I have to be completely honest with you: I don’t care about
the JFL Trophy.
Yes, there are moments while I’m in my office, leaning back
in my desk chair and imagining that awesome trophy sitting on my shelf. It looked
so good there a few years ago.
Nevertheless, there’s nothing I want more than to beat my
rival in the first round of the playoffs.
I can lose to Fear or Jerk next week and that will not
matter.
All that matters is having the chance to go into 2015
knowing that I knocked Parker out.
That’s how much I hate him. (His team, not the human behind
the Slacker mask. That guy is actually a pretty cool dude.)
Today will be a big day for us as all players go today
except the Slackers’ kicker. The Slackers-Jammers matchup is one of four
divisional playoff games in the limelight today.
The winner of the AFC Divisional Playoff game will face the
winner of the other AFC Divisional Playoff, Jerkin’ My Kirk Herbstreit at Fear
and Loathing.
In the NFC, it’s T-Money at Chinese Organ Thieves and Team
Boyer at Dottsville Toasters.
It’s playoff time, and I’ve got an hour to kill, so back to
the matchup capsules!
AFC DIVISIONAL
PLAYOFFS
No. 4 Jerkin’ My Kirk
Herbstreit (7-6) at Fear and Loathing (11-2)
FEAR THE FEAR:
The Fear had a regular season to remember. The 11 wins were the most since the
inaugural season of the JFL when the Jammers went 12-1 and Team Boyer went
11-2. Since then, four teams have hit the 10-win mark in the regular season,
but that’s it. Fear has put his name in the record books with wins. Now, he
wants to add a Super Bowl title. This also gives him a major boost in his
franchise record. Fear was 54-55-1 heading into 2014 and now has a .535 winning
percentage. Fear has had some success during the regular season in the past,
making five playoff appearances. That’s where his struggles begin. He was
one-and-done in four prior playoff appearances before finally breaking through
in the first round of 2013 to beat the Jammers soundly. He then fell in a close
battle with Noise in the AFC Title Game. Last year was step one, getting that
playoff win. Now, he’s hoping take that next leap.
MAKING HIS MARCO:
There aren’t many better feelings than watching your player just go nuts on
Thursday night. It sets the tone for Sunday. For the Jerk, he got 18.6 from
Matt Forte, and for most people in most matchups, that would be an awesome
point total. But, DeMarco Murray had 30.6. He is just ridiculous. The offensive
line is really good, yes, but the vision he displayed against the Bears was
impressive. He ran 32 times — a season high — for 179 yards — another season
high — and a touchdown. That totaled 30.6 points, and yes, you guessed it,
that’s a season-high. Jerk is left asking, “Why me?”
IS IT OVER?: It
may be, but we all know Murray isn’t the only superhero on this 11-win team.
Andrew Luck and Le’Veon Bell make this team complete. In fact, the only two
losses have come when one of these two players were on the bye week, while the
other had a season-low performance. In Week 10, Fear lost for the first time when
Andrew Luck was on the bye and Le’Veon Bell scored 8.5 points. It was his ONLY
single-digit performance of the season. The second loss came in Week 12 when
Andrew Luck scored his lowest point total (23.4) and Bell was on the bye. Luck
averages 36.2, so a point total of 23.4, which would be acceptable for many
other owners, was not for Fear. So, is this matchup over? No. If Luck and Bell
falter, Fear is beatable. But let’s be serious. There’s nothing to suggest that
this will happen. Bell is going up against the 29th-ranked run defense, and
even though Luck faces the 7th-ranked pass defense in the Browns, I’m not
worried too much. It is, however, worth noting that Luck will be playing
outside in the cold for the first time this season. His last outdoor game was
in New York in Week 9 when it was 55 degrees. Today, it will be in the 30s with
a wind chill in the 20s.
TO WIN IT JERK NEEDS
________________: Ooh, fill in the blank. My first response would be:
“Hilton to catch any Luck TDs.” That would be a key. Second answer would be:
“Keenan Allen to keep it going!” Allen has three TDs in the last two weeks.
He
has six catches for 104 and a TD in Week 12 and he had 11 catches for 121 yards
and 2 TDs last week. Jerk would love for that upward swing to continue this
week. Because if there’s one spot where the Jerk has the edge on Fear, it’s at
WR. Add in a double-digit day by Randall Cobb, and Jerk can minimize the damage
Murray did. My third answer would be: “Teddy must rise!” Teddy Bridgewater has
a home game against the woeful Jets. The Jets pass defense is among the NFL
worst. They give up an average of 27.6 QB points. Jerk will take that, and as
long as Luck is held to his average (36.4) or less, this matchup will become
winnable. …. So you’re telling me there’s a chance!?
