Last season, my puppy, Nala, predicted the Super Bowl champion. I got her pick by putting two treats on the ground, designating which one stood for which team.She chose the Super Bowl champion Packers. Yeah, I know, it was a 50-50 chance.
So, for fun, in my dad's NFL picks league, I pulled out a bag of treats and did the same thing for all 16 games on the NFL Week 1 schedule. How did Nala do? Well, she got 11 right — much more than I did. I think next week I'll have my wife do the same thing for me when I select my picks, but instead of dog treats, perhaps she can use M&Ms or beer.
Nevertheless, something will have to be done if this is how the NFL season is going to pan out.
You know, if the Bills are going to go into the most hostile stadium in the NFL and win 41-7.
Or if the Cardinals and Panthers are going to play the most exciting game on a Sunday.
Or if Rex Grossman is going to throw for 300 yards in wins.
If stuff like that is going to happen all season, I'm going to have plenty to complain about.
Week 1 Recap
It's always nice to win Week 1, but a loss doesn't end anyone's season. It can certainly put a damper on it, especially if you worked so hard to prepare and then watch your starters swing and miss Week 1.
It happens.
You just hope it doesn't happen again in Week 2.
In the Super Bowl rematches, the Jammers exacted his revenge in a big way against the News Team and Noise came up just short in his attempt to beat the 2009 Super Bowl Champion Dottsville Toasters.
The Organ Thieves faltered as the Generals rolled to a huge win, and Boyer provided the big Monday Night comeback. The Sunday Slackers also picked up a big divisional win, defeating the team he couldn't defeat in 2010, Jawz Attack.
And Houserville stunk up the house before the games started with a trade that may haunt him forever — kind of like the haunting I feel when I think back to my trade of Joseph Addai for Aaron Rodgers.
Jimmy Jammers 157.1, Channel 4 News Team 105.6
The News Team was sitting pretty after Thursday, but then Sunday hit him hard.
First, the early morning news that Arian Foster was indeed going to be inactive for the week, so News Team scrambled to get backup Derrick Ward into the lineup in his place.
The Jammers did the same thing by shifting his lineup to sneak uber-backup Ben Tate in.
After one drive, it looked like the News Team had made the right choice when Ward scored, but Tate took over, rushing for 116 yards and TD, outscoring Ward 15.6-9.9.
Outside of Beanie Wells' 17 points (90 yards, TD) and Miles Austin's 16 points (90 yards, TD), the rest of the day was frustrating. The Chiefs defense, which one would think against the Bills at home would be a great matchup, turned into a nightmare.
The Jammers countered with the Texans defense, which dominated the Colts to the tune of 31.5 fantasy points.
It was an early morning addition for the Jammers, as he sat down at 8 a.m. and watched AFC Playbook on TV. Jammers didn't want to be awake at that time, but his wife needed a ride to her relay marathon, and thus, the TV was on. Already thinking about picking up the Texans' defense, AFC Playbook broke down the new 3-4 scheme and sold the move. Seconds later, the Texans were in both of his fantasy teams' lineups.
It was that move and the QB decision that led to the Jammers win over the News Team. On the bench was Matt Ryan, last year's QB who led the Jammers to the Super Bowl. In is a healthy Matthew Stafford, who threw for 305 yards and three TDs for 32 points, just 1.6 points less than Aaron Rodgers, who seemingly put the Jammers in a big hole.
But then Sunday came.
And Monday. Reggie Bush added 17.2 points and Brandon Marshall had 15.3 points as the Dolphins got destroyed by the Pats. Which in turn, helped the Jammers destroy the News Team. Too bad that statement came nine months too late.
Sunday Slackers 133.3, Jawz Attack 126.3
The Sunday Slackers woke up Monday with better-than a 50-point lead.
That meant no sweating whatsoever Monday night, right? It was time for him to focus on his fantasy World Series matchup against the JimmyJam Slammers.
