The AFC Middle East. It includes a bunch of teams that have
never won a JFL Super Bowl, the only division in the JFL to have that problem.
The Noise and Fear have at least competed in the big game, but they’ve both
come up short.
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| Jawz wins?The above photo is the only time Jawz has ever won. In the movie, and the subsequent movie, and the movie after that, and yes, even the one after that — can you believe they made four? — Jawz loses. The shark never had a chance. In an Eagles uniform, Jawz lost, over and over and over again. In fantasy football, Jawz has lost every year, too. So why do I post this rare winning Jawz photo? Because 2016 may finally bring a winning record to Jawz Attack. |
Maybe this is a source of the anger and frustration that
oozes out of every Dawson-Noise encounter on Facebook?
That frustration may continue this year as Dawson and Noise
are picked to finish behind a division rival.
That’s nothing new, as they both finished behind Fear and
Loathing in the division two years ago.
However, what is new is that the owners in the JFL picked
Jawz Attack to win the division with 40 points and five first-place votes. Only
one owner had Jawz finishing third and no one had him in fourth.
The consensus is, Jawz is coming. Cue the music.
Dawson’s Creek (Dear lord, don't cue the music, and we’ll get to that name later) placed second
with 33 points and Noise was third with 26. Fear came in last with 21 points.
I
personally disagree with the order after Jawz, but I can see anything happening
in this division. The rosters can all go either way.
1. Jawz Attack (4-9, 3rd
in AFC Middle East)
If there’s one team in the JFL that could use a winning
season, it’s Jawz. Six seasons in franchise history and he's had three seasons with six wins and three with four wins.
I don’t bring this up to rub it in. No way. Jawz is fully
aware of his plights in the JFL, from injuries to suspensions to more
suspensions.
Rather, I bring it up because this year, he looks to have
the team to finally get him over the hump and into the playoffs, and it’s why I
have him finishing atop the division.
QUARTERBACKS
Jawz’ jaw must have hit the floor when Slackers decided to
keep Andy Dalton, which meant he didn’t need a QB.
Still, there was a chance he’d take Aaron Rodgers anyway.
So when Pick No. 2 came up and Rodgers was still on the
board, Jawz drafted him with a huge smile on his face. Finally, a QB that can
lead him to the top. If backup Marcus Mariota is needed for more than one week,
then something went extremely wrong.
RUNNING BACKS
Jeremy Langford and Doug Martin are an interesting combo and
they are vital to Jawz’s success in 2016. Martin, of course I know this all too
well having drafted him last year, had quite the comeback year in 2015. The big
question is, can he make it two seasons in a row? Jawz certainly hopes so.
Langford had just 537 yards and 6 TDs a year ago, most of
the points coming in four big games from Week 9 to 12. With Matt Forte gone in
Chicago, the job is Langford’s to take.
Jawz also has Jerick McKinnon on the roster, which is a good
sleeper if Adrian Peterson ever breaks down.
RECEIVERS
Demaryius Thomas, Tavon Austin, Allen Hurns and Doug
Baldwin. By themselves, you may not think much of it, but three of them had
more than 1,000 yards receiving and another amassed more than 1,000 all-purpose
yards. Together, they combined for 39 TDs.
Baldwin led the way with 14 TDs while Hurns had 10 and
Austin had 9. Strangely, of the four, Thomas was the low man with just 6
TDs. He did, however, lead the group
with 1,304 yards.
DeSean Jackson is also on this team after missing nine weeks
last year and posting four double-digit scores in eight games.
So, as I said, by themselves, I wouldn’t think much of it,
but together, I have to think Jawz should luck into at least two of these
receivers duplicating what they did a year ago. And based on the RB situation,
he could find himself rolling with three of these guys weekly.
2. Dawson’s Creek
(11-2, 1st in AFC Middle East, lost in AFC Championship)
OK, so let’s address this name change. Dawson moved out of
Houserville, a real place as we all found out recently, and he felt the need to
change.
