Last week, I predicted the News Team to drop 155 points on me, and he did (well, it was 155 until a point adjustment made it 154.9).
How insane is that?
Perhaps it’s why I wasn’t mad last week.
When the News Team finally took the lead, I didn’t complain like I usually do.
I just let it fly.
Why? Cause I had already accepted the loss before the day of NFL action had even started.
Well, today will be no different.
With Matthew Stafford out on the bye — wait, he didn’t have the bye last week, or the week before or the week before that? — and a matchup against another JFL team that owns me, I can see 1-4 coming quickly.
And that would be a first.
It also will give me as many losses as I had all of last season.
It’s shades of 2008 all over again where I went 6-7 during the regular season thanks to a 1-4 stretch to end the season.
This time it’s to start the year.
As you can see, I’m already accepting loss No. 4
Now, without further delay, let’s see who will be accepting losses with me.
Chinese Organ Thieves (3-1) at Jimmy Jammers (1-3)
Series History: Thieves lead 5-2
Last Meeting: Jammers won 129-115.7
I basically just previewed this.
Let’s put it this way: Peyton Manning, Adrian Peterson, Trent Richardson and Rob Gronkowski will all make this matchup over before it starts — because as Parker says, the Jammers has Jay Cutler.
Wait, are we really that down on Jay Cutler? He did just have a really good showing on Monday night against a Cowboy defense that was said to be better.
So why is Parker and ESPN dogging Cutler with poor projections against the Jaguars?
If Cutler can have a big game, the Jammers will have a good chance of picking up a third win, but it also will have to coincide with a big Sunday game from his RBs — Darren Sproles and Ryan Mathews who face off against each other. Both backs seem to be wild cards because of the offenses they are in. With all of the Thieves players done at about 7:30/8 p.m., the Jammers will be on the comeback track with Sproles and Mathews.
But it will come up short.
Jammers’ Prediction: Thieves 129, Jammers 117
Dottsville Toasters (3-1) at Real Houserville (3-1)
Series History: Toasters lead 3-1
Last Meeting: Toasters won 111.9-111.1
I’m sure these two are feeling slighted because in the clear matchup of the week, I put my game before their preview.
Well, if they do feel slighted, they should know that the rest of the JFL feels slighted by their losses’ last week.
We were supposed to have a great matchup of undefeateds.
Now, one of these teams will have a two-game losing streak after Monday night.
… Or they should, because as we saw last season, it could be a tie. The Toasters won by 0.8 points last season.
This matchup could be equally as close.
Both have a few key guys on the bye — Darren McFadden and Doug Martin for the Ville and Calvin Johnson for the Toasters.
The Toasters also have no plans on being fooled by Chris Johnson’s big game last week. CJ-No-K remains on the bench.
I like it. Defiance. Ownership making a statement. It’s bold.
But will it work? Stevan Ridley has a tough matchup with the No. 6-ranked rushing defense (Broncos). Michael Bush has a much better matchup against the 30th-ranked rushing defense (Jaguars).
The Toasters will get his points from the QB position, of course, so for him, he’s going to be relying heavily on the WRs that are left.
Danny Amendola had just 5.1 points before suffering an injury on Thursday, so it’s up to Eric Decker and Dwayne Bowe. Both had big weeks last week, so the Toasters will hope to get that again — but they both have tough matchups.
Meanwhile, the Ville is going with a lineup that was not part of his preseason projection. His trio of WRs remain the same and they should provide decent points, but it will be up to Joe Flacco, C.J. Spiller and Jackie Battle to win this matchup.
After Battle scored another two TDs last week, he earned a waiver claim and a roster spot on the Ville.
And surprisingly, after falling well short of the point total that Cam Newton produced last week, Flacco gets the nod again over the Ville’s 2011 MVP.
It’s a big shocking, but the Ravens are playing the Chiefs, who give up a lot of fantasy points. Still, the game is in Kansas City, which can be a tough place to play.
I think Flacco will get 25 points, but it won’t be the 30-some we’ll see from Newton. Battle will be kept out of the end zone and Spiller will be bottled up by the 49ers defense.
Jammers’ Prediction: Toasters 119, Houserville 111.1
Fear and Loathing (3-1) at Team Boyer (1-3)
Series History: Fear leads 4-2
Last Meeting: Fear won 111.8-91.3
Fear decided Week 5 is the day.
It’s the day that the franchise QB they drafted makes his JFL debut.
After two poor outings (10 points and 22.9) in his last two weeks, Michael Vick gets a seat on the bench.
And Luck, who was on the bye last week, has scored 25.1 and 33.5 points in his last two matchups.
So Fear took that data and decided today was the day.
It also may have something to do with the fact that Vick is playing his Steelers.
No matter the circumstances, Luck is happy to be making his JFL debut, but can he have a big day against the Packers?
The Packers defense was among the NFL’s best against the pass prior to last week, but then the Saints put up 446 passing yards and three TDs to push the defense to 23rd.
Needless to say, the Colts are not the Saints. Nowhere close. But Luck does have the luxury of playing in the Dome in Indy as opposed to Lambeau.
