MLB Jargon

The Second Amendment affords everyone the right to bear arms and the First Amendment allows for anyone to be up in arms against the cute, cuddly bear named "Clark" who will stroll around Wrigley Field stealing picnic baskets.

OK, so he probably will not steal any baskets, but he'll certainly irk a good percentage of World Series hungry fans.

For a franchise that has never had a mascot, it can be tough to all of a sudden be thrust into the world of furry, fluffy, over-exuberant characters messing with you in the third inning.

Pittsburgh fans never knew what a football mascot was until Steely McBeam showed up in 2007. They went 74 years without a mascot and fans in the Steel City were not happy when Mr. McBeam showed up.

The same reaction is happening now in Chicago.

I understand the idea that you want to connect with a younger generation, especially in baseball where an influx of youth has come in over the last five years — but it could have been done in a way that at least appealed to everyday, longtime fans.

I'm not a Chicago fan, but why not name the mascot after the franchise's famed play-by-play announcer?

Caray the Cub? I bet if you give the bear a pair of Harry Caray glasses, he's a hit.

Instead, it's Clark the Cub?

Who the hell is Clark? The road outside the park? Really? That's what you name him after. Hell, if we're going with Chicago references, why not Capone the Cub? Give him a cigar and a tommy gun, and now we're talking.


Chase Utley is satisfied heading into 2014.

He likes the Phillies' chances.

Clearly he is a bit more inebriated than the day he dropped the F-bomb in front of all of Philly at the 2008 World Series parade.

He's apparently satisfied with the addition of Roberto Hernandez.

He's OK with the acquisition of an aging Marlon Byrd in the outfield.

He's thrilled with Ruben Amaro's signing of Ronny Cedeno.

And Wil Nieves was just what he wanted the Phillies to grab at the Winter Meetings.

With all those great moves after a sensational 73-89 season, it completely understandable why Utley has come out and said that he thinks the Phillies will be in contention this year.

Note my sarcasm.

Even Jonathan Papelbon, who the Phillies have desperately attempted to trade, basically said the same thing today on MLB Network Radio, so it's clear that the Kool-Aid is spiked in the Philly clubhouse right now.

As of right now, there is nothing to suggest that this team will be better than it was in 2013. I'll be the first to apologize to Utley if I'm wrong, but right now, I strongly hold the opinion that this team will not be World Bleeping Champions.

At this rate, they'll be lucky to climb out of bleeping fourth place.