No. 3 Sunday Slackers
(7-6) at No. 2 Jimmy Jammers (8-5)
SMACK-TALKING BAD:
The smack talk started early this week. And then, all of a sudden, it got
quiet. Goes still. And real quiet. Like a dog waiting for dinner scraps (love
that quote). Then I set my lineup on Friday to feature all my backups, waiting
for him to notice, and he doesn’t say a thing. Is he worried he’s going to
lose? Possibly. Am I? Yes. We both should be. I wasn’t joking above. I think
Parker and I feel the same. Wins against each other mean more than anything
else. It may have to do with our epic World Series battles in baseball. It may
have to do with the fact that we were roommates. Who knows what exactly made us
hated rivals on the fantasy pitch. Whatever it was, it has made for a fiery
Sunday, and I can’t wait.
‘WITTLED’ DOWN TO
NOTHING: Jason Witten had just three points on Thursday and that’s a bit of
a blow to the Slackers. Not that the tight end is a make-or-break spot, but he
at least wanted to get eight to 10 points from him on Thursday. Anything more
than that would have been a huge bonus. Witten had a decent stretch there from
Week 4 to Week 12. He had one 3.1-point dud in there, but for the most part, he
was bringing in 7 to 14 points, and that’s not too bad from a tight end. He
needed that range to cut into whatever Jimmy Graham gets, because let’s be
serious, Graham isn’t going zero catches for zero yards again.
STAFF MEETING:
With Drew Brees, the Slackers do not have much to worry about at that position,
especially of late. With 40 or more fantasy points in back-to-back weeks, Brees
is looking pretty damn scary. Matthew Stafford is coming off a 30.5-point
performance on Thanksgiving, and that’s the kind of outing I was expecting from
him when I drafted him in the second round. But his five games in the teens or
single-digits have been extremely disappointing. The hot-and-cold Stafford has
been a bit of a problem spot for my team. If he can hit his average (22.7),
I’ll take it. If he has a first-round outing like he had last year in the snow
in Philly, I’m in trouble again.
1 O’CLOCK WILL TELL A
LOT: Parker has everyone by Matt Bryant going at 1 p.m. With only four
going at 1 for the Jammers, the Slackers will be in a lot of trouble if the
matchup score is within 20 or 30 at 3 p.m. … It will be even worse if it’s that
at 4:25.
I BEG YOUR GORDON?:
Parker made fun of me for drafting suspended players. He also lucked out in
Week 11 — our last matchup where he beat me — that his suspension went one more
week. Now, Gordon is in and I can’t wait for him to have one of those Josh
Gordon days that led the News Team to the Super Bowl. … I mean, please, fantasy
gods, can I get one of those days? Signed, Jimmy Jammers. (Remember when that
worked?)
NFC DIVISIONAL PLAYOFFS
No. 4 T-Money (7-6)
at No.1 Chinese Organ Thieves (8-5)
MONEY IN THE BANK:
Thursday was good to T-Money. He cashed in for 61.3 points with his three
players. Tony Romo, who is known for awful Decembers, has scored 27.8 points
against the Bears. Perhaps this December will be one for him to remember?
T-Money hopes so because he’s going to need him if he can get past the Thieves.
Money also got 16.8 points from Martellus Bennett and 16.7 from Alshon Jeffery,
which is a welcome site against a team like the Thieves.
FEAR THE FEAR? DON’T
FORGET THE THIEVES: All year long, we’ve marveled at the Fear and his trio
of fantasy all-stars. That doesn’t mean I haven’t completely neglected the
Thieves, because I haven’t. I’ve hammered home the “Bronco Trio.” And now, I
must say, thanks to some great maneuvers on the waiver wire, the Thieves have a
dangerous team in Week 14. The Thieves are the prime example that there’s still
a chance to get something on the wire in a 16-team league. Tre Mason (Oct. 22
pickup), C.J. Anderson (Nov. 12 pickup) and Donte Moncrief (Dec. 3 pickup) will
all get the start in the first round of the playoffs. And they make his team
extremely dangerous. He does have a lot in the Bronco basket (four players in
all), but when Peyton Manning has the ability to lead an offense to four to
five TDs a game no matter what, why not start them all? Mason is coming off a
breakout week and so is Moncrief. Both scored more than 30 fantasy points last
week. Mason will be the more reliable one as he did it on 17 touches, whereas
Moncrief did it on three. Still, this team is dangerous. And a second JFL Super
Bowl title could be in his sights.
