A nurse walks over to a clipboard to see the list of patients sitting in the waiting room.
Listed there is, Ben Roethlisberger, broken thumb. He's next.
But before the nurse shouts out Big Ben's name, she notices the rest of the list.
Matt Schaub, Lisfranc injury, out for the season.
Matt Cassel, hand surgery, out for season.
Knowshon Moreno, torn ACL, out for season.
Michael Vick, broken ribs, questionable.
And that's just a taste of how bad Week 10 was to NFL players.
It was like Disc 6 on Band of Brothers, Bastogne. People were dropping like flies.
Some of us avoided trouble with this, but the Toasters, Houserville and Fear and Loathing are affected by this.
The worst injury in the JFL is clearly Matt Schaub. The Toasters are lucky that they're first in line on the waiver wire because he'll need to pick up Matt Leinart considering his backups are Colt McCoy, who is underperforming, and Jake Locker, who hasn't gotten his chance yet and won't for a bit because the Titans keep winning games.
Kind of like John Beck and Vince Young on the News Team. They're never taking a snap for the Super Bowl Champs, who brought the offense on trophy day.
Channel 4 News Team 168.8, Jawz Attack 110.2
Here he comes with trophy in hand.
The News Team is cruising again. With Aaron Rodgers and Arian Foster both piling up the points — they combined for 72 points in Week 10 — it's going to be tough to beat this team from here on out.
His 1,345.9 points this season is leaps and bounds ahead of the rest of us and it doesn't look like it will be slowing down anytime soon.
And he showed no mercy for Jawz, who got decent performances out of Maurice Jones-Drew, Jimmy Graham and the Cowboys defense, but it was no where near enough.
News Team started the week strong with 26.8 points from Denarius Moore, added Arian Foster's 33.4 points on Sunday and closed it out with Aaron Rodgers' 38.6 on Monday. It was a long weekend for Jawz, who was officially eliminated from playoff contention.
The News Team has now won four straight and sits in a tie for first place with the Generals, who of course he plays in Week 11.
Ah, praise the schedule maker once again.
Well, News Team can't just praise me. He must praise the NFL schedule makers. Will you take a look at Aaron Rodgers' upcoming slate: Tampa Bay, Detroit, New York Giants, Oakland, Kansas City and then Chicago, if the News Team can get back to the Super Bowl.
There are some great matchups for Rodgers, and certainly, in such a big divisional contest next week, Graybill cannot be happy. But, I'll talk more about this in the preview.
Sunday Slackers 133.5, Houserville 126.7
With every Rob Gronkowski catch on Sunday night, the Slackers saw his Monday night getting more stressful.
All night long, all he could do was pray for Jordy Nelson TDs. But, Randall Cobb scores first. Then Greg Jennings. Nelson finally gets into the act with a third-quarter TD, but that still left him three points short of taking the lead.
Then, and we've seen this before in other matchups, the Packers are still pressing up 31-7 in the fourth and another Rodgers drive results in a 4-yard TD pass to Nelson. Comeback complete.
With the win, the Slackers clinch the franchise's second playoff berth, and with the Noise guaranteed not to make the playoffs, there won't be an embarrassing first-round loss.
And (I know, I say it every week) with the trio of Brees, Rice and Forte, there shouldn't be any kind of first-round loss. Brees scored 28 fantasy points and Rice and Forte each hit double-digits to lead the Slackers. A.J. Green, Jordy Nelson and John Kasay also had double-digit weeks, something only five of Houserville's players could claim.
Cam Newton was the week link this week, falling well short of my personal expectations. Just 15 points works out to be his worst performance of his short NFL career. He's been in the high teens two other times, but on the other weeks, he's posted 30 or more points. Against Tennessee, one of the most Jekyll and Hyde teams I've ever seen, Newton ran into Jekyll. Or would it be Hyde? I don't know. Whichever one is the one who scores points and plays defense. That's who Newton ran into.
And it clearly hurt Houserville this week. Even a 25-point week gives Houserville the win. Maybe next week.
Fear and Loathing 120.8, Dottsville Toasters 119.7
In one of the closest matchups of the season, Fear and Loathing survived a week where he should have started Tim Tebow.
Wait, really?
That's right. Michael Vick only had 11.9 points. Tebow, on the other hand, had 21.3. Both are considered running QBs, but Tebow takes it to a new extreme. Completing just two passes, one for a TD, he out-performed Vick, which is hard to believe because Vick should have schooled the Cardinals.
