As I sit down to my turkey dinner on Thursday, I, like every other American, will think about what I’m thankful for.
I’ll be thankful I still have a job, you know, like Andy Reid.
I’ll be thankful that I have a great family, you know, like the Noise and the Attack, who waste no time making fun of me.
I’ll be thankful for my good health, you know, the opposite of the majority of my fantasy team.
I’ll be thankful that I’m not starving for food in the way that I’m starving for a fantasy win.
Ah, yes.
There’s so much to be thankful for, from my top two picks Darren Sproles and Antonio Brown to my keepers Matthew Stafford and Julio Jones.
Those turkeys have made Thanksgiving a day of food for me, not football. Who are the Lions even playing? I honestly have no idea. I could look it up, but I don’t even care to do that.
I’m on a football vacation. It started around the middle of the third quarter of the Eagles loss to the Redskins and it will end when I head to Lincoln Financial Field Monday night to watch the Eagles play the Panthers — and when I say “watch” I mean boo Andy Reid relentlessly.
I’ve been a huge supporter of Andy Reid over the years, but this is it. I can’t take it any more. I can put up with one bad season — the Jammers GM gets a reprieve for 2012 — but this nonsense over and over has to stop.
The Eagles need a shakeup.
You know, a shakeup like the one we saw in fantasy football this weekend.
We expected a few things to happen — like the Jammers and the Generals to score less than 100 and lose — but we didn’t see this coming.
The World of Noise beat the Channel 4 News Team to move one game out of the AFC Wild Card, while at the same time sending the News Team into the NFC Wild Card slot.
But the Noise isn’t alone in pursuit of that coveted AFC Wild Card. The Jawz Attack pulled the big upset, knocking off the Slackers to move to within one of the Wild Card, too.
But the Slackers don’t care much. They’re the AFC East Champions and they’re in the playoffs.
Houserville, who has the same 8-3 record as the Slackers, isn’t in that position yet. He needs to win one more game to lock up the division, and he needs to win one more game than the Slackers to get the No. 1 seed.
But if Houserville falters and Fear wins out, Fear and Loathing would get the division title.
In that situation, the two would meet up again in the Wild Card round.
That’s why the Noise and Attack are rooting for Houserville from here on out. They want Houserville to win the division, and they want Fear to lose and fall from the Wild Card.
The Jammers just want to see them all lose. (Bitter, yes.)
In the NFC, the Chinese Organ Thieves can wrap up the division and the No. 1 seed with a win this weekend and a News Team loss. If that doesn’t happen, then it will come down to Week 13.
In the NFC East, the Toasters kept their one-game lead on Team Boyer for the division title and the playoff berth, and in most scenarios, it’s going to come down to their Week 13 matchup against each other, unless the Toasters beat T-Money and the Attack beat Boyer. Then, it’s an early bid to the playoffs for the Toasters.
T-Money was officially eliminated last weekend, joining the Generals and the Jammers on the golf course.
Fore!
Real Houserville 154.6, Fear and Loathing 92.8
I thought Cam Newton would have a bit of a bigger day, but other than that, I was pretty damn good with this prediction.
I said that Andre Johnson would have a big day and he shot a little higher with 39.1 points.
The Ville also made a last-second lineup change to get Marcel Reece into the FLEX position, and it gave him an extra six points over Mikel Leshoure.
Even with Leshoure, he would have had eight players with double-digits.
The Ville is looking good.
Fear, on the other hand, is not. He’s in trouble. Willis McGahee is out for the rest of the fantasy season, and DeMarco Murray continues to miss games. That leaves nothing for Fear for the rest of the season. Shaun Draugh, Joique Bell and Ronnie Brown are not going to help.
This means the Attack and Noise both have a great chance at coming back and making the playoffs, because I’m declaring Fear dead. He cannot possibly overcome these setbacks.
At least he has the franchise QB of the future in Andrew Luck.
World of Noise 104.3, Channel 4 News Team 81.5
If I said a QB in this matchup was going to score 57 points, you would not call me crazy.
If I said a QB in this matchup not on the News Team was going to score 57 points, you still would not call me crazy — you’d say I’m reaching, but not crazy.
