Sunday Slackers (0-0) at Real Houserville (0-0)
ESPN’s Projection: Sunday Slackers, 133.5-121.1
Series Record: Real Houserville leads 1-0
Last Meeting: Week 8 (2008), Real Houserville won 109-87
Matchup Notes: The key here is one team is certain of his starters; another is not.
The Slackers are set with QB Brees, RBs Steven Jackson, Ahmad Bradshaw and Donald Brown (Pierre Thomas is injured and likely out for Week 1), and WRs Reggie Wayne and Marques Colston. That lineup will remain the same for the entire season, and they will produce.
Houserville, on the other hand has Steve Slaton at RB, but a few question marks at RB. That doesn’t mean RB Julius Jones and Cedric Benson will not be the starters, but rather, it means, Week 1 is a trial by fire for Real Houserville.
The same goes for the WR position. Houserville has some good names on the bench behind Dwayne Bowe and Roddy White — Torry Holt, Chris Henry and Earl Bennett — so he will have to test the water and see who’s hot and who wants the starting job on his team.
Making things worse for Houserville, his stellar QB, Peyton Manning, is going up against Jacksonville’s stout defense, whereas Brees will be picking apart the still-hapless Lions. Make that double-points for Colston.
Even more of a reason for concern, the Slackers have the equalizer with Donald Brown and Reggie Wayne. For every TD Manning throws to them — if he does — the Slackers will capitalize.
Houserville holds the edge at tight end and it’s a push at defense and kicker.
Key Player: Julius Jones. To turn this matchup upside down, Houserville needs Jones to go TD wild Sunday.
Jammers’ Prediction: Slackers 109, Houserville 92
Team Boyer (0-0) at World of Noise (0-0)
ESPN’s Projection: Team Boyer, 112.3-99
Series Record: Boyer leads 2-1
Last Meeting: Week 8 (2008), Boyer won 94-93
Matchup Notes: Ah, Tom Brady vs. Donovan McNabb. What a matchup.
Brady may have the edge fantasy-wise, but World of Noise might be the team screaming with joy after Week 1.
Andre Johnson and the Texans should run over the Jets and that could prove to be the difference. Johnson should pull in 11 grabs for 152 yards and two scores. That will prove to be the difference as each team has starters going up against tough defenses.
Boyer has RBs Clinton Portis going up against the Giants, Michael Turner going against the Dolphins and Ryan Grant against the Bears.
Noise has Ronnie Brown running up against the Falcons, whose defense is up in the air for 2009. The wildcat from the year before is looking to duplicate his 2008 success. Maybe not this week, but having Ricky Williams on the bench might be a FLEX option for future weeks.
Key Player: Carolina’s defense. No, neither Boyer nor Noise has the Panthers’ defense, but Noise has McNabb and Westbrook going up against the squad. If McNabb and Westbrook can combine for a couple of TDs — preferably TD pass-and-catches — the Noise should be in good shape.
Jammers’ Prediction: I like the Eagles over the Panthers, so I like the Noise over Boyer, 117-104.
T-Money (0-0) at Chinese Organ Thieves (0-0)
ESPN’s Projection: Chinese Organ Thieves, 112.1-100.6
Series Record: Tied, 3-3
Last Meeting: Week 8 (2008), Organ Thieves won 92-77
Matchup Notes: Week 1 favors the Organ Thieves heavily and a lot of it is the same reasons listed in the Slackers-Houserville matchup.
First of all, the Thieves have Philip Rivers taking on the Raiders and Adrian Peterson running wild in Cleveland. While both of these are road games, that will not affect these two stars. Rivers is projected to have 270 yards and three TDs, while Peterson is slated for 137 and a TD.
Expect more.
Then, factor in the fact that T-Money’s starting QB, Tony Romo, has a few options in Dallas and two of them are RB Marion Barber and WR Roy Williams — both of whom are Thieves, Organ Thieves to be precise. They should help negate a good chunk of the points Romo will score for the Money.
Chad Johnson will have a good day, but on the other side, Anquan Boldin might not even play. Chris Chambers might be a last-second addition to this roster if Boldin can’t go.
But, by that point, it won’t matter.
Rivers plays in the last game of the week at 10:15 p.m. Monday. At about 2 a.m., the Thieves will put a nail in it.
