First, I get him into baseball and he takes the Spacklers’ old franchise from basement to ceiling. He’s one game out with one day to go and he is currently in line to win the division.
It’s been rather amazing what he has done.
To make matters worse, I’m missing the playoffs because of him.
So that’s why I put him in the NFC.
Well, that’s a lie, but now that I look at it, I’m glad I did. My reasoning behind it was that he’s friends with Chalupa Batman, so it made sense to put them into a division together, and the NFC East was where I had two openings after shuffling the deck.
Now, the baseball genius — let’s call him the Billy Beane of fantasy baseball — has come into the JFL and drafted a team worthy of the top spot in the NFC East, according to the majority of the voters, of course. I, however, don’t think it will be won so easily.
I personally picked Chalupa Batman to win the division, but he didn’t get a lot of love in the poll. I think the Batman has a really good team, but I’m sure the Cheesesteaks and Toasters will give him a run for his money. Toasters was my pick for second place and T-Money was my pick for last because I just can’t stand that he picked keepers. I had a PDF! With pictures. Color-coded, if you will. It was clear.
OK. I’m done. Now, if I may, it’s time to preview the NFC East.
Philly Cheese Steaks
2013 Record, Finish: 0-0
Career Record: 0-0
Outlook
A few things need to happen for the Cheese Steaks to win the division, as predicted by many in the JFL. And based on what I’ve seen from him as a fantasy owner, we can just assume they will go right.
First, is Nick Foles panning out. He was a stud last year, but we have to see 16 games of awesomeness from him.
Arian Foster has to come back healthy. He missed nine games last year.
And Cordarrelle Patterson has to break out.
Those three things will equal division title and quite possibly Super Bowl title.
And I swear to you, if he wins both the World Series and the Super Bowl in his inaugural season, I’m kicking him out. Commish powers.
I thought about going after Nick Foles, but I knew he’d go too high. I didn’t expect the second round though, which is why I missed out on him. I had him projected third round, so with my keeper being in the third round, I never really considered him as an option.
That doesn’t mean I do not like him. I was kind of shocked that News Team didn’t keep him. Once he told me the "Rodgers era" was over, I assumed it meant Foles was taking over. But he kept Jamaal Charles instead. Not a bad move, but Foles as a 12th-round keeper would have been really nice. He threw for 2,811 yards and 27 TDs with a 119.2 QB rating. That’s pretty insane.
Chip Kelly’s offense is perfect for him and I really do expect 35 TDs from him this year.
Ryan Fitzpatrick is the backup and thank the football gods that’s all he is.
Running Backs ★★★★☆
Arian Foster’s uncertainty is the only reason this isn’t a five-star crew. He had 1,424 yards and 15 TDs in 2012, but missed nine games last season and really hurt fantasy owners. Philly Cheese is hoping for a return to 2012 mode.
If that doesn’t happen, he does have some decent backup options, including Andre Ellington, who picked up more carries as the season went on last year, but he still struggled to take the job completely from Rashard Mendenhall, who is currently out of the NFL. Ellington finished with 652 yards and three TDs. He appears to be the starter this year, but the Cardinals have a pair of backs who are projected to steal carries (Jonathan Dwyer and Stepfan Taylor).
Darren McFadden has been a huge disappointment and I don’t think the Cheese can count on him for anything. It will just be a great success story if he stays healthy and turns it around. MJD sharing the carries, however, will not help his cause.
Ahmad Bradshaw will have a similar timeshare in Indy, and being behind Trent Richardson will not help either.
And Chris Polk? Eh, OK.
Wide Receivers ★★★☆☆
Let’s just say I like the WRs, but I’m not sold. Cordarrelle Patterson appears to be the real deal, as he came on late with five TDs in the final four games. He also had a great preseason with the Vikings. He’ll be the No. 1 WR for the Cheese and start weekly, for sure.
The other spot, or spots depending on if he decides to go three-wide, will either be Dwayne Bowe, Mike Evans or Terrance Williams.
Bowe is suspended for game one, but he’s a good pick. He’s pretty talented when he doesn’t get a case of the drops, but last year, he only had five TDs. Williams had five TDs in a six game stretch at one point last year, but then he simmered down after that.
Evans might be the most interesting. At 6-5, he could be a big red zone target for the Bucs, and after 1,394 yards and 12 TDs for Texas A&M last year, one would think he could do some damage in the NFL. Still, he’s a rookie.
Lastly, there’s Kenny Stills and Cole Beasley, who I would not expect much from. Maybe a big game here or there.
Tight Ends ★★★½☆
Kyle Rudolph and Ladarius Green are OK tight ends. Antonio Gates is still holding down the fort in San Diego, but as we know with him, all it takes is one little injury, and the backup — Green — is in. Rudolph had three TDs before he went down with a season-ending injury, so if healthy, he has the potential to get you points.
