I almost don’t know what to write this week. I’ve tried
formulating what to say, but … well … I’m absolutely astonished at what just
happened this past weekend.
You would think that Marshawn Lynch’s 40-point day or Aaron
Rodgers six first-half TDs would be on the forefront of my mind, but no, it’s
Drew Stanton’s 85 passing yards and a TD.
It didn’t factor into the matchup whatsoever as Fear fell
for the first time and he fell hard, by more than 100 points, but nevertheless,
he managed to maintain his lead in the points title race because of Mr.
Stanton.
As you all know, Fear went out on a whim and picked up the
backup QB. There’s was no way he’d play — or so we thought. Carson Palmer’s ACL
gave out and Fear earned some cheapo points at QB.
What scares me is if he can work this voodoo magic weekly.
With Andrew Luck back this week, he doesn’t need to keep Stanton, so will he
look at his upcoming opponent and pick up the backup?
This week, it’s a division matchup against Noise. Will Fear
go grab T.J. Yates to destroy Matt Ryan’s ACL?
His mighty voodoo powers could cripple half the NFL’s top
starting QBs because Fear has Ryan, Aaron Rodgers and Jay Cutler on the docket
for the next three weeks. Then, he could have Stafford and Brady if the current
seeds hold true in the playoffs.
That would be a devastating run of voodoo curses.
Fortunately, I do not believe in such a power — or should I
say, believe that Fear has such a power — so we shouldn’t have to worry.
Nevertheless, it was just insanely eerie how Fear pulled 12.3
fantasy points out of nowhere.
Jimmy Jammers 157.5,
Fear and Loathing 53.4
BLOWN AWAY: The
funny thing is, I received several messages over the last couple weeks about
how “lucky” I was to face Fear and Loathing during the Andrew Luck bye week.
Parker was certain it was going to be a win I did not deserve. Well, 157 points
later, it turns out that I actually screwed myself with the schedule making. I
should have played someone else this week and gotten the win. With six
double-digit performances, including 40.5 from Marshawn Lynch, 28 from the
Eagles defense and 21.6 from Jimmy Graham, there was really no stopping me this
week.
MURRAY BACK BEFORE
BYE: DeMarco Murray returned to form with 100 rushing yards and 14.3
fantasy points after his first single-digit week of the season, but the bad
news for Fear is, he’s on the bye for Week 11. And Le’Veon Bell is on the bye
in Week 12. These late season byes could become troublesome for him if he wants
to lock up the No. 1 seed. Right now, he needs two wins or one win and a Jammer
loss to clinch the No. 1 seed.
EAGLES DEFENSE:
Nine sacks this week, nine TDs on the season. Ranked No. 1 and making Choo look
dumb every week.
Chinese Organ Thieves
105.4, Philly Cheese Steaks 89.1
168 POINTS:
That’s the total of QB points the Thieves have benched in the last three weeks.
Both of Big Ben’s 6-TD games were on the bench, and rightfully, so that’s 121
points that the Thieves shouldn’t worry about missing. But this week, I’m not
sure I would have started Big Ben. He’s very hot-and-cold. Peyton Manning is
pretty much a lock for 30 each week. This week, he threw five TDs and scored 47
fantasy points. Fortunately, for the Thieves, he still won.
LET DOWN: A big
fat zero from Terrance Williams caps a disappointing five week stretch by the
Dallas wideout. I don’t think we’ll see him in the Cheese Steaks lineup anytime
soon, especially now that he cost him a win. At 5-5, the Steaks are now in a
battle in the final three weeks.
Team Boyer 101.2,
T-Money 55.4
FEAR OWES MONEY:
Things were going so well with Carson Palmer at the helm and then Fear had to
come along and ruin it with his voodoo magic. I guess it’s now back to Tony
Romo. Oh well. It’s an uphill battle at this point anyway.