Now, if I said it wouldn’t be Aaron Rodgers or Matt Ryan, you’d finally call me crazy.
But that was the case as Matt Schaub — a “key” part of a “controversial” trade — scored 57 points on the Noise’s bench.
He would have scored 57 points on the Jammers bench, because nobody in their right mind would have started him over Matt Ryan or Matthew Stafford. … But apparently he should have earned the start. He threw for 527 yards and five TDs.
After that performance, the Noise was mad that he didn’t start him, but his Patriots defense came through big, scoring three TDs and posting 31 points to help the Noise beat out a woeful News Team.
The News Team, who a few weeks ago made fun of me for losing to the Noise, seems to have had karma come and kick him in the ass.
And it’s not like the Noise had a huge week. Outside of the Patriots defense, the key figures were BenJarvus Green-Ellis, who scored 17 points and Michael Turner, who had 10.6. Matt Ryan was a dud, throwing five interceptions and scoring just 9.7 points.
If the Noise has playoff hopes, he’ll need Ryan to return to the JFL MVP form he was in to start the season.
The News Team doesn’t have to worry about missing the playoffs, but he certainly has to worry about the 81.5 points he scored. That won’t fly in the playoffs.
Jawz Attack 112.8, Sunday Slackers 102.6
So, I’m sorry, Uncle Jason.
I made fun of LaRod Stephens-Howling and he scored 19.7 points. It’s like that time I made fun of Shonn Greene and he scored 34 points.
Wait. … Is that the key? Do I need to seriously mock your players for them to have a big week?
I’ll remember that for the next time you play the Slackers.
And that could be sooner than next season. It could be in the playoffs. The Attack has a good chance of getting there if he can just win out. He’ll need some help, but it’s very possible.
His biggest worry would have to be the fact that Stephens-Howling will most likely not see the same type of week he had this weekend because Beanie Wells is returning this week. He should get most of the carries, if he’s healthy enough, or he at least split the carries enough that Stephens-Howling would not be a strong fantasy option.
As for the Slackers, he too has to worry about his RB situation with Reggie Bush falling apart. He’s been fumbling and then earning a seat on the bench recently. Since his 34.3 points in Week 2, he’s had just two double-digit weeks and both were 13-point weeks. Other than that, it’s been rather disappointing.
But the Slackers really do not have another option right now, and this could really hurt him come playoff time. As he saw this week, a few down performances will doom him — and he doesn’t want that to happen again.
Dottsville Toasters 134.3, Jimmy Jammers 89.4
Example No. 2 of karma biting someone in the ass.
First, it was the News Team.
Now, it was me.
I made fun of the Toasters’ “over-reaching” pick of RG3 at No. 3 overall, and I was so wrong.
This week, RG3 made the more evident, scoring a career-best 46.4 fantasy points in a blowout win for the Toasters. His four TDs against the Eagles were just a punch in the gut to me.
The Toasters made my day worse by having Calvin Johnson outscore Matthew Stafford and completely nullify any effect he could have had on the matchup. The 49ers defense scored 21.5 points, but the rest of my lineup had single-digits, which was enough to allow the Toasters to destroy me.
I think that’s all that needs to be said/written.
… It’s getting late, so here we go with the quick finish where I neglect some teams…
As for the rest of the recaps, the Organ Thieves avoided an upset with big games from Peyton Manning and Rob Gronkowski. They helped take care of the Generals who got a surprise outing from Justin Blackmon, who scored 34 points, but he and Andy Dalton (30.8 points) were the big hitters. The rest of the team fell flat. The Organ Thieves do have to worry a bit with Rob Gronkowski, who will miss at least four weeks with a broken arm. The No. 1 tight end in the JFL, averaging 14.4 points per week. His backup, Scott Chandler, averages 7.3. That’s a big drop.
And in the other matchup, Team Boyer took care of T-Money by getting 34.5 points from Tom Brady and 22.9 from Dez Bryant, who outscored T-Money’s Tony Romo (21.5). Jonathan Stewart and Vincent Jackson also scored double-digits — as predicted by yours truly — to lead the Spacklers to the big win that keeps him within one game of the Toasters. Boyer still controls his destiny. Win out and he’s in.
