Once is a fluke.
Twice is a coincidence.
Three times is a trend.
Zack Greinke has made this “complete-game shutout” thing a trend. Somebody call the donut police!
With his sixth win of the season, his third complete-game shutout, he now has a 0.40 ERA through six games.
Who missed out on this one? Well, 11 of us. Some of us had two chances to get this second-round draft pick. And I personally had three chances. I went for Jake Peavy, Rich Harden and James Loney, instead.
Oops.
I could do without one of those for three shutouts.
When all was said and done, Greinke must have felt like Aaron Rodgers or Brady Quinn at the NFL draft, waiting till pick No. 23 where Team Suck — figures — picked him up.
It’s just amazing that he has been able to do this. The Ron Burgundy League has to be happy they’ll only face Greinke once during the regular season. I’ve face him once already and I’ll see him at least two more times.
Maybe by that time, Jake Peavy and Rich Harden will start pitching like the top prospects I made them.
The same goes for the following pitchers who were picked before Greinke: Felix Hernandez, James Shields, Francisco Liriano, Chad Billingsley, Yovani Gallardo, Jon Lester and Scott Baker.
More random thoughts from the week in baseball:
Grand Carl Larceny: Why can’t more speedsters be like Carl Crawford? Not only did he steal six bases the other day; he has 17 on the season. Seventeen! He’s only got 16 runs scored. That’s nuts.
The next closest is Jacoby Ellsbury, who has 13 including theft of home plate against the Yankees.
Crawford also has been clutch when not trying to swipe a base, batting .317 with two game-winning RBIs and 11 runs driven in overall. A weapon like that guarantees a few categories each week — the kind of weapon you would love to have, right Evening News?
Dolph's Juicy Tale: I think it’s time to call Selena Roberts and get her working on her next novel, which will uncover the juicing of Dolph’s Destroyers.
The Destroyers lead the league in homers by a boat-load (52 home runs, 12 more than anyone else). This is raising some eyebrows — or at least mine.
I was talking with Selena the other day, and she seemed pretty credible when she said her “un-named” source told her that they saw A-Rod’s cousin injecting Dolph’s Destroyer’s Internet browser. I think he also enhanced his Internet connection from DSL to cable. His bit rate is bigger than Barry Bonds’ head.
That’s because Carlos Pena leads the league in homers with 11 and Curtis Granderson (8) and Alfonso Soriano (7) have helped the Destroyers jump to the top of the JimmyJam League in homers.
They seem pretty legit, but I’m still not buying it. Something’s going on. I guess I’ll just wait for the book.
Have A Seat. Any Seat. Except Those. They’re $2,000: So why are the seats behind home plate at new Yankee Stadium empty?
No, not because they’re $2,200 a piece. That’s what they used to be. Now, they’re on sale for $1,200. Oh, what a sale.
Still, they’re not selling.
But don’t worry Mr. Steinbrenner. I have a great plan — an even better one than signing Carl Pavano.
His name: Billy Mays.
No, not Willie. Billy.
You need to get him on the team — the sales team that is.
Imagine this:
“Hi, Billy Mays here, and boy do I have a deal for you! Are you tired of feeling like your money is just getting dusty in that low-interest savings account? Feel like blowing off that amazing summer vacation to the Caribbean for $9 beers and mediocre ball? If you said yes, you better come to a Yankees game and sit right behind home plate, where you’re so close to the action you can smell the millions of dollars wasted on under-performing pitching. That’s right, so much money that it makes your $1,200 seat feel like bargain.
“And check out these seats. Not only is the cushioning better anything the old Yankee Stadium could offer, but you can freely stretch out as you’ll likely be the only sucker to buy tickets in your section. That’s right. Order now and get the whole section to yourself. It improves your chances of being noticed on TV by 100 percent. It’s like Where’s Waldo without all the extra people drawn in. Amazing! You can leave the goofy outfit and hat at home!
“So grab your credit card, get a second mortgage or sell your kid to Angelina Jolie. Do whatever you have to do to get your prime seats to a Yankees’ game. Act now or regret it forever, like we do with the firing of Joe Torre.”
