I watched the first half-hour of the Steelers-Titans game before switching over to that “smirking, mean, disrespectful old guy” arguing with that “lying, overpaid young guy.”
No, Roger Gooddell and Jonathan Vilma were not on TV Thursday. I was watching Joe Biden and Paul Ryan go at it for two hours, and thankfully I did, because my two Steelers would have frustrated the hell out of me.
Rashard Mendenhall, after such a great week in Week 5, earned a start for my team, but left with an Achilles injury after scoring just 1.9 points.
Antonio Brown wasn’t much better, dropping a few key passes and earning just 3.3 points.
Total: 5.2 points for the night.
Meanwhile, during that first half-hour that I watched, I got the chance to see my opponent, Fear and Loathing, get an 82-yard TD catch for Mike Wallace, which was 16.4 of his 17.8 points earned that night.
The Toasters, Jawz Attack and Channel 4 News Team all got decent point totals out of Thursday’s game, so it was I who was alone in the “Fail-blog” department.
Hopefully, that’s not how my weekend as a whole ends.
I’m going to be lazy this week. I don’t feel like pulling out the Excel sheet to type out “series history” and “last matchup” information. Save myself some frustration.
Graybill’s Generals (1-4) at Dottsville Toasters (3-2)
The Toasters will have to bee a secret fan on Sunday.
He's got a lot to root for and a lot to root against.
Unfortunately, none of it meshes with the reason he bought Eagles tickets.
He purchased those tickets to cheer on his beloved Birds.
Instead, he'll be cheering on Calvin Johnson and rooting against LeSean McCoy and the Eagles defense.
It's going to be a quiet, internal battle that he will deal with all day, especially considering the fact that I'm high on Calvin Johnson this week.
We saw the kind of day Larry Fitzgerald had against the Eagles, and I fully expect that with a much better QB in Matthew Stafford, there’s a good chance that Calvin Johnson will score more than 20 fantasy points. That will have a double-impact on this matchup as the Generals start the Eagles defense, which has been good, but today will be different, especially with Michael Vick turning the ball over and giving the Lions the short field.
Remember that whole talk about acceptance last week?
Yeah, I’ve accepted the fact that I think the Lions are going to kill the Eagles today.
Unless … wait for it … Nick Foles.
Ah, the Toasters can only hope that his other drafted QB starts getting snaps in Philly.
If he does today, the Toasters will be there to see it.
He’ll also have to boo a little when LeSean McCoy gets into the end zone. … He might as well wear a Lions jersey to the game.
I’m just kidding, Ryan. Don’t do that. You’ll end up like your boy RG3, concussed.
What, too soon?
I hope for the Toasters, it isn't. RG3 is my key to today's matchup.
He was the reason he jumped out to a 3-1 start, and he was the reason he lost his second straight game last week.
If RG3 can return from his concussion and be the top-5 fantasy QB he was in the first four weeks, the Toasters will easily win this matchup.
As for his opponent, the Generals are struggling.
We make fun of the Noise for all of his sub-100 performances, but quietly, the Generals has fewer 100-point performances than the Noise.
He’s had just one week where he hit 118.4 points, in a win over the News Team, and in all the other weeks, it’s been 99, 91.1, 87.3 and 79.4 points.
It’s been rough.
It’s the type of point totals he was use to with Joe Flacco at the helm.
But that was supposed to change this year.
Eli Manning was going to be the savior.
And for the most part, he’s done his job. He’s the fourth-ranked QB in the JFL throwing to the Generals’ third-ranked Victor Cruz. His other keeper, LeSean McCoy is ranked 15th in the JFL, but that’s it.
He doesn’t have another RB or WR in the top 40.
That formula just doesn’t work out.
It may be time to trade that fifth-ranked QB Andy Dalton to a team that needs a QB for a position player. The Generals need one badly.
The Toasters, on the other hand, has a starting lineup today that has 8-of-9 positions in the top 25, including four in the top 10. The only one outside the top 25 is RB Chris Johnson, who has already scored 12.2 points on Thursday.
I'll take the team with the overall better roster.
Jammers’ Prediction: Toasters 124, Generals 101
Sunday Slackers (3-2) at World of Noise (2-3)
There really isn’t a “matchup of the week” this week, but this one may get the title just because of last week’s surprise, the World of Noise.
