Week 9 is here.
Can you believe it?
Man, the season flies by. With four weeks left to go, it’s crunch time for several teams. For others, it’s a chance to solidify their position for the No. 1 seed.
One team will emerge with seven wins as the Sunday Slackers (6-2) and Chinese Organ Thieves (6-2) meet up in a marquee matchup.
If the Slackers win, he’ll have a chance to hold a two-game lead on the rest of the AFC if Houserville and Fear both lose.
For the Thieves, a win may just help him keep pace with the News Team (6-2), who plays the Toasters (5-3) in the other marquee matchup of the week.
In fact, the News Team-Toasters matchup means a lot because an NFC win will be huge for either team where some tie-breakers may come into play for seeding.
For that same reason, the Jawz Attack-Fear matchup and the Jammers-Noise tussle are pivotal matchups.
The Attack and Fear are both in the playoff hunt in the AFC, and the Jammers can be right there, too, with a win.
And against the Noise, that better happen.
I had to cut this short again because I’m out of time. Between the storm and being on the road for business all weekend, I’ve been unable to conquer the entire preview. So, a pair of 2-6 teams get screwed. Sorry. And Houserville’s preview is much shorter than everyone else’s, but notice that I gave him ownership of the preview. That’s because he’s going to win big, even with his crappy QB situation.
Sunday Slackers (6-2) at Chinese Organ Thieves (6-2)
The Slackers won last week despite missing several key players on the bye.
In Week 9, he’s got all his players back in a huge matchup, and for the Slackers, a seventh win would guarantee that he will have back-to-back winning seasons for the first time in franchise history.
And a win in Week 9 is very possible considering the fact that the Thieves are missing the best tight end in the JFL. Rob Gronkowski is on the bye which means the Thieves will either need Scott Chandler to have the game of his life, or hope one of his other players steps up and makes up for the 20-plus points the Gronk has provided lately.
Even with Gronk, this matchup would be tough for the Thieves.
The Slackers have pieced together a team that is itching to etch the name Slackers on the JFL trophy (which reminds me, I have to go update it with my name on the trophy).
Drew Brees is at home against the Eagles defense, which was torn apart by Matt Ryan last week in cold, windy and rainy Philadelphia.
So in the comfort of the SuperDome, I fully expect one of those 40-point fantasy nights for Brees.
The Thieves should be able to get at least 30 points from Peyton Manning, who plays at Cincinnati, and I think Trent Richardson can have a big day against the Ravens defense that has struggled against the run, but I like all three of the Slackers WRs to hit double-digits this weekend.
And I think that will be just enough to edge the Thieves.
Jammers’ Prediction: Slackers 138, Thieves 131
Channel 4 News Team (6-2) at Dottsville Toasters
Nikish v. Dotterer. Does it get any better than this? Too long-time friends going at it.
For Dotts, it’s going to be an uphill battle against the highest scoring team in the JFL.
But when you have RG3, you’re never out.
Griffin “struggle” last week, says all the fans and reporters, but if you look at the facts, Griffin actually played a great game. His receivers had 10 drops, including a few that would have led to TDs, and then Santana Moss fumbled the ball after a catch.
Those 10 incompletions go on RG3’s record, but if you go watch the video, they were all easy — or should have been easy — catches.
And for the Toasters, who lost by 11 points in Week 8, a few of those should-have-been completions, including the one for the TD, would have given him a win last week.
After that paragraph, I believe Ryan is crafting a personal letter to the Redskins wideouts.
Against Carolina, I imagine they’ll be a lot better.
Speaking of wideouts dropping passes, let’s talk about Calvin Johnson. He dropped a sure TD pass last week and he has still not caught a TD pass from Matthew Stafford.
Against the Jags, do I dare predict a TD for Calvin Johnson?
No. I won’t predict a TD.
But I will predict two TDs.
That’s right, breakout day for Mr. Megatron.
But it still won’t be enough because Arian Foster, Brandon Marshall and Aaron Rodgers will score plenty of points to allow the News Team to move to 7-2 and potentially take the NFC lead.
