Circle the week of May 26-June 1 in your calendar.
No, not because that is the week Parker and I clash. If I
were to start a column about that, Choo would go all Paul Clemens on me and
throw a fastball right at me just like he did to Jed Lowrie.
 |
| This whole Astros-Athletics tussle blows my mind. It originated a week ago when the A's jumped out to a 7-0 lead in the first inning. Lowrie, at the plate with two outs and the Astros implementing the shift in a 7-0 game, bunted to try and beat the shift. The Astros didn't like it and neither did the Houston TV announcers who were up in arms about it. When Lowrie came up again, Paul Clemens threw two pitches at Lowrie and missed. It prompted a staredown from Lowrie and more jeers from the TV crew and the Astros bench. But why? Yes, it was 7-0 in the first inning, but the Astros wound up cutting into that deficit and making it a three-run game. At one point, the go-ahead run was at the plate. So why is it bad that the Athletics try to score more. I absolutely hate the "unwritten rules" of baseball. This isn't Little League. If you're losing by seven runs, do something about it. Don't cry if the other team tries to make it eight runs. And just when you thought it was over, Clemens hits Lowrie a week later. Get over it Clemens. You lost. If you don't like Lowie bunting, pitch better. Hit better. Play better. Don't play dirty. That certainly will not erase a seven-run deficit. |
Man, that guy is an idiot. Clemens, that is.
So, back to the circling. Get out your pen and mark those
seven days, because that is the week the Handi Jerks face Chief Otto Parts.
Right now, both teams are 18 games back in their respective
leagues, and there doesn’t seem to be any relief in sight for the once-National
League favorite.
He’s certainly not out of the playoff race, nor the pennant
race, but man have the first four weeks really set the Otto Parts back.
So, what’s going wrong with the Otto Parts?
His offense has been a little slow going as Allen Craig is
in a huge slump to start the year and Miguel Cabrera is only batting .259. Otto
has to figure that will turn around soon, but nonetheless, that’s not the
reason he’s losing as bad as he is.
The real reason is luck — or lack thereof.
He is second in the JLB in ERA yet he has not won the ERA
category once this year. In week one, by far his worst pitching week, the
Cheese Steaks edged him in that category 3.615 to 3.812.
I know what you’re thinking. That’s not impressive.
But check this.
In the three subsequent weeks, the Otto Parts lost to three
straight teams that posted 2-something ERAs for the week. In Week 2, the
Slammers won with a 2.422 ERA (while Otto had a 3.289). In Week 3, the Outs won
with a 2.727 ERA (3.071 for Otto), and this past week, Vandelay posted a 2.348
ERA (Otto had a 2.727).
It just doesn’t seem fair.
Then again, I guess he’s lucky he didn’t run into the
Gamblers, the best pitching staff the JLB
has ever seen.
Vandelay is going to make a run for that title this year.
Right now, he has some of the hottest pitchers in the game
with Jose Fernandez, Adam Wainwright and Martin Perez. Both Wainwright and Perez
haven’t allowed a run in three straight starts, combining for three complete
games. Fernandez hasn’t allowed a run in two straight starts, and then, we can
add in Gerrit Cole, who has allowed a single run in each of his last two
starts. Even with Chris Sale now on the DL, the Industries have a solid
rotation with additional help coming from Wily Peralta, C.J. Wilson and Lance
Lynn, all who have been solid thus far.
It’s one of the reasons why he is 14 games over .500 and in
first place in the National League.
His offense has been another, although this week was an
exception and he managed to scratch out seven offensive category wins despite
hitting just .227. When all was said and done, he walked away with a 14-8-2 win
over his brother.
It’s just been that kind of year for the Otto Parts.
The Handi Jerks have had a different kind of frustration
this season. We saw his season in a nutshell this week — that nutshell being
Jean Segura’s cheekbone. … And it was cracked by Ryan Braun’s bat.
That’s why Yoda kicked Braun out of the Jedi Academy.
He’s careless.
You know, like the Jerks offseason trading style.
Oh, I know, low blow. But if he could go back, I bet he’d
still make one crazy trade, and that would be selling whatever he had to get
that No. 1 or No. 2 pick. It would have been worth it.
