Not written by Jimmy… but by someone better.. his brother..
That’s right. Craig is writing this week because of Jimmy’s excitement over the Reading Eagle.
This isn’t going to be as fancy or as nice of a preview as some teams are expecting and there will be no stats from the last years. Take it to be more like Fox News story compared to a CNN story. Kinda close to the truth, but yet, so far.
We’ll start this week out with the 1-5 Generals taking on the 5-1 Toasters…
Matt Schaub vs. Eli Manning..
Manning is still nursing his Plantar Fascitis… what a baby.. maybe he should do some more DirecTv commercials with his, older, yet better, brother. Matt Schaub is healthy and playing the 49ers. I forsee a decent shootout here despite the Generals crappy run this season. Reminiscent of the former team called ENG49INE… what a crap hole team that was. I should know, it was mine! Steve Smith and Percy Harvin will take a commanding stomp over the breakfast sidekicks, thus moving to a still depressing 2-5 and making the Toaster’s pay their electric bill. So where's the close match-up? I just wanted you to read into this preview more because I really had no idea how close it would be.. it just sounded good. I'm not one for posting the truth. I'm just posting one side of the story.
Jammer’s Bro’s Prediction: Generals 125.3 over Toaster’s 114.6
Now to the next 1-5 team
Chinese Organ Thieves (3-3) vs. Team Boyer (1-5)
This matchup is one I like, but who the hell am I to say this. Well I’m the birthday boy, so I can write what I want. Tom Brady had an outstanding and yet unbelievable romp in New England.. well now he’s quite indubitably in the old England.. probably enjoying a spot of tea with the Queen. Now come gametime… I, using my jedi-like mind skills, see Tom Brady throwing 1 Interception and 4 Touchdown’s in an aerial assault of the Buccaneers… But after him and Wes Welker combine for a few scores, the only other player worthy of mention on Team Boyer is Michael Turner. He’ll score like 18 points this week but still will not be enough to complement Adrian Peterson and the Daily Show’s host point totals.
The true decider of this Revolutionary battle will be this.. One (win for the Thieves) if by land.. and 2 (victories for Boyer) if by air. If Tom Brady can reproduce the end result of last week, or closely mimic it, then Team Boyer could be on his astonishing second win, and the Organ Thieves, well… still stealing organs from people and selling them to the highest bidder.
Jammer’s Bro’s Prediction: Team Boyer 129.5 to the Thieves 126.6
Now go enjoy some Tea Tom Brady.. and congrats to your Alumni beating Penn State (written prior to the game)
Now to the mediocre’s..
Team T-Money (3-3) vs. The News Team (3-3)
What can be said about these teams, they’ve had the best of times… they’ve had the worst of times, and still had a mediocre season. As Optimus Prime would say, one shall stand, and one shall fall. Well this one.. is going to be a romping.. probably closer to XXXing.. but we’ll keep it PG..
As it stands know… T$$ has two men on the bye in his starting line… boy I hope he’s on vacation, because it’s not a smart move. If this is so.. then we’ll stick with romping. You’ve got a chance to go 4-3 and finally be above the .500 mark and this is what you do. Abandon your team. (throws flag) 15 points from the spot of the foul. Fourth win for News Team. Even if Money puts in Tony Homo, and Frank (Al) Gore, he’ll still lose.
Jammer’s Bro’s Prediction: News Team reporting 116.3 all over the counterfeit Money, 70.3
Houserville (3-3) vs. The Gangsta’s (2-4)
This here is one of them there match-ups that will make ya’ll crazy. Two teams, both fighting for a chance to be in the playoffs and yet, both are catching breaks on their winning weeks. Their teams, match up fairly well. This week’s matchup though… is the upset special. Peyton Manning for Houserville will score around 4 TD’s from the struggling St. Louis Rams. Heaven can’t wait for them to finally win, so they decided to send Hollywood a new script, featuring Chris Rock as the lead, and the movie will still suck. Steve Slaton will catch a touchdown and receive for 40 some yards… but the majority of the catches and points will go to his teammate Andre Johnson, of course, benefiting them Noisey Basterds. Stanksta’s team, well they won’t benefit much, Matt Ryan and Tony Gonzalez might be the two highest scores of the team this week as the Falcon’s fly in a balloon (or not) over Dallas. I’m sure Dallas will be wishing Balloon boy hit’s the score board so he doesn’t get too far away and draw the CNN cameras again.
Why did I say this was going to be an upset special? Because the Gangsta’s are going to be crying and so upset that with his team’s performance, that it will be special, because he was probably hoping for a ring of Jesus fire to help him win. Maybe he should see an ACORN official and see if he can claim his losses on his taxes.
Jammer’s Bro’s Prediction: Houserville 119.8 to Stanks 104.4
Now for some excitement, winning teams, playing winning teams, in two games that will set the stage for the playoffs and remainder of the season.
Jammer’s (4-2) vs. Fear and Loathing (2-4)
Ok, now I know I said winning teams playing winning teams, maybe I got ahead of myself, Jammer’s are winning and Fear is not so fearsome and the only loathing coming from that team is the hatred towards the teams that keep beating him. A win here for the Jammers, helps to secure first place for them Noisey Basterds, and a win it will be. Fear’s match-up is good, but not nearly as good as the Big Ben and Larry Fitz combo. Yeah they don’t play for the same team, but as a collective, they will score a lot. 300+ yards for Big Ben and a few endzone grabs for his team. Followed by a few Larry Fitz grabs will help the Jammers to strike fear in his division. With the Sunday Slackers going up against the Noisey Basterds., Well, the brothers are tag-teaming. He wins, I win, and we both help each other out, He loses, I lose, well, The Noisey Basterds still remain on top of their division and Jimmy is still in a second place. But the Slackers move ever so close to clinching the division. So, this might be some Fox News bias here, but the Jammers are going to win. Fear will be left in the corner, dripping wet, naked, and holding a blanket. Oh did I also mention he would be in tears and wishing he had a puppy?
Jammer’s Bro’s Prediction: Jammer’s 138.8 to a measly 80.0 points.
Congrats brother, now it’s time for me to uphold my tag-team abilities.
And in typical wrestling fashion, I think we can be crowned tag-team champions
World of Nose (4-2) at Sunday Slackers (5-1)
The match-up to watch and it won’t even be over until Monday night… With the Eagles playing on Monday night, one might look at the scoreboard and laugh.. as the Noisey Basterds are down 130-80ish or some monstrosity blowout.. but the Eagles haven’t played yet. With Cotchery nursing his vaXXXX, I mean groin.. puts a blow to the Noisy Basterd’s offense. He now has to start Jeremy Maclin in place of him, in the old Firetruck fashion, he has now started for two weeks straight.. more Eagles than his teams of the past. But he’s in a predicament. Eddie Royal’s on Bye and his only other worthy receiver had .6 for him last week. He hates it, but is hoping to come out on top. The Wildcat offense will destroy a shocked Saints line-up. Andre Johnson will score his usual 20+ points, and well, the rest of the team plays Monday. Thankfully the Redskins really do suck, and hopefully the Eagles won’t still be in their blackout from last week. So… this match-up really can go either way.. Thankfully I didn’t trade my Packers Defense to the Slackers.. but they might be available on the waiver wire next week..
Jammer’s Bro’s Prediction: As I said, this is still too close to call, but that’s something CNN would say. I’m FOX News and I’m biased!.. Noisey Basterds 148.6 over Slackers 144.2
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