Key Player: Philip Rivers. It’s not expected, but after such a great season, one always has to worry about a letdown. It’s key for the Chargers and the Thieves that he gets off to a hot start and keeps it going.
Jammers’ Prediction: Chinese Organ Thieve win 139-103
Stanksta’s Gangstas (0-0) at Channel 4 News Team (0-0)
ESPN’s Projection: News Team, 108.6-101.4
Series Record: News Team leads 1-0
Last Meeting: Week 8 (2008), News Team won 77-75
Matchup Notes: The almost tied last season.
Both surprisingly made the playoffs in 2008 and won first-round matchups.
Their ESPN projection for their season-opening matchup is extremely close.
And that’s not all that is similar. Check this:
Both have young QBs who became stars in their first year at the helm — Matt Ryan for Stank, Aaron Rodgers for News Team.
Both have up-and-coming RBs who own the whole running game to themselves (none of that committee BS) and also are versatile in the passing game — Maurice Jones-Drew for Stank, Matt Forte for News Team.
Both have diva wideouts, good ones who like to drop the ball in clutch situations — Braylon Edwards for Stank, Terrell Owens for News Team.
And lastly, both have big bruising backs who like to run you over — Brandon Jacobs for Stank, LenDale White for News Team.
I foresee this being another low scoring affair as it was last season. ESPN has this projected to get to 100 points each, but I see this one in the high 80s-90s area.
Both QBs are going up against tough defenses at home, and both No. 1 running backs are going up against tough defenses on the road, so it’s really going to come down to a toss up I believe.
It’s hard to gauge what Matt Ryan will do against the Dolphins and I think that’s what makes this a tough matchup.
News Team also has a large chunk of his points relying on the outcome in Green Bay. He’ll need a shootout to win.
Key Player: Matt Ryan. He’s the key to this matchup. A 250, 2 TD day will win it, a 150, 0 TD, 2 INT day will lose it. It’s easy to figure out — so much so that my monkey wrote the last sentence — but it’s true.
Jammers’ Prediction: This is so close to call, but I’m going to go with Stank winning 95-89.
Fear and Loathing (0-0) at Dottsville Toasters (0-0)
ESPN’s Projection: Fear and Loathing, 119.8-99
Series Record: Fear and Loathing leads 2-1
Last Meeting: Week 8 (2008), Fear and Loathing won 100-97
Matchup Notes: Both teams have favorable matchups and if the rosters remain the way they are, I believe this game could go either way. The ESPN projection is relying heavily on Randy Moss and Fred Jackson scoring two TDs. I’m not sure how to predict someone scoring two TDs. I can see figuring that Randy Moss will get in, but it’s interesting to see how they pulled two TDs out of their ass for Fred Jackson.
Either way, Felix Jones is sitting behind Marion Barber still and Willie Parker is on Fear and Loathing’s bench — as of right now. Parker was named the No. 1 RB and will get the ball in any situation, including goal line.
On the other side, the Toasters have a nice RB combo in Chris Johnson and Ray Rice. I really like this duo and even though Johnson has a tough matchup against the Steelers, he should still be able to manage 70 yards. The key for the Toasters will be getting into the end zone.
Ray Rice, on the other hand, is going up against the Chiefs.
Mmm, lick your chops. This could be a tasty treat in Baltimore.
Toasters also has the Ravens’ defense which should tee off on the new KC quarterback who’s fighting an injury.
WRs Vincent Jackson (vs. Oakland) and Greg Jennings (vs. Chicago) should provide enough points to keep the Toasters in this game.
Which brings us to the quarterbacks. Kurt Warner vs. Matt Schaub. Fear vs. Toast.
The 49ers defense is supposedly better than last year, but I’ll believe it when I see it. I feel like Warner will win this battle throwing a few more TD passes than Matt Schaub.
I’d tell you how many, but then I’d contradict what I wrote at the start of this capsule.
Key Player: Matt Schaub. Against Rex Ryan’s new Jets defense, we’ll see what kind of day Schaub has. I expect him to have plenty of close-range, redzone opportunities as the Texans’ defense will take the ball away from Mark Sanchez.
Jammers’ Prediction: Fear and Loathing wins 112-99
Jimmy Jammers (0-0) at Graybill’s Generals (0-0)
ESPN’s Projection: Generals, 98.4-92.4
Series Record: Tied, 3-3.