Looking back, I like Masahiro Tanaka, but man, I love Jose Abreu. He is
just on fire. Choo rode his five HRs and 14 RBIs last week to easily take 10 of
12 offensive categories. And with Chris Davis on the DL, Choo is thanking
himself for sticking to his guns and drafting Abreu.
After one week, he’s also thanking himself for making the
Yasiel Puig deal, giving him a big boost at a position that was an offensive
void for him over the first three weeks. (Although, he may be missing Sonny Gray tonight.)
Puig went 9-for-29 last week with two doubles, a triple, a
homer and six RBIs. Dexter Fowler (7-for-21, double, homer, 3 RBIs) and Troy
Tulowitzki (4-for-22, 3 HRs, 5 RBIs) also helped lift the Choo to the big
16-6-2 win.
It puts him ahead of the Gamblers by 1.5 games, which
apparently gives him bragging rights.
But it is the Gamblers who is the only JLB team to win all four series. That continued this week with a slim 11-9-4 win over the Sex Panthers.
Nine categories were extremely close and this matchup could have gone either
way, but the Gamblers got just enough to pick up the win.
Again, in a matchup where he won by one quality start and 14
strikeouts, he has to be happy with the free agent addition of Aaron Harang,
who posted a quality start with 11 strikeouts. Another free agent pitcher, Drew
Hutchinson, had nine strikeouts in a quality start.
That’s some good waiver wire surfing.
Michael Coldsmith III also has had good fortune on the
waves, picking up Dayan Viciedo, who was one of three players to post
double-digit hits for him last week. He went 12-for-26 with four doubles, a
triple, and an RBI. Coldsmith had seven players bat .300 or better in his
12-9-3 upset win over the N.J. Bombers, but the biggest feat of the week may
have been Ben Revere, who had 12 singles and four stolen bases.
His offense was on fire and the Bombers' was not, and that’s
why he won.
In the National League, both Steroid.ERA and the Philly
Cheese Steaks had great offensive weeks, but it was nullified by the fact that
they were playing each other.
ERA, who edged me with a crazy .313 average in Week 3, got a
taste of his own medicine in Week 4.
The Cheese Steaks batted .321 with 40 runs, 22 doubles,
three triples, 11 homers and five stolen bases. In all of those categories,
Cheese won by a few as Steroid batted .304 with 19 doubles, a triple, 10 homers
and four stolen bases.
The Steaks wound up taking eight of 12 batting categories,
but managed just two pitching categories in a slim 10-9-5 win.
Leading the offense was Hanley Ramirez, Jose Bautista and
Rajai Davis. Together they had three homers and 10 RBIs.
But, they weren’t alone. I left four standouts out because I
needed to give the Handi Jerks a chance to look away.
DISCLAIMER: The following text is not
suitable for children younger than 14 and fantasy owners who went wild in the
offseason.
Justin Upton, Austin Jackson, Alex Rios and Aaron Hill
combined for 26 hits, six doubles, two triples, four homers and 10 RBIs.
OK, Jerks, you can return to the screen because
Hyun-Jin Ryu and Homer Bailey both struggled with poor starts last week. So did
Chris Tillman, giving the Cheese Steaks a bloated ERA, allowing Steroid to
keep it close with six pitching category wins.
In my matchup against the Outs, I took the same amount of
pitching categories and seven batting categories to win 13-8-3. In the end, it
was a pretty close battle, especially on the pitching side.
The Outs won strikeouts 95-92. The Slammers won quality
starts 10-9. Complete games were tied at two and the Slammers got the CG SO to
win that category. The Slammers also went 7-5 as opposed to the Outs’ 3-8 mark.
Both teams blew two saves, and the Outs won ERA 3.397-3.538. The Slammers won
WHIP 1.148-1.335. The difference really came in the form of a pair of poor
performances by David Price and Clay Buchholz, who each gave up six earned runs
in starts. Brett Cecil’s blown save and four earned runs and zero outs in one
outing also ruined a potential 15-7-2 win for the Slammers.
Even still, it was the offense for the Slammers leading the
way. Charlie Blackmon and Andrew McCutchen each hit three home runs and were
among six players to bat .300 or better. The Slammers rank No. 1 in the League
in singles and doubles, and place in the top five in several other categories
offensively. Certainly a big reason why the Slammers are among five teams
bunched together with 40-some wins in the National League.
Yes, Choo. The National League is awesome.
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