Hello, Nick Nikish here. You’re proud owner of the Channel 4 News Team, and I’d like to take this moment to welcome you all to the BFL.
With what will go down as the most embarrassing loss in league history, the Jimmy’s Jammers have realized that fantasy football just isn’t for him anymore.
It’s time to usher in a new era: The Burgundy Football League.
Please assemble and welcome me, your new commissioner and soon to be two-time league champion, The Channel 4 News Team.
My first act is to tell the tale of the game that shook our formerly fearless leader to his core, a story of brotherly love and hand surgery, the battle for the bottom of the AFC: Jimmy Jammers vs. World of Noise.
The Jammers must have been pretty happy going into the weekend, with a healthy 25 points from the Chargers DEF and his starting running backs set for huge games against Kansas City and Carolina. In Noise’s starting lineup were the underperforming Michael Turner and BenJarvus Green-Ellis, and Jammers’ Matthew Stafford was coming off of a huge week.
It felt like a win already.
By Sunday night, though, that feeling had changed. When your entire RB/WR corps score just 34.6 points and Jay Cutler outscores your starting QB by 15, you’re in trouble.
And it’s not like the Noise had any real breakout stars this week. No one even cracked 20 points, or as Arian Foster calls it, “Sunday.”
But only two scored fewer than 10 points, which was key to the Noise’s victory. Slow and steady won this race.
Maybe if Darren Sproles was healthy, the Jammers would have had a fighting chance. I mean, he was going up against the Eagles defense, you gotta love that matchup as an RB. But Monday night it was just Jackson and Colston as icing on the noisy cake of victory, adding about 30 points to further shame the Jammers.
Keeping all of this in mind, we must remember that this isn’t even the highest scoring game this season for World of Noise. Dottsville is still stinging from his 142–112 loss in week 4. But he manned up, made the right moves, and now leads his division. Such a comeback is not in the cards for Jimmy.
Hopefully he forwards me that list of potential expansion team owners; maybe they can turn things around for the Jammers in 2013.
Sorry about that. It appears as if the Channel 4 News Team high-jacked “Jimmy’s Jargon.” I had to punch him out of my writer's chair.
So, I’m back. And I would like to thank Nick for the kind words.
He sent his “Jargon” over to me Thursday afternoon via email. We joked on Monday about having him do this and he said he’d send me his hostile takeover of the JFL Monday night.
Well, Wednesday came and my inbox was empty, so I decided to wait no more.
It was time to start writing the JFL recaps.
Guess Nikish has other responsibilities at home. Jeez, responsible parents. What is this world coming to? Kids before fantasy.
Gina won’t like it, but that’s not happening.
However, if the 2012 "season to forget" continues into 2013, perhaps I’ll decide to spend more time away from the game.
It’s kind of demoralizing, going into a Sunday night game knowing your team sucks and you have no reason to watch it.
It’s even worse when you head into the Monday night game and not only are their fantasy players on the field, but my beloved Eagles are on the field, too — yet I kind of want to change the channel.
Both of them suck.
I have nothing to look forward to.
The Eagles are awful. The Jammers are awful. The 2012 season is just flat-out awful for me.
The only thing that is going right is my Super Bowl prediction of Falcons-Steelers — and I’m sure I just jinxed it.
Do I care? No.
I’m ready for baseball.
How long until spring training?
I’m not the only one thinking that maybe it’s time to look toward 2013. T-Money and the Generals are both 2-7 and they are virtually done.
T-Money is at least in a situation where he could still win the division at 6-7, but he needs the Toasters (5-4) and Boyer (3-6) to lose some games.
Winning out? It’s tough to do.
And it’s the only option the Money Man and I have left. World of Noise is in the same boat, too, at 3-6.
That kind of pressure is enough to make one want to quit.
Now you can see why I handed the JFL over to Nikish, until his late submission made me want it back.
Why? Because I will not go out a loser — especially to the Noise.
World of Noise 126.4, Jimmy Jammers 84.8
Well, let’s get this one out of the way quickly.
Pull it off like a Band-Aid.
Ready … set … pull!
First, I’m sure you wondering why your reading this recap, again. Well, as mentioned, Nikish was late so all the words that surround this paragraph, above and below, were written before he submitted. And I hate to let good words go to waste.
In the battle of “Old Jimmy’s Quarterbacks,” the Noise won, but not by much. Matt Ryan actually had an off day, scoring 17.8 points, and since the Jammers got 14.7 points from Julio Jones and 4.4 from Tony Gonzalez to counteract it.
It’s just too bad for the Jammers that that was all he got.
