Parker almost packed up shop and moved out of town.
The trucks were loaded and the Gameday Gamblers were ready to sneak out before the sun came up. He had fourteen Mayflower semi trucks loading up the gear — mostly comprised of fake trophies he had created for championships won long, long ago, in 3 B.C. and 2 B.C.
What? I'm not making a "Parker's old" joke. B.C. stands for Before Choo.
Nothing in the B.C. timeline matters.
So that's why Parker is looking to bury the past and start anew, but his plans to move out West failed thanks to another franchise that is also looking to bury the past and start anew.
The Bensalem Slammers — yes, Choo, it's always about me — convinced the Gamblers to stay within the Philly limits and be a cross-town rival.
"It's true, the Gamblers were going to become the 'Mid-West Gamblers,' seeing that half my team is in the Mid West," Parker said. "But the Slammers had a good idea to keep me in Philly as the Main Line Gamblers. It's a nice play on words with 'Main Line' and 'Money Line' to go with sports betting. The rivalry with the Slammers will have a resurgence in 2022!"
The cross-town rivalries are brewing. Philly Cheese, Bensalem Slammers and Main Line Gamblers. That's a total of eight World Series in Philadelphia.
Sounds nice, doesn't it?
Well, four of them happened in B.C., so I guess that doesn't count for Philadelphia.
Philadelphia fans find themselves in a similar situation. The Philadelphia Athletics won five World Series before they skipped town. Oh, the irony.
Perhaps we should stay away from history.
Let's talk about that logo! Check out that train!
"The new logo is awesome," Parker said. "It's a play on the Milwaukee Brewers logo but with an M and G in it, on an old time train!! You better get off the tracks when this train is coming through because the Gamblers are back on track for 2022!"
It is perfect for the Main Line Gamblers. I know I said we'd stay away from history, but allow me to say this: The Main Line was once a prestigious section of the Pennsylvania Railroad that ran through the northwest section of Philadelphia. It was a time when I'm sure plenty of ... tankers ... rolled on by.
You didn't think I'd get through this without making a tanker joke, right?
"Listen, the basement hasn't been all that bad," said Parker, who skated right past the tanking allegations. "But you can only take so much of it. The Main Line Gamblers are about to take a big step in the right direction!"
I love the optimism. It's like getting a brand new, great-looking outfit. There's a pep in your step when you go out.
But at some point, you'll see your reflection and realize you're still you.
The Gamblers have numerous questions in the lineup right now.
Can Eloy Jimenez bounce back fully from injury? He batted just .249 with 10 homers in 213 at-bats. That's a pace of about 25 homers for a full season. He struck out 26.7 percent of the time and walked only 16 times.
Alex Kirilloff has a lot of hype but posted similar numbers last season. He batted .251 in 215 at-bats with 8 homers. He struck out 24 percent of the time and walked 14 times.
Matt Chapman has never gotten close to his .278 average from 2018, batting just .210 a year ago. He still has power and gets on base via walks — 80 last season — but is he truly the cornerstone of the Gamblers infield? He struck out 38.2 percent of the time last year with 202 Ks in 529 at-bats.
Let's say that again. He had 202 Ks for a 38.2 strikeout percentage. That is Mark Reynolds bad.
Adolis Garcia, who was in the ROY race, struck out 33.4 percent of the time with 194 Ks, which is probably why he lost the ROY to Randy Arozarena.
On the pitching side, Shane McClanahan and Max Fried are bright spots, but there's definitely some work to be done here.
There are some top prospects coming, and the Gamblers will need them to get this train moving.
Or does he?
"The rebuild is officially over!" Parker said, ignoring all the facts listed. "It took a year longer than expected but after slow start to 2021, we ended strong once some young players hit their stride and with some strategic trades. When you look at our young talent, and top minor league players, all ready to hit the scene in 2022/23. The window is officially open and we're putting the league on notice! The Main Line Gamblers are back!"
He says that, but here I am standing on the platform waiting at noon. I check my fancy pocket watch and tap the glass to make sure it's still ticking.
I'm all alone and there's no rumble on the track or whistle in the air.
Maybe it's a four o'clock train, I say to myself.
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