Right now, the trophy is in the shop getting the 2012 Super Bowl Champion Sunday Slackers engraved on it — it's also the 2011 Super Bowl Champion Jimmy Jammers engraved on it because I was a slacker.
But it will be ready for the draft, which is a week away. That means it's time to start studying and projecting what the hell the World of Noise will do to screw up your projections.
No matter what the Noise does, it will be nice to play him in Week 1, and would you look at that, the Jammers gets the honors of doing that.
I know what you're thinking: "Wait, Jimmy goes 3-10 and schedules a game against his brother to start the year? Shenanigans!"
But I assure you, it's just a coincidence.
The Week 9 matchups from a year ago had to be moved to Week 1 in order to set up the annual Super Bowl rematch, which this year will pit the Sunday Slackers against the Chinese Organ Thieves. The Thieves are anxious to get back out there, I'm sure, after watching the Slackers drop a JFL-record 186 points on him.
As we prepare for the draft, we'll keep an eye on preseason injuries. I forgot to add a rule into the rulebook (and I will do so soon) but we will continue to use the rule that states if any of your keepers get injured before the draft and they will miss significant time (five weeks of the regular season is the benchmark I've set, but it is a commish decision), you can replace them with a player that was on your roster in the offseason. You will not be able to make a draft-pick trade after the fact, though.
Here's the breakdown of the draft and timing:
Rounds 1-2: Keeper selections, not timed.
Rounds 3-7: 120 seconds per selection. GMs in attendance at the live draft will announce that they have made a choice and I will pause the draft for them to go up to the podium to announce their picks
Rounds 8-10: 120 seconds per selection. GMs can still go to the podium for fun, but we will not pause the draft.
Rounds 11-14: 90 seconds per selection.
Rounds 15-17: 60 seconds per selection.
The draft is scheduled to start at 11 a.m., but I suggest those who are coming to my house for the live draft get here at least an hour early to set up your draft station. I'll have several tables set up, so bring your laptops, notebooks, etc. I have two extra laptops, but I ask you to bring your own if you have one. If you'll need to use one of my laptops, contact me ahead of time.
Everyone not in attendance of the live draft should sign into ESPN's online draft room 15 to 30 minutes early so we can make sure there aren't any issues. I will be taking care of a lot of things at the live draft and troubleshooting an online issue minutes before the draft will be tough.
I've evaluated everyone's keeper selections and picks from last year with a star-rating system, just as I did in 2011 and 2012.
NFC West
Chinese Organ Thieves2012 Record, Finish: 10-5 (NFC West Champion, NFC Champion, lost in Super Bowl VII)
Career Record : 55-47-1 (.539)
Playoff Record (Appearances): 3-4 (5)
Keepers: Peyton Manning (QB) | Adrian Peterson (RB) ★★★★★
I said last year that it was tough to give Adrian Peterson five stars as a keeper because of his injury, but I then added that if he's healthy, he'll certainly make the Thieves a contender. Well, Peterson was more than healthy, rushing for 2,097 yards and 12 TDs en route to the NFL MVP award. He had double-digits every week during the fantasy season except two, Week 2 and Week 16. The latter was painful because it was in the Super Bowl, but with the number of points that the Slackers scored in that game, AP would have had to set all sorts of NFL and JFL records to make a difference. That being said, why can't you love him heading into 2013? And then you add him to a rejuvenated Peyton Manning, the Thieves have a great tandem coming back. The only thing that would scare you is age, but seriously, how scared can you be with these two?
Last Year’s First-Round Pick: Rob Gronkowski, TE
With the No. 3 overall pick, the Thieves did something that we once made fun of the World of Noise for — grab a tight end. If it wasn't for the injury in Week 11 that kept him out of the lineup for Weeks 12 to 16, this pick may have been OK, but the fact is, with four single-digit weeks in the first 11, he certainly wasn't first-round worthy. Nevertheless, his big weeks helped the Thieves win big games and get to the playoffs.
