of Matt Ryan, ranked No. 1 in the JFL.
Looks like the Jammers may get that conditional draft pick in 2013 after all.
Chinese Organ Thieves 107.6, Graybill’s Generals 87.3
It wasn’t pretty, but it got the job done.
With 107.6 points, the Thieves were able to overcome a loss a week before to the News Team to move to 3-1 with a win over the division rival Generals.
And the Thieves did it behind the arm of Peyton Manning, the legs of Trent Richarson and hands of Rob Gronkowski.
They were the big players, combing for 68 fantasy points. Adrian Peterson added in 13, but that was basically it. Malcolm Floyd had just 2.7 points, Andre Brown finished with 2 and Jeremy Maclin had a disappointing 0.9 points.
The Generals had only a trio of players reach double-digits period, and they all played in the same game. Eli Manning (26), Victor Cruz (18.7) and LeSean McCoy (14.6) all helped the Generals avoid what could have been the worst offensive output in franchise history — perhaps JFL history.
With Beanie Wells on the IR and Aaron Hernandez missing games, the Generals are going to have to surf the free agent list, wheel and deal in a trade or pray that his backups start to take off.
Team Boyer 149.9, T-Money 77.9
Let me start by getting this out of the way. Tony Romo threw five picks and made the Money Man have to wonder about his decision to drop Jay Cutler.
Since scoring 35.2 points in Week 1, Romo has scored 17.4, 11.2 and 16 points in consecutive weeks.
It hasn’t been pretty. Even with that 35.2-point game, he’s ranked 19th in the JFL.
Cutler hasn’t been much better, although he was on Monday.
Interestingly enough, the new addition Kevin Kolb scored 34 points and finds himself ranked higher than Romo and Cutler.
It will be tough to hand over the reigns to Kolb, but T-Money may have to if Romo continues his struggles.
And if the rest of his team continues to struggle — Romo’s 16 points were a team-high — T-Money is in trouble.
Boyer, on the other hand, finally got the production he thought he was going to get this season. After starting 0-3, he had to wonder if it would ever turn around, but Tom Brady, Marshawn Lynch, Dez Bryant and Vincent Jackson all come through with big points. Even his kicker, Greg Zuerlien, had 18 points.
Brady threw for 340 and three TDs in that whitewash of Buffalo, while Lynch ran for 118 and a TD. He’s hit double-digits each week, and while he isn’t blowing away people with huge point totals, he’s at least being consistent.
With Matt Forte returning from injury, all Boyer needs is Hakeem Nicks to come back to make his squad a force to be reckoned with weekly.
Part of me thought about holding out to write that fun piece until next week when both were 4-0, but I thought, I better be safe and write it now.
That was about the only thing that went right for me this weekend.
Both the Toasters and Houserville lost — handedly, too — to fall to 3-1.
Their matchup in Week 5 still packs a punch, but it isn’t quite what it could have been.
Houserville lost to division rival Fear and Loathing, who joins him at 3-1 and because he is 2-0 in the division, he owns the early tiebreaker.
Still, for Houserville, it wasn’t a bad loss. Fear is respectable.
The Toasters, however, have to be smacking themselves. World of Noise dropped 142.6 points on the Toasters in a blowout win.
Most of his points came from a pair of Falcons, who are making me look good.
I picked them to win the Super Bowl, and they certainly look to be on their way. At 4-0, they’ve win in blowout fashion and they’ve won in come-from-behind fashion.
This team knows how to win and I’m hard-pressed to find a team that they’ll lose to.
Fear and Loathing 127.7, Real Houserville 86.5
Houserville was taught a valuable lesson by franchise QB Cam Newton on Sunday: “Never bench me.”
Newton scored 37.1 points to most likely earn back his starting job from Joe Flacco, who also had a good week, but still came up 9 points short of Newton.
Either way, it wasn’t enough points to change the matchup.
The points that would have changed the matchup were the 36.7 on the bench from Brian Hartline. With 253 yards and a TD, Hartline was a stud on Sunday, but who the heck could have predicted that? Not me. He certainly would have been on my bench, too.
