It was quite ridiculous, like their music video.
Anquan Boldin, Demaryius Thomas, A.J. Green and Victor Cruz all scored more than 30 points at the wideout position.
Adrian Peterson did the same at running back, while LeSean McCoy and Reggie Bush were not too far behind.
A good number of tight ends had 20-plus point openers as Vernon Davis, Jared Cook and Jason Witten all had two touchdowns each. Owen Daniels also had a pair of TDs, as did Julius Thomas, but we won't talk about him because the World of Noise will get bitter.
It was a wild, wild Week 1. I don't think I recall any week like this where so many individual efforts led all the fantasy teams, rather than a full collective of decent point totals.
Even the Chinese Organ Thieves, who dropped more than 160 on the Sunday Slackers, didn't get a collective effort. He got 99.7 of those points from Peyton Manning and Adrian Peterson alone. That would have been enough to beat all eight of Houserville's starters who combined for 86 points.
The Ville could have avoided those 2010 Craig-like numbers had he started Jordy Nelson and Shane Vereen. Ah, I'm sort of kidding. I would have personally started Nelson over Pierre Garcon or Kendrell Thompkins, but Vereen over a third wideout? Never. I can't blame him.
Vereen was supposed to be a third-down back but as soon as Stevan Ridley fumbled, Vereen got the vast majority of the carries. #BelichicksDoghouse
The good news for the News Team, who got just 3.6 points out of Ridley in Week 1 before the benching, is that Ridley should get another chance. He had a huge season last year and the Pats can't just give up on him after one mistake.
For Wilson, it's a different story. He's had the history of fumbling problems and after two fumbles Sunday night, the Giants are reportedly bringing in veteran backs to try out. Goodbye, Wilson. Goodbye, Jammers' second-round pick. #Youhavetobekiddingme
I'm sure by now you're asking, "Hey, Jimmy, what's with this hashtag crap? This isn't Twitter or Facebook."
My answer? Times are changing. Hell, I even like using them in texts.
Why?
It worked well for the Eagles — well, it did for about 2.5 quarters. Then, that fell apart, and the Eagles almost blew it.
That late rally by the Redskins allowed the Toasters to storm back in his matchup against the News Team and cut the deficit to 13 points. Owen Daniels took care of the rest in the second Monday night game, scoring a touchdown early and adding another in the fourth to overtake the News Team.
Arian Foster also scored just enough to hand the Money Man a win over the Ville in a low-scoring affair — the kind of matchup that makes every losing team that scored 100 points angry. It will also make Houserville angry as he lost by 1.3 points on the road, which means the home-field advantage strikes early. I'm sure we'll hear about it Tuesday on Facebook, but when you score just 86 points, I don't want to hear it. Blame Cam Newton, not the 20 yards worth of home-field advantage.
Home-field advantage didn't matter in the Generals' rally. He also forged a Monday night comeback, not that he needed much, but LeSean McCoy easily provided the necessary points — and then some — to easily handle the Spacklers. Graybill was led primarily by his three big stars, McCoy, A.J. Green and Colin Kaepernick. His first-round QB scored 41.7 points and made his offseason move look genius.
I did question it — and to my credit I said I would have kept either Eli Manning or Victor Cruz with McCoy — but for now, we both seem to be correct.
The loser right now appears to be the Sunday Slackers who let go a premier, dominant wideout in Green. If I were him, I would have kept Drew Brees and A.J. Green. But then again, I'm not the Slackers. ... I mean, the last-place Slackers. #rivalburn
Yeah, it's early, but after a 3-10 season, I need this chance to brag. Hell, I won Week 1 last year and went 2-10 the rest of the way. That means this could easily be the last time I enjoy fantasy football this year, so I will enjoy every second of Week 1.
Just like the Jets.
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