Last Meeting: Fantasy Super Bowl III (2008), Generals won 112-106.
Matchup Notes: Ah, the rematch.
That bad taste for the Jammers can be erased — or it can remain sour for at least one more week.
Still, for a Super Bowl rematch, this one should live up to the hype. And it’s going to go down to the wire fore sure.
The Jammers have Jay Cutler going Sunday night and L.T., Darren Sproles and the Chargers defense going late Monday night.
The Generals have Donald Driver going on Sunday night and another three going on Monday night, too. The Patriots’ defense will take off at 7 p.m. against the Bills and in the nightcap, at 10:15 p.m., Darren McFadden and Antonio Gates will hit the field for the Generals.
This game could be 60-60 or 70-70 going into Monday night. It could end in the 120 area when all is said and done.
One thing is for sure. Jammers will have the Generals on speed dial Monday night.
Leading up to the Monday madness, the Jammers will have Larry Fitzgerald and Steve Breaston tag-teaming the Niners in the desert and Leon Washington showing his speed on offense and special teams against Houston.
The Generals will have their QB Eli Manning go in a divisional contest against the Redskins and their revamped defense. DeAngelo Williams also will face the Eagles’ defense, which will be suspect against the run this season.
Big early performances could nullify Monday night’s predicted drama, however, we’re talking big. Like four TDs big from Williams.
You know, what he did against the Jammers in Fantasy Super Bowl III.
Key Player: Jay Cutler or Ben Roethlisberger. Drafted to be the backup, Cutler should be in the starting lineup with Ben Roethlisberger going up against the Titans. But the decision isn’t final yet. According to sources close to the Jammers, ownership is unsure which quarterback he will go with in the season opener. The Jammers organization could not be reached for comment, but the Cleveland Browns organization chimed in by saying, “Not choosing a quarterback at this juncture is just hurting your team. Anyone who holds out this long to make a QB decision should give up.”
Jammers’ Prediction: Naturally, I’d like to say I’ll win. But honestly, I have that weird feeling like no matter which choice I make — Cutler or Roethlisberger — I’ll end up losing 115-107. There’s my pick.
ESPN’s Projection: Sunday Slackers, 133.5-121.1
Series Record: Real Houserville leads 1-0
Last Meeting: Week 8 (2008), Real Houserville won 109-87
Matchup Notes: The key here is one team is certain of his starters; another is not.
The Slackers are set with QB Brees, RBs Steven Jackson, Ahmad Bradshaw and Donald Brown (Pierre Thomas is injured and likely out for Week 1), and WRs Reggie Wayne and Marques Colston. That lineup will remain the same for the entire season, and they will produce.
Houserville, on the other hand has Steve Slaton at RB, but a few question marks at RB. That doesn’t mean RB Julius Jones and Cedric Benson will not be the starters, but rather, it means, Week 1 is a trial by fire for Real Houserville.
The same goes for the WR position. Houserville has some good names on the bench behind Dwayne Bowe and Roddy White — Torry Holt, Chris Henry and Earl Bennett — so he will have to test the water and see who’s hot and who wants the starting job on his team.
Making things worse for Houserville, his stellar QB, Peyton Manning, is going up against Jacksonville’s stout defense, whereas Brees will be picking apart the still-hapless Lions. Make that double-points for Colston.
Even more of a reason for concern, the Slackers have the equalizer with Donald Brown and Reggie Wayne. For every TD Manning throws to them — if he does — the Slackers will capitalize.
Houserville holds the edge at tight end and it’s a push at defense and kicker.
Key Player: Julius Jones. To turn this matchup upside down, Houserville needs Jones to go TD wild Sunday.
Jammers’ Prediction: Slackers 109, Houserville 92
Team Boyer (0-0) at World of Noise (0-0)
ESPN’s Projection: Team Boyer, 112.3-99
Series Record: Boyer leads 2-1
Last Meeting: Week 8 (2008), Boyer won 94-93
Matchup Notes: Ah, Tom Brady vs. Donovan McNabb. What a matchup.
Brady may have the edge fantasy-wise, but World of Noise might be the team screaming with joy after Week 1.
Andre Johnson and the Texans should run over the Jets and that could prove to be the difference. Johnson should pull in 11 grabs for 152 yards and two scores. That will prove to be the difference as each team has starters going up against tough defenses.
