Three teams are in and two more can clinch in Week 11.
The Sunday Slackers locked up the AFC East title moving to 8-2, and with a win this weekend and a Houserville loss, he can lock up the No. 1 seed and the first-round bye.
Joining him in the playoffs, on the NFC side, are the Channel 4 News Team and Chinese Organ Thieves. Both are battling for the NFC West crown and what should inevitably be the No. 1 seed in the NFC.
Both teams are 7-3 and they clinch because even if one of the teams were to fall to 7-6 at the end of the regular season, Team Boyer or the Toasters do not have the capability to beat them in a tie-breaker if there was one to be decided for the Wild Card.
It’s a bit convoluted, but try and follow me. In order for Team Boyer to get to 7-6, he’d have to win out, which includes a win over the Toasters, making the best record the Toasters could have 7-6. In that situation, Boyer would own the tie-breaker and win the division, forcing the Toasters into the Wild Card tie where he owns losses to both the News Team and the Thieves, so in a head-to-head with them, he cannot win. … Got it?
Basically, it means that the Toasters and Boyer are battling for a division title.
But wait. Don’t count out the Money Man! He’s still alive. And if you think he’s barely alive, get this. He could win the division outright at 6-7 if things work out for him.
He could also force a tie-breaker at 6-7, and believe it or not, it’s feasible for their to be a three-way tie at 5-8, at which point Boyer would win because of his 2-1 record against the NFC West.
… Man, I wish I was in the NFC East.
In the AFC North, nothing is decided and even the World of Noise at 4-6 has a chance to get it.
Jawz Attack is still alive, but he’s living on the edge, while the Jammers joins the Graybill’s Generals as the only two teams in the JFL to be eliminated.
I can’t believe I wrote that sentence.
I’ve never written that before.
It’s now official, the Jammers is missing the playoffs for the first time in JFL history, and so the longest playoff run in JFL history comes to an end.
It also means the trophy that I held up so proudly at my 30th birthday party is leaving my house no matter what. There will be no title defense. ... I think I'm about to have a mid-life crisis.
It’s a weird feeling, especially considering that I have to write these recaps and previews still.
That’s OK, though. I enjoy writing these.
So what has gone wrong for me this season? Simple. Injuries and bad luck. I’m winning the unlucky award (I should make that a thing) as I have given up a JFL-worst 1,233.4 points (123.3 per game), which is nearly 80 more points than the next worst total, and you guessed it, Jawz Attack, last year’s Mr. Unlucky, is the owner of that total. I’ve lost four games in which I’ve scored more than 113 points but given up more than 130. That’s the difference between 3-7 and 7-3.
Oh, well. I just have to do a better job at “fixing” the schedule next year.
I wonder if I can just fix it so that way I do not play the News Team?
That would be nice.
OK, enough about me. I’m sure Houserville has already gotten bored and turned on Lifetime by now.
Good, because they next part has nothing to do with him, too.
How bad was Week 10 to QBs? Michael Vick, Jay Cutler, Alex Smith and Ben Roethlisberger, all out — and for a while, too.
For Jawz Attack, he was behind the 8-ball to begin with, but losing Big Ben after he had scored just 11.4 points killed him. Losing by 15 points means all he needed was 27 from Roethlisberger to squeak out a win. He averages 24.5 points per game, so it was possible.
Fear didn’t have to worry about the Vick injury because he started Andrew Luck, who will clearly be the starter for the remainder of the season.
The Jammers lost Jay Cutler, but who cares at this point, and the Toasters lost backup Alex Smith, but he also gained Nick Foles, so we’ll call it a wash.
Big Ben will clearly be the biggest hit, as Jawz will be forced to use Josh Freeman for a while — so, 19 points at the QB position is coming. … He’s actually averaging 25 points per game, so technically, he’s been better than Big Ben.
Now, we’ll see if he can be big enough to lead the Jawz into the playoffs.
Chinese Organ Thieves 154.8, Dottsville Toasters 122.7
Here we go again. The Toasters’ late-season slump.
He’s lost three in a row now and he’s in danger of a complete collapse, similar to his five-game losing streak to end the 2011 season.