Jammers’ Prediction: News Team 148, Toasters 120
Jimmy Jammers (3-5) at World of Noise (2-6)
If it were for a big win last week, we’d be talking about boring, brother-v-brother matchup.
Instead, there’s a lot of the line for the Jammers. He has a chance to get to 4-5 and make a serious push for the playoffs with a win over his brother.
The Noise isn’t officially eliminated, but he needs to win his final five games to have a chance to make the playoffs.
And if he’s going to start that streak this weekend, it’s going to be behind the quarterback the Jammers traded away.
That quarterback, Matt Ryan, should have a big week against the Cowboys. Yes, I know Rob Ryan is predicting a Cowboys win, but his defense cannot handle the passing attack that the Falcons will release on them.
That means there will be some big points available, but the good thing for the Jammers is the fact that he has two of Ryan’s top targets in Julio Jones and Tony Gonzalez.
Noise will surely be praying that a lot of the big pass plays go to Roddy White this week, and to make it even better, he would prefer a few passes to his running back Michael Turner. If Turner and Ryan can combine for a 12-point TD, that could change the landscape of this matchup, especially if Jones and Gonzalez stay out of the end zone.
But, of course, I don’t see this happening.
The Jammers also got a big Thursday night out of his Chargers defense, scoring two TDs to pick up 25 points. Added with the 7.6 points Ryan Mathews scored, the Jammers has a 32.6-2 lead heading into Sunday — which means he’s only 68 points away from securing a win, because we all know you only needed 100 points to beat the Noise.
Jammers’ Prediction: Jammers 100, Noise 84
T-Money (2-6) at Real Houserville (5-3)
The QB carousel continues in Houserville.
This week’s winner, Cam Newton, who interestingly enough has a matchup against the sure-fire rookie of the year, RG3.
Newton hasn’t looked like the rookie of the year he was last year, and that has created the constant QB controversy in Houserville. Still, he’s 5-3 thanks to some big games from his wideouts Percy Harvin and Demaryius Thomas.
And that’s why he’ll be 6-3.
Tony Romo will have a worse day that Newton, and a few single-digit point totals will doom the Money Man this week.
Jammers’ Prediction: Houserville 135, T-Money 101
Jawz Attack (4-4) at Fear and Loathing (5-3)
OK, progress has been made — or at least we think it has been.
The Attack has only won four games in each of his first two seasons of the League.
He needs three more wins to secure his first winning season and potentially his first trip to the playoffs.
If that’s where he wants to be in Week 14, he better get the win this week.
An AFC win to move to 5-4 would be huge, because it would move him into a tie with Fear and Loathing record-wise, and he’d own the tie-breaker.
He also owns the head-to-head tie-breaker against Houserville, so he’d be in good shape keeping pace with the Ville.
He doesn’t own the tie-breaker against the Slackers — not yet at least — but at this time, a tie-breaker with a team that should move to 7-2 this week is not in his thought process. It should be all about beating Fear and searching for the lone AFC wild card berth.
If he plans on doing it, he’ll have to do it with Wes Welker on the bench. Shonn Greene, too.
I know you just laughed at that last sentence, but Greene has hit double-digits in three straight weeks, so that is actually a loss at this juncture, especially when he’s rolling out Donald Brown and Alex Green instead.
Fear has his own running back issues, but I think he has the edge at WR this weekend.
This may come down to Monday night when the Eagles play the Saints, because Fear is going with Michael Vick. If there ever was a week for Vick to put up some big points, it would be this one against the worst defense in the NFL.
And for that reason, I’m giving Fear the slight edge; however, I must admit, I’m not fully confident that Vick will get the 30 points needed to secure this predicted win.
But because he SHOULD, I’ll go with it.
Jammers’ Prediction: Fear 125, Attack 121
Graybill’s Generals and Team Boyer meet up. They’re both 2-6. I’m out of time, so by virtue of having just two wins apiece, they get screwed… and I’m sorry for that.