I'm sold.
Twice is a coincidence.
Three times is a trend.
Zack Greinke has made this “complete-game shutout” thing a trend. Somebody call the donut police!
With his sixth win of the season, his third complete-game shutout, he now has a 0.40 ERA through six games.
Who missed out on this one? Well, 11 of us. Some of us had two chances to get this second-round draft pick. And I personally had three chances. I went for Jake Peavy, Rich Harden and James Loney, instead.
Oops.
I could do without one of those for three shutouts.
When all was said and done, Greinke must have felt like Aaron Rodgers or Brady Quinn at the NFL draft, waiting till pick No. 23 where Team Suck — figures — picked him up.
It’s just amazing that he has been able to do this. The Ron Burgundy League has to be happy they’ll only face Greinke once during the regular season. I’ve face him once already and I’ll see him at least two more times.
Maybe by that time, Jake Peavy and Rich Harden will start pitching like the top prospects I made them.
The same goes for the following pitchers who were picked before Greinke: Felix Hernandez, James Shields, Francisco Liriano, Chad Billingsley, Yovani Gallardo, Jon Lester and Scott Baker.
More random thoughts from the week in baseball:
Grand Carl Larceny: Why can’t more speedsters be like Carl Crawford? Not only did he steal six bases the other day; he has 17 on the season. Seventeen! He’s only got 16 runs scored. That’s nuts.
The next closest is Jacoby Ellsbury, who has 13 including theft of home plate against the Yankees.
Crawford also has been clutch when not trying to swipe a base, batting .317 with two game-winning RBIs and 11 runs driven in overall. A weapon like that guarantees a few categories each week — the kind of weapon you would love to have, right Evening News?
Dolph's Juicy Tale: I think it’s time to call Selena Roberts and get her working on her next novel, which will uncover the juicing of Dolph’s Destroyers.
The Destroyers lead the league in homers by a boat-load (52 home runs, 12 more than anyone else). This is raising some eyebrows — or at least mine.
I was talking with Selena the other day, and she seemed pretty credible when she said her “un-named” source told her that they saw A-Rod’s cousin injecting Dolph’s Destroyer’s Internet browser. I think he also enhanced his Internet connection from DSL to cable. His bit rate is bigger than Barry Bonds’ head.
That’s because Carlos Pena leads the league in homers with 11 and Curtis Granderson (8) and Alfonso Soriano (7) have helped the Destroyers jump to the top of the JimmyJam League in homers.
They seem pretty legit, but I’m still not buying it. Something’s going on. I guess I’ll just wait for the book.
Have A Seat. Any Seat. Except Those. They’re $2,000: So why are the seats behind home plate at new Yankee Stadium empty?
No, not because they’re $2,200 a piece. That’s what they used to be. Now, they’re on sale for $1,200. Oh, what a sale.
Still, they’re not selling.
But don’t worry Mr. Steinbrenner. I have a great plan — an even better one than signing Carl Pavano.
His name: Billy Mays.
No, not Willie. Billy.
You need to get him on the team — the sales team that is.
Imagine this:
“Hi, Billy Mays here, and boy do I have a deal for you! Are you tired of feeling like your money is just getting dusty in that low-interest savings account? Feel like blowing off that amazing summer vacation to the Caribbean for $9 beers and mediocre ball? If you said yes, you better come to a Yankees game and sit right behind home plate, where you’re so close to the action you can smell the millions of dollars wasted on under-performing pitching. That’s right, so much money that it makes your $1,200 seat feel like bargain.
“And check out these seats. Not only is the cushioning better anything the old Yankee Stadium could offer, but you can freely stretch out as you’ll likely be the only sucker to buy tickets in your section. That’s right. Order now and get the whole section to yourself. It improves your chances of being noticed on TV by 100 percent. It’s like Where’s Waldo without all the extra people drawn in. Amazing! You can leave the goofy outfit and hat at home!
“So grab your credit card, get a second mortgage or sell your kid to Angelina Jolie. Do whatever you have to do to get your prime seats to a Yankees’ game. Act now or regret it forever, like we do with the firing of Joe Torre.”
I'm sold.
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