It was a wild Week 6, and it included five teams moving to 4-2 while Fear and Loathing owns the JFL’s best record at 5-1.
The Jawz Attack is the JFL’s only team at .500 with a 3-3 record after beating Houserville. … Wait, beating? More like destroying. With 151 points, the Attack routed the Ville, and one player in particular cause Houserville to have a mental breakdown, and that’s where we start this week’s JFL recaps.
Jawz Attack 151, Real Houserville 110.3
Shonn Greene has his one big week a year.
In 2009, he had 144 yards and two TDs against the Raiders. It was his only 100-yard rushing game, and those were his only TDs of the season.
In 2010, he had 117 yards against the Bills. It was his only 100-yard rushing game, and it was one of 14 games where he didn’t get in the end zone.
In 2011, he scored three TDs and had 88 yards rushing against the Redskins. That was half of his total TDs on the season.
Now, in 2012, in Week 6, he’s got his first 100-yard rushing game and three of his four TDs on the season.
We should be safe to say this will be the last time Greene helps the Attack win a fantasy matchup.
So, you can see why Dawson went into full Lifetime original mode and cried his little heart out.
Greene scored 34.1 points and as soon as he scored his second of three TDs, Ville took to the Facebook wall and went into full Christian Bale “Get off my set” mode.
At the time, he still had some players left and a chance to win, but the Attack got another 26.8 points from Wes Welker and 16.5 from Larry Fitzgerald to put this one away.
The good news for Whinersville is that he still scored 110.3 points and had 20.6 from his stud fantasy star Percy Harvin. He’s been great and he’ll certainly help the Ville win some more games. At 4-2, there’s no reason to panic. And there’s certainly no reason to let a Shonn Greene “New Radicals” performance let you get down.
Channel 4 News Team 165.7, T-Money 104.3
As you may remember, I mentioned the fact that T-Money benched a decent starting roster.
And he did have some decent point totals on the bench, but let’s be honest, T-Money never had a chance.
Nobody in the JFL would have.
When the News Team gets more points from a QB-WR tandem than the World of Noise averages per week, his opponent is in trouble.
Aaron Rodgers made me hide my head again, scoring 58.2 points with a ridiculous six touchdowns, three of which went to the News Team’s wideout, Jordy Nelson.
When you get 92.1 points from two players on the Packers, that’s a good day. To make the News Team’s Sunday night even better, he got another 16.3 points from Arian Foster.
So get you Bill Clinton calculators out to do the arithmetic and you get 108.4 points in the one game.
I’m not sure if that’s a record because I just don’t have information like that readily available, but I’m guessing it has to be. To get that total from just one game is insane.
Just think about it.
Could you imagine if you were leading by 100 points heading into the Sunday night game and you have that happen to you?
Now, you know that no lead is safe against the News Team.
Even with a poor outing from Jamaal Charles, he was able to put up 165. It’s a scary thought.
I don’t want to face this team again this season. I sure his division mates feel the same. And if T-Money doesn’t have to see him again this season, it would mean he lucked out or missed the playoffs.
Chinese Organ Thieves 127.5, Team Boyer 109.3
The Organ Thieves pulled off a decent comeback on Monday night.
For a while, he thought he may have chosen the wrong quarterback as Philip Rivers got off to hot start, but he returned to his fumbling, intercepting self and Peyton Manning went into ridiculous mode, scoring 31.8 points. His go-ahead drive was a masterpiece. It was weird to see him in Broncos gear doing what we all had seen him do numerous times in a Colt jersey. You can tell that he’s got full control of this offense. He was calling audibles, prepping his teammates for blitzes and getting snaps off with 1 second left on the play clock.
It was perfect. It was flawless. It was vintage Peyton Manning.
So, who’s upset they didn’t draft him?
To make things better, the Thieves had the Broncos defense, who scored as many touchdowns as Philip Rivers (2) to earn 23.5 fantasy points.
Add in seven points from Malcolm Floyd and the Thieves got 62.3 points on Monday night.
It’s no News Team single-game performance, but hey, it’s still only 12 points away from the World of Noise total.
Sunday Slackers 118.6, World of Noise 74.4
The Slackers will take it.
With Drew Brees out of the lineup, he’ll take the nice 50-point win over the Noise, who returned to mediocrity with a measly 74.4 points.
He started Robert Meachem who returned to his boring self with 3.6 points, and Matt Ryan and Michael Turner fell far short of my expectations this weekend. The Falcons were bums this week and for once, my boy Matthew Stafford outscored Matt Ryan.
Neither one of those QBs outscored A.J. Green, the best Green in the JFL.
He scored 28.9 points with 135 yards and two touchdowns. It didn’t help the Bungels — yes, I can call them that again — beat the lowly Browns, but it sure did help the Slackers.
So did Ray Rice, who had 22.8 points with two TDs.
The Slackers had another two TDs on the bench with Antonio Gates breaking out, so that means he’ll land in the starting lineup next week only to score 4.7 points (mark it down).
But that’s OK. Drew Brees returns next week to make up for whatever points Gates doesn’t score.
Fear and Loathing 102.6, Jimmy Jammers 87.9
The quarterbacks were the big point scores in this matchup, and the fact that the Fear’s wideouts scored touchdowns and the Jammers wideouts didn’t set up a fifth win for the Fear.
In the Steelers game, the Jammers had Antonio Brown and Fear had Mike Wallace, and Wallace scored at TD, and Brown did not.
In the Falcons game, Roddy White scored a TD for Fear and Julio Jones did not for the Jammers.
To make things worse, both Jones and Brown dropped touchdown passes that would have made this matchup really close.
Even on Monday Night the Jammers had a chance with Ryan Mathews going, but apparently, with the lead, the Chargers dialed up the Andy Reid philosophy and continued to throw the ball. I guess running the ball makes too much sense.
Vick lost a game because of that same thing, despite scoring 33.4 fantasy points. His totals continue to baffle me. He puts up great fantasy numbers, yet the Eagles keep losing. He threw two picks Sunday to push his turnover total to 13. It’d be 14 if he would have been credited for that fumble shotgun snap. Either way, the offense looks horrible with him. It’s so bad I can understand why they fired the defensive coordinator.
Wait, what?
That would be like President Obama firing the Surgeon General because of the Libya debacle.
So, hopefully for Fear, the new defensive coordinator will lead to more fantasy points from Vick.
He also has to pray for a quick return for DeMarco Murray, but it doesn’t look good. He’s out for this week and Fear hopes to get him back soon, otherwise, he might have to shop for a new backup.
Dottsville Toasters 111.6, Graybill’s Generals 78.9
Concussion, what?
RG3 stormed back in a big way, scoring 41.8 fantasy points, helping the Toasters easily take care of the Graybill’s Generals, who I imagine is frustrated beyond belief. He had the points on the bench to win this one, but who could blame him for not starting them.
The Toasters also couldn’t have been blamed if he had decided to go with Alex Smith over a concussed RG3. Smith was coming off a strong week, and one would have thought that at home against the Giants, he should at least get 20 points.
But that wasn’t the case.
The 49ers laid an egg and Smith had just 7.5 points. Had the Toasters started him, he would have lost by about one point.
Isn’t that food for thought? Bet you the Toasters didn’t do the math on that one.
He may have to calculate in what will happen to his defense going forward.
The Ravens weren’t have a Raven-like season on defense to begin with, and now with the loss of two of their better defensive starters, including Ray Lewis, it will not get any better.
But with the Chiefs defense on the bench, the Toasters will just have to roll with the Ravens no matter what.
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