2009 JimmyJam League Preview

Will the Stankinator repeat? It’s a very good possibility, but there’s a bunch of great teams in the Office Space League that will challenge him this season, if he makes it to the Fantasy World Series.

Here’s my 2009 predictions along with team previews and reasoning for their placement.

Ron Burgundy League
1. Stankinator
2. N.J. Bombers
3. Sex Panthers
4. Gameday Gamblers
5. Dolph’s Destroyers
6. Bad News Bears

Ron Burgundy League Preview
Stankinator is the team to beat. The only thing he doesn’t have is Jimmy Rollins to brag about it.

But that doesn’t mean he's lacking any competition.

The N.J. Bombers are going to challenge him for that spot and don’t be surprised if healthy pitching helps the Sex Panthers contend.

Gameday Gamblers are picked to finish one spot out of the playoffs, but a healthy and dominant A-Rod and Joe Mauer could change this.

1. Stankinator
Starting Pitching: A.J. Burnett is the leader of this team to start, but expect Volquez, Bonderman and Chris Young to step up. Young had a rough year plagued by injury last season, but I think he’ll return to his 2007 form and be a formidable No. 2 pitcher for the Padres behind Jake Peavy. Bonderman also has been predicted by some to return to greatness and win the Cy Young. I’m not on that bandwagon, but I do agree that he’ll have a better year in Detroit. .... Oh, and recently acquired Mike Mussina will not help much as he hangs out in retirement village. He's just as valuable as Curt Schilling this season.

Relief Pitching: B.J. Ryan is the only closer worth noting on this team, and Stank’s strategy is clearly the same as 2008, go for the holds.

Bats: Here’s the reason to be scared of the Stank: Mark Teixeira, Brian Roberts, Carlos Quentin, Vernon Wells, Chipper Jones and Jose Reyes. Hits, steals, power, everything. He’ll take many offensive categories all season.

Key: Chipper Jones. Can he pick up where he left off last season. Another great season from Chipper can change the landscape of the this whole team.


2. N.J. Bombers
Starting Pitching: Brandon Webb and Scott Kazmir will head this staff of pitchers that can potentially lead the Bombers over the Stank. If Liriano and Chamberlain can overcome their injuries from 2008, and if David Price is called back up from the minors and can be an effective starter for the Bombers, this could be the best pitching staff in the Ron Burgundy League.

Relief Pitching: Well, I should have said “Best starting pitching staff. No closers here except Heath Bell, Trevor Hoffman’s replacement in San Diego.

Bats: The Bombers have four big bats and will be looking for production out of the rest of the team to keep up with his top quartet of Ryan Doumit, Justin Morneau, Ian Kinsler and Shin Soo Choo.

Key: The Tampa Bay Rays. The success of this team equals success for the Bombers, kind of like that 9=8 shit they preached last season. Or was it 8=9? I can’t remember. Either way, if the Rays have a Devil Rays-like season, count the Bombers out. Two starting pitchers and two bats (Evan Longoria and Akinori Iwamura) will be affected.


3. Sex Panthers
Starting Pitching: A Wang and a Johnson head this staff. … That was written that way on purpose, however, I’m being honest with you. I was only going for three. When I typed “staff,” I laughed because it was an unexpected pun amongst three intentional puns. Anyway, back to baseball. Derek Lowe and Andy Pettitte, along with Chieng Ming Wang and Josh Johnson, created a decent starting rotation for the Sex Panthers.

Relief Pitching: Trevor Hoffman needs to return from the IR to join Troy Percival and create a decent closing duo for the Panthers.

Bats: A very nice group of bats, including Derek Jeter and Johnny Damon, who will bat 1 and 2 for the Yankees. With Mark Teixeira, a member of the Stankinator, batting third for the Yankees, expect Jeter and Damon to touch the new home plate at the new Yankees Stadium often. But they might not like that much, because I hear Steinbrenner is charging for that, too. The Sex Panthers also have Albert Pujols, who didn’t win the MVP for the hell of it. He’ll be back in the hunt for that again this season. Nick Markakis, Gina’s Major League crush, also adds offense to this very nice lineup.

Key: Healthy pitching. Last season, 60 percent of the time, the Sex Panthers were hurt every time. Her staff couldn’t stay healthy. A change in that could mean a trip to the playoffs.


