We've seen this happen a few times in life.The picture is starting to develop now that we're five weeks in.
It's clear that Jawz Attack, World of Noise and Chinese Organ Thieves — all 1-4 — need some serious help to get back into the race.
The Thieves did their best to do just that this week, destroying the World of Noise 129-58.5 — the Noise have scored less than 60 points in back-to-back weeks.
Meanwhile, there's a major battle brewing in the Patriot Division as the Slackers moved to 4-1 and the Jammers was tagged with his first loss. Five teams either improved or dropped to 3-2, creating a situation where we have seven teams with winning records.
That will make next week a lot of fun with winning records on the line.
This week in the NFL was not a crazy as most. The Eagles still suck; so do the Colts; Cam Newton rocked again; and Matt Schaub doesn't know when to run for a game-winning TD.
If he did, well, the Toasters' comeback Monday night would not have been as cool.
Dottsville Toasters 144.7, Jawz Attack 130.3
This seems to be the story of the Jawz Attack.
He's so unlucky he might have the best chance to draft Andrew Luck next season — and he might definitely do that because the Eagles are, in my mind, now in the running for the Luck Bowl.
OK, that all may be a stretch, but Jawz could certainly use some luck, whether it is the man or the good fortune.
The Toasters pulled off one of his Monday Night comebacks as Jahvid Best and Calvin Johnson combined for 46 points to put him on top.
Things were looking OK for Jawz for a while, but as soon as Best broke free for his 88-yard TD in the third, the Attack was finished.
Matt Schaub also had a big week for the Toasters, because that's all Schaub is — a good fantasy QB. When it comes to real life, he lacks that certain clutch factor that for some reason, crappy QBs like Mark Sanchez have. God only knows why this is. God, and his new football guru Al Davis.
The two of them would both agree that it's time for the Attack to get Jimmy Graham into the lineup. Another 14.5 points this week — it wouldn't have won the matchup, but it would have made it even closer — for the tight end who is easily Drew Brees' favorite target. When his wideouts aren't open, Brees goes to either Graham or Darren Sproles, and since Sproles is one of about five RBs who see playing time, the chances are, Graham will catch a few passes a week, especially in the red zone. Three TDs already and he's got to be pushing Percy Harvin to the bench soon.
Of course, with the luck Jawz has had, that would be the day Percy Harvin decides to go "nuts," also known as pulling a "Calvin Johnson."
T-Money 157, Jimmy Jammers 103.7
No one can say that the Jammers is a unfair commissioner. T-Money had a nice Facebook post alerting him to the fact that he was missing players in the lineup; he added them, and then he proceeded to pummel the Jammers.
You're welcome.
Dwayne Bowe chose Week 5 to break out — remember, I said he's the kind of WR who will have low-scoring weeks, but then he'll have that big week that wins you a matchup. He had one of those weeks. As did the 49ers defense, who scored 33.5 points in a huge win over the Bucs.
This could have been worse for the Jammers had T-Money not dropped Eli Manning for Jason Campbell.
Manning, the sixth-ranked QB in fantasy, scored another 37.5 points and has had multiple TD games in four straight weeks. With Matt Stafford ranked No. 5, the Jammers find himself in a situation that he was in once before — two good QBs and an itch to try and trade.
Can't possibly make the same mistake twice. Not saying that one of these QBs is Aaron Rodgers, but it is a familiar situation.
Losing, however, hasn't been familiar to the Jammers this season.
Four straight wins to start the season, and T-Money was the man to end the streak.
And it was a bad week for a few players, particularly in the WR corps where the Jammers places so much emphasis. Julio Jones was a dud, missing parts of the second half due to injury, and Larry Fitzgerald is doing all he can, but when Kevin Kolb is struggling mightily, it's hard for him to be successful.
Kevin Kolb. Man, there have to be some pissed off Arizona fans.
A high-level corner back and a second-round pick for this bum. It's almost makes the 1-4 Eagles look good. Almost.
Graybill's Generals 135.7, Real Houserville 95.1
Houserville called the Generals "an amateur squad."
It's quite the comment for a team that just thoroughly beat you.
The "amateur" Generals used another great performance from LeSean McCoy, still ranked No. 2 in the JFL at RB, and a pair of surprise performances from Matt Cassel and Steve Breaston, who connected for a pair of TDs Sunday — double points for the amateurs.
OK, so Johnny Knox and Sidney Rice were worthless, as was Leon Washington — and that will be scary for the Generals going forward during the bye weeks. He's going to need a few of them to step up because Cassel and Breaston are not destined to do this every week.
