With a playoff spots on the line all over the place, it's unfortunate that Week 13 will be the longest week for most of us.
That will mean some tense moments after Thursday's triple header and some even more tense moments on Monday night when New Orleans travels to Seattle.
For me in particular, it will be hoping the Seattle's offense stifles Drew Brees like it did in the playoffs a few years ago.
For Parker, it will be a busy turkey day, watching my top three players — Matthew Stafford, Reggie Bush and Dez Bryant, who will all lace up the cleats in the afternoon games. That means Parker will have one eye on his forkful of mashed potatoes, and another on Matthew Stafford as the Lions play the Packers. And later, during second helpings of turkey and potatoes, it will be one eye on Dez Bryant as the Cowboys play the Raiders.
It should be nerve-wracking.
And don't worry, I'll be doing the same thing.
If I don't come away with at least 60 points today, I'll be a mess all weekend.
Then again, I could feel better after the nightcap between the Steelers and the Ravens. The Slackers, who have Jason Witten going in the late afternoon game, also has Ray Rice and Torrey Smith at night.
Man, do I need one of those typical Steelers-Ravens games where the final is 17-13 or less.
If not, it will be a long Sunday as the rest of the Slackers don't play until late Sunday. He'll also have Rueben Randle in the Sunday night game, and then, of course, Drew Brees against the Seahawks on Monday.
What did I say before?
How do I always play the Slackers when Drew Brees plays on Monday night?
I may need to start looking at the NFL schedule before I make the JFL schedule because this is getting ridiculous. In Week 4, I led by seven points and Drew Brees dropped 47.1 points to make it hurt.
A few years ago, the Slackers trailed by 30, and he dropped 40 on Monday night.
But those were weak matchups.
Now, he has the Seahawks.
Wait, what? Seattle's secondary is a mess?
Great. Pass the turkey.
Now, right about now, you may be wondering, "Why is Jimmy only talking about his matchup?"
I'm glad you asked. The reason is, it's the matchup of the week because it's the only matchup where both teams have a playoff spot on the line.
Every other matchup features either a team who has clinched a spot or a team who has been a eliminated.
This is truly the only "playoff" game, even though, technically, if I lose, there's a slight chance I still get in. But I'm not banking on that.
For the Slackers, it's win or go home.
The only other matchup that comes close is the Organ Thieves at Jawz Attack.
The Attack most likely needs the win to get in, whereas the Thieves are already in.
Nevertheless, the Thieves want the win, as well, because a division title is on the line. Both teams have a WR and kicker going on Thursday, and like the aforementioned matchup of the week, this one will come down to a QB on Monday night.
By process of elimination, that means Russell Wilson will most likely be in the role of Captain Comeback.
The biggest question will be, "By how much?"
Jawz lucks out in that Peyton Manning has a difficult matchup against the Chiefs, a team that he only scored 21 fantasy points against two weeks ago. He also lucks out in that Adrian Peterson is questionable and not practicing as of Wednesday.
Jawz will look to a group of former Jammer standouts — Maurice Jones Drew, Larry Fitzgerald and Antonio Brown — to lead the way.
Based on the way Jawz has run his fantasy team over the last couple years, by picking up my leftovers, I fully expect him to show up my in-laws in Hazleton tonight to scrape any extra turkey off of my plate and onto his.
Can't blame him, though, for wanting my scraps. All three have won Super Bowls with the Jammers, and all three have been hot of late, especially Jones Drew, a keeper that Jawz has painfully stood beside for a few years.
In the last three weeks, that commitment has paid off as he has scored touchdowns in three straight weeks. ESPN predicts him to score again this week, and against the Browns, I think I agree.
That would be nice, but no matter what, it's going to come down to the No. 7 QB in the JFL. I had him on my draft board because I loved his upside, and my division rival has him. Wilson has thrown for at least two touchdowns in each of the last five games and that streak could be in jeopardy against the No. 3 pass defense in the league.
If that's the case, Jawz may be nervously watching late into the evening on Monday when six points could be the difference between earning his first playoff bid in franchise history or another year of despising the Jammers and Slackers.
In the other matchups, Houserville will look to spoil the Spacklers' bid for a playoff spot; World of Noise will look to get a ninth win while keeping Fear out of the playoffs; the News Team will vie for the final playoff berth in the NFC with a win over Graybill; and lastly, the Toasters will look to down former roommate T-Money in order to clinch the No. 1 seed.
The Toasters have already clinched the division title, and one would think the No. 1 seed should be easily attained this week, but with RGIII scoring just 7.2 points last week, he has to be worried about his crazy Jekyll and Hyde QB.
RGIII hasn't scored 19 through 27 points this year. He either has scored 28.4 or more, or 18 or less.
There's no middle ground.
Most great fantasy QBs will give you those big 30- to 35-point days, and then regress and only score 20 to 25 points, which on some weeks, you'll gladly take.
But in the mid to low teens is killer, and that's RGIII for you.
That's why the Toasters would ideally like for a 30-point performance this week to lock up the bye, watch RGIII stumble next week when it doesn't matter, and then return for a torrid two-week stretch en route to a second JFL title.
That would be the gravy on the mashed potatoes. Speaking of which, I think it's time to get ready for football and food. Enjoy what will surely be the craziest Week 13 in JFL history.
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