The moment noon struck on draft day, the Crox Sox let his fingers hover over his keyboard as he readied to talk about his first couple picks.
But then, those planned picks did not go as he foresaw it in the many dreams he had leading up to draft day.
Johnny Cueto, gone at Pick No. 2.
Gregory Polanco, snagged in the first round as well.
“It’s public knowledge that my plan going into the draft was turned upside down after pick number 2,” Crox said. “Given the lack of interest in the offseason around Johnny Cueto, I really thought I was going to have my big 5 back intact for opening day. Then I saw Gregory Polanco go in the first round, too, who I thought was most certainly mine given the depth of OF with all the Pirates fans in the league, and I literally yelled out “Dude!, Damn it – DUDE!!!!”
The Dude, or his Dudeness, grabbed both Cueto and Polanco leaving the Crox to call an audible quickly.
That led to Jon Gray and Zach Davies joining the Sox.
“Gray was my No. 2 first-round pick, so I still got my guy there, but Davies was pure panic and I wish I had that one back.”
Gray should be just fine when compared to Cueto — I actually had Gray higher on my list than Cueto anyway — but I gave up on drafting him after a rough spring training that saw him give up 14 runs in 18.2 innings for a 6.75 ERA. The 20:5 strikeout-to-walk ratio wasn’t bad, though.
“Spring Training? Spring Training?” Crox said in a high-pitched Jim Mora-esque pitch. “We really talkin’ bout Spring Training? Yeah, I was shocked he was in the pool. Not only a hopeful future ace, this was a pick about 2019 just as much in 2018. With 2.062 service time for 2018 makes him my super franchise keeper guy – whatever the hell they are called. His last 13 starts before his playoff dud he was 7-3 with a 2.64 era and 80:13 Ks to BBs. He, like every other SP in spring, was admittedly working on refining new pitches early and I’ll gladly take his line from last night of 6.1 IP, 4 hits, 1 BB, 9 Ks.”
Gray does slot in nicely with Carlos Martinez, David Price, Garrett Richards, Carlos Carrasco and Jose Berrios making a solid six-man group at the top of this rotation that will look to lead the Crox back to the playoffs for a third straight season in his fourth year in the JLB.
He was a World Series runner-up in 2016 and lost in the ALDS last year to the Gamblers, who put together a ridiculous playoff pitching stat line of 10-1 with a 2.06 ERA. That led to a 12-9-1 defeat.
Even Jim Vaughn’s ridiculous pitching staff may have been beaten in that matchup.
But Gray will help counteract that, and it’s possible, if given a matchup of Cheese Steaks and Crox in the World Series, the better pitching could be in the American League?
“Listen, nobody can knock JVs staff. You’d be flat out wrong to find a flaw in that starting rotation,” Crox admitted. “That said, I truly believe my rotation of CMart, Carrasco, a finally healthy Price and Richards, is the second best list of veteran keeper SPs — best in AL. (Shut up, Parker). I will argue, that I’m better positioned for the future than the Steaks, though. Berrios and Gray are going to be aces, Hader may be stuck in pen for now, but he’s got top-end stuff and I honestly think he gets stretched out mid-year for the second half run with that Brewer team. Rodon’s K potential and Eickhoff with all 10 of his fingers this year give me hope. Factor in the in-season call-ups of Jack-Attack Flaherty and the heir to the Dodger mound of Walker Buehler, my rotation will be reaching their prime while his staff is reaching for their Colace. (For everyone now Googling, it’s a stool softener.)”
Crox went on there for a little bit longer, but I’ll paraphrase. He’s saying JV’s team is old.
But where JV’s team has some youth, the Crox Sox has some age, and that’s at the plate. Jose Abreu, Jason Kipnis, Adrian Beltre, Yoenis Cespedes and Charlie Blackmon are all in the 30s. As are bench players Dustin Pedroia and Cargo.
They’re all still productive, so the Crox Sox should compete with the better offenses week in and week out, but the fact is, he may be calling JV for some of that Colace stuff.
JV might answer that phone like, “Hello, Kettle, this is Pot.”
Speaking of Ketel (Marte), the Crox top pick may be this dude — I know, don’t say Dude, it still stings.
Marte is one of my big breakout guys for 2018, similar to what we’ve seen with Jean Segura. I think Marte can produce similar numbers and be a huge part of the Crox Sox moving forward.
“Ketel Marte is my homeboy,” he said in the whitest possible way. “I honestly see a Jean Segura 2016 in Arizona-type year. His last two months of 2017 were what I was hoping for him to become in earlier days. He has SS eligibility to start the year but listed as the No. 1 2B on the depth chart, I love versatility. He has been hitting all over the order so far this year, but is productive everywhere. In his own words, ‘I’m Dominican. I’m Latin, I can play anywhere. If I have to catch, I can catch. If I have to pitch, I can pitch too.’”
And let’s not forget, he homered off of Clayton Kershaw in the playoffs, sending the Cy Young lefty reaching for his Colace.
Wait. My God, wait.
Crox, you are a sly S.O.B.
Colace.
Colorado ace.
Jon Gray.
Mind blown.
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