With 122 points, you would think he’d end that streak, but the Thieves are on fire.
He made some good moves this week, putting Philip Rivers and Danny Woodhead into the lineup, and they combined for 53.9 points. Rivers scored 35 points and Woodhead had 18.9, scoring twice in Sunday’s game. I said in the preview that Woodhead looked like a good play and man did I get that one right. If I was only so good with my own team …
I was also right about Calvin Johnson, who scored 29.1 points, but the Toasters were forced to start Alex Smith because RG3 was on the bye. With only 10 points at the QB position, the Toasters couldn't rally back. Adding 1.9 points from Decker and 6.3 from Dwayne Bowe, and it was all over.
With RG3 back in Week 11, the Toasters have the team to get to the playoffs, especially with Chris Johnson playing so well. If he can get RG3, Johnson and Johnson to take off, watch out everyone.
Well, everyone not named Organ Thieves. The Thieves running back, Adrian Peterson, is ridiculous. He had 28.2 points and with four straight games of 120-plus rushing yards, he has to be in consideration for Player of the Year. He’s had double-digits in nine of 10 weeks and 19.9 or more points in five weeks.
It was risky to keep Peterson, but damn was it worth it. Great job, Schiavo.
Real Houserville 140.9, Jimmy Jammers 113.3
Doug Martin didn’t go crazy, but Jimmy Graham and the Cowboys defense did.
A late garbage TD drive by Cam Newton put him at a respectable 22.7 points and made it tough for the Jammers to keep up. In the 4 o’clock games, the Jammers had Michael Crabtree, who scored 14 points, and the Ville had the Cowboys, who for a while were in danger of losing points. But then, a punt return for a TD sealed the deal, an interception for a TD put an exclamation point on it and a fumble recovered for a TD was the Ville raising his two middle fingers up right at me.
Unnecessary, if you ask me.
This matchup started off great as it was a tight end battle. Jimmy Graham beat out Tony Gonzalez 28-26.4. Both TEs scored two TDs, and Gonzalez almost had a third, but Matt Ryan didn’t see how wide open he was.
At the time, the Jammers was holding onto a slim lead, but the garbage points added on by Newton, Demaryius Thomas and Brian Hartline (all three added significant points to their totals in the final 5 minutes of their blowouts) gave the Ville the lead.
And the Cowboys took care of the rest — against my Eagles, no less.
Sunday Slackers 123.4, Fear and Loathing 107.8
Congrats to the Sunday Slackers. With this win, he seals up his second straight AFC East title.
An right now, he looks to be in good shape to contend for the Super Bowl.
The No. 1 QB in the JFL, Drew Brees, scored 31.4 points in this matchup.
The No. 5 RB in the JFL, Ray Rice, scored 13.6 points.
The No. 1 WR in the JFL, A.J. Green, scored 17.9 points.
The No. 15 WR in the JFL, Torrey Smith, scored 21.1 points.
The No. 3 WR in the JFL, Randall Cobb, didn’t score anything because he was on the bye, but I had to list him here.
And the No. 1 defense in the JFL, Da Bears, scored 14 points.
I don’t know if you’ve been counting, but that’s five top-5 fantasy players and three players ranked No. 1 overall.
That’s the recipe for a Super Bowl title.
So, should we hand the trophy to Parker right now?
No. Heck no. He’s got a knack for losing big games when he’s the clear favorite. Just look at his last two World Series losses.
OK, so that’s a low blow and his losses in baseball have nothing to do with his football team.
But come on. I have nothing to brag about here.
Oh, did I mention those two World Series losses came at the hands of the Slammers, a.k.a., the Jammers?
T-Money 91.8, Jawz Attack 74.6
It was yet another tough week for the Attack.
This time, he posted seven single-digit performances and lost to a team that left a WR in the lineup who was on the bye.
T-Money rode the wave of Tony Romo (21.9 points), Cecil Shorts (17.7) and Reggie Wayne (11.2) to win this matchup. The latter two scored their points on Thursday night, so it was Tony Romo who provided the punch on Sunday.
Again, it was against the Eagles, so Jawz was feeling just the same as I was, completely deflated in the fantasy world and completely disappointed in the world of Eagles fandom.