Can you believe it?
Man, the season flies by. With four weeks left to go, it’s crunch time for several teams. For others, it’s a chance to solidify their position for the No. 1 seed.
One team will emerge with seven wins as the Sunday Slackers (6-2) and Chinese Organ Thieves (6-2) meet up in a marquee matchup.
If the Slackers win, he’ll have a chance to hold a two-game lead on the rest of the AFC if Houserville and Fear both lose.
For the Thieves, a win may just help him keep pace with the News Team (6-2), who plays the Toasters (5-3) in the other marquee matchup of the week.
In fact, the News Team-Toasters matchup means a lot because an NFC win will be huge for either team where some tie-breakers may come into play for seeding.
For that same reason, the Jawz Attack-Fear matchup and the Jammers-Noise tussle are pivotal matchups.
The Attack and Fear are both in the playoff hunt in the AFC, and the Jammers can be right there, too, with a win.
And against the Noise, that better happen.
I had to cut this short again because I’m out of time. Between the storm and being on the road for business all weekend, I’ve been unable to conquer the entire preview. So, a pair of 2-6 teams get screwed. Sorry. And Houserville’s preview is much shorter than everyone else’s, but notice that I gave him ownership of the preview. That’s because he’s going to win big, even with his crappy QB situation.
Sunday Slackers (6-2) at Chinese Organ Thieves (6-2)
The Slackers won last week despite missing several key players on the bye.
In Week 9, he’s got all his players back in a huge matchup, and for the Slackers, a seventh win would guarantee that he will have back-to-back winning seasons for the first time in franchise history.
And a win in Week 9 is very possible considering the fact that the Thieves are missing the best tight end in the JFL. Rob Gronkowski is on the bye which means the Thieves will either need Scott Chandler to have the game of his life, or hope one of his other players steps up and makes up for the 20-plus points the Gronk has provided lately.
Even with Gronk, this matchup would be tough for the Thieves.
The Slackers have pieced together a team that is itching to etch the name Slackers on the JFL trophy (which reminds me, I have to go update it with my name on the trophy).
Drew Brees is at home against the Eagles defense, which was torn apart by Matt Ryan last week in cold, windy and rainy Philadelphia.
So in the comfort of the SuperDome, I fully expect one of those 40-point fantasy nights for Brees.
The Thieves should be able to get at least 30 points from Peyton Manning, who plays at Cincinnati, and I think Trent Richardson can have a big day against the Ravens defense that has struggled against the run, but I like all three of the Slackers WRs to hit double-digits this weekend.
And I think that will be just enough to edge the Thieves.
Jammers’ Prediction: Slackers 138, Thieves 131
Channel 4 News Team (6-2) at Dottsville Toasters
Nikish v. Dotterer. Does it get any better than this? Too long-time friends going at it.
For Dotts, it’s going to be an uphill battle against the highest scoring team in the JFL.
But when you have RG3, you’re never out.
Griffin “struggle” last week, says all the fans and reporters, but if you look at the facts, Griffin actually played a great game. His receivers had 10 drops, including a few that would have led to TDs, and then Santana Moss fumbled the ball after a catch.
Those 10 incompletions go on RG3’s record, but if you go watch the video, they were all easy — or should have been easy — catches.
And for the Toasters, who lost by 11 points in Week 8, a few of those should-have-been completions, including the one for the TD, would have given him a win last week.
After that paragraph, I believe Ryan is crafting a personal letter to the Redskins wideouts.
Against Carolina, I imagine they’ll be a lot better.
Speaking of wideouts dropping passes, let’s talk about Calvin Johnson. He dropped a sure TD pass last week and he has still not caught a TD pass from Matthew Stafford.
Against the Jags, do I dare predict a TD for Calvin Johnson?
No. I won’t predict a TD.
But I will predict two TDs.
That’s right, breakout day for Mr. Megatron.
But it still won’t be enough because Arian Foster, Brandon Marshall and Aaron Rodgers will score plenty of points to allow the News Team to move to 7-2 and potentially take the NFC lead.
