Ron Burgundy Conference Preview

So we start our fourth year. It’s exciting, I must say. I know a few of you haven’t been here for the long haul, but nine of us have and it’s been a great ride.

I enjoy running this league, and as much as my fiancé would call me a dork for saying this, I must say, my dream has come true. I’ve always wanted to run a long-standing league and finally, in Year 4, I feel like I’ve made it. Everyone grab a beverage (I have a Captain and Coke right now) and lift it high. Here’s to our continued success.

Now, that I got past the mushy part, let’s talk about our teams. Last season, I was way off. I had two division winners finishing last, so I’m going to do much better this season.

Below is a division-by-division breakdown for the Ron Burgundy Conference, ranked in the order in which I feel they will finish. The Office Space Conference will be added Monday.

Nittany North Division
1. Team Boyer .............9-4
2. Dottsville ................6-7
2. T-Money .................6-7

Nittany South Division
1. Organ Thieves ........10-3
2. News Team ..............8-5
3. Generals ...................4-9

Wild Card
Team Boyer over News Team
Thieves over Dottsville
Conference Final
Organ Thieves over Team Boyer

Ron Burgundy Conference Nittany North Division
1. Team Boyer 2008 Record: 3-10
2008 Division Finish: 3rd
Arch Rival: Toasters. Team Boyer holds a 4-3 edge on the Toasters and the two division rivals have at least two matchups slated for 2009. Dottsville has won the last three matchups between the two.
Bugaboo: Jimmy Jammers. Team Boyer is 0-4 against the Jammers, including a loss in Fantasy Super Bowl I. The will meet again in Week 10 this season.

2009 Outlook: Last season, this 2006 and 2007 powerhouse was not relevant after losing Tom Brady Week 1. It seemed that with the loss of Brady, his season fell apart. Team Boyer was 19-9 with Brady in the lineup and with the star quarterback returning to the lineup, Boyer should be set to compete again.

And not just for a playoff spot, but for a Fantasy Super Bowl. RBs Clinton Portis and Michael Turner could be the dynamic duo in the JimmyJam League this season, and if Ryan Grant comes back strong, watch out. Boyer could easily get 35 to 40 points a week from his two RBs. And he could easily get more if Grant emerges and occupies the FLEX position. Le’Ron McClain, who was surprisingly excellent last season, is a solid backup to have.

At wideout, there is potential with the white wonders — Kevin Curtis and Wes Welker — but they’re not always consistent. Welker has the best chance of being the 1,000-yard receiver on this team. Bernard Berian is second, but outside of that, it’s shaky. Curtis will likely be on the sideline more than Michael Vick, Deion Branch may be cut in a few days and Devin Hester should stick to returning kicks.

I like Greg Olsen at tight end with Jay Cutler in Chicago now, and I think the Titans defense will be good, not great though. Without Albert Haynesworth, I feel like the Titans defense will give a little in the run game.

Key Player: The key will be two players — Portis and Berian. Team Boyer desperately needs Berian to be a No. 1 wideout and will need Portis to turn in his normal 1,000 yards.
Potential, Maybe: Grant has the biggest upside. All he can do is better his sub-par 2008. I think he has a good chance to do so, but if he does, it will have to be against some of the toughest defenses in the league as not only will the Packers face the Bears and Vikings twice, but the Steelers and Ravens linger on the 16-game slate.

T-2. Dottsville Toasters 2008 Record: 6-7
2008 Division Finish: 2nd
Arch Rival: T-Money. They are 3-3 against each other and will battle again for a divisional crown in 2009.
Bugaboo: World of Noise. Yes, the former Engine 49. Still the same owner and the same crappy team, yet for some reason, the Toasters has never beat the retarded firetrucks (0-3). We’ll see if that changes in Week 4 this season.

2009 Outlook: It seems like I say the same thing about the Toasters each year, and every year they compete all the way till the final week of the regular season. The Toasters will be relying on a lot of hope this season.

Hope that Matt Schaub stays healthy and tosses touchdown after touchdown to Andre Johnson.

Hope that Ray Rice can compliment Chris Johnson at RB.

Hope that Johnson can duplicate his 2008 season and score touchdowns before the Titans get into LenDale White Territory.

If all that works out, then I like the Toasters because with WRs Greg Jennings and Vincent Jackson — each on the receiving end of 4,000-plus-yard passers — they’ll put up the point totals that will send teams like World of Noise to bed unhappy on Sundays.

Key Player: Matt Schaub. He passed on keeping a Super Bowl quarterback in Ben Roethlisberger to keep Schaub. Now he has to hope that move pays off.
Potential, Maybe: Ray Rice. He was bothered by an injury for much of 2008. Now healthy in 2009, we could see the dominant back that used to wear Scarlet Knight red.

