Injuries and suspensions continued to be the theme through
Week 2, making it really tough on some teams. Injury-wise, the NFL “experts” on
TV were talking about how they have never seen a week like last, and it
certainly hurt some fantasy teams, like the Channel 4 News Team, who heads into
Week 3 with an 0-2 record thanks to a pair of pivotal injuries.
He’s one of four teams in the JFL looking for their first
wins of the season, and even though it’s not “make or break” time in Week 3,
the prospect of falling into an 0-3 hole is daunting.
For two team in particular, the Slackers and T-Money, an 0-3
start could be even more troubling if their division leaders — both
undefeated — move on to 3-0 and take a three-game lead early on. Those two
teams are the Jammers and the Toasters, and the two teams are among four
undefeateds left.
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| Peace, finally! It took former President Bill Clinton, the miracle worker, to get it done, but these two sides me and they finally agreed that it was time for peace. Pundits say that it won't last through the weekend. |
The other two reside in the AFC Middle East, where Fear and
Loathing and Real Houserville will look to bring their unblemished records into
their Week 4 battle next week.
To do that, Houserville will have to get past his
arch-nemesis, World of Noise.
They claim to have struck a truce, but I have a feeling that
ceasefire will not last long. I mean, it is the Middle East.
Their matchup started Thursday with Matt Ryan and Julio
Jones hooking up for a pair of TDs and Houserville got exactly what he wanted —
a virtual wash. Let’s just say Julio was his anti-rocket defense and he
prevented an aerial attack from taking control of this battle.
REAL HOUSERVILLE (2-0) at WORLD OF NOISE (1-1)
HISTORY: Houserville
leads 10-3.
LAST MEETING:
Noise won 102.2-82.6 in Week 11 of 2013.
NOTES
KING OF THE ‘VILLE:
Houserville has a muzzle on the Noise. There hasn’t been much to brag about
over the years for the Noise. He lost 10 of 12 meetings prior to last year’s
Week 11 win. That victory ended a seven-game losing streak to Houserville. In
fact, the only wins the Noise has had over the Ville have come in Super Bowl
years, 2009 and 2013. So we may know this weekend whether the Noise will make
Super Bowl IX. If he wins, history is on his side. If he loses, well, we have
about 10 weeks before we find out for sure.
JONESING FOR A WIN: I’m
not sure if it was the Ville’s draft plan, one similar to my drafting of Jimmy
Graham, but if his goal was to beat the Noise, then it may have worked.
Drafting to beat your division rivals is a smart thing to do. You face them
twice and two wins can mean the difference between making the playoffs and
missing, we’ve seen this. Julio Jones hit double-digits for the third straight
week — he is a beast — and he blew up Thursday, catching nine passes for 161
yards and two TDs, totaling 31.9 fantasy points. Matt Ryan had 34.2 for the
Noise, so the Ville basically whitewashed the Noise’s QB output. Now it’s up to
Rodgers to score 30 and set him up for a win. Too bad the Noise didn’t draft
Jordy Nelson.
WELK-OME BACK: Finally,
the NFL came through and brought back Wes Welker. It’s a few weeks too late,
but it’s better than never as the Noise gets his top WR back for the final two division
matchups to start the season. Waiting until Week 5 would have been a
back-breaker. Then again, maybe this wasn’t the week to return. The Broncos
head to Seattle where fantasy points are tough to come by for road teams. But,
if anyone was going to get it done, I’d say Peyton Manning is at the top of the
list of candidates.
JIMMY JAMMERS (2-0) at JERKIN’ MY KIRK HERBSTREIT (1-1)
HISTORY: First
meeting.
NOTES
POOR HERBY: Ever wonder if someone at ESPN alerted Kirk Herbstreit to this
team name?
GONE IN 60 SECONDS: I
went from ecstatic to pissed in about 60 seconds. At around 8:05 p.m. Thursday
I heard that Roddy White was deactivated for the game against the Bucs. I let
it process for a second, thought about the questionable Dez Bryant and how I
had no one left to plug in on Sunday if Dez is out, so I quickly threw Harry
Douglas into the lineup. He and Julio Jones were destined to score big points
Thursday, was what I said. Well, I was right, up until the point that Douglas
went out with a foot injury. Fortunately, he got a TD and 7.8 points, but
sadly, it was 2.2 points short of my goal for him.