Matthew Stafford was a bum with 13.8 points. The Lions scored four TDs on offense, but they were all rushing TDs — which, you know, is definitely how everything thought that was going to go.
Because the Lions weren’t passing, Titus Young had only 2.4 points. Antonio Brown suffered an injury after scoring 2.3 points. Both Alfred Morris and Ryan Mathews had 7.6 points.
When you add it all up, the Jammers had 84.8 points, which is something you would expect from the Noise.
World of Noise had a big week with seven double-digit performances. Michael Turner and BenJarvus Green-Ellis both scored TDs, as did DeSean Jackson, Marques Colston and Owen Daniels.
The only TDs the Jammers had … ?
Two from the Chargers defense.
That’s it.
Sunday Slackers 148.8, Chinese Organ Thieves 121.2
The matchup of the week gets pushed to a side-stage.
That be like going to a concert hall and looking up to the main stage to see Creed, while the freaking kick-ass Red Hot Chili Peppers rock out the small stage off to the right.
Yeah, I just compared the Jammers-Noise matchup to Creed, which is very cruel.
Nevertheless, let’s talk about the Chili Peppers of our League.
The Slackers looked like they were going to be in a situation where he could Give It Away, but he road the Aeroplane known as Drew Brees to victory on Monday night.
And while the Thieves seemed to be playing in a Parallel Universe with Peyton Manning and Adrian Peterson combining for 62.2 points, he would up on the Otherside of the scoreboard, checking out the Scar Tissue left behind by the eight double-digit scorers by the Slackers.
Now, after the News Team won, the Thieves are Under the Bridge in the division and need a Hump de Bump to move to Higher Ground.
Parker, on the other hand, is saying that “This is the Place” as he sits in first place of the division and the AFC. His team is on Fire and is one that you Can’t Stop. So Buckle Down, because Parker is dreaming Californication.
And By The Way, I have to add: If You Have to Ask why so many words/phrases are in blue font, you clearly do not know your Chili Peppers.
Channel 4 News Team 120.9, Dottsville Toasters 112.1
The News Team took a little swipe at his rival in the recap above and he was able to get away with it because he won.
But, it wasn’t by much.
In fact, if RG3 was the RG3 of the first four weeks or the two weeks after his concussion, the Toasters would have won.
Instead, the Panthers somehow held him to 15.8 points.
Michael Bush didn’t get much in a 51-20 blowout and scored just 3.5 points, and that also killed the Toasters.
Bush had 10 carries, so the opportunity was there, but he ran for only 16 yards. His point total would have been worse if it weren’t for the 17-yard catch he had.
The Toasters also had single-digits from Dwayne Bowe and Martellus Bennett.
As for Bowe, the News Team can feel the Toasters pain. Owning a Chief is a rough thing right now. I really though that team would play better this year with several key cogs returning from injury, but that has not been the case at all.
This is a team that was predicted by myself and several “real” NFL experts to make the playoffs — and they’ll be lucky to win four games.
That’s insane.
Speaking of insane, Aaron Rodgers scored more than 30 points for the sixth time this season.
What a game-changer he is. I bet you wish you drafted him back in 2008, the last time he was available in a JFL Draft.
I know I wish I did. … Oh, wait. I did.
Real Hoserville 145, T-Money 100.7
Houserville got the performance of a lifetime out of Doug Martin.
Without it, he loses by 16.
With it, he won by 45.
Doug, everybody’s new favorite Martin, ran for 251 yards and four TDs on Sunday against the Raiders, scoring 59 points, a new JFL record for running backs, beating out Chris Johnson’s 52.4 points in 2009.
Martin actually could have had 60 points, but his last couple carries caused him to lose at least 10 yards off his total.
The rest of Houserville’s team scored 84 points, so the Money Man could have cashed in if it weren’t for Martin.
Martin, who was a fourth-round selection, moves up to No. 1 in the JFL in running back points, but that ranking is a bit deceiving when it comes to consistency. He’s scored 95 points in the last two weeks, boosting his value greatly.
In his first six games of the season, he had just two rushing TDs and not one 100-yard game.
But the good news for Houserville is, if this is a sign of what’s to come, he could have himself a ticket to the Super Bowl.
We’ve seen in the past what RBs can do for JFL teams. LaDainian Tomlinson single-handedly led the Jammers to the 2006 title. Adrian Peterson had his monster year and led the Thieves to the title, while DeAngelo Williams earned his contract in the Generals’ Super Bowl run. And, of course, we all remember Chris Johnson’s role in the Toasters title. Then Arian Foster emerged in 2010 to give the News Team his first title.
