Choo, Vandelay advance to World Series
The mysteries of the Chooniverse.
Will we ever know the truth? Just how does he do it?
Steven Spillane is a fantasy baseball genius, yet he looks
like an idiot.
Yes, I know that sounds harsh, but let me explain. I don't mean that I look at his face and think, "Damn fool." Rather, I look at his transactions and I think, "Man, that's dumb."
And I'm not alone. Every time he makes a trade, murmurs echo
around the JLB.
“What is he doing?”
“Is he a fool?”
“That trade is never going to work!”
In the end, it is the naysayers who look like idiots.
Choo’s strategy — strategy,
I guess we have to call it that — involved 12 trades, 126 acquisitions, 132
drops and 1,029 activations.
Gina, if she’s even reading this, just pondered: “What is an
activation?” … It’s when you move someone from you bench to your lineup.
What it means is, Choo tinkered with the lineup more than
anyone out there. He acquired 40 more players than the second-highest total
(Outs with 86).
Hell, look to the right. Only 12 of the original 34 players remain. And I would have used the term "Opening Day roster," but by the time Opening Day hits, he has already handed players the pink slip.
Is it really just as easy as being an obsessive compulsive
free agent acquirer? I don’t think so, but this is now two years in a row that
he has pushed his way into the World Series, and now, he’s looking to win it.
To do that, he’ll have to take down a Walter.
You just knew in April that it was most likely going to come
down to Choo vs. a Walter. We just didn’t know which one.
Vandelay survived the Walter pool and beat the Cheese Steaks
in the NLCS to advance to his second World Series.
Hold on, did I say beat? I mean, he destroyed the Steaks.
Ten batting categories and another eight on the pitching side led to an 18-4-2
whooping. The Steaks, who won the NL’s top seed, just fell apart in the
playoffs. His ERA of 5.17 was no match for Vandelay’s 2.43. And his offense
could not come close to matching the 36 runs, 23 doubles, triple, seven homers,
41 RBIs, 5 SACs, 7 stolen bases and .304 average that Vandelay had.
Who led the way? I mean, do we really have to ask? Michael
Brantley, of course, batted 10-for-25 with four runs, nine singles, a homer and
five RBIs. Carlos Gomez, Carlos Santana, Buster Posey, Matt Kemp, Carl Crawford
and Adam Lind also hit better than .300.
On the mound, Chris Sale, Lance Lynn, Kevin Gausman and Adam
Wainwright all had stellar outings.
For the Steaks, three pitchers who had decent seasons — Mike
Minor, Hyun-Jin Ryu and Tim Hudson — fell apart in the NLCS, giving up a
combined 17 runs in 12.2 innings.
Despite the shellacking, one that he usually witnesses at
Upper Perk High School homecoming football games, he still has a lot to be
proud of in his first season in the JLB. He took a team from cellar dweller to
No. 1 in the division.
He’ll certainly continue to make the moves to keep the
Steaks in competition in 2015.
Joining him in a division will be the N.J. Bombers, who also suffered a Championship Series beatdown, this one 16-4-4 at the hands of Choo. The Choo
won eight categories in both pitching and batting to secure his bid to the
World Series. His 2.25 ERA was quite impressive and the .285 batting average
says that he’s at least ready to compete with the Industries' high-powered offense.
He’s enjoyed help on the mound from Yusmeiro Petit, who is
on quite a run of late, and in the World Series, he’s slated to face the Padres
on Saturday. You know that means good things for the Choo. He’ll just have to
get better outings out of Justin Verlander, whose seven runs in 12.2 innings
somehow didn’t spoil the Choo’s 2.25 ERA.
If he can get that kind of performance, he’ll surely give
Vandelay a run for his money. He’ll also win the “big” JLB jackpot so he can
replenish his bank account. It is reported that the Choo spent a lot of money
ordering the hit on Giancarlo Stanton.
The JLB is currently opening an investigation in the matter
to see if there was truly any foul play. The JLB also was going to investigate
Vandelay for tampering with Chris Davis’ drug test results, but after a quick
look at Davis' stats, it became clear that no one would try to sabotage him.
The series will begin tonight, and the Choo will have the
advantage of getting two Max Scherzer starts. That makes you think. He traded
Scherzer away two years ago and reacquired him this year. If his extra start is
the difference between winning and losing, Scherzer might earn himself a more
permanent roster spot — and maybe, when Shin-Soo Choo retires, Max will
get the team named after him?
Maximum Choolocity? Eh, I’m not good at that. Choo will come
up with something dirty and inappropriate to put on a trophy. … Assuming we buy
a trophy and he wins.
Vandelay certainly will have something to say about that.
Comments