Boyer has RBs Clinton Portis going up against the Giants, Michael Turner going against the Dolphins and Ryan Grant against the Bears.
Noise has Ronnie Brown running up against the Falcons, whose defense is up in the air for 2009. The wildcat from the year before is looking to duplicate his 2008 success. Maybe not this week, but having Ricky Williams on the bench might be a FLEX option for future weeks.
Key Player: Carolina’s defense. No, neither Boyer nor Noise has the Panthers’ defense, but Noise has McNabb and Westbrook going up against the squad. If McNabb and Westbrook can combine for a couple of TDs — preferably TD pass-and-catches — the Noise should be in good shape.
Jammers’ Prediction: I like the Eagles over the Panthers, so I like the Noise over Boyer, 117-104.
T-Money (0-0) at Chinese Organ Thieves (0-0)
ESPN’s Projection: Chinese Organ Thieves, 112.1-100.6
Series Record: Tied, 3-3
Last Meeting: Week 8 (2008), Organ Thieves won 92-77
Matchup Notes: Week 1 favors the Organ Thieves heavily and a lot of it is the same reasons listed in the Slackers-Houserville matchup.
First of all, the Thieves have Philip Rivers taking on the Raiders and Adrian Peterson running wild in Cleveland. While both of these are road games, that will not affect these two stars. Rivers is projected to have 270 yards and three TDs, while Peterson is slated for 137 and a TD.
Expect more.
Then, factor in the fact that T-Money’s starting QB, Tony Romo, has a few options in Dallas and two of them are RB Marion Barber and WR Roy Williams — both of whom are Thieves, Organ Thieves to be precise. They should help negate a good chunk of the points Romo will score for the Money.
Chad Johnson will have a good day, but on the other side, Anquan Boldin might not even play. Chris Chambers might be a last-second addition to this roster if Boldin can’t go.
But, by that point, it won’t matter.
Rivers plays in the last game of the week at 10:15 p.m. Monday. At about 2 a.m., the Thieves will put a nail in it.
Key Player: Philip Rivers. It’s not expected, but after such a great season, one always has to worry about a letdown. It’s key for the Chargers and the Thieves that he gets off to a hot start and keeps it going.
Jammers’ Prediction: Chinese Organ Thieve win 139-103
Stanksta’s Gangstas (0-0) at Channel 4 News Team (0-0)
ESPN’s Projection: News Team, 108.6-101.4
Series Record: News Team leads 1-0
Last Meeting: Week 8 (2008), News Team won 77-75
Matchup Notes: The almost tied last season.
Both surprisingly made the playoffs in 2008 and won first-round matchups.
Their ESPN projection for their season-opening matchup is extremely close.
And that’s not all that is similar. Check this:
Both have young QBs who became stars in their first year at the helm — Matt Ryan for Stank, Aaron Rodgers for News Team.
Both have up-and-coming RBs who own the whole running game to themselves (none of that committee BS) and also are versatile in the passing game — Maurice Jones-Drew for Stank, Matt Forte for News Team.
Both have diva wideouts, good ones who like to drop the ball in clutch situations — Braylon Edwards for Stank, Terrell Owens for News Team.
And lastly, both have big bruising backs who like to run you over — Brandon Jacobs for Stank, LenDale White for News Team.
I foresee this being another low scoring affair as it was last season. ESPN has this projected to get to 100 points each, but I see this one in the high 80s-90s area.
Both QBs are going up against tough defenses at home, and both No. 1 running backs are going up against tough defenses on the road, so it’s really going to come down to a toss up I believe.
It’s hard to gauge what Matt Ryan will do against the Dolphins and I think that’s what makes this a tough matchup.
News Team also has a large chunk of his points relying on the outcome in Green Bay. He’ll need a shootout to win.
Key Player: Matt Ryan. He’s the key to this matchup. A 250, 2 TD day will win it, a 150, 0 TD, 2 INT day will lose it. It’s easy to figure out — so much so that my monkey wrote the last sentence — but it’s true.
Jammers’ Prediction: This is so close to call, but I’m going to go with Stank winning 95-89.