Last Year’s Best Pick: Peyton Manning, QB
It's hard to believe his second-round pick of Trent Richardson wasn't the best pick, but when you sit in my living room and make a what-the-hell-why-not-move by drafting Peyton Manning in the fifth round, he has to win the honor. Manning ranked fourth among QBs last year and was a huge reason the Thieves went to the Super Bowl. All 11 teams had four (some had five) chances to make this bold move, but the Thieves were the on team to have the onions to do it.
Channel 4 News Team
2012 Record, Finish: 8-6 (Lost in NFC Wild Card)
Career Record : 55-47 (.545)
Playoff Record (Appearances): 5-4 (5)
Keepers: Aaron Rodgers (QB) | Jamaal Charles (RB) ★★★★☆
The News Team had to make a tough decision because of Arian Foster's injury, and with Charles getting roughed up in the preseason, the decision was made even tougher. But alas, he winds up with his 2012 first-round pick, who could be in for a good year in Andy Reid's offense. Not because Andy Reid likes to run the ball, because we all know that isn't true, but he's got LeSean McCoy-like abilities and he could do what McCoy did in 2011. And with Alex Smith, establishing the run will be key. ... Of course, Aaron Rodgers is a solid five-star keeper.
Last Year’s First-Round Pick: Jamaal Charles, RB
Charles went 10th overall in the 2011 draft and if you recall, I was completely upset that he didn't go 12th overall. My season may have been a little different. Instead, it was the News Team who benefitted from his eight double-digit games, including a huge 39-point Week 3. There were a few dud performances of 1.6 points and 2.8 points that made it frustrating at times, but he certainly was a valued pick for the News Team.
Last Year’s Best Pick: Jamaal Charles, RB
The News Team had a pair of wideouts in Miles Austin and Jordy Nelson, who in 2011 were studs, but last year, they were hit or miss, and mostly miss, so that's why Charles was not only his first pick; he was his best.
Graybill’s Generals
2012 Record, Finish: 2-11
Career Record : 42-55 (.433)
Playoff Record (Appearances): 4-2 (3)
Keepers: LeSean McCoy (RB) | A.J. Green (WR) ★★★★½
Another year and another trade for the Generals, and he gave up his No. 1 overall pick to do so. Not sure why you give up your No. 1 pick for A.J. Green when you have Victor Cruz, but he did. I understand trading picks to get him, but how do you not bargain with the Slackers here. You're bidding against yourself here to get this player. If the Slackers won't take anything less than a first overall pick, just keep Victor Cruz and draft A.J. Green with your No. 1 pick. The Slackers have to drop him. I really don't get this move, and now, the Super Bowl champs have the No. 1 overall pick. But I digress, with LeSean McCoy and A.J. Green, this keeper tandem is a sexy pick. McCoy's 2012 wasn't anywhere close to his 2011 performance, but I can easily see him having a big year in Chip Kelly's fast-paced, wide-open offense. Still, I can't give McCoy five stars just because of the uncertainty of the Eagles. A.J. Green, however, has to be considered a top keeper pick. He was a key player in the Slackers' Super Bowl title and the Generals hope to grab that mojo and run with it.
Last Year’s First-Round Pick: Eli Manning, QB
Manning had a decent year, but again, he fell off from his 2011 numbers which really hurt the Generals, especially considering the fact that Eli's brother went four rounds later.
Last Year’s Best Pick: Eli Manning, QB
This pretty much sums up why the Generals won just two games. Manning was his best pick. Running backs Beanie Wells, Ben Tate and LeGarrette Blount did not come through; Pierre Garcon, Justin Blackmon and Jacoby Jones were not big enough to keep in the lineup, and his fourth-round tight end Aaron Hernandez was apparently more lethal off the field.