Lord knows Fear would have benched him, too.
We all know Fear loves to bench high-point-scoring WRs. Right, Chad Johnson?
There were also benching issues for Fear, but he avoids critique because he still put up 127 points.
For Fear, it all went well from the start of the Sunday games on.
Percy Harvin returned the opening kickoff 105 yards for a touchdown to start the day with 14.5 points.
Yes, that’s Houserville’s player, but it didn’t change the matchup whatsoever.
The score might as well just remained 2-0, because that’s basically what that kick meant to Houserville seeing as Fear and Loathing picked up the Vikings’ defense and earned the same points for that kick return.
Later in the game, Fear got another big special teams play, this time by a guy not named Harvin, giving him the points alone.
The rest of the matchup had similar outcomes.
The biggest blow came from Roddy White, who scored 32.5 points with 169 yards and two TD catches.
He was on fire and certainly worth the first-round pick for Fear.
His point total could have been higher had he started Willis McGahee. Why he didn’t, I’ll never know. The Raiders defense is awful against the run and Fear should have taken advantage of that.
Still, he got the win over his division rival, whose running backs failed. Darren McFadden and Doug Martin combined for 8.6 points, making it impossible to compete against the Fear.
Fortunately, the Ville knows he has plenty of time to come back and do what he did last year — keep Fear out of the playoffs.
Toasters was a bit upset that I wrote my preview the way I did.
Did I incite the Noise to score 142 points?
Probably not.
Who could have predicted that explosion.
Matt Ryan — my second biggest mistake of a trade in franchise history — was expected to do what he did, but Michael Turner, Marques Colston, DeSean Jackson and Owen Daniels all scored touchdowns and hit double-digits.
They all worked together to overcome zero points from Robert Meachem, who for some reason remains in this lineup.
If I really had an effect on the matchup with my preview, the Noise would have benched Meachem.
The Toasters downfall was a lackluster performance by Calvin Johnson — I feel his pain — and Martellus Bennett. To make matters worse, he finally benches Chris Johnson and he goes on to score more points than he’s had in Weeks 1 through 3 combined (16.1).
That doesn’t make it easy for future weeks, but it does help that Stevan Ridley appears to be the real deal, rushing for 106 and two TDs for 22.6 fantasy points.
And Michael Bush didn’t do much as there wasn’t much of a rushing attack.
Nevertheless, the Toasters can rest easy that he was beat by a point total that would have beaten 8 of 12 JFL teams.
That, and he can still enjoy his top-3 JFL QB.
Sunday Slackers 149.5, Jawz Attack 81.9
The Jawz Attack were flying high.
A huge division win over the Jammers and a chance to own a 2-0 lead in the division was at hand, but his team laid a huge egg.
We knew going in that he would be at a disadvantage without Big Ben, but Josh Freeman scored 20.3 points which was expected, because as we proved last season, when you want Josh Freeman to score 19 points, he’ll score you 19 points; when you want him to score you 29 points, he’ll score you 19 points.
It was the rest of the Attack that fell apart as Maurice Jones-Drew had just 9 points, Steve Smith had 5.8 and Shonn Greene had 3.4.
It was ugly all around.
Not for the Slackers, though.
A big 43 points from Drew Brees, who seems to step up in big fantasy matchups — how does he know? — helped put the Attack away late in the day Sunday. Cedric Benson, Ray Rice, A.J. Green and Torrey Smith all added double-digits.
The Slackers now sit at 3-1 and have won 14 of their last 18 regular season fantasy matchups. It’s a great streak and it’s one that can be attributed to three players, Brees, Rice and Green. All three have been on the roster for 13 of those 14 wins, and at least two of them will be there for the next couple years.
Channel 4 News Team 155.3, Jimmy Jammers 117.3
OK, things are going really wrong for the Jammers.
That’s right, me.
I’ve got the fifth-best offense in the League, having scored over 100 points each week, yet I have the same record as the Noise.