And last year, Reggie Bush and Darren Sproles combined for big years to lead the Jammers to his second title.
So here we are, in Week 9 looking around the League, and there are a few RBs who clearly have what it takes to win their team a trophy.
Houserville has one of them if Martin continues to dominate like he has in Weeks 8 and 9.
As for the Money Man… You, um, want to go golfing or something? The Generals, Noise and I have a tee-time set up for after Week 13. We have an opening now that Team Boyer backed out. Apparently, he has to spackle.
Fear and Loathing 121, Jawz Attack 77.5
Man, did Jawz really miss Shonn Greene and Wes Welker.
Just 77.5 points for the Attack in an important game. He needed this win to put him in a good position for a playoff spot, but now without the tie-breaker against Fear, he’s going to have to get some help to make the playoffs.
As for Fear, he’s riding his wideouts as Roddy White, Mike Wallace and Sidney Rice are all taking turns being the top dog each week. This week, they all three hit double-digits, as did free agent pickup Brandon Myers who scored 19.5 points at tight end. Another free agent pickup, Joique Bell, scored 17.5 points as he scored one of the four rushing TDs that the Lions had (Yeah, I’m still bitter about it.)
Interestingly enough, Fear’s most consistent player, Willis McGahee, had just 7.2 points. Winning when your top fantasy star had a bad week is a nice perk.
At 6-3, Fear is in line for a push at the division title, something he missed out on last year when he lost to Houserville in a Week 13.
This year, that battle comes in Week 11. If both win this weekend, they’ll be tied for first place in the AFC North with a 7-3 record.
Team Boyer 121, Grabill’s Generals 69.8
Graybill, I feel your pain.
This season has been rough.
But, man, has it been rough for you. When you scored less than 100 points, you’re 0-7. When you hit 100 points, you’re 2-0.
So, how do you get to 100 points?
You would think Eli Manning could do it weekly, but he’s had a rough 2012 season. He had just five points this week.
It was the lowest total on the team, but it was one of eight positions to score single-digits.
With those totals, Graybill never had a chance.
Especially after Carson Palmer scored 44.8 points. He hadn’t scored more than 27 points all season, so this was surely a surprise, and it worked out well with Tom Brady on the bye.
Boyer also got 21.4 and 21.2 points from Marshawn Lynch and Matt Forte, and he’s going to need that type production for the rest of the season if he wants to make one last push at the playoffs.
With what will go down as the most embarrassing loss in league history, the Jimmy’s Jammers have realized that fantasy football just isn’t for him anymore.
It’s time to usher in a new era: The Burgundy Football League.
Please assemble and welcome me, your new commissioner and soon to be two-time league champion, The Channel 4 News Team.
My first act is to tell the tale of the game that shook our formerly fearless leader to his core, a story of brotherly love and hand surgery, the battle for the bottom of the AFC: Jimmy Jammers vs. World of Noise.
The Jammers must have been pretty happy going into the weekend, with a healthy 25 points from the Chargers DEF and his starting running backs set for huge games against Kansas City and Carolina. In Noise’s starting lineup were the underperforming Michael Turner and BenJarvus Green-Ellis, and Jammers’ Matthew Stafford was coming off of a huge week.
It felt like a win already.
By Sunday night, though, that feeling had changed. When your entire RB/WR corps score just 34.6 points and Jay Cutler outscores your starting QB by 15, you’re in trouble.
And it’s not like the Noise had any real breakout stars this week. No one even cracked 20 points, or as Arian Foster calls it, “Sunday.”
But only two scored fewer than 10 points, which was key to the Noise’s victory. Slow and steady won this race.
Maybe if Darren Sproles was healthy, the Jammers would have had a fighting chance. I mean, he was going up against the Eagles defense, you gotta love that matchup as an RB. But Monday night it was just Jackson and Colston as icing on the noisy cake of victory, adding about 30 points to further shame the Jammers.
Keeping all of this in mind, we must remember that this isn’t even the highest scoring game this season for World of Noise. Dottsville is still stinging from his 142–112 loss in week 4. But he manned up, made the right moves, and now leads his division. Such a comeback is not in the cards for Jimmy.
Hopefully he forwards me that list of potential expansion team owners; maybe they can turn things around for the Jammers in 2013.
Sorry about that. It appears as if the Channel 4 News Team high-jacked “Jimmy’s Jargon.” I had to punch him out of my writer's chair.
So, I’m back. And I would like to thank Nick for the kind words.
He sent his “Jargon” over to me Thursday afternoon via email. We joked on Monday about having him do this and he said he’d send me his hostile takeover of the JFL Monday night.
