OK, let’s all say it at once:
“Screw you, Toasters!”
OK, now I feel better, but not as good as Ryan Dotterer.
He likely has the JFL MVP on his roster in Chris Johnson — he has my vote — and he could easily have the JFL MVP with Ray Rice if C.J. wasn’t such an attention whore.
Matt Schaub and Vincent Jackson also are worthy candidates, but they can’t come close to Johnson and Rice.
But together, they broke the JFL scoring record, again.
Already obliterating the record with 168 points, the Toasters felt it wasn’t enough, so in the first round of the playoffs, he hung 179 on poor Boyer.
Boyer had 93.8, so I don’t feel too bad for him, but had Boyer had one of his good days where he can hit 130-140, damn, this would be upsetting.
But there’s not much you can do to stop the Toaster Train.
The News Team should find that out this week.
And again, I’ve said this before, but Toasters is a genius because it’s not like he lucked out in the draft. The four aforementioned All-Star players were draft picks 1, 2 and 3. No messing around. He got the guys he needed and he got them right away.
So if you ever see Toasters walking down the road, stop, bow, kiss his feet and praise him for the genius he has become in 2009.
But in 2010, he’ll have to earn that god-like status again.
Although, when you’re drafting as the reigning JFL champion, you’re halfway there.
Houserville 109.6, Jammers 68.4
It’s official. There will be a new JFL champion this season.
The last two champions missed the playoffs and the inaugural champion was like Randy Moss last Sunday — a no show.
Literally. You might question the move to start Big Ben, but that move only cost the Jammers seven points. Adding it up, the “optimal” lineup would have only produced 81.8 points, 13.4 more points than the Jammers had.
LaDainian Tomlinson and Joseph Addai each did their job, combing for 23.5 points, but everyone else was absent. Even Larry Fitzgerald put up just 2.2. And the Saints defense couldn’t stop a back-up QB, and had just 6.5 points. No sacks. One turnover. Horrible.
It was a nightmare of a playoff game for the Jammers.
It wasn’t much better for Real Houserville, but he got a great defensive effort from the Jets (26 points), a usual day from Peyton Manning (28.7) and an unsuspecting 21.3 points from Quinton Ganther.
Ganther was the last Houserville player on the field, and heading into the four, he had just 5.5 points.
But the Redskins used him heavily on two drives and his point total drove Houserville’s scored from 89 to 109.6.
Had Ganther remained at his 5.5, the Jammers would have at least had a chance to win with Fitzgerald on Monday night — as he has shown he can easily go for 20 points any given game, but not this week.
He dropped a sure TD and hurt himself later — damn you Madden!
But at that point, it was miracle time.
So the Jammers makes his first playoff exit before the Super Bowl and writes his first recap without having a dog in the race.
Sixty-three days until pitchers and catchers report.
Hey, News Team! Can I trade you Cliff Lee for Roy Halladay!?
Noise 153.1, Slackers 103.8
I said the Slackers would need about 70 out of his Saints quartet. He got 59.8. Not bad.
However, he got nothing else from the majority of his team and Noise was pretty good this week. I’d say ridiculous, but the Toasters have stolen that adjective and changed its meaning.
Andre Johnson went for 33.6 and about 98 percent of that came in the first half.
Dallas Clark scored three TDs for 22.3 points.
Laurence Maroney and Ricky Williams each hit double-digits, making me scratch my head. This has to be the oddest successful fantasy RB pairing ever.
Donovan McNabb had 28 thanks to DeSean Jackson and the Eagles defense had 28 points thanks to DeSean Jackson.
The Noise lost Jeremy Maclin for the 2009 fantasy season to injury and Jerricho Cotchery is still a Jet.
Still, the loudest conference semifinal on Earth is set. Noise versus Noisier. I’m not sure who is who, but I can’t wait until one of them is shut up.
Both will be quiet after the Toasters finish painting his masterpiece.