The one destined to do this weekly seems to be Cam Newton. I made the poll, jesting at the fact that Newton's Law states that what goes up must come down — but I have to be honest, Cam Newton doesn't look like he's coming down anytime soon. Another 32.7 points in fantasy — his fourth 30-plus-point week — and he's ranked No. 3 in the JFL among QBs.
Peyton Manning who?
About nine weeks ago, the Ville was trying to work his way out of his keeper selection of Manning, but at the time, there was no way under the rule that he could do so. The Colts were optimistic that he would start the season and we know now that they were smoking more peyote than the Eagles front office folk who decided to put the O-Line guy in charge of the whole defense. (Red team go! Red team go!)
And Mike Tolbert continued to hurt the Ville. He's a vulture, pure and simple. If he doesn't score a TD, he's worthless. For the third time in five weeks, Tolbert was head without a touchdown and was limited to single digits. It's for that reason that DeAngelo Williams, who has had back-to-back decent weeks, may earn himself a start for the Ville.
Unless, of course, the Ville plans to keep on losing to "amateur squads."
Chinese Organ Thieves 129, World of Noise 61.5
OK, so if there is any squad that can be called amateur, the Noise has earned it.
The Thieves easily won this week, and when you need a win, hope for the Noise.
Easy win almost guaranteed.
The Noise had just 61.5 points in another disappointing week. He blames injury, but the different between winning and losing isn't Andre Johnson. He will help the Noise get to 80 points, but not to the 110, 120 level that he needs to be at to compete.
There's more than just an injury problem.
This team could be worse than some of the Noise squads that were forced into starting Jason Avant.
On the other side, the Thieves finally pushed through. A nice 30.2 points from Adrian Peterson helped, as well as another 27.1 from BenJarvus Green Ellis. He even survived a negative-3-point performance from the 11 guys who wore Tampa Bay jerseys when San Fran had the ball.
Now, the key will be, catching up to the division leaders without another Noise on the schedule.
Fear and Loathing 121.3, Channel 4 News Team 117.8
It came down to the final seconds on Sunday Night Football, but the Fear held on.
Had the Packers defense not come up with an interception on that final drive, it was looking like the Falcons were going to do enough on offense to lift the News Team to a one-point win. After two completions to Tony Gonzalez on the final drive, the News Team was within striking distance — either another 15 yards from Gonzo or a total of 49 yards of offense from the Falcons, which would have dropped Fear's defensive total by three points, thus propelling the News Team in front.
It was a close battle, and homefield advantage almost came into play, but the deflected pick sealed the deal for Fear, who has made some excellent moves to remain in contention. He rolled the dice and went with Pierre Garcon, hoping Week 4 wasn't a fluke and it appears it wasn't. Another 125 yards and two TDs gave him 58.5 fantasy points in the last two weeks, including 27.5 this week. Added with Michael Vicks 32.5 in another loss and 14.4 points from the RB I introduced the JFL world to in the previews, Jackie Battle, Fear had just enough to edge the defending Super Bowl Champs, who were a little short-handed this week.
Peyton Hillis and Miles Austin were on the bye, and Vincent Jackson was dealing with an injury, scoring just four points.
Worth noting is the fact that the News Team has Victor Cruz who put up his third straight double-digit week and should start to become a popular target for Manning. This Cruz kid, despite making a poor play on a devastating INT for TD, has made some incredible catches and his speed makes him explosive like DeSean Jackson. If he keeps this up, this could be the fantasy piece that puts everyone in the League to shame.
Because we all know that piece can't be Jackie Battle. It just can't be. … Right?
Sunday Slackers 118, Team Boyer 90.6
I saved the best for last.
Or did I just make the Slackers wait the longest?
Probably the latter.
The Slackers made a statement Sunday, showing that they are for real, winning with one of his best players on the bye, along with two other starters. Ray Rice, Felix Jones and Santana Moss — a combined 39 points per week — were on the bye and the Slackers still scored 118. Drew Brees and Matt Forte held up their ends, and A.J. Green and Deion Branch rose for the occasion.
Boyer has a good team, and though Boyer had a tough week, this still works out to be a great win for the Slackers. He gets a win over a team that someone else in his division may not be able to get — and that will mean a lot down the stretch.
Other than that, there's not much more to talk about in this matchup. Brady was pedestrian for Boyer, and his WRs were awful, so that's the main reason he lost. He'll be much better when he gets Dez Bryant back from the bye week.
For the Slackers, he just needs to survive two big bye weeks: Week 8 when Forte is off against the News Team, and Week 11 when Drew Brees is gone against division rival Jammers. The latter will bye week could prove to be pivotal in winning the division.
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