…But the Jawz had Wes Welker and the Patriots' defense, and that combo put up a hell of a fight. As the night went on, both continued to add points, but it didn't get scary until the Patriots lined up on their 1-yard line. Tom Brady drops back and threads the needle to Welker, who breaks a whimsy tackle to score a 99-yard touchdown. That's 18.1 points, the most points you can get on one play in fantasy. All of a sudden, Welker has 31.6 points and the Slackers went from comfortable and talking baseball to praying for Chad Henne not to throw and interception. An INT for a TD would have won it for Jawz, but that never happened, and the Slackers held on.
His big lead was thanks to a duo of backs who had great Sunday performances.
A lot of people saw the preseason trade for Ray Rice and scratched their heads.
"Why trade for a guy you can draft with the No. 1 pick?"
Well, the Slackers showed everyone why.
Ditching Steven Jackson — who is now injured, again — he traded for Rice (27.7 fantasy points Sunday) and then drafted Matt Forte (24.8 points Sunday) with the 11th pick in the draft, which he traded down to get Rice.
Not a bad deal. Add that with the 39.8 points from Drew Brees and you have Slackers' team.
And by that I mean that was his whole team this week. About 92 points came from those three players. Felix Jones added 11.2 and the rest of his team was in single-digits.
The WRs were an area of concern leading up to the season and they proved to be that Sunday.
Oh, and the Steelers defense was a bit of a bust. Fourth-round pick, 1 point.
Ouch. Let that be a lesson to you defense drafters, myself included. Only pull the trigger on a move like that if you're sure they're going to be good. The Steelers defense is the oldest in football and they got pounded Sunday.
Jawz falls to 0-1, despite having a great week. He really needed Roddy White to have a good week, but the Falcons absolutely blew in Chicago, leaving White with just 7.7 points.
Things may not get any easier for Roddy next week as he'll be guarded by either Nnamdi Asomugha (spelled that right without looking it up), Asante Samuel or Domonic Rodgers-Cromartie — take your pick.
They'll surely get their pick.
Even still, if White struggles next week, there's still enough talent on this team to win games. Josh Freeman was OK Sunday, scoring 19.7 points and newly acquired Kevin Kolb had 28.9 on the bench. QB starts may be a key decision on a weekly basis, although this week, it didn't matter who Jawz started; the Slackers were winning this one.
Fear and Loathing 123.8, Real Houserville 97
You ever do something and then regret it a couple days later?
Well, Houserville knows the feeling.
He traded away 60.4 points for 13.9 points. Ouch.
Ben Roethlisberger should be a good QB at some point this season — maybe as soon as this week against the Seahawks — but that doesn't mean we can't look back at what could have been for the Houserville.
Plug Wes Welker (31.6 points) in for free-agent pickup Lance Kendricks (2.0) and Houserville upends division favorite Fear and Loathing.
To make matters worse, sitting on the bench for Houserville is Mike Tolbert, who scored three TDs and 29.1 fantasy points, and Cam Newton, who threw for 422 yards, tying a rookie record, and scoring 42.8 points. Had Houserville not traded and started Newton, he could have had 103.8 points from three players: Newton, Tolbert and Welker.
Ah, what could have been.
Instead, Houserville struggles and falls short of 100 points, while Michael Vick leads Fear and Loathing to a win.
Which is funny because all preseason, we heard how the Eagles were going to be the greatest team, and several publications put them in the Super Bowl and some had them winning it.
Then, the days before Week 1 came and most experts were saying the Rams were going to beat the Eagles because Philly isn't a real team — just a bunch of stars on the same team.
So much for that. Vick struggled in the passing game, but did just enough to get the Eagles the win.
Team Boyer 142.5, T-Money 119.8
We've seen this before with Team Boyer.
He trails heading into Monday night with Tom Brady getting ready for a primetime start, and what does he do? He goes nuts.
On a week where nearly every quarterback threw for 300-plus yards, Brady raised the bar with his Patriots' record 517 yards, scoring 51.8 fantasy points. His 99-yard touchdown pass to Wes Welker put a nail in the coffin for T-Money and the Dolphins at the same time.