I’ll be thankful I still have a job, you know, like Andy Reid.
I’ll be thankful that I have a great family, you know, like the Noise and the Attack, who waste no time making fun of me.
I’ll be thankful for my good health, you know, the opposite of the majority of my fantasy team.
I’ll be thankful that I’m not starving for food in the way that I’m starving for a fantasy win.
Ah, yes.
There’s so much to be thankful for, from my top two picks Darren Sproles and Antonio Brown to my keepers Matthew Stafford and Julio Jones.
Those turkeys have made Thanksgiving a day of food for me, not football. Who are the Lions even playing? I honestly have no idea. I could look it up, but I don’t even care to do that.
I’m on a football vacation. It started around the middle of the third quarter of the Eagles loss to the Redskins and it will end when I head to Lincoln Financial Field Monday night to watch the Eagles play the Panthers — and when I say “watch” I mean boo Andy Reid relentlessly.
I’ve been a huge supporter of Andy Reid over the years, but this is it. I can’t take it any more. I can put up with one bad season — the Jammers GM gets a reprieve for 2012 — but this nonsense over and over has to stop.
The Eagles need a shakeup.
You know, a shakeup like the one we saw in fantasy football this weekend.
We expected a few things to happen — like the Jammers and the Generals to score less than 100 and lose — but we didn’t see this coming.
The World of Noise beat the Channel 4 News Team to move one game out of the AFC Wild Card, while at the same time sending the News Team into the NFC Wild Card slot.
But the Noise isn’t alone in pursuit of that coveted AFC Wild Card. The Jawz Attack pulled the big upset, knocking off the Slackers to move to within one of the Wild Card, too.
But the Slackers don’t care much. They’re the AFC East Champions and they’re in the playoffs.
Houserville, who has the same 8-3 record as the Slackers, isn’t in that position yet. He needs to win one more game to lock up the division, and he needs to win one more game than the Slackers to get the No. 1 seed.
But if Houserville falters and Fear wins out, Fear and Loathing would get the division title.
In that situation, the two would meet up again in the Wild Card round.
That’s why the Noise and Attack are rooting for Houserville from here on out. They want Houserville to win the division, and they want Fear to lose and fall from the Wild Card.
The Jammers just want to see them all lose. (Bitter, yes.)
In the NFC, the Chinese Organ Thieves can wrap up the division and the No. 1 seed with a win this weekend and a News Team loss. If that doesn’t happen, then it will come down to Week 13.
In the NFC East, the Toasters kept their one-game lead on Team Boyer for the division title and the playoff berth, and in most scenarios, it’s going to come down to their Week 13 matchup against each other, unless the Toasters beat T-Money and the Attack beat Boyer. Then, it’s an early bid to the playoffs for the Toasters.
T-Money was officially eliminated last weekend, joining the Generals and the Jammers on the golf course.
Fore!
Real Houserville 154.6, Fear and Loathing 92.8
I thought Cam Newton would have a bit of a bigger day, but other than that, I was pretty damn good with this prediction.
I said that Andre Johnson would have a big day and he shot a little higher with 39.1 points.
The Ville also made a last-second lineup change to get Marcel Reece into the FLEX position, and it gave him an extra six points over Mikel Leshoure.
Even with Leshoure, he would have had eight players with double-digits.
The Ville is looking good.
Fear, on the other hand, is not. He’s in trouble. Willis McGahee is out for the rest of the fantasy season, and DeMarco Murray continues to miss games. That leaves nothing for Fear for the rest of the season. Shaun Draugh, Joique Bell and Ronnie Brown are not going to help.
This means the Attack and Noise both have a great chance at coming back and making the playoffs, because I’m declaring Fear dead. He cannot possibly overcome these setbacks.
At least he has the franchise QB of the future in Andrew Luck.
World of Noise 104.3, Channel 4 News Team 81.5
If I said a QB in this matchup was going to score 57 points, you would not call me crazy.
If I said a QB in this matchup not on the News Team was going to score 57 points, you still would not call me crazy — you’d say I’m reaching, but not crazy.