Look out, JFL.
He’s on a two-game winning streak.
He hasn’t won two in a row since 2010, and if he gets a win this weekend, he will win three in a row for the first time since 2009. (So much for not pulling out the Excel spreadsheets. … I still refuse to do the extra work this week.)
And if there ever was a week to try and beat the Slackers, it’d be Week 6.
With Drew Brees on the bye, the Slackers are forced to go with Ryan Fitzpatrick, who has had a few decent point totals, like the 40.9 points he put up against New England.
But the Pats are ranked 29th against the pass, the Cards are ranked ninth. The 49ers, who Fitzpatrick faced last week, are ranked sixth, so if you take that into account, you should expect a total from Fitzpatrick that is closer to the 5.1 he had against San Francisco.
If that’s the case, the Noise really has a good chance this week, especially considering the amount of points he should get from Matt Ryan and Michael Turner.
All year, it’s been about Ryan, and Sunday, Ryan should get another 28 fantasy points, but watch out for Turner. He’s had double-digits in four straight weeks with touchdowns in each week.
The Raiders are ranked 28th in the NFL in rushing defense, so you do the math. I expect Turner to have at least 120 yards rushing and two scores.
The Noise’s BenJarvus Green-Ellis also has a good matchup against the Browns, but he’s let other good matchups go to waste, so I wary to say that he’ll provide points for the Noise. If he does get into the end zone, he’ll be taking TDs away from A.J. Green, which is what the Noise will have to hope for.
To me, this is one of the two big battles in this matchup. Ellis vs. Green, and then the battle amongst the Ravens.
The Slackers have Ray Rice and Torrey Smith, while the Noise has Anquan Boldin.
I like Rice to have a decent score in the low teens — because the Cowboys defense is pretty good against the run — and Boldin to outscore Smith, because the Cowboys will have their best corner on Smith, opening up some chances for Boldin, especially in the red zone.
Parker can easily see where I’m going with this.
Jammers’ Prediction: World of Noise 121, Slackers 109
Jawz Attack (2-3) at Real Houserville (4-1)
When you score 42.4 points on Thursday night with two players — including your kicker — and you’re still only projected to score 104 points, you’re in trouble.
The Attack faces a big bye week with both Steve Smith and Maurice Jones-Drew, so into the lineup goes Vick Ballard and Alex Green.
Wait, who?
Well, Alex Green has been buried on the Packers depth chart for a long time, and if it weren’t for a few injuries, he may have been the starter from day one. He’s extremely talented from what I hear — if you may recall, he sat on my bench two years ago as a sleeper — now he’s getting his first JFL start.
Also making what I imagine is his first JFL start is Vick Ballard, who will seeing playing time with Donald Brown out of the Colts lineup. He hasn’t been impressive in his limited action, averaging just 2.0 yards per carry over 21 rushes. … See, not good. If he holds that average on Sunday, he won’t be out there for long. But, he does have a great matchup with the Jets defense — that’s right, the Jets are 27th against the run. Oh, silly Jets. Thinking they’d be good. Not me. I predicted a 4-and-12 campaign and I like my chances of seeing that.
And that’s why the Attack’s Shonn Greene also is a poor play. After 15.4 points in Week 1, he’s scored 15.7 in the four following weeks combined. The Colts rushing defense is ranked 23rd, so one would think this matchup would help him get back to double-digits, but don’t catch me falling for that.
That is why, I’m picking Houserville to move to 5-1 this week.
He’s got Joe Flacco going for a third straight week — he has no choice this week with Cam Newton on the bye — and he’s got his top running backs back after their bye weeks. His wideouts have been among the best and I like Brandon Pettigrew to have some success against the Eagles secondary.
The Ville should get enough to beat what I believe will be a low point total from the Attack, perhaps a second straight week of sub-100.
Jammers’ Prediction: Houserville 125, Jawz Attack 96
Jimmy Jammers (2-3) at Fear and Loathing (4-1)
If Houserville is going to get to 5-1, well, then, Fear and Loathing will get there, too.
He’s not going to let the Ville get ahead of him.
I already mentioned in my opening rant all that went wrong — or right, depending on who’s talking — in this matchup on Thursday.