Jawz gets some players back from the bye next week, but I’m not sure it’s going to help at this point. He must win out to have a chance to make the playoffs.
T-Money also needs to win out to have a chance to make the playoffs. One more loss and he’ll be eliminated.
Team Boyer 113.3, Channel 4 News Team 101.5
Boyer, I believe a care package from the Thieves is in the mail.
He owes you one.
You took down the mighty News Team to forge a two-way tie in the NFC West.
Even better, the win helps you out, too.
With the Toasters loss, the Spacklers all of a sudden have a great chance to make the playoffs. He controls his own destiny. If he wins out, he’s in no matter what.
And if he does, he can look back to Week 10 as the key. Beating the News Team was huge. Tom Brady didn’t have a big week — in fact, he scored 6.6 points less than the Spacklers’ backup, Carson Palmer — but Marshawn Lynch’s 20.3 points and Dez Bryant’s 15.3 were enough to give Boyer the edge.
But it was an edge that he wouldn’t have had any other week.
As mentioned in the preview, Aaron Rodgers and Jordy Nelson were on the bye. If you take their averages and replace them with the players that took their spot in the lineup, the News Team wins this matchup by about four points.
So, consider yourself lucky, Spacklers. If you win out and make the playoffs, I guarantee the next time you see the News Team, he’ll have Aaron Rodgers.
World of Noise 95.4, Graybill’s Generals 91.6
For a while, it looked like the Generals were going to pick up a much needed win, just for a moral boost.
But the Steelers defense held tight on Monday night and scored 11 points.
At times, in this matchup that was decided by 3.8 points, it looked like the Steelers were going to lose points defensively and allow the Generals to take the lead, but they held on to finish with just enough to earn the win. Even better, the Steelers scored enough to keep the home-field advantage from coming into play.
The reason I say “even better” because I didn’t want to hear Dawson complain about the home-field advantage, at which point, Noise would say, “Dawson sucks,” at which point, he’d make another comment and then the Noise would say, “You still suck.”
No one wants that endless circle, so thank you Steelers. Way to go.
The Sunday Slackers locked up the AFC East title moving to 8-2, and with a win this weekend and a Houserville loss, he can lock up the No. 1 seed and the first-round bye.
Joining him in the playoffs, on the NFC side, are the Channel 4 News Team and Chinese Organ Thieves. Both are battling for the NFC West crown and what should inevitably be the No. 1 seed in the NFC.
Both teams are 7-3 and they clinch because even if one of the teams were to fall to 7-6 at the end of the regular season, Team Boyer or the Toasters do not have the capability to beat them in a tie-breaker if there was one to be decided for the Wild Card.
It’s a bit convoluted, but try and follow me. In order for Team Boyer to get to 7-6, he’d have to win out, which includes a win over the Toasters, making the best record the Toasters could have 7-6. In that situation, Boyer would own the tie-breaker and win the division, forcing the Toasters into the Wild Card tie where he owns losses to both the News Team and the Thieves, so in a head-to-head with them, he cannot win. … Got it?
Basically, it means that the Toasters and Boyer are battling for a division title.
But wait. Don’t count out the Money Man! He’s still alive. And if you think he’s barely alive, get this. He could win the division outright at 6-7 if things work out for him.
He could also force a tie-breaker at 6-7, and believe it or not, it’s feasible for their to be a three-way tie at 5-8, at which point Boyer would win because of his 2-1 record against the NFC West.
… Man, I wish I was in the NFC East.
In the AFC North, nothing is decided and even the World of Noise at 4-6 has a chance to get it.
Jawz Attack is still alive, but he’s living on the edge, while the Jammers joins the Graybill’s Generals as the only two teams in the JFL to be eliminated.
I can’t believe I wrote that sentence.
I’ve never written that before.
It’s now official, the Jammers is missing the playoffs for the first time in JFL history, and so the longest playoff run in JFL history comes to an end.
It also means the trophy that I held up so proudly at my 30th birthday party is leaving my house no matter what. There will be no title defense. ... I think I'm about to have a mid-life crisis.
It’s a weird feeling, especially considering that I have to write these recaps and previews still.