4. Gameday Gamblers
Starting Pitching: A lot of former JimmyJam Slammers lead this rotation. Dan Haren and Joe Saunders, members of the 2008 Slammers, along with Gil Meche and Dice-K, members of the 2007 Fantasy World Series Champion Slammers, will throw for the Gamblers in 2009. Will this change in pitching lift the Gamblers higher than fourth? It’s very possible.

Relief Pitching: Lights Out Lidge. I think I’ve said enough.

Bats: A-Rod and Joe Mauer are key bats for the Gamblers, and both are injured right now. Outside of those two, the Gamblers are looking for some players to step up and lead them in 2009. Derek Lee returns from an injury plagued year and Milton Bradley has a new home in Chicago. A solid hit machine is Ryan Theriot, but he lacks the RBIs. He will help the average, though.

Key: The old and the new. The old is A-Rod. The key will be for him to return, and or have his replacement or future Gamblers utility player Chris Davis of Texas go nuts. That’s a great possibility. The Gamblers did their scouting and that’s why he was their No. 1 draft pick in 2009. He’ll be a keeper in 2010.


5. Dolph’s Destroyers
Starting Pitching: A work in progress, trying to take the absolute worst fantasy baseball team in league history into the playoffs. The starting pitching will be led by Felix Hernandez, a solid pickup for the Destroyers. They’ll just need Adam Wainright, John Danks, Justin Verlander and/or Adam Harang to jump up and have a great year. One of these guys has to become a solid No. 2 on this team for the Destroyers to exceed preseason expectations.

Relief Pitching: George Sherrill and Brian Fuentes are great closers on horrible teams. Still, they should crack 30-plus saves on the season. Ryan Madson and Jim Johnson (Damn you) will take care of the holds.

Bats: A lot of potential on a team that has just one .300 hitter from last season, that being Orlando Hudson, who is now with the hot-hitting Dodgers. A nice lineup to be in. Miguel Cabrera, Alfonso Soriano, Carlos Beltran, Jay Bruce and Curtis Granderson all make this team a dangerous one to face. Oh, and he has Pat the Rays’ Bat. Championship.

Key: The key is to nail down a 1-2 punch in the starting rotation, whether it’s with the starting five mentioned or a pitcher to be picked up off the waiver wire. This team will make a move upward then.


6. Bad News Bears
Starting Pitching: I never saw the movie Bad News Bears, but I think I’d be save to assume the movie version had more pitching than this team. Matt Garza and an injured-to-start-the-season Erwin Santana are the top starters. Trading Dice-K in the offseason did not help the cause.

Relief Pitching: Mariano Rivera is the only closer. Too bad he can’t start.

Bats: Carlos Lee was the prize of the 2009 draft and the Bad News Bears took him first. Brian McCann is the best hitting catcher in the league, and will be even better after dropping 20 pounds. Stephen Drew and Delmon Young add to the fire power of an offense that will be relied on heavily throughout the season to pick up what's lost in pitching.

Key: The waiver wire. That’s the key.


Office Space League
1. JimmyJam Slammers
2. Graybill’s Generals
3. Evening News
4. Drunken Taxi Drivers
5. Backward K’s
6. Team Suck

Office Space League Preview
This was tough to decide because honestly, I like all six teams in this league. I truly believe that the preseason sixth-ranked team could finish first and vice versa.

Hell, I even changed my mind midway through writing this and flipped the Generals and the Evening News because of Lincecum and Oswalt over Satanna and Halladay.

So, this is how I picked them and here’s my reasoning.

The Slammers starting pitching is by far the best staff in the league. Cole Hamels, CC Sabathia and Jake Peavy are three No. 1 starters on their respective teams.

Pitching, as mentioned, also pushes the Graybill’s Generals and Evening News into second and third.

The other three teams will make this a tough fight for only three playoff spots.


1. JimmyJam Slammers
Starting Pitching: Cole Hamels, CC Sabathia, Jake Peavy, Rich Harden and Gavin Floyd combined for 68 wins last season and 939 strikeouts. That will make this Slammers team a tough one to beat. Winning teams for all three pitchers also will help bring in the Ws.

Relief Pitching: With Cordero, Broxton and Lyon in the bullpen, the Slammers could be looking at three 30-plus save relievers, and that could move the Slammers from last in the league in saves in 2008 to first in 2009.