Now it comes down to the Jammers needing either a few super point totals or a few poor performances from Fear that equal his pair of poor Thursday perfromances.
The Eagles-Lions matchup and the Atlanta Oakland matchup will weigh heavily in this matchup.
Both have the starting quarterbacks in the former matchup, and even as an Eagles fan, I have to say I like Matt Stafford to out-perform Fear’s Michael Vick.
It’s a bit surprising to see Fear going back to Vick after Andrew Luck had such a huge week. Vick has been a mess all season, despite a few good fantasy days. He continues to turn the ball over — 11 times already this season — and he certainly has to be feeling some pressure heading into this game.
Still, Fear is playing this right. Last week, he benched Vick because he was playing his Steelers.
Perhaps he started Vick because he knows that I’ll have to secretly root against him on Sunday. (I’m not rooting against him, I just rooting for LeSean McCoy.)
With the Jammers having the edge in that matchup, the second one will be pivotal. The Jammers has Julio Jones and Tony Gonzalez, while Fear has Roddy White, so where Matt Ryan goes with the ball Sunday will make a huge difference in this game.
I think this matchup is going to be close, but I think it will be hard for the Jammers to catch up and win this unless Stafford scores 45 points and Vick is held to 20.
In my mind, Stafford scores 31 and Vick gets 26.
And Fear gets the win.
Jammers’ Prediction: Fear 128, Jammers 118
Channel 4 News Team (3-2) at T-Money (2-3)
The News Team picked a good week insert Kenny Britt into the starting lineup.
With a TD, he’s got the News Team off to a good start, and surely, the trifecta of Aaron Rodgers, Arian Foster and Jamaal Charles will take care of the rest.
Interestingly enough, the Money Man is going with Kevin Kolb again instead of Tony Romo. He also has Fred Jackson back and at wideout, he’s going with James Jone and Jeremy Kerley over Brandon Lloyd and Steve Johnson.
Jason Witten also remains on the bench in favor of Joel Dreesen, and Ahmad Bradshaw gets a seat, too.
It’s quite unique if you ask me.
On his bench, you have this:
QB: Tony Romo. RB: Ahmad Bradshaw, Jacquizz Rodgers. WR: Steve Johnson, Brandon Lloyd, Greg Little. TE: Jason Witten.
That’s a starting lineup that could compete with the Noise — and perhaps the Jawz Attack this week.
It will be interesting to see how this works out for T-Money, but against the best team in the JFL — in my mind — why not try something different.
It can’t hurt, right?
Jammers’ Prediction: News Team 148, T-Money 115
Team Boyer (1-4) at Chinese Organ Thieves (3-2)
The Thieves just ran into the wrong team last week and was denied a chance at improving to 4-1.
Instead, he sits at 3-2 heading into a big matchup against Team Boyer, who has been denied wins on almost a weekly basis.
His team still looks great on paper, he just hasn’t gotten the consistent production. I think we all know what’s wrong with the Spacklers.
They sputtered out of the gate, going 0-3 and after a Week 4 win, the Spacklers fell to 1-4.
It has to be a side effect of the offseason holdout. The Spacklers were a holdout for the draft and I’m sure, like Chris Johnson, he’s just not in football shape.
(In this analogy, Fear and Loathing would be Maurice Jones-Drew, someone who wasn’t affected by the draft holdout.)
OK, all kidding aside, it’s been a tough year for the Spacklers.
They lost by 6.8 points in Week 1, 2.3 points in Week 2 and 1.7 points in Week 5. That’s how close the Spacklers are to being 4-1.
So you can’t sleep on him.
With Tom Brady, he’ll always have a chance. But today, Brady is out West dealing with Seattle, and offense may be tough to come by. He also has to go with Ronnie Brown with Jonathan Stewart and Matt Forte on the bye.
Meanwhile, the Thieves has all his dogs in this fight, and he’s chosen to go with Peyton Manning over Philip Rivers, whose teams match up on Monday. This matchup has five players going in that Monday night game, so that will be a pivotal game in this fantasy matchup.
In all likelihood, the Thieves will be trailing before the game, but with Manning, he’ll quickly take the lead and win this matchup.
It will be another close loss for the Spacklers.
