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| The Jam is broken. |
In 2010 and 2011, my Jammers have combined for nine losses.
With the fourth straight defeat this past weekend, my
Jammers are in the midst of the worst losing streak in franchise history. A
fifth straight loss would give me a staggering 10 losses, something you would
expect more out of my brother.
But no, my brother is on his way to the playoffs.
All he needs is a win and for his final point total to be at
least within 3.4 points of Fear and Loathing. Even if he loses, he can still
get in if Fear and Loathing also loses.
This comes after his huge 108.5-60.9 win over Fear in Week
12.
For Fear, the season is over. He still has a chance
mathematically, but man, the fantasy gods are not on his side.
He’s had RB problems all year, and the two he picked up last
week to take over weren’t great options to begin with and both find themselves
on the IR after Week 12. Can you believe that? Both Jalen Parmele and Kendall
Hunter suffered season-ending injuries.
Yeah, it’s been that type of year for Fear.
Noise had a much better day, getting the majority of his
points from Matt Ryan, BenJarvus Green-Ellis, the Patriots defense and Marques
Colston.
Things are looking pretty good, so now, I’m going to put the
pressure on him.
The AFC has had two representatives in the first six years
of the JFL, the Jammers and the Noise.
I’m out so it’s up to my brother to keep the Johnson family
in control of the conference. Is it too late to trade him Julio Jones as a loaner?
He could use him because he lost DeSean Jackson in that ugly
seventh straight loss by the Eagles on Monday night. Fantasy-wise, the only
good things in that game were Cam Newton, who scored 46.2 points on
Houserville’s bench, and Bryce Brown, who scored a shocking 31.7 points for the
Jawz Attack.
The Ville, who beat the Chinese Organ Thieves to create a
first-place tie in the NFC West, didn’t need him, but the last-second change from Newton to Colin Kaepernick on
Sunday morning was interesting.
Was it my column? All I said was I bet he wishes he had
Peyton Manning, who scored 25.1 points. So Houserville switched it up before
kickoff, benching Newton, Manning’s offseason replacement, for Kaepernick, who
scored 25.2.
Newton must have gotten word that the Ville benched him
because he proceeded to score four TDs, including two rushing TDs, on Monday
night.
Brown scored a pair of rushing TDs, too, and ran for 178
yards.
At this point, Uncle Jason needs to start picking up obscure
RBs each week so I can make fun of them. This is two weeks in a row that he’s
done that and both weeks, the backs have had huge weeks.
Unfortunately for him, it did not lead to a win like it did
in Week 11.
The loss throws him out of playoff contention and makes it a
two-way race for the wild card in the AFC between Fear and Noise.
The Slackers (9-3) and the Ville (9-3) will search for the
No. 1 seed and the first-round bye. All the Slackers have to do is win, while
the Ville needs a win and a Slackers loss. If both lose, the Slackers get it.
In the NFC, we know the Thieves (8-4) and News Team (8-4)
will be dancing after Week 13, it’s just a matter of who will have to dance a
little harder.
The two square off in Week 13 to see who gets the bye week,
while the loser will play the winner of the NFC East.
For the Toasters (7-5) and Boyer (6-6), the playoffs
essentially start in Week 13. The winner will get the NFC wild card in Week 14.
Boyer is in this position because he survived a furious
comeback attempt by the Jawz Attack. Thanks to his Thanksgiving Day performances
by Tony Romo and Dez Bryant, who combined for nearly 75 points, he held a huge
lead heading into Monday night, but Bryce Brown and Steve Smith nearly spoiled
it, cutting the final margin of victory to just 13 points.
Brown was one cut away from breaking off a third long TD
run, which by my estimation would have been worth nearly 15 points, so the
Spacklers got lucky. An Attack by the win would have eliminated them.
Unless, of course, the Toasters would have lost. But the
Money Man got a big zero from James Jones on Sunday night and Martellus
Bennett’s 5 points created a decent cushion for the Toasters to win
138.2-131.8. It’s a tough loss for T-Money, but it would have been a worse loss
for the Toasters considering the circumstances.
And both guys had double-digit performers on their bench
that could have pushed their point totals even higher.
But this matchup was won by RG3, because as we know, when he
scores 30 or more points, the Toasters are undefeated. With 45.4 points this
week, RG3 has put up 91.8 points in the last two weeks. He has the Giants
defense to deal with this week, but after that, it’s the Ravens, Browns and
Eagles, which could be the path to the Toasters second Super Bowl title.
If the Toasters can win Week 13, he’s got a path of defenses
that should not be able to stop RG3 from getting to 30 each week.
That’s not good news for the News Team, whose QB has been
less than stellar the last two weeks, and if history is repeating itself, the
News Team may not be happy with what could be another late-season slump for Aaron Rodgers. After a poor 18.7-point performances against the Giants, whose front
four gave him fits all night, he’ll have to face the Vikings, who also have a
decent defensive line.
After that, if the News Team has to play in Week 13, it’s
the Lions and the Bears in back-to-back weeks for Rodgers, who both held him to
less than 23 points in their prior games.
But, I guess that’s why it’s good to have two RBs in the top
10 and a WR in the top 3.
The only team who is better off is the Slackers, who still
boast the No. 1 QB, WR and defense. He also has the No. 4 RB and the No. 2 WR
to complement them. All five of those unnamed guys took care of business in
Week 12, help the Slackers sweep the Jammers for the first time in franchise
history.
By the time Ray Rice converted that ridiculous
fourth-and-29, it was all but over for the Jammers.
Now, all I can hope for is the Powerball jackpot, so I can
pay all you fools who make the playoffs.
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