Fear and Loathing (0-0) at Dottsville Toasters (0-0)
ESPN’s Projection: Fear and Loathing, 119.8-99
Series Record: Fear and Loathing leads 2-1
Last Meeting: Week 8 (2008), Fear and Loathing won 100-97
Matchup Notes: Both teams have favorable matchups and if the rosters remain the way they are, I believe this game could go either way. The ESPN projection is relying heavily on Randy Moss and Fred Jackson scoring two TDs. I’m not sure how to predict someone scoring two TDs. I can see figuring that Randy Moss will get in, but it’s interesting to see how they pulled two TDs out of their ass for Fred Jackson.
Either way, Felix Jones is sitting behind Marion Barber still and Willie Parker is on Fear and Loathing’s bench — as of right now. Parker was named the No. 1 RB and will get the ball in any situation, including goal line.
On the other side, the Toasters have a nice RB combo in Chris Johnson and Ray Rice. I really like this duo and even though Johnson has a tough matchup against the Steelers, he should still be able to manage 70 yards. The key for the Toasters will be getting into the end zone.
Ray Rice, on the other hand, is going up against the Chiefs.
Mmm, lick your chops. This could be a tasty treat in Baltimore.
Toasters also has the Ravens’ defense which should tee off on the new KC quarterback who’s fighting an injury.
WRs Vincent Jackson (vs. Oakland) and Greg Jennings (vs. Chicago) should provide enough points to keep the Toasters in this game.
Which brings us to the quarterbacks. Kurt Warner vs. Matt Schaub. Fear vs. Toast.
The 49ers defense is supposedly better than last year, but I’ll believe it when I see it. I feel like Warner will win this battle throwing a few more TD passes than Matt Schaub.
I’d tell you how many, but then I’d contradict what I wrote at the start of this capsule.
Key Player: Matt Schaub. Against Rex Ryan’s new Jets defense, we’ll see what kind of day Schaub has. I expect him to have plenty of close-range, redzone opportunities as the Texans’ defense will take the ball away from Mark Sanchez.
Jammers’ Prediction: Fear and Loathing wins 112-99
Jimmy Jammers (0-0) at Graybill’s Generals (0-0)
ESPN’s Projection: Generals, 98.4-92.4
Series Record: Tied, 3-3.
Last Meeting: Fantasy Super Bowl III (2008), Generals won 112-106.
Matchup Notes: Ah, the rematch.
That bad taste for the Jammers can be erased — or it can remain sour for at least one more week.
Still, for a Super Bowl rematch, this one should live up to the hype. And it’s going to go down to the wire fore sure.
The Jammers have Jay Cutler going Sunday night and L.T., Darren Sproles and the Chargers defense going late Monday night.
The Generals have Donald Driver going on Sunday night and another three going on Monday night, too. The Patriots’ defense will take off at 7 p.m. against the Bills and in the nightcap, at 10:15 p.m., Darren McFadden and Antonio Gates will hit the field for the Generals.
This game could be 60-60 or 70-70 going into Monday night. It could end in the 120 area when all is said and done.
One thing is for sure. Jammers will have the Generals on speed dial Monday night.
Leading up to the Monday madness, the Jammers will have Larry Fitzgerald and Steve Breaston tag-teaming the Niners in the desert and Leon Washington showing his speed on offense and special teams against Houston.
The Generals will have their QB Eli Manning go in a divisional contest against the Redskins and their revamped defense. DeAngelo Williams also will face the Eagles’ defense, which will be suspect against the run this season.
Big early performances could nullify Monday night’s predicted drama, however, we’re talking big. Like four TDs big from Williams.
You know, what he did against the Jammers in Fantasy Super Bowl III.
Key Player: Jay Cutler or Ben Roethlisberger. Drafted to be the backup, Cutler should be in the starting lineup with Ben Roethlisberger going up against the Titans. But the decision isn’t final yet. According to sources close to the Jammers, ownership is unsure which quarterback he will go with in the season opener. The Jammers organization could not be reached for comment, but the Cleveland Browns organization chimed in by saying, “Not choosing a quarterback at this juncture is just hurting your team. Anyone who holds out this long to make a QB decision should give up.”
Jammers’ Prediction: Naturally, I’d like to say I’ll win. But honestly, I have that weird feeling like no matter which choice I make — Cutler or Roethlisberger — I’ll end up losing 115-107. There’s my pick.
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