Jammers’ Prediction: Organ Thieves 118, Spacklers 115
No, Roger Gooddell and Jonathan Vilma were not on TV Thursday. I was watching Joe Biden and Paul Ryan go at it for two hours, and thankfully I did, because my two Steelers would have frustrated the hell out of me.
Rashard Mendenhall, after such a great week in Week 5, earned a start for my team, but left with an Achilles injury after scoring just 1.9 points.
Antonio Brown wasn’t much better, dropping a few key passes and earning just 3.3 points.
Total: 5.2 points for the night.
Meanwhile, during that first half-hour that I watched, I got the chance to see my opponent, Fear and Loathing, get an 82-yard TD catch for Mike Wallace, which was 16.4 of his 17.8 points earned that night.
The Toasters, Jawz Attack and Channel 4 News Team all got decent point totals out of Thursday’s game, so it was I who was alone in the “Fail-blog” department.
Hopefully, that’s not how my weekend as a whole ends.
I’m going to be lazy this week. I don’t feel like pulling out the Excel sheet to type out “series history” and “last matchup” information. Save myself some frustration.
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| This is what the Toasters will look like today at the Linc. |
Graybill’s Generals (1-4) at Dottsville Toasters (3-2)
The Toasters will have to bee a secret fan on Sunday.
He's got a lot to root for and a lot to root against.
Unfortunately, none of it meshes with the reason he bought Eagles tickets.
He purchased those tickets to cheer on his beloved Birds.
Instead, he'll be cheering on Calvin Johnson and rooting against LeSean McCoy and the Eagles defense.
It's going to be a quiet, internal battle that he will deal with all day, especially considering the fact that I'm high on Calvin Johnson this week.
We saw the kind of day Larry Fitzgerald had against the Eagles, and I fully expect that with a much better QB in Matthew Stafford, there’s a good chance that Calvin Johnson will score more than 20 fantasy points. That will have a double-impact on this matchup as the Generals start the Eagles defense, which has been good, but today will be different, especially with Michael Vick turning the ball over and giving the Lions the short field.
Remember that whole talk about acceptance last week?
Yeah, I’ve accepted the fact that I think the Lions are going to kill the Eagles today.
Unless … wait for it … Nick Foles.
Ah, the Toasters can only hope that his other drafted QB starts getting snaps in Philly.
If he does today, the Toasters will be there to see it.
He’ll also have to boo a little when LeSean McCoy gets into the end zone. … He might as well wear a Lions jersey to the game.
I’m just kidding, Ryan. Don’t do that. You’ll end up like your boy RG3, concussed.
What, too soon?
I hope for the Toasters, it isn't. RG3 is my key to today's matchup.
He was the reason he jumped out to a 3-1 start, and he was the reason he lost his second straight game last week.
If RG3 can return from his concussion and be the top-5 fantasy QB he was in the first four weeks, the Toasters will easily win this matchup.
As for his opponent, the Generals are struggling.
We make fun of the Noise for all of his sub-100 performances, but quietly, the Generals has fewer 100-point performances than the Noise.
He’s had just one week where he hit 118.4 points, in a win over the News Team, and in all the other weeks, it’s been 99, 91.1, 87.3 and 79.4 points.
It’s been rough.
It’s the type of point totals he was use to with Joe Flacco at the helm.
But that was supposed to change this year.
Eli Manning was going to be the savior.
And for the most part, he’s done his job. He’s the fourth-ranked QB in the JFL throwing to the Generals’ third-ranked Victor Cruz. His other keeper, LeSean McCoy is ranked 15th in the JFL, but that’s it.
He doesn’t have another RB or WR in the top 40.
That formula just doesn’t work out.
It may be time to trade that fifth-ranked QB Andy Dalton to a team that needs a QB for a position player. The Generals need one badly.
The Toasters, on the other hand, has a starting lineup today that has 8-of-9 positions in the top 25, including four in the top 10. The only one outside the top 25 is RB Chris Johnson, who has already scored 12.2 points on Thursday.
I'll take the team with the overall better roster.
Jammers’ Prediction: Toasters 124, Generals 101
Sunday Slackers (3-2) at World of Noise (2-3)
There really isn’t a “matchup of the week” this week, but this one may get the title just because of last week’s surprise, the World of Noise.
