Four teams, including three from the AFC, moved to 3-1.
That includes the Sunday Slackers, last year’s Super Bowl
runner-up Graybill and everyone’s favorite JFL brothers.
Brothers stick together. It’s why when one wasn’t going to
the JFL Super Bowl, the other was. It was a good run that looks like it could
start up again.
Both the Jammers and the Noise are among the JFL leaders in
scoring and this week, the points and wins came courtesy to a record-breaking
day in Atlanta.
Thankfully for both, they weren’t facing each other as Matt
Ryan threw for 503 yards and 4 TDs (54.4 fantasy points) and Julio Jones caught
12 passes for 300 yards and a TD (42.4).
For the Noise, that was plenty enough points to handle Jawz.
In fact, Matt Ryan was beating Jawz by himself before Monday night, and the rest of the Noise combined to put away Jawz 105.1-60.4.
The Jammers’ matchup was much closer and a big 20.1-point
day from Melvin Gordon helped me pull away for the 103.6.82 win over the Jerk.
The Slackers also picked up a big division win 94.7-70.5
over the Choo, who had hoped Odell Beckham Jr. could erase a 27-point deficit
on Monday night, but who did he think the Slackers are? The Chargers?
Seriously, Chargers? What are you doing? In 2016 thus far,
San Diego has blown big leads and late leads in all three of their losses. If
football games were 55 minutes and not 60, they’d be 4-0.
Instead they’re 1-3.
But hey, 1-3 is better than 0-4.
The Steaks can attest to that. He was much like the Jammers
and Noise in Week 4, getting a crazy performance out of Big Ben, who threw 5
TDs for 46.9 fantasy points. Somehow, only 19.2 points went Antonio Brown’s way
and that helped the Steaks beat Chalupa 123.9-87.7.
Steaks also got a 28.2-point outing from Michael Crabtree
and 18.8 from his running back Le’Veon Bell.
Running back? What’s
that? Jim Vaughn asks.
Right now, he’s 1-0 with a real running back. But he’d still
be 4-0 if he went with DeMarco Murray, the No. 1 back in the game who has the Toasters back in the win column. Oh, where Cheese Steaks would be, as I said in my example last week.
But who listens to me?
Oh, wait. Chalupa does. He cut that bum in Tampa Bay, who
had just 1 point on Sunday. And in his stead, Mike Nugent scored 19 points —
which marked the third time in three week Steaks has seen a kicker go for 17 or
more points against him. Week 1 brought out a 13-point effort for his opponent.
And it’s not like the Steaks is getting much kicking on his
end. I mean, he’s doing much better than that guy in Tampa, but still, after
Monday’s 6-point performance by Blair Walsh, the Steaks has been outscored 66-22.2
at the kicker position.
That’s just insane, but I will not feel bad. After Santos
scored 27 on me in one matchup, I don’t want to hear anyone complain about
kicker points against.
BRADY TO THE RESCUE
The Patriots had an awful loss this week, but for the most
part, the first four weeks went as well as they could have hoped without Tom
Brady.
New England will welcome back their Hall of Fame-worthy QB for
Week 5 and at 3-1, the Patriots are in great shape.
Team Boyer, not so much.
The Spacklers won in Week 1 but has lost three straight
matchups and cannot wait for Tom Brady to get back because Eli Manning is just
not playing like the Eli Manning we saw all last year.
He's not alone in the wanting Brady back. Dawson's Creek has lost three straight and he'd do anything to get his first overall pick Rob Gronkowski going.
BREAKING QBs
News Team must have some "friends" in Tampa. I assume after
Cam Newton left early with injury, he dialed them up furiously and ordered the
hit.
“You’re a go,” he said in a deep voice before clicking off
and breaking the old flip phone in half.
He paced around his house for hours before finally, after
the 4 p.m. games kicked off, he got another call on his second cell phone.
He taps the ANSWER button and places the phone to his ear.
“It’s done,” says the voice on the other line.
Once again, Nikish quickly clicks off, breaks cell phone and
goes over to his computer.
An alert pops up on his screen. “Trevor Siemian out for the
game.”
An evil smile took over his face and he turned to his
daughter who had just entered the room.
“What are you doing, Daddy?”
“Say my name.”
“What?” She was confused.
“Say my name.”
“Daddy?”
“No, you know who I am. Now say my name.”
… She paused before reluctantly saying, “You’re Channel 4 News Team.”
“You’re Goddamn right I am.”
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