The reason why? The 541.1 points allowed. In the last three weeks, all losses, the Jammers has allowed 130.4, 150.5 and 155.3 points.
After winning the Super Bowl rematch in Week 1, the Jammers has scored 107.6, 130.1 and 117.3 points, but lost each week.
Sound familiar?
It sounds eerily like the year Jawz Attack had all last season.
Even worse, that dreaded record the Jawz set for allowing more than 1,600 points is in jeopardy. Right now, the Jammers are on pace to give up nearly 1,750 points.
In all likelihood, this will level out, but after three straight losses, the Jammers finds himself in a huge hole.
With three 3-1 teams in the AFC, the Jammers already finds himself in a two-game hole.
The News Team is just happy it isn’t the other way around. Instead, he’s 2-2 and looking good.
Jamaal Charles has come around to be the player I was so high on to start the season. With another 22.1 points in Week 4, he’s vaulted the list to No. 2 in the JFL among fantasy backs.
Makes you wonder if there was ever a chance to deal for him after Week 2 when Charles seemed to be a huge bust.
He was one of eight double-digit scores for the News Team. His only blemish was the 4.2 points scored at tight end. (Poor him.)
Aaron Rodgers scored 39.8 points, making it two straight weeks that the Jammers has faced a QB that 39 or more points.
Meanwhile, Matt Stafford was a bum again, scoring 22 points for the second straight week. His 22.9 on Sunday were a season-high, which is sad considering how good he was last season.
Even worse is that the Jammers kept him, ranked 17th in the JFL, instead of Matt Ryan, ranked No. 1 in the JFL.
Looks like the Jammers may get that conditional draft pick in 2013 after all.
Chinese Organ Thieves 107.6, Graybill’s Generals 87.3
It wasn’t pretty, but it got the job done.
With 107.6 points, the Thieves were able to overcome a loss a week before to the News Team to move to 3-1 with a win over the division rival Generals.
And the Thieves did it behind the arm of Peyton Manning, the legs of Trent Richarson and hands of Rob Gronkowski.
They were the big players, combing for 68 fantasy points. Adrian Peterson added in 13, but that was basically it. Malcolm Floyd had just 2.7 points, Andre Brown finished with 2 and Jeremy Maclin had a disappointing 0.9 points.
The Generals had only a trio of players reach double-digits period, and they all played in the same game. Eli Manning (26), Victor Cruz (18.7) and LeSean McCoy (14.6) all helped the Generals avoid what could have been the worst offensive output in franchise history — perhaps JFL history.
With Beanie Wells on the IR and Aaron Hernandez missing games, the Generals are going to have to surf the free agent list, wheel and deal in a trade or pray that his backups start to take off.
Team Boyer 149.9, T-Money 77.9
Let me start by getting this out of the way. Tony Romo threw five picks and made the Money Man have to wonder about his decision to drop Jay Cutler.
Since scoring 35.2 points in Week 1, Romo has scored 17.4, 11.2 and 16 points in consecutive weeks.
It hasn’t been pretty. Even with that 35.2-point game, he’s ranked 19th in the JFL.
Cutler hasn’t been much better, although he was on Monday.
Interestingly enough, the new addition Kevin Kolb scored 34 points and finds himself ranked higher than Romo and Cutler.
It will be tough to hand over the reigns to Kolb, but T-Money may have to if Romo continues his struggles.
And if the rest of his team continues to struggle — Romo’s 16 points were a team-high — T-Money is in trouble.
Boyer, on the other hand, finally got the production he thought he was going to get this season. After starting 0-3, he had to wonder if it would ever turn around, but Tom Brady, Marshawn Lynch, Dez Bryant and Vincent Jackson all come through with big points. Even his kicker, Greg Zuerlien, had 18 points.
Brady threw for 340 and three TDs in that whitewash of Buffalo, while Lynch ran for 118 and a TD. He’s hit double-digits each week, and while he isn’t blowing away people with huge point totals, he’s at least being consistent.
With Matt Forte returning from injury, all Boyer needs is Hakeem Nicks to come back to make his squad a force to be reckoned with weekly.
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