Look out, JFL.
He’s on a two-game winning streak.
He hasn’t won two in a row since 2010, and if he gets a win this weekend, he will win three in a row for the first time since 2009. (So much for not pulling out the Excel spreadsheets. … I still refuse to do the extra work this week.)
And if there ever was a week to try and beat the Slackers, it’d be Week 6.
With Drew Brees on the bye, the Slackers are forced to go with Ryan Fitzpatrick, who has had a few decent point totals, like the 40.9 points he put up against New England.
But the Pats are ranked 29th against the pass, the Cards are ranked ninth. The 49ers, who Fitzpatrick faced last week, are ranked sixth, so if you take that into account, you should expect a total from Fitzpatrick that is closer to the 5.1 he had against San Francisco.
If that’s the case, the Noise really has a good chance this week, especially considering the amount of points he should get from Matt Ryan and Michael Turner.
All year, it’s been about Ryan, and Sunday, Ryan should get another 28 fantasy points, but watch out for Turner. He’s had double-digits in four straight weeks with touchdowns in each week.
The Raiders are ranked 28th in the NFL in rushing defense, so you do the math. I expect Turner to have at least 120 yards rushing and two scores.
The Noise’s BenJarvus Green-Ellis also has a good matchup against the Browns, but he’s let other good matchups go to waste, so I wary to say that he’ll provide points for the Noise. If he does get into the end zone, he’ll be taking TDs away from A.J. Green, which is what the Noise will have to hope for.
To me, this is one of the two big battles in this matchup. Ellis vs. Green, and then the battle amongst the Ravens.
The Slackers have Ray Rice and Torrey Smith, while the Noise has Anquan Boldin.
I like Rice to have a decent score in the low teens — because the Cowboys defense is pretty good against the run — and Boldin to outscore Smith, because the Cowboys will have their best corner on Smith, opening up some chances for Boldin, especially in the red zone.
Parker can easily see where I’m going with this.
Jammers’ Prediction: World of Noise 121, Slackers 109
Jawz Attack (2-3) at Real Houserville (4-1)
When you score 42.4 points on Thursday night with two players — including your kicker — and you’re still only projected to score 104 points, you’re in trouble.
The Attack faces a big bye week with both Steve Smith and Maurice Jones-Drew, so into the lineup goes Vick Ballard and Alex Green.
Wait, who?
Well, Alex Green has been buried on the Packers depth chart for a long time, and if it weren’t for a few injuries, he may have been the starter from day one. He’s extremely talented from what I hear — if you may recall, he sat on my bench two years ago as a sleeper — now he’s getting his first JFL start.
Also making what I imagine is his first JFL start is Vick Ballard, who will seeing playing time with Donald Brown out of the Colts lineup. He hasn’t been impressive in his limited action, averaging just 2.0 yards per carry over 21 rushes. … See, not good. If he holds that average on Sunday, he won’t be out there for long. But, he does have a great matchup with the Jets defense — that’s right, the Jets are 27th against the run. Oh, silly Jets. Thinking they’d be good. Not me. I predicted a 4-and-12 campaign and I like my chances of seeing that.
And that’s why the Attack’s Shonn Greene also is a poor play. After 15.4 points in Week 1, he’s scored 15.7 in the four following weeks combined. The Colts rushing defense is ranked 23rd, so one would think this matchup would help him get back to double-digits, but don’t catch me falling for that.
That is why, I’m picking Houserville to move to 5-1 this week.
He’s got Joe Flacco going for a third straight week — he has no choice this week with Cam Newton on the bye — and he’s got his top running backs back after their bye weeks. His wideouts have been among the best and I like Brandon Pettigrew to have some success against the Eagles secondary.
The Ville should get enough to beat what I believe will be a low point total from the Attack, perhaps a second straight week of sub-100.
Jammers’ Prediction: Houserville 125, Jawz Attack 96
Jimmy Jammers (2-3) at Fear and Loathing (4-1)
If Houserville is going to get to 5-1, well, then, Fear and Loathing will get there, too.
He’s not going to let the Ville get ahead of him.
I already mentioned in my opening rant all that went wrong — or right, depending on who’s talking — in this matchup on Thursday.