WAITING FORTE: For
the most part, this matchup will be complete by the time the 1 p.m. games are
finished on Sunday. My full score will be in by 4:15 for sure, while the Jerk has a
kicker at 4:25 Sunday and Matt Forte on Monday. If this game is within 20
points heading into Monday, I will have to prepare for a long anxious night of
football on Monday. The only thing on my side is that the Jets defense hasn’t
allowed more than 46 yards on the ground in either game.
RESPECTABLE
PERFORMANCE: That’s all the Jerk can ask for. Eli Manning scored 24 points
last week and that’s exactly what he will ask for this week. I have a feeling
that Texans defensive front vs. that thing the Giants try to call an offensive line will prevent that from happening. Matthew Stafford’s 30-plus points
over Eli’s 17 will make the difference in this matchup.
CHOO BIG TEEDEES (1-1) at SUNDAY SLACKERS (0-2)
HISTORY: First
meeting.
NOTES
BIRTH OF A RIVALRY:
I mean, it’s not like the Parker vs. Choo rivalry didn’t exist before this
matchup. These two have been duking it out in baseball for years. They legit
have a fantasy hatred for each other. Off the fantasy gridiron, they’re friends
— or, at least, I think they are. Nevertheless, this new football rivalry will
certainly add to the text jabs and Facebook jokes for sure.
ZAC IS BACK: The
injury to Mark Ingram, who exploded for 17 points last week before breaking his
hand, forces Zac Stacy back into the lineup, but that’s OK for Choo. Stacy
scored a TD last week and had 12.1 fantasy points, making up for his Week 1 letdown.
The only problem is, he’s going up against a Cowboys team that should easily
take a two-touchdown lead early, leading to more passing downs.
GREEN OR SANU: The
Slackers are in a bit of a pickle heading into Sunday. Start Mohamed Sanu or
take your chances with A.J. Green. Obviously, you roll with Green, but knowing
that the slightest tweak of that injury could lead to another big fat zero from
the No. 1 WR slot is scary, especially when 0-3 is looming over your head. I
expect Green to make it in the lineup and if he’s healthy, look for a good 20
points. He’ll surely catch a home-run ball against the Titans.
NOT SO BREESY:
Parker is accustom to getting 30-plus points from his QB. That is why the first couple
weeks have been a bit worrisome because with only 21.7 and 22.8 on back-to-back
weeks, the Slackers must be wondering if Drew Brees' age is catching up to his veteran QB.
Will he ever be the same again? Eh, who are we kidding? He’ll put up a
40-burger in fantasy this week, and the Slackers will get back into the
division race. And I hope he wins by two points, because Choo just found out
that “home-field advantage” is a thing.
SHARK ATTACK (1-1) at FEAR AND LOATHING (2-0)
HISTORY: Fear
leads series 3-1.
LAST MEETING: Attack
won 120.6-76.3 in Week 1 of 2013.
NOTES
WAIT, WHAT?: How’s
this for a funny story. I just looked at the matchup and saw Kelvin Benjamin
starting for the Attack and I was like, “Wait? I have Benjamin? How the hell
did this happen?” Well, as it turns out, after Week 1 when Kelvin Benjamin
scored a TD, I saw a double-digit scorer on the WR free agent list named
“Benjamin” and I clicked the little blue flag thinking, “I might have to add
this Panther wideout.” And once Tavon Austin went down, I clicked on my “Watch
List” and added Benjamin to my roster without a second thought. I even bragged about it to my co-worker
saying, I have no clue how no one has him in a 16-team league. Well, as it
turns out, no one had Travis Benjamin, a Browns WR who caught a TD in Week 1.
This just ruined my day.
LOAN SHARKS: The
Shark Attack is a team comprised of convict all-stars. I’m surprised he doesn’t
have Jimmy Hoffa on the IR. After last weekend, the running back situation for
Jawz went from bad to worse. And doing as I did with my rotten apple, he sent
them packing. Can you believe, we’re in a 16-team league where Adrian Peterson
is getting dropped? The circle of life in fantasy football; it’s a funny thing.
