American League West
Gameday Gamblers, 53 points (10 first-place)
Jerkin My Kurkjian, 46 points (8 first-place)
Big League Choo, 43 points (6 first-place)
Is there a louder division in baseball?
I mean all of baseball, fantasy and real life.
I feel like I should dress as the Joker and collect these three rivals into a single room, break a pool stick in half and tell them we’re having tryouts.
Who would emerge from that fight?
The spreadsheets would say Parker would come out on top.
The Spillanotrometer would say that Steve would walk away without a scratch, and with a pair of 36-year-old, scantly clad women in each arm — both are home runs in his book, especially the dark-haired one from Napoli, Italia.
In reality, my money would be on Justin. Have you seen his workout regimen? He wouldn’t even need the broken pool stick.
But, I guess we’ll never know because we’re not fighters. We’re nerds who talk baseball on a Facebook wall at 11 a.m. on a Tuesday.
We don’t throw punches; we make photoshopped (or MS Painted) jpegs instead.
And that’s what I love about this division. It’s loud. It’s annoying. It’s awesome. It’s just non-stop baseball. And I’d love to join it for that reason — I’m sure Vandelay would encourage such a move — but I won’t do it. I don’t know which team I’d kick out to make room for me.
A year ago, the Jerk may have volunteered, but now he can’t.
He’s entrenched in the division that will provide great conversation all season.
Why?
Because I don’t think the Gamblers are going to run away with it like he has in past years.
I think it’s starting to even out.
The Gamblers will still win this division, but he will not be sitting comfortable in July, and he will not win it by 63 games like he did last year.
1. Gameday Gamblers
2012 Record/Finish: 267-142-71/second place in AL East
Owner’s All-Time Record: 1,205-915-352 (.559)
I’m not sure if the Gamblers’ spreadsheets show it, but the rest of the division is catching up.
Even after reading that sentence, he’s probably not truly aware of it.
He does have a strong offense, jam-packed with power hitters, who are projected to combine for 264 home runs.
That same offense will likely out-single and out-double any team he faces. They’ll likely score more runs and drive in more runs than you.
So if you happen to play the Gamblers, and you escape with five or more wins in the offensive categories, consider yourself lucky.
A year ago, I’d say the same thing about the Gamblers pitching staff, but this year, I’m not as impressed.
Yes, Clayton Kershaw, Gio Gonzalez and Stephen Strasburg are all among the best you can get, but I do have some serious questions with the supporting cast.
Of course, I like A.J. Burnett, but nobody really stands out in the rest of the group that comprises of Jason Vargas, Paul Maholm, James McDonald, Derek Holland, Eddison Volquez and Clayton Richard.
I think all six can have their good outings, but they’ll have far more bad outings that will push their respective ERAs to 4.00 or higher, and thus during the season, spoiling some good Kershaw, Strasburg and Gonzalez performances.
So what happened? I feel like the Gamblers spreadsheets failed him here.
Maybe he should update to Spillanexcel to make his 2014 spreadsheets.
2. Jerkin’ My Kurkjian
2012 Record/Finish: 160-253-67/third place in AL West
Owner’s All-Time Record: 160-253-67 (.403)
The Jerk loves baseball. He and I talk baseball on average once a day, and that’s before spring training.
So you can imagine how ready he was for the 2013 draft. With a team like the Gamblers above him, you can also imagine the anxiety that comes with it. The pressures of trying to find a Kershaw or a Strasburg on the mound and a Joey Votto at the plate.
He doesn’t have those yet, but he’s certainly working toward it.
Anthony Rizzo has a chance to fulfill the role of Joey Votto, and Yu Darvish — whom many have selected as a preseason Cy Young winner — has the chance to be just as good as Kershaw and Strasburg.
He made some big deals last season and during the offseason to set up the team he has going into 2013. Those trades led to Josh Johnson joining the rotation, along with Brandon Morrow, both who I think will have great seasons for Toronto if they stay healthy.
He also made smart selections in grabbing Homer Bailey and Jeff Samardzija, both pitchers who many let slip past them in the draft.
Add in prospect pitcher Hyun-Jin Ryu and Julio Teheran who both have some great upside and you have yourself a strong rotation.
In fact, you have a rotation that is top to bottom stronger than the Gamblers.
Yes, as I’ve clearly stated, the top three for the Gamblers are undeniably better, but when you get to four through eight, I will take Morrow, Teheran, Bailey, Samardzjija and Ryu over the likes of Vargas, Maholm, McDonald, Holland, Volquez and Richard.
That is why I think the Jerk will contend with the Gamblers this year and battle for that wild card.
In order for this to happen, though, the offense has to be strong, and unfortunately, two of his better hitters were sent to Triple-A because their clubs are cheap.
The Rays sent down Wil Myers and the Rockies sent down Nolan Arenado, a pair of players who anchor this team in the future.
Another player who will be a key part of this team will be Justin Upton. I’m torn on what to expect from Upton this season. A lot of me expects him to turn in a season that puts up a huge middle finger to Arizona, while at the same time, I could see him under-performing because of the pressure to perform.
I tend to lean toward the former, which, of course, the Jerk would wish for, as well. If he gets that, the Jerk certainly has a enough pieces around upton to slug his way to some category wins over some offensive heavy AL teams.
3. Big League Choo
2012 Record/Finish: 207-208-65/second place in AL East
Owner’s All-Time Record: 408-403-149 (.503)
No, Steve. I didn’t rig the Jammermetric Scale. This is truly where you ended up on it. Blame the ESPN projections.
Perhaps they should invest in the Spillanotrometer. I mean, it’s available for only four small payments of $29.95 plus shipping and handling, and if you don’t like it, you can return it for free.
Call now.
Wow, I just got lost in a Spillanopromo.
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| Five of Big League Choo's All-Star prospects. |
I feel like an old guy, sitting on the couch too lazy to change the channel away from the Home Shopping Network.
You know, the kind of old guys you call on to play catcher or first base for your fantasy team.
Yes, we’ve all made the jokes. Spillane’s team is aging. But if they can all keep their creaky bones from breaking, they should provide a good enough offense to battle in the AL West.
That’s all he’ll really need because he does have potentially the best overall pitching staff in the division.
Felix Hernandez, Matt Cain and Johnny Cueto can match up to the Gamblers top three, and Doug Fister and Edwin Jackson are better than the Gamblers’ No. 4 and 5 starters.
I wrote “potentially” earlier because the unknown youth of Shelby Miller, Zack Wheeler, Tyler Skaggs, Trevor Rosenthal and Patrick Corbin all could be better than any of the Gamlbers six through 10 starters, but they also could falter.
That’s what happens with young pitching.
Wheeler is probably the best of the group and he won’t be up until June or July. He should slate in as a No. 1/No. 2 starter right away.
Miller used to have the same thing said about him, but he dropped in the rankings last year. Still, he should be good enough as a back-end fantasy starter for the Choo.
So, there are some good things here, but I think the biggest problem for the Choo will be the fact that a lot of his best players won’t be there until June or July, plus he took a big hit when Adam Eaton went down with an injury that will keep him out for a while. By the time the injured players and prospects all start playing, he may be fighting an uphill battle.
Nevertheless, the core prospects that are there will shape this franchise’s future.
Unless, of course, he trades them.
What? I had to say it.
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