NFC East
Team Boyer2012 Record, Finish: 8-7 (NFC East Champion, lost in NFC Championship)
Career Record : 55-45-1 (.550)
Playoff Record (Appearances): 5-5 (5)
Keepers: Tom Brady (QB) | Marshawn Lynch (RB) ★★★★☆
After a sluggish start, Dez Bryant took off in Week 10 and had double-digits all the way through Week 16, including four 20-plus-point performances, but it wasn't enough to earn the keeper status over Marshawn Lynch. A year ago, I asked why Boyer didn't keep Lynch, but he went ahead and took him in the first round anyway. This year, he's not waiting, and that will make his keeper selections among the League's best. And Tom Brady was Tom Brady in 2012. I'm sure he'll be Tom Brady again in 2013.
Last Year’s First-Round Pick: Marshawn Lynch, RB
Clearly, Lynch was his top pick, posting 10 100-yard rushing games and 13 double-digit fantasy weeks. And at pick No. 11, Boyer was lucky. He chose not to keep him and several other players were selected before him.
Last Year’s Best Pick: Marshawn Lynch, RB
Lynch, Lynch, Lynch. I've heard enough about him, so let's give Boyer an honorable mention. Matt Forte worked out to be a decent second-round pick to give him one of the JFL's best rushing attacks.
Dottsville Toasters
2012 Record, Finish: 7-6
Career Record : 49-46 (.516)
Playoff Record (Appearances): 3-1 (2)
Keepers: Calvin Johnson (WR) | Robert Griffin III ★★★½☆
Calvin Johnson is a beast. RGIII is a beast. The only question mark here is RGIII's health. Even if he does play Week 1, which is expected, can he stay healthy for 16 games? I have my doubts because he has rushed this whole process. I know we can point to Adrian Peterson to say that it's possible, but even Peterson had a few extra weeks to recover and he wasn't playing a position where a blindside blitz or a lineman falling back into him was an every-snap worry. I have no doubt that RGIII will be able to run and make cuts. I just don't know if the knee ligaments will be strong enough to absorb a low blow from a pass rusher. But hey, Megrtron is a beast and with the addition of Reggie Bush, he won't be triple-teamed in 2013.
Last Year’s First-Round Pick: Robert Griffin III, QB
Not sure how long I will have to apologize for making fun of the Toasters, but I certainly have to do it once more here. He picked RGIII No. 4 overall and I laughed. RGIII scored 46.4 points in the Toasters matchup against me and he laughed. He was a strong pick and outside of three bad weeks, he was a fantasy MVP. The bad thing for the Toasters was that he missed the playoffs by one win and all three of his poor RGIII starts led to losses.
Last Year’s Best Pick: Robert Griffin III, QB
Yeah, I've said enough.
T-Money
2012 Record, Finish: 4-7
Career Record : 47-51 (.480)
Playoff Record (Appearances): 2-5 (5)
Keepers: Tony Romo (QB) | Frank Gore (RB) ★★½☆☆
There wasn't a great pool to choose from so the Money Man is going back to the well for another year of Tony Romo and Frank Gore. Romo is inconsistent year-in and year-out, but with five weeks of 30 or more points, he's dangerous enough to provide the number of points needed to win a matchup. With Dez Bryant and Jason Witten, he's always a threat to have a big week. But with his poor decision making skills, he's also capable of turning the ball over three or more times often — something he did four times last year. That includes a five INT game and a four INT game. Gore continues to amaze me. He's not a keeper in my mind, but he is a worthy back to have on your team. With 12 double-digit games last year, how can you not give him another chance to be your lead back?
Last Year’s First-Round Pick: Fred Jackson, RB
Well, he selected the wrong Buffalo running back. Jackson had just four double-digits games and one rushing TD. C.J. Spiller, an eighth-round pick, had 13 double-digit weeks. T-Money regretted this all season.
Last Year’s Best Pick: Reggie Wayne, WR
Slipping to the sixth round, Wayne wasn't expected to have a big year with Peyton Manning leaving and Andrew Luck taking over, but he didn't miss a beat, posting 10 double-digit weeks and ranking 15th in fantasy wideouts.