Now, if I said it wouldn’t be Aaron Rodgers or Matt Ryan, you’d finally call me crazy.
But that was the case as Matt Schaub — a “key” part of a “controversial” trade — scored 57 points on the Noise’s bench.
He would have scored 57 points on the Jammers bench, because nobody in their right mind would have started him over Matt Ryan or Matthew Stafford. … But apparently he should have earned the start. He threw for 527 yards and five TDs.
After that performance, the Noise was mad that he didn’t start him, but his Patriots defense came through big, scoring three TDs and posting 31 points to help the Noise beat out a woeful News Team.
The News Team, who a few weeks ago made fun of me for losing to the Noise, seems to have had karma come and kick him in the ass.
And it’s not like the Noise had a huge week. Outside of the Patriots defense, the key figures were BenJarvus Green-Ellis, who scored 17 points and Michael Turner, who had 10.6. Matt Ryan was a dud, throwing five interceptions and scoring just 9.7 points.
If the Noise has playoff hopes, he’ll need Ryan to return to the JFL MVP form he was in to start the season.
The News Team doesn’t have to worry about missing the playoffs, but he certainly has to worry about the 81.5 points he scored. That won’t fly in the playoffs.
Jawz Attack 112.8, Sunday Slackers 102.6
So, I’m sorry, Uncle Jason.
I made fun of LaRod Stephens-Howling and he scored 19.7 points. It’s like that time I made fun of Shonn Greene and he scored 34 points.
Wait. … Is that the key? Do I need to seriously mock your players for them to have a big week?
I’ll remember that for the next time you play the Slackers.
And that could be sooner than next season. It could be in the playoffs. The Attack has a good chance of getting there if he can just win out. He’ll need some help, but it’s very possible.
His biggest worry would have to be the fact that Stephens-Howling will most likely not see the same type of week he had this weekend because Beanie Wells is returning this week. He should get most of the carries, if he’s healthy enough, or he at least split the carries enough that Stephens-Howling would not be a strong fantasy option.
As for the Slackers, he too has to worry about his RB situation with Reggie Bush falling apart. He’s been fumbling and then earning a seat on the bench recently. Since his 34.3 points in Week 2, he’s had just two double-digit weeks and both were 13-point weeks. Other than that, it’s been rather disappointing.
But the Slackers really do not have another option right now, and this could really hurt him come playoff time. As he saw this week, a few down performances will doom him — and he doesn’t want that to happen again.
Dottsville Toasters 134.3, Jimmy Jammers 89.4
Example No. 2 of karma biting someone in the ass.
First, it was the News Team.
Now, it was me.
I made fun of the Toasters’ “over-reaching” pick of RG3 at No. 3 overall, and I was so wrong.
This week, RG3 made the more evident, scoring a career-best 46.4 fantasy points in a blowout win for the Toasters. His four TDs against the Eagles were just a punch in the gut to me.
The Toasters made my day worse by having Calvin Johnson outscore Matthew Stafford and completely nullify any effect he could have had on the matchup. The 49ers defense scored 21.5 points, but the rest of my lineup had single-digits, which was enough to allow the Toasters to destroy me.
I think that’s all that needs to be said/written.
… It’s getting late, so here we go with the quick finish where I neglect some teams…
As for the rest of the recaps, the Organ Thieves avoided an upset with big games from Peyton Manning and Rob Gronkowski. They helped take care of the Generals who got a surprise outing from Justin Blackmon, who scored 34 points, but he and Andy Dalton (30.8 points) were the big hitters. The rest of the team fell flat. The Organ Thieves do have to worry a bit with Rob Gronkowski, who will miss at least four weeks with a broken arm. The No. 1 tight end in the JFL, averaging 14.4 points per week. His backup, Scott Chandler, averages 7.3. That’s a big drop.
And in the other matchup, Team Boyer took care of T-Money by getting 34.5 points from Tom Brady and 22.9 from Dez Bryant, who outscored T-Money’s Tony Romo (21.5). Jonathan Stewart and Vincent Jackson also scored double-digits — as predicted by yours truly — to lead the Spacklers to the big win that keeps him within one game of the Toasters. Boyer still controls his destiny. Win out and he’s in.
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