Jonathan Dwyer also get bit in the ass by the Shark and that brings up Donald
Brown to start in Week 3. I just did a quick Google search and I don’t see
anything about a wife, so he should
hopefully make it through Week 5 without any police intervention.
FEAR THE FEAR: I
can’t believe this. If you told me Week 1 that I’d be picking the Fear to go
3-0, I’d make sure there were no cameras around and smack you in the face. Fear
is looking primed and ready to put up some big points this week. I think he’ll
easily get double-digits from his RBs, DeMarco Murray vs. St. Louis and Le’Veon
Bell at Carolina, while Julian Edelman, based off of his Weeks 1 and 2, should
go crazy against Oakland. Andrew Luck travels to Jacksonville, which is a
prescription for 30 fantasy points easily, and the Houston Texans defense may
get double-digits based off of Eli Manning sacks and interceptions alone. Once
that happens, Fear will be set, no matter how many TDs Jay Cutler and Brandon
Marshall connect for on Monday night.
PHILLY CHEESE STEAKS (1-1) at DOTTSVILLE TOASTERS (2-0)
HISTORY: First
meeting.
NOTES
HUNGER GAMES: I
just realized that three-fourths of the NFC East is named after food. Between
Chalupa, Philly Cheese Steaks and the Toasters, I can’t help but get a little
hungry when writing their previews and recaps. Is there any way we can get
T-Money to jump on the food bandwagon? Maybe we make him Tea-Money, because I
love a little iced tea with my cheese steaks.
WHAT’S COOKING?: Perhaps
my recent revelation of the “Food Division” is why the Cheese Steaks went out
and brought in the Cooks. I mean, you need to have a good one if you’re going
to be the Master Chef of the division. Brandin Cooks, acquired for Justin
Forsett in a good deal for the Steaks, will get the start at WR aside of
Cordarrelle Patterson, and I like the move. Cooks is getting the targets, and
even know last week was a bit of a down week, I expect big things from him
moving forward. At home in the dome in a must-win game for the Saints, look for
Drew Brees to air it out. Cooks should get 100 yards and a TD when all is said and
done.
FOSTERING GIANTS:
I hope Arian Foster takes it easy on the Giants. Oh, who am I kidding? Go wild,
son. (I can say that, I’m four years older than him.) The Giants have given up
19.8 and 19.6 points to fantasy backs in the first two weeks, and that shouldn't change this week. Houston should lead early and run the game clock away. I
wouldn’t be surprised to see Foster drop 20 points on Sunday.
BIG QB MATCHUPS:
This matchup may come down to the QBs, as both have tough matchups on Sunday.
The Steaks’ Nick Foles goes up against division rival Washington, so points
could be limited just for the sheer fact that it’s a divisional game. The
Toasters’ Russell Wilson has the Broncos in town, and I can’t help but think
the Broncos defense is going to be a little inspired not to get a whooping like
they did in the Super Bowl.
GRAYBILL’S GENERALS (0-2) at CHINESE ORGAN THIEVES (1-1)
HISTORY: Thieves
lead series 10-5.
LAST MEETING: Generals
won 95.5-90.2 in Week 12 of 2013.
NOTES
SLOW STARTS: The
last couple years haven’t started out the greatest for the Generals. In three
out of the last four years, he’s started 1-4, 1-5 and 2-5. In 2011, he actually
started out 6-3 before losing his final four games and a fifth straight in the
playoffs. It’s been a rough go, and this year was supposed to be different. Two
strong RBs, a decent QB and an explosive WR should have done the trick, and yet
he’s entering Week 3 at 0-2. That’s because all of the aforementioned positions
— aside from LeSean McCoy — have lived up to their draft position. McCoy has at
least had double-digits in back-to-back weeks, but it still has to be
frustrating for the Generals that McCoy is only the second-best fantasy back on
the Eagles at this point.