But, so we find out a day later, Vick broke two ribs on the second play of the game and never told anyone. I guess secrecy is OK in Reid's camp, but missing special teams meetings isn't.
And it looks like Fear missed my preview before the game started, because I did point out that benching Brandon Lloyd was not smart. "But I'm not so sure that Brandon Lloyd deserves the benching. Lloyd will score 18 points on the bench this week," says my preview.
So, 18 points was a little much, but he still scored a TD and had double-digits. Much more than Josh Cribbs.
Still, Rashard Mendenhall and DeMarco Murray both were huge on Sunday, combining for 43.5 points, and as soon as Randall Cobb returned his punt for a TD, the Packers defense had enough points to beat the Toasters.
But the Toasters continued to inch his way closer with James Starks runs and Mason Crosby extra points.
All the Toasters needed was for the Vikings to score another TD or gain another 70 yards and the score would have flipped the other way. Or perhaps if the Packers didn't commit a 5-yard penalty on Mason Crosby's made 40-plus-yard field goal before the half. Instead, he had to try again from 50-plus yards where he came up just short.
This was key because the Toasters really needed this win. With Matt Schaub going down, it's not looking good for the rest of the season at this point and a QB will need to be picked up for sure.
But if there is one good thing coming out of this week, it was that Chris Johnson finally showed up to the party with 27 carries, 130 yards and a TD. His 24.2 points were a season high and a welcoming sight. The Toasters will need more performances like that if he has any hopes of winning the division.
Team Boyer 86.5, World of Noise 81
Almost. So freaking close and so freaking sad. After the 4 p.m. games on Sunday, Noise had a 28-point lead, and through a good part of the first half of the Sunday night game, it didn't look like Tom Brady was going to score enough to avoid the upset.
But 329 yards and three TDs gave Brady 34.2 points and Boyer the narrow win.
He's lucky, too, scoring just 86.5 points and winning. Somewhere Jawz Attack is cursing and drinking a couple gallons of Pepsi Max (it's his thing).
Other than the comeback, there isn't much I want to say here because I hate wasting my time on a Noise recap, or preview for that matter. It's so pointless. It's like playing defense against the Packers. Why try? Aaron Rodgers is just going to school you.
T-Money 99.9, Chinese Organ Thieves 82.1
I can't win in Schiavo's league, he can't win in mine. That's how it's been this season.
This was just another example.
BenJarvus Green-Ellis was a complete bust, just 0.8 points. Reggie Wayne was a waste, just 1.9 points. Jeremy Maclin was just plain worthless, 1.5 points.
Most of T-Money's roster was in the same boat, and if it weren't for Tony Romo's day, the Money many would have ended up on the wrong side of this battle. Instead, Romo threw for 270 yards and three TDs, two of the touchdowns went to Laurent Robinson, who also is on T-Money's roster. It was the perfect connection for Week 10 — especially because Dwayne Bowe and Steve Smith were big busts on Sunday. They had great matchups and couldn't cash in. I really expected more out of these guys.
But, at least I was right about the 49ers players. Gore was good for just 1 point and the 49ers defense got just 8.5 points.
Still, I have to go back and touch on what I said in the preview. I just wasn't buying into the 49ers at that time, and even though I'm still a little iffy about that team, I have to give them credit. They are 8-1 and they're beating teams that I think are good. So, I have to finally recognize that Schiavo's favorite squad is looking like a lock for the No. 2 seed.
At least something good is going on for Schiavo.
Jimmy Jammers 111, Graybill's Generals 79.4
It was another week of big bench points for the Jammers, and yet it was still another win.
The big switch minutes before the 1 p.m. games kicked off was a big help, as Matt Ryan was moved into the lineup for Matthew Stafford. The other late switch, Julio Jones for Larry Fitzgerald was not such a great move. Jones' hamstring flared up and he left the game early. Fitzgerald, who has struggle over the last couple years against physical corners like Nnamdi Asomugha, but for some reason, the Eagles allowed linebackers and Hanson to cover him. Had I know that, I would have left Fitzgerald in the lineup.
And it's those linebackers on the Eagles defense who are going to allow Jake Ballard to have a big week next week. Much bigger than he had this week. All four of the receivers for Graybill did fare well, as predicted. They combined for 12.7 points, and with LeSean McCoy having his second-lowest point total of the season (15.9), the Generals were in trouble.
Heading into the Sunday night game, the Generals needed the Jets defense to come up big, but New York managed just 4.5 fantasy points, giving up 37 points to the Pats.
Greg Jennings added on 9.8 points Monday night as the Jammers locked up a playoff berth. With a win next week, the Jammers can lock up his sixth division title.
