We all wish we could get a fantasy day like he had. In the JFL, he would have accumulated 83.5 fantasy points — you know, 2 points away from what T-Money is averaging per week.
Octavias McKoy, of Division III Western Connecticut State, ran for a NCAA single-game rushing record 455 yards and five TDs, including runs of 71, 53 and 41 yards.
I'd love to get just half of that in the JFL today from a running back.
So would the rest of the League.
But running back scoring is down. Only 19 backs are averaging double-digits, and No. 19 on that list is Joique Bell, who hasn't scored more than 8 points since Week 3. Last week, only two backs ran for 100 yards, Ryan Mathews and Chris Ivory.
It's tough sledding out there. Hit or miss. Use whatever cliche you'd like.
You could use those same phrases to describe the state of the JFL this season, and there's a chance that we could see something even crazier happen in the standings heading into Week 9.
Right now, as we enter Week 8, three matchups feature 4-3 teams going up against 3-4 teams. Obviously, if all the 3-4 teams wins, we'll be looking at seven, potentially eight 4-4 teams in Week 9.
That would be a bit crazy.
But crazy is 2013.
That's why the Noise, the birthday boy from Thursday, is in first place. And he will stay there after this week. With Matt Ryan and Harry Douglass going up against the Cards and Wes Welker and Julius Thomas against the Redskins, I like the Noise to put up enough fantasy points to make up for his RB situation.
The Attack, with a slew of 1 o'clock games, could jump out to an early lead, but he'll need a huge comeback on Monday with Russell Wilson against the Rams. It's very possible that Wilson could have a 30- or 40-point night, but I'm not sure that will be enough. We'll see tonight.
The Spacklers have Marshawn Lynch on Monday, but he should just hammer home the fifth win of the season for the Drywall Doctor. He's in great shape because the Fear hasn't figured out his QB situation yet. He drafted two QBs who have Week 8 byes, and Week 8 has arrived and he still hasn't figured it out? With all the QBs that have been out there to pick up and with Joe Flacco on the bench, I'm not sure why he hasn't made a move yet.
Because of his hesitation, he's left picking from Chad Henne, Christian Ponder, Thas Lewis, Kellen Clemens, Mike Glennon or Jason Campbell.
Sounds more like the list of first-round draft targets for the Noise. That'd be a funny joke if one of those QBs weren't already selected in the first round by the Noise. Instead, it's just a sad reality.
The bye week also hits the Slackers this week as he'll be without Ray Rice and Torrey Smith, which actually isn't that big of a hit considering their lack of production in 2013.
So in their stead is Chris Ivory and Rueben Randle. Ivory is a reactionary move based on a 100-yard week last week, so I'm not sure it will work, but hey, it can't be worse than Ray Rice. Randle, however, is a good move. The Eagles seem to not know how to cover him and he always scored two TDs against them, so great move there.
Too bad it won't be enough.
In a battle where two of the better fantasy QBs matchup — Aaron Rodgers and Drew Brees — it will be the News Team that comes out the victor.
Both Rodgers (vs. Minnesota) and Brees (vs. Buffalo) have soft matchups, so the QBs should be good for at least 30 each, which means we have to look at the rest of the lineups, and who doesn't love the No. 1 RB in the JFL, Jamaal Charles.
Against Cleveland, he easily could score 25 fantasy points. But an even better RB matchup is out there for Stevan Ridley. Mark it down. He scores at least 18 fantasy points this week.
Add in a long Victor Cruz TD — instead of a pair of Randle TDs — and the News Team will make it three straight wins.
"That's what you said about Blackmon!" Parker will retort.
Go ahead and retort. ... Number 2.
I call him "Number 2" and it's dangerous to do so because in all likelihood, for him to remain "Number 2," I'll need him to lose.
Against the Organ Thieves this week, in the only JFL matchup featuring two teams with winning records, I'll have a tough day because the Thieves have a lot of great matchups, and of course, the Gronk is back.
Lucky me.
I'll have a lot riding on a Dallas-Detroit shootout. If that game doesn't end 38-34 or something like that, I'm in trouble.
Matthew Stafford, Reggie Bush, Dez Bryant and Terrance Williams are all in the lineup.
So yeah, shootout.
Unfortunately, that's what people are expecting, and we all know, when the NFL expects a shootout, we get a 17-3 game, a la Dallas v. Philly.
What an awful game that was. Four hours of my life that would have been better spent smacking my head against the wall, creating a job for Boyer.
Well, I guess I can look at the bright side. At least I wasn't physically at the game, like our Friday birthday boy, Dottsville Toasters.
He blew out 30 candles — or drank 30 delicious brews — wishing for a big RGIII day, one that doesn't include Roy Helu and Pierre Garcon.
Houserville, looking for any help now that Doug Martin is out, picked up Helu after he had a career day scoring three TDs.
But there's a reason they call it a "career day."
Because it happens only once in a career.
Helu will not score three TDs again, especially against the Broncos.
The Ville already got 34 points from Cam Newton, so he's off to a good start there, but it all will come down to what RGIII does this week because we can be sure that Calvin Johnson and Anquan Boldin both put up big weeks.
But if it's close after Sunday, we'll look to the Seahawks defense on Monday night against the Rams backup QBs.
That could give the Toasters a reason to celebrate 30 for one more night.
He won't be the only one. Injuries and bye weeks hit the T-Money hard this week and that should allow the Generals to pick up his third straight win and get to 4-4. Ugh, I really feel like we're going to see a number of 4-4 teams.
Welcome to the .500 League.
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