I’m sure most of you assumed that a 14-5-5 loss sent me into a deep depression and ended the run of weekly Jargon recaps.
Well, shame on you for assuming that.
I like burgers, dogs and beer as much as the rest of you, and I made sure I had at least one of those for six straight days — mostly the latter.
That left me incapacitated to write the recap that Choo is desperate to read.
Let me rephrase that: … the recap that the first-place Choo is desperately waiting to read.
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| It's been 30 days since I traded Yasiel Puig and it's been about 25 days of regret. Since that deal, Puig is batting .417 (40-for-96) with 18 runs, 8 doubles, a triple, 7 homers and 24 RBIs. Don't get me wrong, in that time, I've enjoyed the company of Sonny Gray, who is 2-0 with five quality starts, 2.36 ERA, 0.95 WHIP, 29 strikeouts in 42 innings of work. That includes a CG SO. OK, so, I exaggerate a bit about regretting the trade everyday. I'll admit that I'd make a deal to get Puig back, but I can't deny how even this deal has been thus far. Gray has been really strong, but when he only goes every five days, it's hard not to notice how big Puig has been. Especially when I watch him go 3-for-3 in front of my face at Citizens Bank Park. That was a rough night. |
Big League Choo is a full 18.5 games ahead of his biggest rival Gameday Gamblers after a 17-3-4 drubbing last week.
The Gamblers are still in second place, showing you how big of a lead Choo has seven weeks in, and the N.J. Bombers are in third 24.5 games back. The Handi Jerks are 4 games out of the wild card.
In the National League, 14.5 games separates first place from fifth place, but Vandelay has a decent 8-game lead on first place after his rout of the Slammers.
So, it’s fitting that after two big rival blowouts the first-place teams meet in Week 8.
Vandelay and Choo are both on fire and they’re in the midst of a great matchup. Well, I lie. Vandelay is destroying him, but it’s still early.
At least, Choo isn’t staring at a 1-something ERA, which is what I had to deal with. Vandelay had one of the best pitching weeks in JLB history, logging 90.1 innings and a 1.79 ERA. That’s just insane.
I wouldn’t have been as mad if it weren’t for the fact that I had a 2.65 ERA in 85 innings. His insane pitching numbers allowed him to take eight of 12 categories, and then he added six more batting wins.
Eight categories lost by the Slammers could have easily gone the other way. Another three categories — singles, doubles and stolen bases — ended in ties and easily could have changed the landscape of the matchup.
But it was not to be for my team.
And so ends another slaughter at the hands of Vandelay.
I may take his advice to switch up the divisions in the offseason. I’m sending him to the American League so I don’t have to see him.
Perhaps the Gamblers will make the move to the National League?
He could sure use the change after last week’s rout.
Choo better lie low. He's probably wanted for murder.
Eleven batting categories and six pitching went in favor of the Choo leaving the Gamblers in a pool of tears, and he's only staying afloat thanks to his ducky swimmies.
Sharing those tears is the Slammers who watched Yasiel Puig go 12-for-23 with seven singles, three doubles, a triple, a homer, three RBIs and five runs scored. Those stats would have come in handy this week.
That is why I’m currently working on a time machine so I can go back and reverse that trade.
The Gamblers would get into that machine, too, so he could avoid re-picking up Edwin Jackson, who gave up eight runs in 4.0 innings. He also may go get Joey Bautista back. He could really use the offense.
The Philly Cheese Steaks, however, are perfectly fine with that Gambler mistake. He’s happy to have all the offensive additions he got from offseason mistakes.
Hell, he’s doing well with in-season mistakes, too.
Coldsmith III gave up on Pablo Sandoval at the wrong time and the Cheese Steaks swooped in right before I could. The Panda went on to hit three homers and drive in eight last week, and he’s been on a tear ever since he joined the Steaks’ roster on May 12.
His production helped him salvage seven batting categories in a 12-10-2 loss to Chief Otto Parts.
That’s right. The Otto Parts won. Finally.
The offense came around to hit .296 and the pitching was just good enough to take advantage of an awful week for the Cheese Steaks. Chris Tillman gave up an eight-spot in 1.0 inning of work, while Max Scherzer gave up seven in 7.0. Rick Porcello also gave up eight in 5.1.
When the dust settled, he had a 5.42 ERA and a 1.51 WHIP. That’s 47 runs in 78 innings. A reminder, Vandelay had 18 runs in 90.1. What a difference.
Despite the loss, the Cheese remains in second place, tied with Steroid.ERA, who won 11-9-4 over the Outs last week.
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| Someone has been doing the Parrot Trot a lot this month. Fourteen of Edwin Encarnacion's 16 home runs have come in May, and he's been rounding the bases in the way only a pirate would enjoy. Speaking of Pirates, Steroid would love to add one to his daily lineup, but the Pittsburgh front office has been stingy with their top hitting prospect. The right fielder is only batting .355 with 15 doubles, 5 triples, 6 homers, 43 RBIs and 36 runs scored at Triple-A. He's walked 21 times and stolen 11 bases. The Pirates could really use that boost, but I suppose winning isn't at the forefront of the organization's mind. Money is. You would think that the postseason revenue would have been enough for them to splurge and call up a prospect early, but I guess not. For Steroid, when that does happen, he will have an even more powerful lineup. He's already second in homers and first in RBIs and runs scored. Like he needs the help. Perhaps he should trade him to better that 3.93 ERA. Hint, hint. |
For Steroid, it was a boost in power from Edwin Encarnacion, the parrot carrier, who homered five times and drove in nine runs, including three game-winners. Adrian Gonzalez also had three GWRBIs with his two homers and six RBIs, and Hunter Pence homered three times with five RBIs.
ERA’s pitching was outstanding as well, but like me, he ran into a better week from his opponent. Steroid posted a 2.52 ERA but lost to a 2.23 ERA by the Outs. Again, the Outs had 11 quality starts and 96 strikeouts.
The Outs remain atop the JLB in ERA with a 3.05 ERA, 75 quality starts and a 55-39 record.
In other action, the Handi Jerks and N.J. Bombers tied 9-9-6 in a fairly even matchup, and Coldsmith beat the Sex Panthers 12-10-2.
It’s 10 p.m. on Wednesday and at this point, I have no interest in talking about teams that are 20-plus games back.
Go ahead, Gina. Cry about my "fair and balanced" coverage.
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