ANY SUGGESTIONS?: I
really think we should come up for a nickname for the Thieves trio of Broncos,
you know, like the Flyers has the Legion of Doom in the 90s with Lindros,
Renberg and LeClair. Peyton Manning, Emmanuel Sanders and Julius Thomas
certainly deserve that after their first two weeks. So far, the trio has
combined for 123.3 fantasy points over the first two weeks. This week, the
Thieves will have a harder time getting points in Seattle, meanwhile, the guys
who have been struggling in his other positions show no sign of coming around
any time soon. This could be the Generals week to get a “W.”
CRUZ CONTROL: Maybe
Victor Cruz just thought this whole NFL thing was going to be easy, because I
just can’t understand why he has fallen apart. Last week, he dropped pivotal
passes and it cost his team dearly. It also cost fantasy owners. He begs for
the ball in the media during the week, yet on Sunday, he can’t make the play.
And that’s why the Generals may be more likely to turn to guys like Sammy
Watkins, who had eight catches for 118 yards and TD last week in Buffalo.
TEAM BOYER (1-1) at CHANNEL 4 NEWS TEAM (0-2)
HISTORY: Team
Boyer leads series 9-3.
LAST MEETING: Team
Boyer won 104.2-100.7 in Week 5 of 2013.
NOTES
BOYER OWNS TH REMOTE:
Boyer controls what shows appear on his TV and he never watches the Channel 4
News, but on the rare occasion he puts it on, it’s typically the worst telecast
you’ve ever seen. Boyer owns the News Team with nine wins in 12 meetings. The
News Team has lost five straight to Boyer, including a pair of playoff losses
in 2011 and 2012. The News Team certainly would like to exact his revenge this
week, especially with a loss placing him at 0-3.
TOM FOOLERY: Man,
Tom Brady is off to an awful fantasy start. He’s ranked 28th in fantasy with
just 16.3 points and 13 points in back-to-back weeks. And it’s not like he was
facing the greatest defensive backs in the world. Oakland will certainly open
the door to some fantasy points this week, so Boyer can only hope Mr. Franchise
kicks it into gear this week.
HUMAN GENO EXPERIMENT:
Well, it’s Geno time. RGIII is out for a while and it’s time for Geno to
take over. He’s at least scoring more points than Tom Brady, but at this point,
who isn’t? Last week, Geno would have had a second TD pass and nearly 30
fantasy points if it weren’t for Marty Mourhinweg’s stupid timeout. This week,
though, it will be the Bears preventing TDs from being scored, not Marty; and I
think they will be just as successful. (Ready to trade?)
CHALUPA BATMAN (1-1) at T-MONEY (0-2)
HISTORY: First
meeting.
NOTES
TAMPA BAY BUSTS: Man,
this season could not get any worse for the Chalupa, and I’ll try to keep this
brief because I know it tugs at his heartstrings. It’s tough as a die-hard fan
to watch a game like that — we’ve all been there. But it’s even worse when
three of your fantasy guys combine for 22.1 points. No one could get to
double-digits, leaving it up to the other five to combine for 70-80 points.
He’ll like need it to beat T-Money.
COME ON, ROMO: One
more week. I’m sure that’s what T-Money is thinking. He has to be giving Tony
Romo one more week to get going, because he’s been just as good Tom Brady — and
that’s not saying much in 2014. With 17 points in Week 1 and 14.5 points in
Week 2, he’s ranked 27th, one spot ahead of Brady. St. Louis is a mess, but
their pass defense has been stronger than you would think, ranking 12th. Romo
better hit them up for 25-30 fantasy points, otherwise, it may be Ryan Tannehill
time.
AUGUST NO MORE: It
truly is fall. Kai August Forbath is just Kai Forbath. Maybe ESPN reads the
Jargon? Either way, he’s a kicker who is questionable for Sunday, and this is
already too much ink for him.
NOT SO FAST: Don’t
let a sluggish Thursday opener count Chalupa out. He’s still got Philip Rivers
going and as we saw last week, that could be the difference in the matchup. His
33.7 points helped the Batman get a bounce-back win. That comes after a measly
17.5 points in Week 1 on the road. Rivers is back out on the road, this time in
Buffalo. A cross-country trip and a 1 p.m. start? It’s going to take a lot for
him to get 30 points. Having the Bills defense will be counter-productive, too.
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