With all the words in Webster’s Dictionary, and all the puns
and slang terms out there, he settled on Dawson’s Creek. He expects to win
with that? He would want that on a trophy if he somehow won? Really?
On top of it all, does he really need to create more fodder
for the Noise? This should open the door to some fun comments and interesting
half-ass Photoshops.
Name change aside, Houserville … see, I seriously typed that
without even thinking … Dawson’s Creek won 11 straight games at one point last
year, but he was bounced out of the playoffs by the eventual Super Bowl champ.
For the Creek, he really went all in last year, trading
Aaron Rodgers to bring back quite the draft-pick package that allowed him to
create a super squad that was just that for 12 out of 15 games. It’s just a
shame for him that only one of the 12 came in the playoffs.
QUARTERBACKS
Kirk Cousins and Sam Bradford. Quite the step down from
Rodgers of two years ago and even Eli Manning of last year. Manning ranked
seventh in the JFL in QB points.
Now, I know what Dawson is thinking. “But Cousins ranked
ninth!”
Yeah, but 40.3 percent of his 414 fantasy points came in five
games. Against good and mediocre defenses, Cousins was a substandard fantasy
QB.
I wouldn’t trust to see that again this year with a tougher
schedule.
That’s why, at the end of the day, I think new Vikings’ QB
Sam Bradford is his starter. Bradford only ranked 23rd in the JFL last year,
and I really have to wonder about why the Vikings replaced an injured QB with
an oft-injured QB. If healthy, though, Bradford could really have a great year
with the Vikings.
RUNNING BACKS
Adrian Peterson just continues to churn out remarkable
fantasy years. He had 1,485 yards rushing and 222 yards receiving last season
with 11 TDs. When will it stop? Who knows. But Houserville is still bringing
him back thanks to great keeper situation that came from the legal trouble a
few years ago.
I still would like to ban him from the JFL for that.
If I could get my wish, Dawson’s Creek — see, I did it again
two paragraphs ago, calling him Houserville — looks like he would be OK.
DeAngelo Williams scored 11 TDs last year and so did Jeremy Hill. Williams did
his damage while Le’Veon Bell was serving a suspension and then while he was
out with injury.
The Bell suspension problem is back and that means Williams
will get at least three games of action, and who knows, maybe he’ll see some
more.
Hill split time with Giovani Bernard, but still had a decent
season. His yards were down from 1,124 to 794 from his rookie year to last, but
with 222 and 223 carries in back-to-back years, he’s in good shape to have the
chances once again.
That’s why I figure it will be Peterson and Hill on most
weeks.
RECEIVERS
With two running backs going weekly, that means he only
needs two receivers, and that’s a good thing. One of them is going to be Rob
Gronkowski, that’s a given. The other should be Ty Hilton, who had 1,124 yards
and 5 TDs.
The other three WRs on the team aren’t worth mentioning, and
for some reason, Dawson has Tyler Eifert. Yes, he had 13 TDs last year — two
more than Gronk — but with Gronk starting most weeks at WR/TE, I’m not sure how
Eifert fits in.
3. World of Noise (2nd
in AFC Middle East, lost in first round)
The Noise. Oh, how I loathe the Noise after last season.
With his three straight wins to finish the regular season, he swooped in and
turned what was a 4-6 dead-in-the-water record into a 7-6 playoff-qualifying
mark.
As the team who lost the tie-breaker to get the final
playoff spot, can you taste my bitterness?
Noise could be in play to do something similar this year.
With the mess of teams in the AFC with solid lineups, there’s no reason why he
can’t be in a position where he’ll need a win in Week 13 to clinch it and push
someone else out.
I just hope it’s not me this time.
QUARTERBACKS
It’s Matt Ryan again. Is anyone surprised?
No, I’m not either.
But, I’m surprised he finally did the smart thing and not
keep Ryan. Last year, post draft, he realized his awful mistake and vowed to
not make it again. That’s why this year, when he kept seventh-rounder Devonta
Freeman, I smiled. He’s finally learning.