T-2. T-Money 2008 Record: 10-3
2008 Division Finish: 1st
Arch Rival: Toasters. At one time, T-Money was 1-3 against the Toasters, but after last season’s sweep of the Dotts, they are tied at 3-3. And the Toasters will want revenge. Those two wins were the difference between playoffs and watching ESPN’s PBA Tour during Week 14.
Bugaboo: Jimmy Jammers. T-Money is 1-4 against the Jammers and that one win is because of a 116-110 win in Week 2 last season. Two straight playoff exits in 2006 and 2007 were at the hands of the Jammers.

2009 Outlook: T-Money loses some power from 2008 and will likely not start 7-0, as he did last season, but that doesn’t mean the division isn’t his to wins. As the reigning Nittany North Champ, he has the opportunity to repeat, but there are some scary parts to this team.

First part: Tony Romo. I’m not so sure what to expect out of Romo this year. He still has Witten and supposedly Felix Jones is going to be a star — the second-coming of Barry Sanders, says one NFL expert. But still, without T.O., I wonder how effective the passing game can be. Everyone says that without T.O., he’ll be better, but the rest of the receivers benefited from the double-coverage T.O. drew. Roy Williams will not draw such attention.

Second part: Frank Gore and Thomas Jones. They have been reliable, but they’re getting old. So is backup Larry Johnson who will be trying to run in a pass-happy offense in K.C. Which leaves Knowshon Moreno, who will be splitting time with about 20 RBs in Denver.

Third part: Anquan Boldin. He’s either injured or bitching. Sometimes he’s out there scoring, but the fact that he’s unreliable makes him a scary No. 1. That is why I feel that Chad Johnson (For the record, I will not refer to him as Ocho-whatever all season) will be the No. 1 wideout for T-Money. I personally expect a big turnaround season from him. Lance Moore could also make a bid for No. 1 with Drew Brees throwing all day.

The Vikings D will be nice to have, as will Mr. Reliable, kicker Stephen Gostkowski.

Key Player: Frank Gore and Thomas Jones. T-Money needs 1,000 yards and at least 7 TDs from each to ensure a trip to the playoffs this season.
Potential, Maybe: JaMarcus Russell. He’s got some speedy, talented wideouts and I think it’s possible for Russell to have a good season. Now, will it be better than Romo’s? Not sure, but there’s always room for hope — right, Toasters?

Nittany South Division
1. Chinese Organ Thieves 2008 Record: 9-5
2008 Division Finish: 1st
Arch Rival: Channel Four News Team. Tied at 3-3, the Organ Thieves have revenge on the mind. The News Team won 113-75 in Week 11 to help push the Generals to the top of the division. Mark your calendar for Week 3. That’s when the tie will be broken
Bugaboo: None. Other than two of the three newbees (Stank and Houserville) who he is 0-1 against, the Thieves do not have a losing record against any team. So to quote Step Brothers, his only Bugaboo is bears and sex with old women.

2009 Outlook: For someone who set two alarms and failed to answer the phone before showing up in the 15th round, the Organ Thieves have a solid team — solid enough to win this division and possibly contend for a second league title.

Phillip Rivers is a star. I need not say anything more, other than, you’re welcome, Schiavo.

Adrian Peterson also is a star. I need not say anything more here, as well.

Now, I can start to say something.

Last year, the one thing I got right in my season preview was the fact that the Generals could be dangerous if Brandon Marshall emerges from his two-game suspension — that’s right, he was suspended last year, too.

If Marshall comes out like he did last season, you can call the Thieves as “Wideout U.” Calvin Johnson, Roy Williams and Lee Evans all have what it takes to be big stars this season. Evans has T.O. on the other side to draw double coverage, Calvin Johnson has the prospect of having a real quarterback throwing to him, and Roy Williams has Tony Romo to himself. There might come a time this season for the Thieves when the choice between these four will be tough.

Also, I must touch on the other backups. Carson Palmer and Jake Delhomme at QB, and Jonathan Stewart and Reggie Bush at RB. Not great No. 1s, but excellent No. 2s, I’d say.

Expect another playoff run from the Thieves. Oh, and expect him to break his own single-game scoring record. I can easily seeing this team go off for 170 points or more at least once this season if Rivers and A.P. can combine for big days on the same day.

Key Player: Adrian Peterson. Just stay healthy. If he’s healthy, the Thieves will continue to prosper from this mid-round pick in 2007. Lucky bastard.
Potential, Maybe: Reggie Bush. I’ve been waiting. I personally think he’ll become something big in this league. Maybe if he’s healthy, the Saints can utilize him more in a passing roll, kind of like a Darren Sproles. If that’s the case, Bush may become an every week starter.