That’s OK, though. I enjoy writing these.
So what has gone wrong for me this season? Simple. Injuries and bad luck. I’m winning the unlucky award (I should make that a thing) as I have given up a JFL-worst 1,233.4 points (123.3 per game), which is nearly 80 more points than the next worst total, and you guessed it, Jawz Attack, last year’s Mr. Unlucky, is the owner of that total. I’ve lost four games in which I’ve scored more than 113 points but given up more than 130. That’s the difference between 3-7 and 7-3.
Oh, well. I just have to do a better job at “fixing” the schedule next year.
I wonder if I can just fix it so that way I do not play the News Team?
That would be nice.
OK, enough about me. I’m sure Houserville has already gotten bored and turned on Lifetime by now.
Good, because they next part has nothing to do with him, too.
How bad was Week 10 to QBs? Michael Vick, Jay Cutler, Alex Smith and Ben Roethlisberger, all out — and for a while, too.
For Jawz Attack, he was behind the 8-ball to begin with, but losing Big Ben after he had scored just 11.4 points killed him. Losing by 15 points means all he needed was 27 from Roethlisberger to squeak out a win. He averages 24.5 points per game, so it was possible.
Fear didn’t have to worry about the Vick injury because he started Andrew Luck, who will clearly be the starter for the remainder of the season.
The Jammers lost Jay Cutler, but who cares at this point, and the Toasters lost backup Alex Smith, but he also gained Nick Foles, so we’ll call it a wash.
Big Ben will clearly be the biggest hit, as Jawz will be forced to use Josh Freeman for a while — so, 19 points at the QB position is coming. … He’s actually averaging 25 points per game, so technically, he’s been better than Big Ben.
Now, we’ll see if he can be big enough to lead the Jawz into the playoffs.
Chinese Organ Thieves 154.8, Dottsville Toasters 122.7
Here we go again. The Toasters’ late-season slump.
He’s lost three in a row now and he’s in danger of a complete collapse, similar to his five-game losing streak to end the 2011 season.
With 122 points, you would think he’d end that streak, but the Thieves are on fire.
He made some good moves this week, putting Philip Rivers and Danny Woodhead into the lineup, and they combined for 53.9 points. Rivers scored 35 points and Woodhead had 18.9, scoring twice in Sunday’s game. I said in the preview that Woodhead looked like a good play and man did I get that one right. If I was only so good with my own team …
I was also right about Calvin Johnson, who scored 29.1 points, but the Toasters were forced to start Alex Smith because RG3 was on the bye. With only 10 points at the QB position, the Toasters couldn't rally back. Adding 1.9 points from Decker and 6.3 from Dwayne Bowe, and it was all over.
With RG3 back in Week 11, the Toasters have the team to get to the playoffs, especially with Chris Johnson playing so well. If he can get RG3, Johnson and Johnson to take off, watch out everyone.
Well, everyone not named Organ Thieves. The Thieves running back, Adrian Peterson, is ridiculous. He had 28.2 points and with four straight games of 120-plus rushing yards, he has to be in consideration for Player of the Year. He’s had double-digits in nine of 10 weeks and 19.9 or more points in five weeks.
It was risky to keep Peterson, but damn was it worth it. Great job, Schiavo.
Real Houserville 140.9, Jimmy Jammers 113.3
Doug Martin didn’t go crazy, but Jimmy Graham and the Cowboys defense did.
A late garbage TD drive by Cam Newton put him at a respectable 22.7 points and made it tough for the Jammers to keep up. In the 4 o’clock games, the Jammers had Michael Crabtree, who scored 14 points, and the Ville had the Cowboys, who for a while were in danger of losing points. But then, a punt return for a TD sealed the deal, an interception for a TD put an exclamation point on it and a fumble recovered for a TD was the Ville raising his two middle fingers up right at me.
Unnecessary, if you ask me.
This matchup started off great as it was a tight end battle. Jimmy Graham beat out Tony Gonzalez 28-26.4. Both TEs scored two TDs, and Gonzalez almost had a third, but Matt Ryan didn’t see how wide open he was.