So potentially, Luck could get to 25 points, but I would put 30 as a reach.
On the other side of this matchup, Boyer has no such QB change. The only time Tom Brady is getting a seat is the week that he’s on the bye.
This week is no bye. He’s going up against the Broncos defense, which should provide a challenge for Brady. Still, he’s Brady and we should pencil him in for at least 28 points.
Outside of the QBs, the rest of this matchup is basically a trio of Fear WRs vs. a trio of Boyer RBs.
I like all three of Boyer’s RBs, especially Matt Forte who, if healthy, has the chance to have a huge day. I’m talking 30 fantasy points — again, only if he’s truly healthy. If not, he’ll split those points with Michael Bush.
Fear’s wideouts will be led by Mike Wallace and Roddy White. The weather may be a factor for White, but I’m sure Matt Ryan will find him for several catches.
The difference in this matchup could be the two Fear RBs vs. the two Boyer WRs — and I side will Fear on this one, because I like Willis McGahee better than the two wideouts Boyer is deploying.
So, yes, I’m going with Fear. Today, he’s going to get Lucky.
Jammers’ Prediction: Fear 121, Boyer 112
World of Noise (1-3) at Jawz Attack (2-2)
Series History: Tied at 1-1
Last Meeting: Attack won 88.2-84.6
We’d all like to forget last season’s matchup that the Jawz nearly lost.
What an awful score.
Today should be a little better. Should.
But who knows. I guess when the Noise is involved, who knows what’s going to happen.
For the Noise, he’s looking to get over 100 points for a second week in a row and move to 2-3, putting the woes of an 0-3 start behind him.
Finally, he benched Robert Meachem, so expect Meachem to scored 25 fantasy points on the bench (it’s just how that works).
But he’ll be happy with his starters.
Matt Ryan and Michael Turner should be good for a bunch of points in Washington, although, Ryan could be held out of the 30s because of the rain. Still, 28 fantasy points isn’t out of the question.
And if the Falcons’ pass game is limited, that means it’s Turner time. Expect 100 yards and a TD from him today.
I also say you should expect a TD from BenJarvus Green-Ellis, too. … And perhaps two. Oh, that would be nice for the Noise.
I like Anquan Boldin and Owen Daniels to score as well, which means the Attack will need more than 88 points this year.
The Attack should get into the 20s with Big Ben, but then he has some tough matchups with Maurice Jones-Drew (Bears), Shonn Greene (Texans), Steve Smith (Seahawks) and Wes Welker (Broncos).
That’s rough.
Smith should be bottled up by the seventh-ranked pass defense, while Jones-Drew may struggle to find holes in the second-ranked rushing defense.
That said, Jones-Drew can easily get involved in the passing game.
Still, I don’t think it will be enough.
Wait, what am I saying? Can this be true? Am I picking the Noise over his Godfather?
Jammers’ Prediction: Noise 128, Attack 101
Sunday Slackers (3-1) at Channel 4 News Team (2-2)
Series History: News Team leads 3-1
Last Meeting: News Team won 107.2-99.9
Woo, this will be a shootout.
And with that, the loser will feel like I have the last couple weeks because scoring 120 or more points and losing is a pain.
But that’s definitely happening here today.
Both QBs in this matchup have the chance to score 40 points today, and all the skill positions are in line for big days.
Honestly, I’m not breaking it down player-by-player because it just looks that crazy — go ahead, take a look at their boxscore.
Jamaal Charles may have the toughest matchup against the Ravens defense, but still, Baltimore has given up a rushing TD each week.
The Rams defense scored 22 points for the News Team, which a nice point total on defense in 2012 with the new defense settings, but the Bears could produce similar numbers for the Slackers.
I’m not looking it up now, but I have a good feeling that I’ll be searching through the record books for the highest combined point total between two teams in one matchup.
I imagine the record would be that thriller between the News Team and the Thieves last season that featured more than 300 points, and I think we could see close to 320 out of this one.
Am I hyping this up too much?
Not any more than ESPN would hype up a Tim Tebow 1-yard run.
And ESPN will have the call for the final part of this matchup. Arian Foster goes on Monday night when I imagine that the News Team will get another 20, 25 points to take a lead on the Slackers.
Jammers’ Prediction: News Team 168, Slackers 156
Graybill’s Generals (1-3) at T-Money (1-3)
Series History: Generals lead 5-1
Last Meeting: Generals won 130.1-103
It’s a battle of 1-3 teams, which mean on team is joining me at 1-4 — come on, accept it — and another is getting back on track.
That team may be the Generals, and that’s only because in what should be a close matchup, Eli Manning will outscore Kevin Kolb by at least 20 points. I like Eli for 33 to 35 points today, and Kolb had just 13.2 against the Rams.
But that was the only option for the Money man who dropped Jay Cutler for Kolb to play on Tony Romo’s bye week.
Because I like Manning, I also like Victor Cruz to get close to 20 points.
And with that, I’m going to end this preview short. It’s 11:30 and I need to get these up.
Sorry to short you two, but when you both aren’t playing 1-3 vs. 1-3 matchups, I’ll give you more.
Jammers’ Prediction: Generals 108, T-Money 95
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