AFC East
Sunday Slackers2012 Record, Finish: 12-4 (AFC East Champion, AFC Champion, Super Bowl VII Champion)
Career Record : 35-34-1 (.507)
Playoff Record (Appearances): 3-2 (3)
Keepers: Drew Brees (QB) | Ray Rice (RB) ★★★★★
The No. 1 QB and the No. 6 RB. It's a tandem many of us would like to have. So I won't say any more about these two Super Bowl winners.
Last Year’s First-Round Pick: Greg Jennings, WR
This was a bad pick. The Slackers thought it was good and bragged about it after the draft, but a sluggish start and injuries kept him from making an impact. Fortunately for the Slackers, the rest of his draft was awesome.
Last Year’s Best Pick: A.J. Green, WR
With the second-round pick, the Slackers took A.J. Green, and with that pick he secured a Super Bowl run. With 12 double-digit games, Green was a monster, scoring 11 TDs including 10 in nine straight games. He was clearly the best pick, but you could easily give Randall Cobb and Reggie Bush some love in this paragraph, too.
Jawz Attack
2012 Record, Finish: 6-7
Career Record : 14-25 (.359)
Playoff Record (Appearances): 0-0 (0)
Keepers: Maurice Jones-Drew (RB) | Larry Fitzgerald (WR) ★★½☆☆
It's Maurice Jones-Drew again, which isn't a bad thing, and it's Larry Fitzgerald for the first time. Jawz will have to build around these two and he'll be one of two teams looking for a QB. That's not a bad thing because it means you have a chance to wait to get a QB and add to the position players, but the risk is seeing how long you can go before a team like the Organ Thieves takes Peyton Manning. Jones-Drew is returning from injury so that is why the star rating is so low, but let's apply the Adrian Peterson rule of thumb here; if he's healthy, he can easily make the difference between missing the playoffs by two games and making it.
Last Year’s First-Round Pick: Larry Fitzgerald, WR
Jammers' scraps. That's what the Jawz takes. For the second year in a row, he picked up a former Jammer in the first round with Larry Fitzgerald. In 2011, it was Roddy White and that worked out well. In 2012, Fitzgerald only have five double-digit weeks. He'll be better as a keeper because Carson Palmer, although inconsistent, at least has the ability to air the ball out to Fitzgerald—something Kevin Kolb and John Skelton could not figure out how to do. One thing is for sure, the Jawz will not take a former Jammer in Round 1 this year. Not even the Jammers wants a former Jammer this year.
Last Year’s Best Pick: Josh Freeman/Ben Roethlisbeger, QBs
It's hard to pick because he used both QBs throughout the year. Both were decent starters, with Freeman getting stronger as the year went along.
Jimmy Jammers
2012 Record, Finish: 3-10
Career Record : 67-37 (.644)
Playoff Record (Appearances): 9-4 (6)
Keepers: Matthew Stafford (QB) | Julio Jones (WR) ★★★★☆
From Super Bowl champion to bust, it was an awful year. The draft was bad and the matchups were worse. There were a few unlucky weeks, but let's face it, this was not the Jammers' best output. Perhaps he was too busy celebrating with the trophy. The only real bright spots were the keepers, so they'll remain the keepers again. Matthew Stafford has a potent offense and Julio Jones is a game-breaker at wide receiver, so he has a good start to 2013. It's just a matter of what he does in the draft.
Last Year’s First-Round Pick: Antonio Brown, WR
Oops. You can look at most every team in the first round and say, "That was a nice first-round pick." The Jammers' selection of Antonio Brown was not one of them. Brown didn't start playing fantasy football until Week 14 where he began a string of four straight games with TDs. Of course, that was after the Jammers were out playing fantasy golf.