Listed there is, Ben Roethlisberger, broken thumb. He's next.
But before the nurse shouts out Big Ben's name, she notices the rest of the list.
Matt Schaub, Lisfranc injury, out for the season.
Matt Cassel, hand surgery, out for season.
Knowshon Moreno, torn ACL, out for season.
Michael Vick, broken ribs, questionable.
And that's just a taste of how bad Week 10 was to NFL players.
It was like Disc 6 on Band of Brothers, Bastogne. People were dropping like flies.
Some of us avoided trouble with this, but the Toasters, Houserville and Fear and Loathing are affected by this.
The worst injury in the JFL is clearly Matt Schaub. The Toasters are lucky that they're first in line on the waiver wire because he'll need to pick up Matt Leinart considering his backups are Colt McCoy, who is underperforming, and Jake Locker, who hasn't gotten his chance yet and won't for a bit because the Titans keep winning games.
Kind of like John Beck and Vince Young on the News Team. They're never taking a snap for the Super Bowl Champs, who brought the offense on trophy day.
Channel 4 News Team 168.8, Jawz Attack 110.2
Here he comes with trophy in hand.
The News Team is cruising again. With Aaron Rodgers and Arian Foster both piling up the points — they combined for 72 points in Week 10 — it's going to be tough to beat this team from here on out.
His 1,345.9 points this season is leaps and bounds ahead of the rest of us and it doesn't look like it will be slowing down anytime soon.
And he showed no mercy for Jawz, who got decent performances out of Maurice Jones-Drew, Jimmy Graham and the Cowboys defense, but it was no where near enough.
News Team started the week strong with 26.8 points from Denarius Moore, added Arian Foster's 33.4 points on Sunday and closed it out with Aaron Rodgers' 38.6 on Monday. It was a long weekend for Jawz, who was officially eliminated from playoff contention.
The News Team has now won four straight and sits in a tie for first place with the Generals, who of course he plays in Week 11.
Ah, praise the schedule maker once again.
Well, News Team can't just praise me. He must praise the NFL schedule makers. Will you take a look at Aaron Rodgers' upcoming slate: Tampa Bay, Detroit, New York Giants, Oakland, Kansas City and then Chicago, if the News Team can get back to the Super Bowl.
There are some great matchups for Rodgers, and certainly, in such a big divisional contest next week, Graybill cannot be happy. But, I'll talk more about this in the preview.
Sunday Slackers 133.5, Houserville 126.7
With every Rob Gronkowski catch on Sunday night, the Slackers saw his Monday night getting more stressful.
All night long, all he could do was pray for Jordy Nelson TDs. But, Randall Cobb scores first. Then Greg Jennings. Nelson finally gets into the act with a third-quarter TD, but that still left him three points short of taking the lead.
Then, and we've seen this before in other matchups, the Packers are still pressing up 31-7 in the fourth and another Rodgers drive results in a 4-yard TD pass to Nelson. Comeback complete.
With the win, the Slackers clinch the franchise's second playoff berth, and with the Noise guaranteed not to make the playoffs, there won't be an embarrassing first-round loss.
And (I know, I say it every week) with the trio of Brees, Rice and Forte, there shouldn't be any kind of first-round loss. Brees scored 28 fantasy points and Rice and Forte each hit double-digits to lead the Slackers. A.J. Green, Jordy Nelson and John Kasay also had double-digit weeks, something only five of Houserville's players could claim.
Cam Newton was the week link this week, falling well short of my personal expectations. Just 15 points works out to be his worst performance of his short NFL career. He's been in the high teens two other times, but on the other weeks, he's posted 30 or more points. Against Tennessee, one of the most Jekyll and Hyde teams I've ever seen, Newton ran into Jekyll. Or would it be Hyde? I don't know. Whichever one is the one who scores points and plays defense. That's who Newton ran into.
And it clearly hurt Houserville this week. Even a 25-point week gives Houserville the win. Maybe next week.
Fear and Loathing 120.8, Dottsville Toasters 119.7
In one of the closest matchups of the season, Fear and Loathing survived a week where he should have started Tim Tebow.
Wait, really?
That's right. Michael Vick only had 11.9 points. Tebow, on the other hand, had 21.3. Both are considered running QBs, but Tebow takes it to a new extreme. Completing just two passes, one for a TD, he out-performed Vick, which is hard to believe because Vick should have schooled the Cardinals.
But, so we find out a day later, Vick broke two ribs on the second play of the game and never told anyone. I guess secrecy is OK in Reid's camp, but missing special teams meetings isn't.