News Team 101.8, T-Money 94.6
In the only game that was close, the News Team held seed and advanced to face his “Gotta be Force” rival in the conference championship game.
He, like McNabb and the Eagles defense, has to thank DeSean Jackson.
The 5-11 wonder out of Cal did it all Sunday night, totaling 35.8 fantasy points with a punt return TD, a crazy 60-yard TD catch and 178 yards receiving.
Jackson was the only “player” on News Team’s roster to hit double digits. The Bills defense had 25.5.
Aaron Rodgers was blah for 8.4.
Matt Forte continued to disappoint with 6.8. Kevin Smith had 8.8 and the suffered a season-ending injury.
Davone Bess had 1.2 points because he fumbled twice.
T.O. had 7.5. Todd Heap had 3.8 and Robbie Gould had 2.
Even the Jammers had more double-digit scorers.
Unfortunately for the Jammers, he kept Fitzgerald over Jackson (and Andre Johnson, mind you).
For T-Money, this is upsetting because Tony Romo and Thomas Jones played so well with more than 20 points each.
So did Frank Gore (23.7) but he was on the bench, as was he 49ers defense (32.5).
But who can blame T-Money. I can’t. I feel bad because Arizona’s run defense has been stellar. I mean, they held Adrian Peterson to less than 20 yards. How the hell does Frank Gore get 23.7.
And the Cards’ offense: It’s explosive, yet the Niners defense gets SEVEN turnovers and holds them to 9 points, all while holding T-Money’s wideout Anquan Boldin to 2 fantasy points.
I’m sorry. T-Money got screwed by the Cardinals here.
They didn’t show up and they ruined his season. There’s no reason for Boldin not to get 15 points against the 49ers, which means there’s no reason why the Money Man doesn’t win this matchup107-101.
For once, T-Money and the Jammers feel the same thing in the playoffs — a strong hatred for Kurt Warner and the Cards.
I hope they collapse and lose the NFC West. Money, you can high-five me in agreement when we meet.
“Screw you, Toasters!”
OK, now I feel better, but not as good as Ryan Dotterer.
He likely has the JFL MVP on his roster in Chris Johnson — he has my vote — and he could easily have the JFL MVP with Ray Rice if C.J. wasn’t such an attention whore.
Matt Schaub and Vincent Jackson also are worthy candidates, but they can’t come close to Johnson and Rice.
But together, they broke the JFL scoring record, again.
He's like a mega Toaster!
Already obliterating the record with 168 points, the Toasters felt it wasn’t enough, so in the first round of the playoffs, he hung 179 on poor Boyer.
Boyer had 93.8, so I don’t feel too bad for him, but had Boyer had one of his good days where he can hit 130-140, damn, this would be upsetting.
But there’s not much you can do to stop the Toaster Train.
The News Team should find that out this week.
And again, I’ve said this before, but Toasters is a genius because it’s not like he lucked out in the draft. The four aforementioned All-Star players were draft picks 1, 2 and 3. No messing around. He got the guys he needed and he got them right away.
So if you ever see Toasters walking down the road, stop, bow, kiss his feet and praise him for the genius he has become in 2009.
But in 2010, he’ll have to earn that god-like status again.
Although, when you’re drafting as the reigning JFL champion, you’re halfway there.
Houserville 109.6, Jammers 68.4
It’s official. There will be a new JFL champion this season.
The last two champions missed the playoffs and the inaugural champion was like Randy Moss last Sunday — a no show.
Literally. You might question the move to start Big Ben, but that move only cost the Jammers seven points. Adding it up, the “optimal” lineup would have only produced 81.8 points, 13.4 more points than the Jammers had.
LaDainian Tomlinson and Joseph Addai each did their job, combing for 23.5 points, but everyone else was absent. Even Larry Fitzgerald put up just 2.2. And the Saints defense couldn’t stop a back-up QB, and had just 6.5 points. No sacks. One turnover. Horrible.