Jammers’ Prediction: News Team 148, Toasters 120
Jimmy Jammers (3-5) at World of Noise (2-6)
If it were for a big win last week, we’d be talking about boring, brother-v-brother matchup.
Instead, there’s a lot of the line for the Jammers. He has a chance to get to 4-5 and make a serious push for the playoffs with a win over his brother.
The Noise isn’t officially eliminated, but he needs to win his final five games to have a chance to make the playoffs.
And if he’s going to start that streak this weekend, it’s going to be behind the quarterback the Jammers traded away.
That quarterback, Matt Ryan, should have a big week against the Cowboys. Yes, I know Rob Ryan is predicting a Cowboys win, but his defense cannot handle the passing attack that the Falcons will release on them.
That means there will be some big points available, but the good thing for the Jammers is the fact that he has two of Ryan’s top targets in Julio Jones and Tony Gonzalez.
Noise will surely be praying that a lot of the big pass plays go to Roddy White this week, and to make it even better, he would prefer a few passes to his running back Michael Turner. If Turner and Ryan can combine for a 12-point TD, that could change the landscape of this matchup, especially if Jones and Gonzalez stay out of the end zone.
But, of course, I don’t see this happening.
The Jammers also got a big Thursday night out of his Chargers defense, scoring two TDs to pick up 25 points. Added with the 7.6 points Ryan Mathews scored, the Jammers has a 32.6-2 lead heading into Sunday — which means he’s only 68 points away from securing a win, because we all know you only needed 100 points to beat the Noise.
Jammers’ Prediction: Jammers 100, Noise 84
T-Money (2-6) at Real Houserville (5-3)
The QB carousel continues in Houserville.
This week’s winner, Cam Newton, who interestingly enough has a matchup against the sure-fire rookie of the year, RG3.
Newton hasn’t looked like the rookie of the year he was last year, and that has created the constant QB controversy in Houserville. Still, he’s 5-3 thanks to some big games from his wideouts Percy Harvin and Demaryius Thomas.
And that’s why he’ll be 6-3.
Tony Romo will have a worse day that Newton, and a few single-digit point totals will doom the Money Man this week.
Jammers’ Prediction: Houserville 135, T-Money 101
Jawz Attack (4-4) at Fear and Loathing (5-3)
OK, progress has been made — or at least we think it has been.
The Attack has only won four games in each of his first two seasons of the League.
He needs three more wins to secure his first winning season and potentially his first trip to the playoffs.
If that’s where he wants to be in Week 14, he better get the win this week.
An AFC win to move to 5-4 would be huge, because it would move him into a tie with Fear and Loathing record-wise, and he’d own the tie-breaker.
He also owns the head-to-head tie-breaker against Houserville, so he’d be in good shape keeping pace with the Ville.
He doesn’t own the tie-breaker against the Slackers — not yet at least — but at this time, a tie-breaker with a team that should move to 7-2 this week is not in his thought process. It should be all about beating Fear and searching for the lone AFC wild card berth.
If he plans on doing it, he’ll have to do it with Wes Welker on the bench. Shonn Greene, too.
I know you just laughed at that last sentence, but Greene has hit double-digits in three straight weeks, so that is actually a loss at this juncture, especially when he’s rolling out Donald Brown and Alex Green instead.
Fear has his own running back issues, but I think he has the edge at WR this weekend.
This may come down to Monday night when the Eagles play the Saints, because Fear is going with Michael Vick. If there ever was a week for Vick to put up some big points, it would be this one against the worst defense in the NFL.
And for that reason, I’m giving Fear the slight edge; however, I must admit, I’m not fully confident that Vick will get the 30 points needed to secure this predicted win.
But because he SHOULD, I’ll go with it.
Jammers’ Prediction: Fear 125, Attack 121
Graybill’s Generals and Team Boyer meet up. They’re both 2-6. I’m out of time, so by virtue of having just two wins apiece, they get screwed… and I’m sorry for that.
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