Week 12 Recap: Scenarios Galore

Don't want to read all this Jargon? Just check out the bullet point
scenarios down below. But come back to read anyway.
You wanted them, you’ve got them.

Playoff scenarios, and boy are there a lot heading into Week 13. Certainly the most we’ve ever had this late into the season.

But I took the time and I crunched the numbers and this is what I've come up with.

Three teams have clinched playoff berths, with only one of those teams nailing down an exact seed — the World of Noise, winning the No. 1 seed in the AFC.

The Toasters have clinched the NFC East and will at least be the No. 2 seed in the NFC with a good chance to earn the top seed.

The Organ Thieves have also clinched a playoff berth, but can still be the 1, 2 or 3 seed in the NFC.

The Spacklers and News Team will duke it out for the final playoff berth as the News Team only needs to win to eliminate Boyer. The Spacklers can only be the No. 3 seed, while the News Team can still be the 1, 2 or 3 seed.

In the AFC East, the No. 2 seed is up for grabs and all three teams have a shot at it. The Jammers has the simplest route, win and get it, whereas the Slackers need a win and a Jawz loss; and the Jawz needs a win and a Slackers loss.

Fear and Loathing still has a chance to get in as the No. 3 seed, too, but did not make it easy on himself, losing all but one of his games in the AFC. He went 5-1 against the NFC to get to 6-6, but he’ll need help in order to make the playoffs because he owns not a single tie-breaker.

Here are all the scenarios not in paragraph form (and not including scenarios if any matchup ends in a tie in Week 13). And there's more Jargon below!

Playoff Scenarios 

AFC East

Jimmy Jammers (6-6, 1-2)
  • ·      Clinches playoff spot with win.
  • ·      Clinches division title with a win and more points than Jawz Attack.
  • ·      Eliminated with loss and any either a Jawz or Fear win. 

Jawz Attack (6-6, 2-2)
  • ·      Clinches playoff spot with a win (owns head-to-head tie-breaker against Fear.)
  • ·      Clinches division with win and Slackers win over Jammers.
  • ·      Eliminated with loss and Fear win.

Sunday Slackers (5-7, 2-1)
  • ·      Clinches playoff spot with a win and a Fear loss (owns head-to-head tie-breaker).
  • ·      Clinches division with win and Jawz loss (Slackers would be 3-1 in division, winning the tie-breaker).
  • ·      Eliminated with a loss; or eliminated with a win, a Jawz win, and a Fear win.

AFC North

World of Noise (8-4, 2-1)
  • ·      Has already clinched No. 1 seed.

Fear and Loathing (6-6, 1-2)
  • ·      Clinches wild card spot with: (1) win and a Jawz loss; (2) win and a Jammers loss.
  • ·      Eliminated with a loss, or a win and a combo of a Jawz and Jammers wins.

Houserville (4-8, 2-1)
  • ·      Eliminated, a.k.a., sucks. … Sorry, Dawson. Had to say it for Craig. 

NFC East

Dottsville Toasters (7-5, 2-1)
  • ·      Has already clinched division. Even with a loss and Spacklers win, both would be tied at 7-6 and Toasters swept the season series and would win the head-to-head tie-breaker.
  • ·      Clinches No. 1 seed with win. The Toasters are 7-5, tied with News Team and Organ Thieves. If all three win this weekend, the News Team would win the NFC West with a 3-1 division record, but would lose the tie-breaker for the conference due to a head-to-head loss to the Toasters.

The Boyer Spacklers (6-6, 2-2)
  • Clinches wild card with a win and a loss by the News Team. Both would be 7-6 and the Spacklers own the head-to-head tie-breaker. 

T-Money (5-7, 1-2)
  • ·      Eliminated

NFC West 

Channel 4 News Team (7-5, 2-1)
  • ·      Clinches division with win.
  • ·      Clinches No. 1 seed with win and loss by Toasters.
  • ·      Clinches at least a Wild Card with a Spacklers loss.

Chinese Organ Thieves (7-5, 2-2)
  • ·      Has already clinched playoff berth.
  • ·      Clinches division with: (1) win and News Team loss; (2) loss and News Team loss.
  • ·      Clinches No. 1 seed with win and losses by the News Team and Toasters.

Graybill’s Generals (5-7, 1-2)
  • ·      Eliminated.

So, are you ready for a crazy Week 13?

I am. 

And I’m excited I’ll actually get to see it. I listened to a good portion of the games this past weekend on the radio while driving, but there’s something about sitting in front of the TV with RedZone on and my iPad in hand that makes the experience more enjoyable.

I need that.

I also need to stop giving out advice.

That’s right. No more.

Last week, after the News Team lost because he benched Josh Gordon, who had 21.5 points, I wrote, “Oh well. Missed opportunity. Can’t say I blame him. Gordon has been hit or miss. Nevertheless, his three 20-point weeks have to make him a consideration for future weeks. He can make a difference as we saw this week.”

Dammit, Jimmy. Look at the schedule before you write something like that.

It never dawned on me that in future weeks, it could be me on the other side.

And it was. One week later and five days after I posted that piece, Josh Gordon scores 33.5 points in a 120.7-104.7 win for the News Team.

Another 104 points and another loss.

As we’ve seen in the JFL this season, if you get to about 95 points, you have a good shot.

But this is the fourth time I’ve been in that area and lost.

Oh, look. Jimmy’s crying again.

No, I’m not, Dawson. I’m just pointing out the craziness that last year I had one of the highest scoring teams in the league, but because I gave up a JFL-record 1650 points, I went 3-10. This year, I’m second in points allowed with 1,208 — 29 behind the Slackers who have been equally as unlucky as I.

We’re both fortunate to be in the hunt for a playoff berth, but what we wouldn’t do for the World of Noise’s schedule. He won this week, scoring just 79 points. Now, he’s scored in the 100s five times (ironically, two of those were losses), and he’s been in the 90s three other times. But opponents have combined for 1,057 points. He’s won five games where his opponent didn’t crack 70 and another two where they didn’t get to 85 points.

Ah, the schedule maker.

Now, the Noise did win with 79 points this week, but to his credit, an apparent ESPN app error kept Tavon Austin (19.8 points) out of the lineup, and Julius Thomas was an unfortunate late scratch, leaving 10.4 points on the bench from Greg Olsen, so there is a lot to be worried about when playing the Noise.

As long as Matt Ryan starts to score in the 25 to 30 range again, he’ll be a force in the upcoming JFL playoffs.

Perhaps he’ll drop that bum Ray Rice. He can hang out with C.J. Spiller. Remember in August when Parker thought he had the best two RBs in football? Remember when he made fun of my RB situation? Yeah, look at me now.


OK, I’m done gloating, because now that I said that, Ray Rice will score about 25 points and eliminate me from the playoffs.

Dammit, Jimmy. Don't you ever learn?

Comments

Post a Comment