Last Year’s Best Pick: Tony Gonzalez, TE
Alfred Morris may have been the best player outside of Stafford and Jones, but he was a waiver-wire pick. So that leaves Tony Gonzalez to earn the distinction of best draft pick. He had seven double-digits weeks and that's not what you want from your best draft pick. Man, reviewing 2012 makes me cry.
AFC West
Real Houserville2012 Record, Finish: 10-3 (AFC West Champion, lost in AFC Championship)
Career Record : 35-26 (.574)
Playoff Record (Appearances): 2-5 (5)
Keepers: Cam Newton (QB) | Doug Martin (RB) ★★★★½
Doug Martin ranked No. 2 among all running backs, and even though that was skewed a bit by a ridiculous 59-point week, his 13 double-digit performances made him a No. 1 JFL back. That's why it's easy to see he's the keeper for Houserville. Cam Newton, who had some trouble at times last year, gets the nod again after taking over the reigns from Peyton Manning a year ago. His ability to score in the red zone, whether in the air or with his legs, makes him a solid starting QB in the JFL.
Last Year’s First-Round Pick: Jimmy Graham, TE
Houserville saw Gronk go off the board so he grabbed Jimmy Graham in the first round. It didn't prove to be as fruitful as he liked, but nevertheless, the two teams that picked tight ends in the first rounds were No. 1 seeds in their respective conferences, so I can't make fun of them. Graham had eight double-digit weeks and was ranked the No. 1 tight end when all was said and done.
Last Year’s Best Pick: Doug Martin, RB
C.J. Spiller, Andre Johnson and Percy Harvin (up until he got injured) were amazing picks, too, but Doug Martin in the fourth round takes the cake.
Fear and Loathing
2012 Record, Finish: 7-7
Career Record : 46-48-1 (.489)
Playoff Record (Appearances): 0-4 (4)
Keepers: Andrew Luck (QB) | Roddy White (WR) ★★★½☆
Last year, the Fear made a dramatic change, drafting the QB of his future in the fifth round. Andrew Luck was a decent starter and he took over for then-keeper Michael Vick who battled injuries and benchings. Roddy White was his first-round pick and he'll supplant DeMarco Murray as the keeper, and with eight double-digit games a year ago, there's no reason to not like this pick. Matt Ryan will look for either Julio Jones or Roddy White every game, so there's bound to be some big games—the kind that will win you matchups. I give the tandem 3½ stars only because of Luck's youth and inexperience surrounding him. I'm sure he'll continue to make strides toward being a top JFL QB.
Last Year’s First-Round Pick: Roddy White, WR
It's hard to hate this pick. White is a great possession receiver and he's a go-to guy in the red zone. For Fear, it was part of a decent WR attack with Mike Wallace.
Last Year’s Best Pick: Andrew Luck, QB
Without a doubt, making Luck the franchise guy in the fifth round is a decent choice. And he didn't have to waste a first-round pick like the Toasters! Boom.
World of Noise
2012 Record, Finish: 6-7
Career Record : 34-57 (.358)
Playoff Record (Appearances): 2-2 (2)
Keepers: Matt Ryan (QB) | DeSean Jackson (WR) ★★★☆☆
After his best season since 2009, the Noise finally has a pair of keepers he didn't have to trade for. Matt Ryan should be his QB for the foreseeable future, while DeSean Jackson provides the big-play ability at wideout. Jackson's injury history and poor 2011 season makes this duo just a three-star group. But I live
Last Year’s First-Round Pick: Michael Turner, RB
Turner scored 10 TDs last year, but he wasn't the burner he had been in prior years. He had only two 100-yard rushing games, and failed to reach 60 yards rushing in 11 games. It was a tough year for him, but that had a lot to do with the offense's aerial attack.
Last Year’s Best Pick: BenJarvus Green-Ellis, RB
Green-Ellis had eight double-digit games, but the majority came late in the season and didn't help the Noise much. He needed a better start from Green-Ellis, that or a better draft—but that may be asking too much from the Noise.
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