2. Channel Four News Team 2008 Record: 9-6
2008 Division Finish: 3rd
Arch Rival: Chinese Organ Thieves. The News Team is 3-3 against the Thieves after splitting the season series 1-1 last season.
Bugaboo: Graybill’s Generals. At 1-4 against the Generals, the News Team has to have a lot of animosity toward the fellow PSU alum. The Generals’ 100-88 win in Week 15 last season kept the News Team out of the Fantasy Super Bowl.

2009 Outlook: The News Team traded for Aaron Rodgers and Thomas Jones, did away with the dwindling Joseph Addai and immediately became a playoff contender. Becoming the only team in league history to start 0-5 and make the playoffs. He also tied the second best single-season winning streak record with nine straight victories.

After winning just eight games over the franchise’s first two seasons, the News Team is poised to make a move toward the .500 mark in franchise history.

With Rodgers and RB Matt Forte, the News Team has the stars to get off to a great start. Bruiser LenDale White, who quit the Patron and is ready to dive in the end zone, will steal TDs away from Chris Johnson, thus giving the News Team some nice point totals. Detroit’s Kevin Smith and Tampa’s Earnest Graham have potential at RB, but I’m not sold because of the team’s they play for.

Brett Favre is a great backup to have, and who knows, maybe he will be trade bait.

Wait a second?

Rodgers and Favre on the same team and trade talk? Where have I seen this before? Better get ESPN to cover this one.

T.O. will score several TDs in Orchard Park, Justin Gage will be the No. 1 in Tennessee and DeSean Jackson is the perfect FLEX player. The tight ends, Kellen Winslow and John Carlson, have a little to prove, but can supply 5-8 points per week.

Key Player: Matt Forte. If Forte has a sophomore slump, the News Team will sink back into the depths of crap. Lord knows the News Team doesn’t want another first overall pick for a while — a long while.
Potential, Maybe: Kevin Smith. Someone has to run the ball in Detroit. The Lions won’t go 0-16 this season and Smith will play part in that.

3. Graybill’s Generals
2008 Record: 11-5
2008 Division Finish: 2nd
Arch Rival: Jimmy Jammers. It’s tough to pick a team out of the division, but the fact is, the Jammers and the Generals are 3-3 against each other. The Generals beat out the Jammers for the Fantasy Super Bowl title last season. The Generals also prevented the perfect season in 2006, handing the Jammers their only loss during their 14-1 Fantasy Super Bowl run. They meet up Week 1 and it will be a battle.
Bugaboo: Team Boyer. Only one win against Boyer leaves the Generals wondering what it takes to defeat this team. With Tom Brady back in the lineup, it will be even tougher to beat Boyer in 2009, especially considering the only win for the Generals came last season when Brady was watching Matt Cassell solidify his trade campaign.

2009 Outlook: It came down to the wire last season and the Generals nearly won the division. But that didn’t matter much. The Fantasy Super Bowl title was won with the explosion of DeAngelo Williams.

It will take an effort like that to get the Generals back into position to defend his title. They lost Michael Turner and Frank Gore, as well as Brandon Marshall, leaving some big holes in this roster.

Antonio Gates is back on the roster, which is good because he led the Generals in receiving TDs with eight. Derek Mason, Steve Smith and Donald Driver all had 1,000 yards last season, but were on the low-end for TDs. Without the potent running game, two of those three will have to step it up and get at least 8-10 TDs for the Generals.

That lack of a potent running game could be a statement I regret if Darren McFadden develops. I think he has the potential to do so, but injuries and a plethora of good backs in Oakland — Justin Fargas and Michael Bush — have limited McFadden’s success.

And I saved the quarterbacks for last. Eli Manning was a keeper, but there were much better quarterbacks available in the draft. Even backup David Garrard could be better. Then again, I could be biased as an Eagles fan, but I’m trying to remain objective. I do not see Manning having a great year. The Giants will be fine with their run game, but Manning has no one to throw to. His top scoring threat is gone, unless he can somehow figure out how to throw the fade route to Riker’s Island.

Key Player: DeAngelo Williams. Without his No. 1 star in 2008, the Generals are not defending a championship. Williams must be as effective in 2009 for the Generals.
Potential, Maybe: Percy Harvin. Brett Favre isn’t the only one salivating over this potential home run threat. The Generals are hoping they can cash in on the 2009 Sleeper of the Year. Unfortunately, you don’t win money for that in this league.

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