61.3 AND DONE?:
Rashad Jennings would be a solid play against Tennessee, but his questionable
status scares me. LeGarrette Blount (especially now that he’s on New England)
is a crapshoot, and Michael Crabtree is a … well, Crabshoot? He’s had four
double-digit days this season. He has four TDs. Can you guess when he scored
them? Yep, you guessed it. During his double-digit days. Against Oakland, he
needs to score to give Money a chance. But, for as good of a Thursday T-Money
had, Sunday could be equally as bad. All the injuries and question marks really
scare me against this Thieves team. But the Money Man was dead in the water four
weeks ago. Then, he won three in a row to sneak into the playoffs. Maybe the
Money Magic will continue.
No. 3 Team Boyer
(8-5) at No. 2 Dottsville Toasters (8-5)
STREAKIN’ IN THE
WRONG DIRECTION: Boyer’s 2014 season has been an interesting one. He
started 1-2 after Tom Brady struggled mightily to start the season. The 45
points scored were a low-point in the Boyer’s franchise and it really made him
wonder if the choice to keep Brady for one more season was the right one. But
then, Brady turned things around, and seven straight wins put him at 8-2 and in
charge of the NFC. Scoring 90 or more points, including at least 99.9 or more
in six of those matchups, Boyer was in cruise control. In Week 11, when
divisional play started back up, the wheels fell off. Three straight weeks of
79.3, 84.8 and 70.7 points led to three straight losses, and even worse, a
division title loss. Instead of the No. 1 seed, he’s the three seed and in need
of a big boost in the first round.
OPEN THE GATES:
The New England defense hasn’t been great against the tight end, and Antonio
Gates is the fourth-ranked tight end in the JFL. That ranking is a bit skewed,
however, because he’s scored seven of his nine TDs in three matchups. He will
either blow up or bust. It’s been five weeks since he hit double-digits, and
Boyer could really use that boost this week.
MONDAY NIGHT KARMA:
The Toasters picked up a few wins early in the season thanks to some Monday
night comebacks. Jordy Nelson has been explosive all year, ranking No. 3 among
JFL wideouts, and it’s very possible he could turn the tables on the Toasters
Monday against the Falcons, who are not great against the pass. If Boyer is
losing by 15 or less on Monday, Toasters is scared because Nelson has scored
more than 15 points in one play several times this season.
THE UP-AND-DOWN LIFE
OF A TOASTER: It’s appropriate that Dottsville is the Toasters. Some days,
his players are hot; some days, they are cold. Some days, they are up; some
days, they are down. The analogy works in many ways. Let’s start with Russell
Wilson, the man who was supposed to provide more stability than RGIII. First of
all, the decision to move away from RGIII was 100 percent right. The only
disappointment has bee the three performances in the teens and the five others
that were in the low 20s. Wilson exploded twice for 40s, but there are no
totals in the 30s. Lamar Miller was fairly consistent up until Week 9, and
since then, his totals are: 0.8, 10.2, 6.9 and 13.1. Isaiah Crowell has been
the epitome of up-and-down. He has never put together back-to-back double-digit
weeks, and he has five double-digit performances. I guess the good news is, he
went for 4.6 last week. And then there’s Megatron. He had 28.8 in his last
outing, but just 6 points in each of the two prior games. He had 20.7 in Week
10, but missed four weeks with injuries. He had 31.8 in Week 1 and then single
digits in Weeks 2 and 3 before the injury. So, clearly, the Toasters are
wishing for a little consistency this holiday season.
JFL POSTSEASON CHALLENGE:
Eight teams are in it this week, and the Shark Attack scored
41.6 points on Thursday to get off to a hot start. Right now, according to ESPN
projections, he’s slated to move on to the next week. Who will be the three
other to join him? Or will four other teams rise up on Sunday to knock him out?
As one of the highest scoring teams in the JFL, and the highest scoring team in
the JFL Postseason Challenge, Shark Attack figures to make it to the Week 16
finals.
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