In the draft he grabbed Ryan, who had 4,591 yards and 21
TDs. The yardage is right where Noise wants him to be, but it would be nice to
get those TD totals back in the high 20s and low 30s where they had been in
prior years.
At least, for Noise’s sake, when Ryan wasn't throwing TDs,
Freeman was running them in.
The backup to Ryan is Brock Osweiler, who I targeted for my
backup. Something tells me this could be Noise’s next “smart keeper.”
RUNNING BACKS
Noise might have the best RB tandem in the JFL with Devonta
Freeman and Eddie Lacy. Freeman exploded last year for more than 1,600
all-purpose yards and 14 total TDs, and the Noise got to keep him on the cheap
thanks to his low draft status a year ago.
Lacy was once keeper worthy, but after last year’s 758 yards
rushing and 3 TDs, he wasn’t worth it this year. Nevertheless, one would think
he could bounce back to the 1,000-yard back he was in 2013 and 2014.
Noise hopes so because Tim Hightower, the only other RB on the
team, isn’t going to cut it.
RECEIVERS
This receiving corps is where the Noise will have to hope
for some big things. Larry Fitzgerald, my boy, had a great bounce-back season
with 1,215 yards and 9 TDs, and if healthy — he’s been injured all
preseason — he should be a starter every week for the Noise.
That leaves him Julian Edelman, Alshon Jeffrey, Marvin Jones
and Anquan Boldin for the other starting spot. Jeffrey missed seven games a
year ago, and he could be the leading candidate for this as Edelman is a bit
spotty week-to-week. At least Jeffrey brings that big-game capability weekly.
4. Fear and Loathing
(4-9, 4th in AFC Middle East)
From Super Bowl contender to last place, that was the story
of 2015 for the Fear. Even worse, from a franchise standpoint, the Super Bowl
run in 2014 marked four straight winning seasons. Counting a Week 1 win in
2015, Fear was on a run where he had won 21 of 26 games.
He wound up starting 2-1 last year before going 2-8 the rest
of the way.
Andrew Luck did not have the season he had before, missing
nine games, and the rest of his team was a mess.
And though he is picked to finish fourth in the preseason
poll, I don’t see why he couldn’t finish No. 1. Jawz is clearly the strongest
team, but Fear has the semblance of yet another strong AFC lineup.
QUARTERBACKS
Luck is back after just 1,881 yards and 15 TDs. As
mentioned, he missed nine games, so project those numbers out over 16 games and
you get 4,299 yards and 34 TDs. ESPN must have pulled out the calculator, too,
because that’s very close to the projections they have for him this year (4,330
yards and 34 TDs).
Fear would love to get that production. And this year, he
has the backup to come in and do just that if Luck falters. Matthew Stafford
had 4,262 yards and 32 TDs a year ago, and he’s had even bigger seasons in the
past.
The biggest lesson Fear has learned is that you can’t just
have one good QB and pray you won’t need your backup for more than one week.
This could really make a difference this season, especially if he plays the
matchups right.
RUNNING BACKS
Latavius Murray is back for the Fear after 1,066 yards and 6
TDs, and he adds Matt Forte into the mix. As a Bear last year, Forte had 898
yards rushing and 4 TDs, and 389 yards receiving and 3 TDs. That’s two
1,000-yard backs who Fear hopes finds the end zone more often.
He added a pair of backs in James White and Charcandrick
West, and their contributions are rather iffy at this point, although West has
the highest upside with Jamaal Charles still a huge question mark.
Nevertheless, with the way this roster is constructed,
there’s a chance Fear can roll with two RBs — Murray and Forte — on most weeks.
RECEIVERS
On the other weeks, where he only wants to start one, he may
be in good shape because Emmanuel Sanders, John Brown and Will Fuller could
fill in as the three receivers.
There is a bit of a question mark with Sanders, though, as
one has to wonder what he’ll do without Manning, and Will Fuller is still a
rookie whom I personally believe will have a really good season. Brown reached
1,003 yards and had 7 TDs last year, I just worry about that being a fluke.
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