The room began to fill with reporters, no one really caring about their distance, because it is after all Houston, Texas, where we're open for business.
The famous NASA logos dotted the wall behind the table that now saw a trio of NASA employees sit down with worried looks on their faces.
The mic squealed slightly as the man in the middle pulled it in closer.
Several gasps echoed as the press pool began to murmur amongst themselves.
"Now, fortunately, this was an unmanned mission," Dr. Jargon said, "but sadly we did send a Monkey, our best one, Mike. We still are holding out hope that Mike will be able to re-engage the drive system and complete the mission, but right now we're blind with no communication. We have no clue what he's doing. All we get are data read-outs that tell us that he's still working the computers."
A reporter stood and shouted: "What kind of readouts?"
"Well, this is where we are baffled," Dr. Jargon said. "The first one just read 'Phillie 23.' We did some research and the only thing that we could find that correlates with that is relief pitcher Archie Bradley. It was a really odd first transmission.
"Now, other data readouts show that the Oriole Rocket has plenty of fuel and firepower to score a trip home, but the real trouble comes in the arms. You see, there's only two good, functioning control arms, and we need the control arms to fix the navigation system and turn this ship around. If the ship doesn't turn around, it doesn't matter how much fuel it has, it will forever head into the abyss of space. Now, if we could communicate with the Oriole Rocket we could help Mike get out of there and salvage what's left of his short life — I mean, he's in his prime — but we can't. The comms are all silent."
At this moment, a NASA employee busted through the door.
"Dr. Jargon! I need to speak with you! We've figured out the transmission!" he said, with his voice carrying into the microphones and out to the pool of reporters who were all ears. "It turns out this Archie Bradley fellow is known for pooping his pants on the mound. ... We think the Monkey is telling us that he has pooped in his space suit."
Dr. Jargon turned to the reporters who heard it all:
"Well now if that isn't an analogy for the Monkey's current situation, I don't know what is."
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