And it looks like Fear missed my preview before the game started, because I did point out that benching Brandon Lloyd was not smart. "But I'm not so sure that Brandon Lloyd deserves the benching. Lloyd will score 18 points on the bench this week," says my preview.
So, 18 points was a little much, but he still scored a TD and had double-digits. Much more than Josh Cribbs.
Still, Rashard Mendenhall and DeMarco Murray both were huge on Sunday, combining for 43.5 points, and as soon as Randall Cobb returned his punt for a TD, the Packers defense had enough points to beat the Toasters.
But the Toasters continued to inch his way closer with James Starks runs and Mason Crosby extra points.
All the Toasters needed was for the Vikings to score another TD or gain another 70 yards and the score would have flipped the other way. Or perhaps if the Packers didn't commit a 5-yard penalty on Mason Crosby's made 40-plus-yard field goal before the half. Instead, he had to try again from 50-plus yards where he came up just short.
This was key because the Toasters really needed this win. With Matt Schaub going down, it's not looking good for the rest of the season at this point and a QB will need to be picked up for sure.
But if there is one good thing coming out of this week, it was that Chris Johnson finally showed up to the party with 27 carries, 130 yards and a TD. His 24.2 points were a season high and a welcoming sight. The Toasters will need more performances like that if he has any hopes of winning the division.
Team Boyer 86.5, World of Noise 81
Almost. So freaking close and so freaking sad. After the 4 p.m. games on Sunday, Noise had a 28-point lead, and through a good part of the first half of the Sunday night game, it didn't look like Tom Brady was going to score enough to avoid the upset.
But 329 yards and three TDs gave Brady 34.2 points and Boyer the narrow win.
He's lucky, too, scoring just 86.5 points and winning. Somewhere Jawz Attack is cursing and drinking a couple gallons of Pepsi Max (it's his thing).
Other than the comeback, there isn't much I want to say here because I hate wasting my time on a Noise recap, or preview for that matter. It's so pointless. It's like playing defense against the Packers. Why try? Aaron Rodgers is just going to school you.
T-Money 99.9, Chinese Organ Thieves 82.1
I can't win in Schiavo's league, he can't win in mine. That's how it's been this season.
This was just another example.
BenJarvus Green-Ellis was a complete bust, just 0.8 points. Reggie Wayne was a waste, just 1.9 points. Jeremy Maclin was just plain worthless, 1.5 points.
Most of T-Money's roster was in the same boat, and if it weren't for Tony Romo's day, the Money many would have ended up on the wrong side of this battle. Instead, Romo threw for 270 yards and three TDs, two of the touchdowns went to Laurent Robinson, who also is on T-Money's roster. It was the perfect connection for Week 10 — especially because Dwayne Bowe and Steve Smith were big busts on Sunday. They had great matchups and couldn't cash in. I really expected more out of these guys.
But, at least I was right about the 49ers players. Gore was good for just 1 point and the 49ers defense got just 8.5 points.
Still, I have to go back and touch on what I said in the preview. I just wasn't buying into the 49ers at that time, and even though I'm still a little iffy about that team, I have to give them credit. They are 8-1 and they're beating teams that I think are good. So, I have to finally recognize that Schiavo's favorite squad is looking like a lock for the No. 2 seed.
At least something good is going on for Schiavo.
Jimmy Jammers 111, Graybill's Generals 79.4
It was another week of big bench points for the Jammers, and yet it was still another win.
The big switch minutes before the 1 p.m. games kicked off was a big help, as Matt Ryan was moved into the lineup for Matthew Stafford. The other late switch, Julio Jones for Larry Fitzgerald was not such a great move. Jones' hamstring flared up and he left the game early. Fitzgerald, who has struggle over the last couple years against physical corners like Nnamdi Asomugha, but for some reason, the Eagles allowed linebackers and Hanson to cover him. Had I know that, I would have left Fitzgerald in the lineup.
And it's those linebackers on the Eagles defense who are going to allow Jake Ballard to have a big week next week. Much bigger than he had this week. All four of the receivers for Graybill did fare well, as predicted. They combined for 12.7 points, and with LeSean McCoy having his second-lowest point total of the season (15.9), the Generals were in trouble.
Heading into the Sunday night game, the Generals needed the Jets defense to come up big, but New York managed just 4.5 fantasy points, giving up 37 points to the Pats.
Greg Jennings added on 9.8 points Monday night as the Jammers locked up a playoff berth. With a win next week, the Jammers can lock up his sixth division title.
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