Something is fishy. He was too confident that he would win the No. 1 seed and have the inside track to Super Bowl VIII.
Hell, remember this controversial photo? The Noise, with a half-eaten hot dog forked in one hand, he hoisted the trophy the other, and captioned the picture with: "Get used to seeing this..."
We all laughed. It was humorous to think that the worst franchise in JFL history was going to rise up and reach the top.
He would retort, "I did it before," even though we all think his run to Super Bowl IV was a fluke.
In that championship game, the Noise lost to the Toasters, who owns the other No. 1 seed.
Now, according to seeds, they're destined to meet up again.
But the four teams battling in the Wild Card Round this weekend would like to prevent that from happening.
Fear and Loathing travels to the Jimmy Jammers in the AFC Wild Card, while the Chinese Organ Thieves, lost a tie-breaker to the News Team, has to play on the road against his division rival.
AFC Wild Card
Fear and Loathing (7-6) at Jimmy Jammers (7-6)
Prior meeting: Jammers won 80.3-72.1 in Week 10.
All-Time Series: Jammers leads 8-2.
Playoff records: Fear (0-5), Jammers (9-4).
History is not on Fear and Loathing's side, but fortunately for him, all the historical stats really mean nothing in fantasy football.
They're just fun to look at.
At the end of the night on Monday, Fear won't mind the lopsided numbers against the Jammers as long as it ends with him changing the zero to a one.
Zero playoff wins in five tries.
Fear is due. He's ready to finally win a playoff game.
But there is a tough task ahead of him.
As noted earlier, this matchup won't end until Monday night as both teams have a pair of important players taking the field when the Bears and Cowboys meet up in the Windy City.
Fear has handed the reigns over to Bears backup-turned-starter Josh McCown, and he'll be tasked with out-dueling the No. 3 QB in the JFL, Matthew Stafford, who averages 30 points a week. He has scored at least 27 points in each of the last seven matchups, and against the Eagles this week, he should be in line for similar numbers.
I emphasize should because I've seen this before. A few weeks back, I was certain the Eagles-Cowboys game would be a shootout, but it didn't happen.
So, I can't be certain that this will be the same. I hope it is because obviously I want Stafford to have a good day, while at the same time, I want the Eagles to win. Can I get a 38-35? Man, that would be ideal.
Especially if I wind up rolling with the questionable Reggie Bush.
Back to Monday night, Fear also trots Matt Forte, the No. 3 RB, out onto the field. Forte has been a fantasy juggernaut and well worth his first-round draft status. Fear definitely hit the ball out of the park on that one. Forte has scored double-digits in 11 of 12 games, faltering only in a game against Detroit. He's reached 15 points seven times, 20 three times and 31.3 once.
So what is Forte looking at this week?
Probably another 20-plus points. The Cowboys are ranked 32nd in RB fantasy points allowed.
Fear also has the No. 4 RB in Knowshon Moreno, who went undrafted, but his numbers aren't as consistent as Forte's. Moreno just has more big games.
So what is Moreno looking at this week?
Probably another 20-plus points. The Titans are ranked 31st in RB fantasy points allowed.
Wait, really? I face two top-4 JFL running backs and both face the two worst rushing defense?
Oh, man.
Fortunately, the Fear's WRs are less reliable, which means I have a chance.
Still, there is no doubt that Monday night's game is going to be a back-and-forth matchup for the Fear and I. A late touchdown may not only win the game for either the Cowboys or the Bears, it may also hand a win (and a heart attack) to either the Jammers or the Fear.
NFC Wild Card
Chinese Organ Thieves (8-5) at Channel 4 News Team (8-5)
Prior meetings: News Team won 126.8-81.2 in Week 2; Thieves won 93.8-87.6 in Week 11.
All-Time Series: News Team leads 10-7.
Playoff records: Organ Thieves (3-4), News Team (5-4).
The top two scoring teams in the JFL match up in the Wild Card round because the News Team won the division and the Toasters beat News Team on head-to-head tiebreaker to get the NFC's top seed.
That's a big sigh of relief for the Toasters.
He avoids the gauntlet of having to beat both teams to get to the Super Bowl.
Instead, he'll just have to beat one of them.
The question is, which one will be there?
At the beginning of the season, if we would have said that these two were playing in the playoffs, we would have said, "Oh, man! Aaron Rodgers vs. Peyton Manning!"
But that's not the case. The News Team has been forced to go with Nick Foles, who he wisely snagged off the waiver wire after Week 9.
Well, wisely may be a poor choice of words. After 68.4 points on seven TDs and 406 passing yards, it wasn't really a wise pickup. It was a must, especially for a team that lost his prized franchise QB to injury.
Since the pickup, Foles has scored 35.8, 25.2 and 31.7 points for the News Team.
Today, the News Team is hoping for the same thing I am, a shootout in Philly.
He'll also look for the opposite in Denver where a snow-covered field may slow Peyton Manning just enough to give the News Team a better chance to win the matchup.
But wait. I literally just typed that and NFL Network cut to a live shot in Philadelphia where the snow is now falling. That's not good for Nikish and I. You have to love live, in-column updates.
I assume the same weather will be affecting the News Team's Jamaal Charles at Washington and the Thieves' Adrian Peterson at Baltimore.
Also in that snowy Denver game, the Thieves have Chris Johnson and the News Team is going with Eric Decker after his big week in Week 13. It's a reactionary move as Decker had single-digits in five of six matchups prior to his 45-point day last week, but with Peyton Manning on the other side, it's hard to blame him for putting him in. If he can nullify at least one TD, it will be worth it.
The News Team also will need another big day out of Josh Gordon after Andre Johnson scored 18 points on Thursday night to give the Thieves the early lead. Gordon has been ridiculous in four of his last five matchups, scoring 20 or more points in all four of those games. In the last three weeks, Gordon has upped the numbers each week going from 21.5 to 33.5 to 43.1.
Do I hear 54 points this week?
I'd say no if it weren't for the fact we saw three WRs score 40 last week. It's been a big year for record-breaking performances. We've seen it from nearly every position in the JFL. Nick Foles, Alshon Jeffrey and Vernon Davis all set records at their respective positions.
So yeah, I do not doubt we could see such a performance.
If we do, the News Team can punch his ticket to the next round by 8 o'clock today. That's when the Thieves will be out of players. If the News Team trails at that time, he's got one last hope — tight end Martellus Bennett.
I wouldn't want to rely on that on Monday, and I'm sure the News Team agrees, so all eyes will be glued on the Broncos-Titans game, the game that will determine the outcome of this matchup.
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