Big League Choo is sitting pretty in the American League
with 27 games separating his team from second place; meanwhile, three teams are
within 4.5 games of each other at the top of the National League.
Last week was a huge week as the Philly Cheese Steaks won
18-3-3 over the Gamblers to vault into first place over the Industries, who
lost 11-7-6 to the Sex Panthers. The Outs beat the Jerks 12-8-4 and sit 2.5 games
out. Vandelay is now 4.5 out.
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| Up'ton Gone And Made An Error Oh, Jerk. Where did you go wrong? Why did you help the Cheese Steaks go from "Hi, everyone, my name is Jim Vaughn" to "Hi, everyone, I'm that guy with the best team in the National League." But we can't blame the Jerks by themselves. In fact, it's the entire trio formally known as the American League West. Together, those three teams — Gamblers, Jerks and Choo — have combined to give the Cheese Steaks 14 of his everyday starters. And using those players, he's piled up 39 wins against the former AL West teams, including 18 last week against the Gamblers to make his case for the top team in the National League. He's been in first place before, and with the way his pitchers are clicking, he could be there for a while. And if he stays there, all we can do in the National League is send thank you letters to the Trade Trio. |
Despite the loss, the Jerks are 10 wins behind the Gamblers and smelling blood in the water because the wild card is up for grabs now in the American League.
Even the Sex Panthers are technically back in the race after two straight wins.
Steroid.ERA is 9.0 games out of a wild card in the National
League, and yours truly, the Slammers, got a big win to make it at least
interesting heading into the long All-Star Week matchup.
And for the Philly Cheese Steaks, this long week could
propel him to a division title. He’s got Coldsmith on the menu — a victim of a
19-4-3 loss to the Slammers — and if both teams play like they have, the
Cheese Steaks could be looking at a decent lead in the National League.
Last week, against the lowly, hurting, crying Gamblers, he won
18-3-3 behind huge performances from Justin Upton, Alex Rios and Austin Jackson.
Yes, all former Jerks.
Upton had 10 hits, including three of the Steaks’ 17
doubles, and five of his 34 RBIs. Cheese went 10-1-1 at plate, and he backed his
way into some more wins on the pitching side. With a 4.01 ERA and a 1.16 WHIP,
he didn’t “wow” us, but he did just enough against the Gamblers, whose staff
went 3-10 with a 4.59 ERA.
Remember, the Gamblers almost always have the best pitching
staff in the JLB. I guess this is one of those fluke years that make the word "almost" necessary.
The pitching news got worse in Gamblerland as Masahiro
Tanaka went down and could be heading for Tommy John. The worst case for Parker
is playing out now — the slow rehab to avoid it followed by the inevitable surgery we all figure he'll likely get. Matt Harvey did the same
thing, and instead of pitching now for the Mets, he’s going to be out for the rest
of the year. Tanaka could be on a similar timeline.
With Joey Votto down and out, the Gamblers can only look
back and wish he had selected Jose Abreu, who went 13-for-28 last week with two
homers and four RBIs for the Choo. He’s batting .292 on the season with 29 homers, 73 RBIs
and 49 runs scored.
Amazing. And he’s a minor eligible for two more years.
He’d be a great player to have, and he can be yours for the
right player because, quite frankly, he’s a Choo, and if you’re a Choo, you’re
checking Twitter to see if you were traded two minutes ago every two minutes.
Choo took care of the Otto Parts with a 14-9-1 win last
week, also benefiting from a high ERA matchup, scoring a 4.41 ERA and winning.
Otto had to be upset with his 4.48 ERA, but he returned the
favor at the plate, out-hitting the Choo .333-.329.
Choo only won four offensive categories, but he can’t
complain from his first-place perch. I'm sure he'll address his offensive woes at the trade deadline because that .262 average — third worst in the JLB — may come to haunt him in the playoffs when he'll need to hit.
What's that you say? Choo needs offense? He better come to the National League Basement Sale where the League's top offense sits. The Slammers, batting a League-best .285, has just what you need. I lead the JLB in singles, doubles and RBIs, and I'm near the top in most other batting categories. (Toot, toot, goes my horn on this short infomercial.) So stop on in to get what you need. Extra catching? Got it. First base? Loaded. Outfield? I traded Puig and Melky and I still have guys hitting .300. So call now!
I figured I should do an informercial so Doyle may see it. It's better than the last option of trying to get a trade to him via a carrier pigeon. That bird left two months ago and hasn't been heard from since.
I joke about my offense — I only wrote a paragraph about my team to make Gina mad.
I mean, she beat Vandelay and I haven't said a word about her team yet.
She must more angry than the lost pigeon.
She won 11-7-6, picking up six wins in pitching, and she thinks it should have been more. So do the Yankees.
Kevin Gausman got the wonderful 5-inning complete-game win that sent the Panthers into a swearing tirade and Joe Girardi onto a "rules need to be changed" campaign.
Funny, Girardi is like me. He sees something wrong with rules and wants to change it to make it better.
But I digress, in the shady, rain-shortened contest that was made official after only 4 1/2 innings, Gausman got the complete game to tie it. Fortunately, for the Panthers, the Yankees had plated a run to avoid the awful 5-inning CG SO.
The Panthers did well in other pitching categories, including ERA where she posted a 2.81 behind great outings from Trevor Bauer, Ian Kennedy, Wade Miley and Phil Hughes.
Jeff Samardzija also got a complete-game loss in his second start with the A's, which must have had him wondering if he was still on the Cubs.
Kennedy had the best week, posting a 0.60 ERA and 17 strikeouts in two quality starts. He's been stellar for the Panthers and I'm upset that on March 30, I told her to put a waiver claim on him. I should have done it myself. I missed out on that.
So did the Gamblers, who drafted him in the 11th round and dropped him four days later. Wasted pick. ... While looking this up, I also noticed he picked up All-Star pitcher Henderson Alvarez on March 29 and dropped him seven days later.
Now I get it. I finally get what Parker means when he says he "almost always has the best pitching staff in the League."
He doesn't mean "usually he has the best pitching rotation."
Instead, he means he's so close; only a few mistakes away from having the best pitching staff.
Took me five months, but I finally get it.
Maybe two months from now I'll finally understand his Zunino logic.
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