Dottsville Toasters
2013 Record, Finish: 8-5 (8-6), lost in NFC Championship Game
Career Record: 57-52
Outlook
Last year was rough for the Toasters. He earned the NFC’s No. 1 seed, got the bye week and then watched Jamaal Charles score five TDs in Week 15. It just wasn’t fair.
So he’s back with a vengeance with a new QB, one that I really, really like. I actually picked the Toasters to finish second in this division, but it wasn’t by much. It was only because I liked the RBs of Chalupa a little better. If it weren’t for that, I’d be all over this team.
Don’t get me wrong, the Toasters could have a good back in Trent Richardson; I just need to see him perform first. Megatron and the receivers will take care of the rest.
What the hell. I’m going five stars here. This guy threw for 3,357 yards and 26 TDs and ran for 539 more yards and another TD. Then he went into the postseason and won a Super Bowl. The man is on fire. I saw it still burning in a preseason game last week. Yes, I know it’s preseason, but Russell Wilson was clicking.
I’m expecting 3,500 yards, 32 TDs passing and 650 yards rushing, 5 TDs. It’s going to be a great year in Dottsville.
Alex Smith will play Week 4 only (hopefully).
Running Backs ★★★☆☆
Trent Richardson had a tough time adjusting last year, and who could blame him? Cleveland threw him away after Week 2 and he had to learn a whole new offense on the fly. Jawz Attack was pissed, because we’re talking about a guy who had 950 yards and 11 TDs as a rookie, only to fall apart with 458 yards and three TDs with the Colts. One would think that a year wiser and 11 months in the Colts' system should change things.
If it doesn’t, then the Toasters are pretty thin. Darren Sproles is a great pickup for the Eagles, but I’m not sure what his fantasy value will be. With LeSean McCoy in front of him, he certainly won’t get the consistent touches, but I do expect some TDs out of him, especially on the receiving end, so the Toasters will have to play his cards right.
Lamar Miller, Jonathan Stewart and Donald Brown are all backups or backups to backups.
Wide Receivers ★★★★☆
Calvin Johnson is a five-star WR, but in an offense that will need three WRs on most weeks, I see some potential holes. First of all, Johnson had 1,492 yards and 12 TDs last year, so expect the same, if not more from him.
Eric Decker had a big year, too, with 1,288 yards and 11 TDs, but he now has Geno Smith throwing to him instead of Peyton Manning. I’m not good at that new common core math thing going around, but I know if you take Peyton away from Decker and add Geno, you get 500 fewer yards and seven fewer TDs. Someone double check my math for me.
Malcolm Floyd is recovering from a neck injury, so his contributions are really up in the air; but on a positive note, he was called the MVP of San Diego training camp. … So he has that going for him.
Greg Jennings is suffering from the common core problem, too, where he had Rodgers subtracted from his life.
Then there’s Santonio Holmes who is behind Alshon Jeffery and Brandon Marshall. Maybe as a slot receiver he’ll get some play, but it certainly won’t be consistent enough to be a starter.
Ideally, the Toasters will need Decker and Floyd to step up.
Tight Ends ★★★☆☆
Heath Miller has, at times in his career, been a favorite target for Big Ben, but the problem is, it’s not always the case. Last year, Miller had just one TD. So, if he can’t pick it up this year, maybe the 6-6 Ryan Griffin steps in. He took over late in the year and had 19 catches for 244 yards and a TD.
Either way, tight end could be a trouble spot if he runs into one of the bigger names. But, there are so few, so on most weeks, he’ll be pretty even.
Chalupa Batman
2013 Record, Finish: 0-0
Career Record: 0-0
Outlook
This is the team I picked to win this division. I think they’ll do it. Especially now that I look a little closer at the NFL and realize how much I like both Marshawn Lynch and Doug Martin. I could have had either one of those guys — perhaps both — and I’d be sitting pretty like the Batman. With an underrated fantasy QB and a WR corps that could end up being the best quartet in the JFL, I think the Batman is ready to come in and win the NFC East.
I wasn’t alone, but the JFL members who agree with this statement were not enough to get Chalupa any higher than No. 3 in the poll.
But, the Batman doesn’t shy away from a challenge.
Quarterbacks ★★★★★
By Week 10, the Batman shouldn’t have to worry about his new backup QB, Shaun Hill, who was thrust into the starting job when the originally drafted Sam Bradford tore his ACL again.
None of that really matters — or at least, that’s the plan — because Philip Rivers is starting for Chalupa. He quietly was ranked fourth in fantasy last year and he went in the fifth round, despite his 4,478 yards and 32 TDs.
I would expect similar numbers again this year, and that would be all Chalupa can ask for.
Marshawn Lynch and Doug Martin make up what will probably be the best backfield in the JFL. Lynch had 1,257 yards and 12 TDs in the 2013, and Martin had a strong start before injury derailed his season.