There wasn't anything T-Money could do to avoid this loss. Brady added with the Bears' defense's 31 points pretty much sealed the deal.
And it was a shame because Steve Smith (CAR) looked like the old Steve Smith for a day, you know, back when there was only one Steve Smith. Sunday, he had 178 yards and two TDs. He was Cam Newton's favorite target and if this tandem keeps it up, this could be the steal of the draft. Add him to Santonio Holmes, who had just 70 yards, and Dwayne Bowe, who had 17 yards, and this WR group could be key in some future wins for the Money man.
The key will be Bowe. A performance like he had Sunday will not be tolerated. Just 17 yards? Bowe was a keeper for the Money Man and this does not help his cash flow. Matt Cassell better start to get him the ball, or else, the Chiefs better find someone who will.
(Can you tell that I'm angry? I have him in my other league and his measly 17 yards doomed me. If he had 70 yards and a TD, like a normal star WR, I would have won. Damn him and the Chiefs.)
So, 70 yards and a TD would not have made a difference for T-Money, but still, if he wants to go somewhere this year, he'll certainly agree with my KC Rant.
Graybill's Generals 157.1, Chinese Organ Thieves 115.5
Who picked the Generals to finish last?
Wait, what's that? Almost everyone?
Well, think again.
Graybill had a helluva first day, blowing out his division rival Chinese Organ Thieves. It was a little payback for last season's Week 1 debacle, where the Thieves stomped the Generals 123-38.5.
That's right. Graybill scored better-than four times as many points than he did last season.
Quite an improvement if you ask me.
The big help came from his two keepers and a pair of top picks. Joe Flacco had a huge day against the Steelers, and I can't say I saw this coming this week. I had faith in Flacco rolling out a lot of big fantasy point totals this season, but I didn't see it against the Steelers.
Makes you wonder what kind of season the Steelers are going to have. Houserville mentioned that the Steelers have horrible seasons after competing in the Super Bowl the year prior. Maybe we're due for another Steelers letdown in 2011. Graybill, a Ravens fan, would certainly take that.
He'll also take more great performances from LeSean McCoy and Kenny Britt.
McCoy came to the Generals in an offseason trade that has paid off in Week 1. McCoy scored 28.1 points and looks to be a key part of the high-powered Eagles offense. I expect more big days for LeSean.
The other key to continued success would be Britt. He had one fluke 80-yard TD Sunday that inflated his stats to 28.6 points, but that's the kind of player Britt was last year. He'll explode for big points and disappear. Graybill needs him to not play David Copperfield in the following weeks.
That, and he also needs him not to play the role of Pacman Jones. Stay out of jail, stay out of cars when drunk, stay out of shady nightclubs, stay out of…. hell, Graybill, can you use your powers to just put this guy in federal protective custody for the next 16 weeks?
The other big point total came from the Jets defense, which scored 25 more points than Parkers fourth-round pick Steelers defense.
Dottsville Toasters 109.6, World of Noise 91.4
The hospital is a bit noisy after Week 1.
World of Noise lost Marques Colston for a couple weeks and both Sam Bradford and Knowshon Moreno went down with injuries Sunday. Those injuries maybe just put the two out of their miseries.
Bradford was a mess against the Eagles defense, finally getting to 5.5 points midway through the fourth quarter before hurting his finger.
Moreno wasn't any better, fumbling and going for just 22 yards and 4.1 fantasy points.
His other RB, Jonathan Stewart, did not suffer an injury but you would think he did according to his stats. Only 26 yards and 4.4 fantasy points for the Daily Show, left the Noise in a serious hole against the Toasters, who powered through this matchup with big performances from the Ravens' defense and Calvin Johnson. Johnson caught two TD passes and had 88 yards for 22 points, and the Ravens had seven turnovers for 29.5 points.
All in all, 109 points isn't a great week, but it was enough this week and the win is all that matters.
I must note that Chris Johnson had just 24 yards rushing in his first game back. It will be interesting to see how long it will take for him to get into the game and return to his 2009 form. The less-rich Titans hope the more-rich Johnson does it very soon.
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