Or have you not even looked at one? (Tisk, tisk Justin Brown.)
Well, either way, it's time to take a break. I've updated the JFL record book, and for the first time, I've put into into PDF form, all 87 pages, on the Facebook group page.
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| Welcome, new owners! What better way to welcome the new guys than show them how serious we really are. An 87-page PDF record book? That might certify as clinically nuts. Don't tell my wife I spent a few hours Sunday putting it together. But it was all for you guys. And the new guys, who I never really properly introduced, so here we go. There's Choo, the man who has been on the waiting list the longest. We call him Choo because in baseball, he is the notorious Big League Choo. I made him use "Choo" in his name, so he selected Choo Big TeeDees. Ah, that's Choo. In baseball, he's an active trader, and by active, I mean he's addicted. He tried to quit using cold turkey and a 12-step program, but Step 5 was admitting trading Mike Trout was a mistake and he couldn't do it. Oh, and his real name is Steven Spillane, but you'll forget that after a week or Choo. (Yeah, we like to use Choo puns.) Philly Cheese Steaks is Jim Vaughn, a sports guy with WFMZ. "A sports guy." More like a sports genius. This guy came in and took over Boyer's baseball team and in one year turned it into a World Series contender. And we thought Boyer was the big Spackler. The Cheese Steaks patched that hole and built a powerhouse. He will certainly look to do the same in the NFC East. Joining him in the NFC East is Chalupa Batman, a.k.a. Brian O'Reilly. What can I say? This guy has NFC Sunday Ticket and invited me to hang out on Sundays. Don't I have to make him a League member at that point? He's a Bucs fan, a JFL first, and he's excited to get going. Lastly, there's the Jerk. Yes, call him a Jerk. In baseball, he's Jerkin' My Kirkjian, so likewise, I told him he had to work "Jerk" into the football name. He managed to work Kirk in, too. Genius. Too bad he's not studying for the draft. Genius status retracted. Justin Brown is a Dallas fan (boo) who has an offseason trading problem, so Parker will surely take advantage of that next August. He and Choo join me and Parker in what will inevitably be the loudest division in the JFL. No longer will World of Noise and Houserville run wild. The AFC East will make you turn your Facebook notifications off — at least for this group. I do ask, to check back in, if you do so. With 16 teams, there's no reason we shouldn't have a lot of fun on Facebook. Some of these new guys (cough, cough, Choo) like to talk smack, and it's all fun. So no crying like Houserville during a home-field advantage debate. ... See what I did there? |
Besides, you should really only care to check out the first couple pages and your team's section.
Last year, we saw some crazy single-game player performance records fall, and there were some major shake-ups in the top 10 scorers all time.
The one similar characteristic throughout all of the single-game player performances was that they involve the pass game.
Even the lone running back record to fall — Jamaal Charles' JFL second-best 57.1 points — was heavily influenced by the pass game. He caught eight passes for 195 yards and four TDs. He only ran for 15 yards and a TD. The Dottsville Toasters wishes that's ALL he did. This performance came in Week 15 during the JFL NFC Championship Game and there wasn't much the Toasters could do after Charles went off.
His 57.1 points moves him to second on the list all-time in JFL history, behind Doug Martin's 59 points from 2012. Outside of Chris Johnson's 52.4 from 2009 and Arian Foster's 44.4 points in 2011, the rest of the top 10 point totals came from 2006 and 2007.
The NFL is changing big time.
Three new wide receivers joined the all-time top-10 last year with Andre Johnson topping the entire list with a new JFL-best 47.7 points in Week 9 for the Chinese Organ Thieves.
My boy, Alshon Jeffery scored 44.3 in Week 13, and Josh Gordon had 43.1 for the News Team, also in Week 13.
That's three top WR performances from 2013 in the top-four all time. There were several other performances that reached the 30s, but it wasn't enough to crack the top 10.
The tight ends, however, made an all-out assault on the top 10 list. Jimmy Graham had three performances (27.9, 27.8 and 27.2) that ranked tied for third, sixth and seventh all time. Real Houserville enjoyed those performances all year long.
I managed one good week from my tight end, of course in Week 1, giving me hope of a breakout, as Jared Cook scored 26.5 points. He was rather quiet for the rest of the season.
Julius Thomas (26 points) and Jordan Cameron (25.8) would have cracked the top 10 all time if I didn't find out that I somehow didn't update from 2012, when Rob Gronkowski put up some insane performances, so those two tight ends got the quick boot out of the top 10.
Top 10s for kickers (who cares) and defenses didn't change, and the Toasters' negative-7 points by Rex Grossman in Week 6 of 2006 remains the bench mark of absolutely crappy performances. ... Had to remind you all, in case you forgot.
The record book includes sections for every team, which displays all-time schedules, results, records vs. opponents, etc. Enjoy.
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