Both are in great shape to run wild this year. The offense in Seattle keeps looking better and better, and the Bucs just added an All-Pro lineman two days ago via trade. There will be a few more holes opening up now than there would have been without the All-Pro. And it’s not like Martin needed it. He’s looked good in the preseason without him.
Backups Bobby Rainey, Bernard Pierce and Toby Gerhart will not see much action because even in bye weeks when only one of the top RBs can play, he’ll start three WRs.
Wide Receivers ★★★★★
Larry Fitzgerald, Vincent Jackson and Anquan Boldin. I love this grouping. It’s the perfect mix, and then, add in a sleeper of mine, Brandon LaFell, who I feel may become the next go-to- target for Tom Brady. This could be interesting.
Fitzgerald still managed 10 TDs despite Carson Palmer’s obsession with wrapping defensive presents, and Vincent Jackson had seven TDs without a real QB. Josh McCown outplayed the QB in Chicago who just landed a $54M contract, so I have high hopes that he can get the ball to Jackson this year.
And, if you’ve read my piece on Kaepernick, you’ll know that I like Boldin’s chances to have a better 2014.
Justin Hunter and Chris Givens will be afterthoughts.
Tight Ends ★★★☆☆
Chalupa is excited for Austin Seferian-Jenkins. He’s 6-5 and he’s a Tampa Bay Buc. Yes, Chalupa is a Bucs fan, if you haven't noticed. It might be his only downfall in 2014. If the Bucs fall on their faces — and I don’t think they will, but if they do — he will be in a world of hurt.
But I like the Bucs. And with what I have already said about McCown, you can just assume that I think a 6-5 tight end will prosper. Is he the next Jimmy Graham? Chalupa would like to think so, but let’s steady the ship and not fire off our cannons prematurely.
Andrew Quarless also joins Chalupa. That’s all.
T-Money
2013 Record, Finish: 5-8
Career Record: 52-59
Outlook
T-Money’s team in 2014 falls just a little short for me. I like Tony Romo again because of the weapons, and Alshon Jeffrey was so tempting for me to keep, but I couldn’t pull the trigger over Dez Bryant. I also like Michael Crabtree and backup QB Ryan Tannehill, but that’s it.
I’m not overly excited for all of them, but I’d certainly take two out of four of them for my team.
When stacked up against the rest of the division, he has, in my mind, the fourth-best QB, the sixth-best RB and the sixth-best WR. Unless I’m completely wrong, it will be an uphill battle again for T-Money.
Tony Romo ranked ninth among fantasy QBs last year, and a big 59.7-point performance fueled that.
And I know what you’re thinking: “Damn, Jimmy. Fifty-nine-point-seven points! You messed up the record book again. It’s not in there.”
Oh, trust me, Dawson — because I know it would be you to say it — I double-checked. T-Money benched him that week for Eli Manning. It was a tough call, but it’s one you sometimes make when you have Romo on the roster. He goes hot and cold. Last year, he finished off pretty cold, scoring — starting from Week 10 on, 12, 22.6, 16.9, 22.9, 27.5, 21.9 points.
That’s not too bad, but when you see your bench QB scoring more, you get tempted to throw a backup in there.
That’s when Romo plays his best. He knows when you bench him.
With Ryan Tannehill on the roster, I think that T-Money may get tempted a few times to go with the Dolphins QB. He threw for more yards than Romo last year (3,913-3,828), but he only had 24 TDs to Romo’s 31. I kind of expect a little more out of Tannehill this year, so the question is, what will T-Money do?
Running Backs ★★★☆☆
Ben Tate waited so long behind Arian Foster, and now, he finally appears to have his own starting gig. Then, all of a sudden, a young guy shows up with the talent and skill to send him to second-string again. It won’t be immediate, but Tate won’t last long as a starter in Cleveland. The Browns are moving West!
If that prophecy comes true, then it’s up to Rashad Jennings, who had a good second half in Oakland, but now he’s in New York, where the offensive line isn’t anything to brag about — just ask Eli Manning.
Bryce Brown, LeGarrette Blount and Jordan Todman are reaches at this point.
Wide Receivers ★★★★☆
As mentioned, I like Alshon Jeffrey and Michael Crabtree. Jeffrey exploded for 1,421 yards and seven TDs last season, and although you worry about a sophomore slump, I’m not sure that’s possible with him. With Brandon Marshall on the other side, he’ll continue to get open looks because the defense can’t double-cover everyone.
Crabtree returns after an injury-plagued 2013, and if he is healthy, I see him playing an important role in the 49ers offense.
The other three WRs are Nate Washington, Cecil Shorts and Brian Hartline. Each had four double-digit fantasy outputs last year and there’s no reason to expect a big jump for either guy. That means, T-Money will have to maximize his starts and get the right matchups.
Tight Ends ★★☆☆☆
Martellus Bennett had a high number of targets in Chicago last year, but only five TDs — three coming in the first two weeks. Scott Chandler just had two TDs all season, so this position will likely be at a disadvantage most weeks.
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