Now it comes down to the Jammers needing either a few super point totals or a few poor performances from Fear that equal his pair of poor Thursday perfromances.
The Eagles-Lions matchup and the Atlanta Oakland matchup will weigh heavily in this matchup.
Both have the starting quarterbacks in the former matchup, and even as an Eagles fan, I have to say I like Matt Stafford to out-perform Fear’s Michael Vick.
It’s a bit surprising to see Fear going back to Vick after Andrew Luck had such a huge week. Vick has been a mess all season, despite a few good fantasy days. He continues to turn the ball over — 11 times already this season — and he certainly has to be feeling some pressure heading into this game.
Still, Fear is playing this right. Last week, he benched Vick because he was playing his Steelers.
Perhaps he started Vick because he knows that I’ll have to secretly root against him on Sunday. (I’m not rooting against him, I just rooting for LeSean McCoy.)
With the Jammers having the edge in that matchup, the second one will be pivotal. The Jammers has Julio Jones and Tony Gonzalez, while Fear has Roddy White, so where Matt Ryan goes with the ball Sunday will make a huge difference in this game.
I think this matchup is going to be close, but I think it will be hard for the Jammers to catch up and win this unless Stafford scores 45 points and Vick is held to 20.
In my mind, Stafford scores 31 and Vick gets 26.
And Fear gets the win.
Jammers’ Prediction: Fear 128, Jammers 118
Channel 4 News Team (3-2) at T-Money (2-3)
The News Team picked a good week insert Kenny Britt into the starting lineup.
With a TD, he’s got the News Team off to a good start, and surely, the trifecta of Aaron Rodgers, Arian Foster and Jamaal Charles will take care of the rest.
Interestingly enough, the Money Man is going with Kevin Kolb again instead of Tony Romo. He also has Fred Jackson back and at wideout, he’s going with James Jone and Jeremy Kerley over Brandon Lloyd and Steve Johnson.
Jason Witten also remains on the bench in favor of Joel Dreesen, and Ahmad Bradshaw gets a seat, too.
It’s quite unique if you ask me.
On his bench, you have this:
QB: Tony Romo. RB: Ahmad Bradshaw, Jacquizz Rodgers. WR: Steve Johnson, Brandon Lloyd, Greg Little. TE: Jason Witten.
That’s a starting lineup that could compete with the Noise — and perhaps the Jawz Attack this week.
It will be interesting to see how this works out for T-Money, but against the best team in the JFL — in my mind — why not try something different.
It can’t hurt, right?
Jammers’ Prediction: News Team 148, T-Money 115
Team Boyer (1-4) at Chinese Organ Thieves (3-2)
The Thieves just ran into the wrong team last week and was denied a chance at improving to 4-1.
Instead, he sits at 3-2 heading into a big matchup against Team Boyer, who has been denied wins on almost a weekly basis.
His team still looks great on paper, he just hasn’t gotten the consistent production. I think we all know what’s wrong with the Spacklers.
They sputtered out of the gate, going 0-3 and after a Week 4 win, the Spacklers fell to 1-4.
It has to be a side effect of the offseason holdout. The Spacklers were a holdout for the draft and I’m sure, like Chris Johnson, he’s just not in football shape.
(In this analogy, Fear and Loathing would be Maurice Jones-Drew, someone who wasn’t affected by the draft holdout.)
OK, all kidding aside, it’s been a tough year for the Spacklers.
They lost by 6.8 points in Week 1, 2.3 points in Week 2 and 1.7 points in Week 5. That’s how close the Spacklers are to being 4-1.
So you can’t sleep on him.
With Tom Brady, he’ll always have a chance. But today, Brady is out West dealing with Seattle, and offense may be tough to come by. He also has to go with Ronnie Brown with Jonathan Stewart and Matt Forte on the bye.
Meanwhile, the Thieves has all his dogs in this fight, and he’s chosen to go with Peyton Manning over Philip Rivers, whose teams match up on Monday. This matchup has five players going in that Monday night game, so that will be a pivotal game in this fantasy matchup.
In all likelihood, the Thieves will be trailing before the game, but with Manning, he’ll quickly take the lead and win this matchup.
It will be another close loss for the Spacklers.
Jammers’ Prediction: Organ Thieves 118, Spacklers 115
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