Well, Wednesday came and my inbox was empty, so I decided to wait no more.
It was time to start writing the JFL recaps.
Guess Nikish has other responsibilities at home. Jeez, responsible parents. What is this world coming to? Kids before fantasy.
Gina won’t like it, but that’s not happening.
However, if the 2012 "season to forget" continues into 2013, perhaps I’ll decide to spend more time away from the game.
It’s kind of demoralizing, going into a Sunday night game knowing your team sucks and you have no reason to watch it.
It’s even worse when you head into the Monday night game and not only are their fantasy players on the field, but my beloved Eagles are on the field, too — yet I kind of want to change the channel.
Both of them suck.
I have nothing to look forward to.
The Eagles are awful. The Jammers are awful. The 2012 season is just flat-out awful for me.
The only thing that is going right is my Super Bowl prediction of Falcons-Steelers — and I’m sure I just jinxed it.
Do I care? No.
I’m ready for baseball.
How long until spring training?
I’m not the only one thinking that maybe it’s time to look toward 2013. T-Money and the Generals are both 2-7 and they are virtually done.
T-Money is at least in a situation where he could still win the division at 6-7, but he needs the Toasters (5-4) and Boyer (3-6) to lose some games.
Winning out? It’s tough to do.
And it’s the only option the Money Man and I have left. World of Noise is in the same boat, too, at 3-6.
That kind of pressure is enough to make one want to quit.
Now you can see why I handed the JFL over to Nikish, until his late submission made me want it back.
Why? Because I will not go out a loser — especially to the Noise.
World of Noise 126.4, Jimmy Jammers 84.8
Well, let’s get this one out of the way quickly.
Pull it off like a Band-Aid.
Ready … set … pull!
First, I’m sure you wondering why your reading this recap, again. Well, as mentioned, Nikish was late so all the words that surround this paragraph, above and below, were written before he submitted. And I hate to let good words go to waste.
In the battle of “Old Jimmy’s Quarterbacks,” the Noise won, but not by much. Matt Ryan actually had an off day, scoring 17.8 points, and since the Jammers got 14.7 points from Julio Jones and 4.4 from Tony Gonzalez to counteract it.
It’s just too bad for the Jammers that that was all he got.
Matthew Stafford was a bum with 13.8 points. The Lions scored four TDs on offense, but they were all rushing TDs — which, you know, is definitely how everything thought that was going to go.
Because the Lions weren’t passing, Titus Young had only 2.4 points. Antonio Brown suffered an injury after scoring 2.3 points. Both Alfred Morris and Ryan Mathews had 7.6 points.
When you add it all up, the Jammers had 84.8 points, which is something you would expect from the Noise.
World of Noise had a big week with seven double-digit performances. Michael Turner and BenJarvus Green-Ellis both scored TDs, as did DeSean Jackson, Marques Colston and Owen Daniels.
The only TDs the Jammers had … ?
Two from the Chargers defense.
That’s it.
Sunday Slackers 148.8, Chinese Organ Thieves 121.2
The matchup of the week gets pushed to a side-stage.
That be like going to a concert hall and looking up to the main stage to see Creed, while the freaking kick-ass Red Hot Chili Peppers rock out the small stage off to the right.
Yeah, I just compared the Jammers-Noise matchup to Creed, which is very cruel.
Nevertheless, let’s talk about the Chili Peppers of our League.
The Slackers looked like they were going to be in a situation where he could Give It Away, but he road the Aeroplane known as Drew Brees to victory on Monday night.
And while the Thieves seemed to be playing in a Parallel Universe with Peyton Manning and Adrian Peterson combining for 62.2 points, he would up on the Otherside of the scoreboard, checking out the Scar Tissue left behind by the eight double-digit scorers by the Slackers.
Now, after the News Team won, the Thieves are Under the Bridge in the division and need a Hump de Bump to move to Higher Ground.
Parker, on the other hand, is saying that “This is the Place” as he sits in first place of the division and the AFC. His team is on Fire and is one that you Can’t Stop. So Buckle Down, because Parker is dreaming Californication.
And By The Way, I have to add: If You Have to Ask why so many words/phrases are in blue font, you clearly do not know your Chili Peppers.
Channel 4 News Team 120.9, Dottsville Toasters 112.1
The News Team took a little swipe at his rival in the recap above and he was able to get away with it because he won.
But, it wasn’t by much.
In fact, if RG3 was the RG3 of the first four weeks or the two weeks after his concussion, the Toasters would have won.
Instead, the Panthers somehow held him to 15.8 points.
Michael Bush didn’t get much in a 51-20 blowout and scored just 3.5 points, and that also killed the Toasters.