At the time, the Jammers was holding onto a slim lead, but the garbage points added on by Newton, Demaryius Thomas and Brian Hartline (all three added significant points to their totals in the final 5 minutes of their blowouts) gave the Ville the lead.
And the Cowboys took care of the rest — against my Eagles, no less.
Sunday Slackers 123.4, Fear and Loathing 107.8
Congrats to the Sunday Slackers. With this win, he seals up his second straight AFC East title.
An right now, he looks to be in good shape to contend for the Super Bowl.
The No. 1 QB in the JFL, Drew Brees, scored 31.4 points in this matchup.
The No. 5 RB in the JFL, Ray Rice, scored 13.6 points.
The No. 1 WR in the JFL, A.J. Green, scored 17.9 points.
The No. 15 WR in the JFL, Torrey Smith, scored 21.1 points.
The No. 3 WR in the JFL, Randall Cobb, didn’t score anything because he was on the bye, but I had to list him here.
And the No. 1 defense in the JFL, Da Bears, scored 14 points.
I don’t know if you’ve been counting, but that’s five top-5 fantasy players and three players ranked No. 1 overall.
That’s the recipe for a Super Bowl title.
So, should we hand the trophy to Parker right now?
No. Heck no. He’s got a knack for losing big games when he’s the clear favorite. Just look at his last two World Series losses.
OK, so that’s a low blow and his losses in baseball have nothing to do with his football team.
But come on. I have nothing to brag about here.
Oh, did I mention those two World Series losses came at the hands of the Slammers, a.k.a., the Jammers?
T-Money 91.8, Jawz Attack 74.6
It was yet another tough week for the Attack.
This time, he posted seven single-digit performances and lost to a team that left a WR in the lineup who was on the bye.
T-Money rode the wave of Tony Romo (21.9 points), Cecil Shorts (17.7) and Reggie Wayne (11.2) to win this matchup. The latter two scored their points on Thursday night, so it was Tony Romo who provided the punch on Sunday.
Again, it was against the Eagles, so Jawz was feeling just the same as I was, completely deflated in the fantasy world and completely disappointed in the world of Eagles fandom.
Jawz gets some players back from the bye next week, but I’m not sure it’s going to help at this point. He must win out to have a chance to make the playoffs.
T-Money also needs to win out to have a chance to make the playoffs. One more loss and he’ll be eliminated.
Team Boyer 113.3, Channel 4 News Team 101.5
Boyer, I believe a care package from the Thieves is in the mail.
He owes you one.
You took down the mighty News Team to forge a two-way tie in the NFC West.
Even better, the win helps you out, too.
With the Toasters loss, the Spacklers all of a sudden have a great chance to make the playoffs. He controls his own destiny. If he wins out, he’s in no matter what.
And if he does, he can look back to Week 10 as the key. Beating the News Team was huge. Tom Brady didn’t have a big week — in fact, he scored 6.6 points less than the Spacklers’ backup, Carson Palmer — but Marshawn Lynch’s 20.3 points and Dez Bryant’s 15.3 were enough to give Boyer the edge.
But it was an edge that he wouldn’t have had any other week.
As mentioned in the preview, Aaron Rodgers and Jordy Nelson were on the bye. If you take their averages and replace them with the players that took their spot in the lineup, the News Team wins this matchup by about four points.
So, consider yourself lucky, Spacklers. If you win out and make the playoffs, I guarantee the next time you see the News Team, he’ll have Aaron Rodgers.
World of Noise 95.4, Graybill’s Generals 91.6
For a while, it looked like the Generals were going to pick up a much needed win, just for a moral boost.
But the Steelers defense held tight on Monday night and scored 11 points.
At times, in this matchup that was decided by 3.8 points, it looked like the Steelers were going to lose points defensively and allow the Generals to take the lead, but they held on to finish with just enough to earn the win. Even better, the Steelers scored enough to keep the home-field advantage from coming into play.
The reason I say “even better” because I didn’t want to hear Dawson complain about the home-field advantage, at which point, Noise would say, “Dawson sucks,” at which point, he’d make another comment and then the Noise would say, “You still suck.”
No one wants that endless circle, so thank you Steelers. Way to go.
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