Bats: Hanley Ramirez is up 20 pounds and moving from leadoff to the No. 3 spot in the lineup. What’s that mean? More RBIs for the Slammers. The outfield is shaky but the infield is tops in the league with Victor Martinez catching, James Loney at first, Chase Utley at second, a trifecta of Ramirez, Orlanda Cabrera and Cristian Guzman at shortstop, and Aramis Ramirez at third. Skip Schumaker is listed as an outfielder but he’ll be playing second base for the Cardinals, adding to the best infield in the league.

Key: The outfield. The Slammers will need someone to step up and lead the outfield in 2009. There’s potential there, but certainly a lot of question marks.


2. Graybill’s Generals
Starting Pitching: A Cy Young winner in Tim Lincecum and Roy Oswalt are a great 1-2 duo. It drops off after that, though, with Randy Johnson and John Maine. Still, even with the drop off, the two aces should be enough to get the Generals marching into the playoffs.

Relief Pitching: Jonathan Papelbon. Though my fiancée calls him Papel-Bum, I wouldn’t mind having him on my team. Neither should the Generals.

Bats: It’s not enough that he has the Cy Young winner, he also has the American League MVP in Dustin Pedroia. David Wright and Josh Hamilton will help lift an offense that has three big-time DHs in a league that abolished the DH. David Ortiz, Hideki Matsui and Aubrey Huff will help fill the utility spot.

Key: A third or fourth starter will need to step up solidify this squad and make it tops in the league.


3. Evening News
Starting Pitching: Johann Santana has a closer or two behind him this season, but he’s still a Met, so I just wonder about that. Still, it’s promising. Mixed with Roy Halladay, this is should be a great duo for the Evening News.

Relief Pitching: Joakim Soria is on Kansas City, but the saves still piled up last season. Expect the same this year.

Bats: The Evening News is lacking the RBI production, but certainly has the hits down with six player predicted to have 109 or more singles this year. The batting average will be tough to beat. Lance Berkman will lead the way for the News.

Key: Santana and Halladay’s health. It’s been rough go for these guys as of late.


4. Drunken Taxis Drivers
Starting Pitching: Cliff Lee, Jon Lester and Ted Lilly: This group of Ls will be racking up the Ws for the Taxis Drivers. There is a lack of depth, though, which could be trouble if injuries strike.

Relief Pitching: K-Rod is a Met so don’t expect the ridiculous number of saves he had last season. Great pitchers go to the New York Mets to fall apart. Still, K-Rod should still get 30-plus saves, and added with Valverde, the Taxis Drivers bullpen is looking nice.

Bats: Matt Holliday has a new stadium to size up in Oakland and Ichiro Suzuki will crank out the hits for the Cabbies, but in order for us to say “Cabs win, Cabs win,” weekly, the Drunks are going to have to have some other batters step up.

Key: The key will be how Holliday adjusts to his new team and the lack of Mile High light air in Oakland.


5. Backward K’s
Starting Pitching: Ryan Dempster had an excellent season last year and if Erik Bedard can return to his top form and Clayton Kershaw turns into the star he can be, there’s a chance the Backward Ks can turn this league around.

Relief Pitching: Joe Nathan and Bobby Jenks are tops in the league and will certainly make the Ks not an easy team to beat.

Bats: The average will suffer with guys like Ryan Howard and Dan Uggla, but the RBIs certainly will not. Magglio Ordonez can easily have a great year, along with Torii Hunter and Ryan Ludwick. It will be interesting to see how this team can come together.

Key: Ryan Howard is the key for the Ks, and ironically, it will be key if he can cut down on the Ks and add to the hits.


6. Team Suck
Starting Pitching: Josh Beckett and Carlos Zambrano. What a duo in 2007. Not so much in 2008. But, it’s 2009 and there’s hope that these two can return to their 2007 form. If that happens, count Team Suck in. Matt Cain will also be a key contributor on the starting rotation.

Relief Pitching: Kerry Wood moves to Cleveland, looking to head a shaky bullpen. The Indians are tired of blowing games so they went and grabbed one of the better closers from 2008.

Bats: Manny being Manny is just alright for Team Suck. He also hopes Youkillis, Polanco and Abreu are themselves, too. Add Jimmy Rollins to the mix and this team has a potent lineup. I like it and that’s why there’s a great chance that the No. 6 ranking means absolutely nothing.

Key: Jimmy Rollins is the key, I believe. He had a down year last season, and if he can have another MVP-like year, as he did in 2007, I think this will help push this team into a fight for the playoffs.

Comments