Bush had 10 carries, so the opportunity was there, but he ran for only 16 yards. His point total would have been worse if it weren’t for the 17-yard catch he had.
The Toasters also had single-digits from Dwayne Bowe and Martellus Bennett.
As for Bowe, the News Team can feel the Toasters pain. Owning a Chief is a rough thing right now. I really though that team would play better this year with several key cogs returning from injury, but that has not been the case at all.
This is a team that was predicted by myself and several “real” NFL experts to make the playoffs — and they’ll be lucky to win four games.
That’s insane.
Speaking of insane, Aaron Rodgers scored more than 30 points for the sixth time this season.
What a game-changer he is. I bet you wish you drafted him back in 2008, the last time he was available in a JFL Draft.
I know I wish I did. … Oh, wait. I did.
Real Hoserville 145, T-Money 100.7
Houserville got the performance of a lifetime out of Doug Martin.
Without it, he loses by 16.
With it, he won by 45.
Doug, everybody’s new favorite Martin, ran for 251 yards and four TDs on Sunday against the Raiders, scoring 59 points, a new JFL record for running backs, beating out Chris Johnson’s 52.4 points in 2009.
Martin actually could have had 60 points, but his last couple carries caused him to lose at least 10 yards off his total.
The rest of Houserville’s team scored 84 points, so the Money Man could have cashed in if it weren’t for Martin.
Martin, who was a fourth-round selection, moves up to No. 1 in the JFL in running back points, but that ranking is a bit deceiving when it comes to consistency. He’s scored 95 points in the last two weeks, boosting his value greatly.
In his first six games of the season, he had just two rushing TDs and not one 100-yard game.
But the good news for Houserville is, if this is a sign of what’s to come, he could have himself a ticket to the Super Bowl.
We’ve seen in the past what RBs can do for JFL teams. LaDainian Tomlinson single-handedly led the Jammers to the 2006 title. Adrian Peterson had his monster year and led the Thieves to the title, while DeAngelo Williams earned his contract in the Generals’ Super Bowl run. And, of course, we all remember Chris Johnson’s role in the Toasters title. Then Arian Foster emerged in 2010 to give the News Team his first title.
And last year, Reggie Bush and Darren Sproles combined for big years to lead the Jammers to his second title.
So here we are, in Week 9 looking around the League, and there are a few RBs who clearly have what it takes to win their team a trophy.
Houserville has one of them if Martin continues to dominate like he has in Weeks 8 and 9.
As for the Money Man… You, um, want to go golfing or something? The Generals, Noise and I have a tee-time set up for after Week 13. We have an opening now that Team Boyer backed out. Apparently, he has to spackle.
Fear and Loathing 121, Jawz Attack 77.5
Man, did Jawz really miss Shonn Greene and Wes Welker.
Just 77.5 points for the Attack in an important game. He needed this win to put him in a good position for a playoff spot, but now without the tie-breaker against Fear, he’s going to have to get some help to make the playoffs.
As for Fear, he’s riding his wideouts as Roddy White, Mike Wallace and Sidney Rice are all taking turns being the top dog each week. This week, they all three hit double-digits, as did free agent pickup Brandon Myers who scored 19.5 points at tight end. Another free agent pickup, Joique Bell, scored 17.5 points as he scored one of the four rushing TDs that the Lions had (Yeah, I’m still bitter about it.)
Interestingly enough, Fear’s most consistent player, Willis McGahee, had just 7.2 points. Winning when your top fantasy star had a bad week is a nice perk.
At 6-3, Fear is in line for a push at the division title, something he missed out on last year when he lost to Houserville in a Week 13.
This year, that battle comes in Week 11. If both win this weekend, they’ll be tied for first place in the AFC North with a 7-3 record.
Team Boyer 121, Grabill’s Generals 69.8
Graybill, I feel your pain.
This season has been rough.
But, man, has it been rough for you. When you scored less than 100 points, you’re 0-7. When you hit 100 points, you’re 2-0.
So, how do you get to 100 points?
You would think Eli Manning could do it weekly, but he’s had a rough 2012 season. He had just five points this week.
It was the lowest total on the team, but it was one of eight positions to score single-digits.
With those totals, Graybill never had a chance.
Especially after Carson Palmer scored 44.8 points. He hadn’t scored more than 27 points all season, so this was surely a surprise, and it worked out well with Tom Brady on the bye.
Boyer also got 21.4 and 21.2 points from Marshawn Lynch and Matt Forte, and he’s going to need that type production for the rest of the season if he wants to make one last push at the playoffs.
Comments