It was a nightmare of a playoff game for the Jammers.
It wasn’t much better for Real Houserville, but he got a great defensive effort from the Jets (26 points), a usual day from Peyton Manning (28.7) and an unsuspecting 21.3 points from Quinton Ganther.
Ganther was the last Houserville player on the field, and heading into the four, he had just 5.5 points.
But the Redskins used him heavily on two drives and his point total drove Houserville’s scored from 89 to 109.6.
Had Ganther remained at his 5.5, the Jammers would have at least had a chance to win with Fitzgerald on Monday night — as he has shown he can easily go for 20 points any given game, but not this week.
He dropped a sure TD and hurt himself later — damn you Madden!
But at that point, it was miracle time.
So the Jammers makes his first playoff exit before the Super Bowl and writes his first recap without having a dog in the race.
Sixty-three days until pitchers and catchers report.
Hey, News Team! Can I trade you Cliff Lee for Roy Halladay!?
Noise 153.1, Slackers 103.8
I said the Slackers would need about 70 out of his Saints quartet. He got 59.8. Not bad.
However, he got nothing else from the majority of his team and Noise was pretty good this week. I’d say ridiculous, but the Toasters have stolen that adjective and changed its meaning.
Andre Johnson went for 33.6 and about 98 percent of that came in the first half.
Dallas Clark scored three TDs for 22.3 points.
Laurence Maroney and Ricky Williams each hit double-digits, making me scratch my head. This has to be the oddest successful fantasy RB pairing ever.
Donovan McNabb had 28 thanks to DeSean Jackson and the Eagles defense had 28 points thanks to DeSean Jackson.
The Noise lost Jeremy Maclin for the 2009 fantasy season to injury and Jerricho Cotchery is still a Jet.
Still, the loudest conference semifinal on Earth is set. Noise versus Noisier. I’m not sure who is who, but I can’t wait until one of them is shut up.
Both will be quiet after the Toasters finish painting his masterpiece.
News Team 101.8, T-Money 94.6
In the only game that was close, the News Team held seed and advanced to face his “Gotta be Force” rival in the conference championship game.
He, like McNabb and the Eagles defense, has to thank DeSean Jackson.
The 5-11 wonder out of Cal did it all Sunday night, totaling 35.8 fantasy points with a punt return TD, a crazy 60-yard TD catch and 178 yards receiving.
Jackson was the only “player” on News Team’s roster to hit double digits. The Bills defense had 25.5.
Aaron Rodgers was blah for 8.4.
Matt Forte continued to disappoint with 6.8. Kevin Smith had 8.8 and the suffered a season-ending injury.
Davone Bess had 1.2 points because he fumbled twice.
T.O. had 7.5. Todd Heap had 3.8 and Robbie Gould had 2.
Even the Jammers had more double-digit scorers.
Unfortunately for the Jammers, he kept Fitzgerald over Jackson (and Andre Johnson, mind you).
For T-Money, this is upsetting because Tony Romo and Thomas Jones played so well with more than 20 points each.
So did Frank Gore (23.7) but he was on the bench, as was he 49ers defense (32.5).
But who can blame T-Money. I can’t. I feel bad because Arizona’s run defense has been stellar. I mean, they held Adrian Peterson to less than 20 yards. How the hell does Frank Gore get 23.7.
And the Cards’ offense: It’s explosive, yet the Niners defense gets SEVEN turnovers and holds them to 9 points, all while holding T-Money’s wideout Anquan Boldin to 2 fantasy points.
I’m sorry. T-Money got screwed by the Cardinals here.
They didn’t show up and they ruined his season. There’s no reason for Boldin not to get 15 points against the 49ers, which means there’s no reason why the Money Man doesn’t win this matchup107-101.
For once, T-Money and the Jammers feel the same thing in the playoffs — a strong hatred for Kurt Warner and the Cards.
I hope they collapse and lose the NFC West. Money, you can high-five me in agreement when we meet.
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