FULL NELSON:
Jordy Nelson was back to his top form in Week 10, scoring 32.4 fantasy points
thanks to the crappy Bears. That’s a big reason Team Boyer improved to 8-2 in
the NFC West. He has clinched a playoff spot and can win the division with a
win and a Thieves loss next week.
Dottsville Toasters
74.8, Channel 4 News Team 64.9
QUARTER-ACHES:
You have to wonder if News Team is regretting his keeper selection. Jamaal
Charles has been good, but Aaron Rodgers has been better, and with the constant
problems at QB, he could really use the stability. … That, and, he could really
use those 57.5 points he scored this week.
MEGA GRAND RE-OPENING
CELEBRATION: Both the Toasters and I are happy to see it. The man in
Detroit is back. Calvin Johnson scored 20.7 points with his seven catches for
113 points and a touchdown. But, and it’s a big but, he has been listed
questionable again after not practicing. He better play. The Toasters hope so
because after taking over first place, he really would like to stay there.
World of Noise 105.3,
Jerkin’ My Kirk Herbstreit 69.6
TRADING PLACES:
The Noise had a four-game losing streak heading into Week 9 and he really
needed to put an end to it — especially with Houserville also picking up a win.
Together, they now sit in a tie for second place in the AFC Middle East at 5-5.
More importantly, they’re both tied for the final Wild Card behind the Jerk,
who went from division lead to a game back in two weeks with two straight
losses. He just better hope it doesn’t turn into a Noise-like four-game losing
streak.
TAKE A BREAK MACLIN: Jordan
Matthews took advantage of a light week by Jeremy Maclin to score a pair of TDs
and 27.2 fantasy points. He really looks good and the Noise could really use a
sudden burst of fantasy points from him.
IVORY SLIPPIN’: Even
in a win, Chris Ivory couldn’t get going. He’s now had a combined 7.3 points in
in the last two weeks. With Reggie Bush still struggling with injuries, the
Noise really needs Ivory to get back on track.
Chalupa Batman 99.3,
Graybill’s Generals 98.6
DEZ GOES TO LONDON:
Dez Bryant had his biggest week of the year and it was 31 points in London.
Maybe he should go there every week, that, or he should really face the Jags each
week. For Chalupa, Dez’s 31 points were huge. Yes, it helped him win by 0. 7
points, but in a week where Marshawn Lynch scored four TDs, this was big for
his fantasy ego.
GRAY SKIES: It’s
been a bit cloudy in Graybill’s world this year. Well, a bit may been a bit of
an understatement. Graybill has lost by five points or fewer four times this
year, and this now makes it twice this season that he has lost by exactly 0.7
points, both on the road, so you know what that means. Houserville would be
pissed. But again, it’s 20 yards. Do better. Still, I feel kind of bad for
Graybill. This season has been forgettable.
Shark Attack 114,
Sunday Slackers 99
BEWARE OF BEARS: Jay
Cutler had 18.5 points and Brandon Marshall had 20.8 points. It was a great
week for the Bears. … Well, not really. Even still, you would never guess that
they lost 55-14. Still, the Attack got all the points he needed to beat the
Slackers. The second-half TD when it didn’t matter really had to irk Parker.
Still, he was winning when it was all over.
SHOW ME THE
BENJAMINS: He was winning until
Monday night when Kelvin Benjamin scored 21.6 points. For the Attack, if you
add it all up, he got 60-plus garbage-time points. Oh, you have to love it.
HYDE AND GO OFF: Carlos
Hyde, the RB the Slackers lauded as the next big thing, scored 13.6 points. He
would have made it interesting, but Parker started Peyton Hillis. What is this,
the year 2011? Starting Hillis against Seattle made no sense. Hell, it’s not
even like Hillis had a good couple weeks.
Real Houserville
135.1, Choo Big TeeDees 94.7
A-ROD: I’m really
tired of people calling Aaron Rodgers A-Rod. I keep hearing it and I think it’s
awful that it’s being done. If I were Rodgers, I’d never want that nickname. If
his name was Oliver Rodgers, do you think he’d enjoy being O.J. or even worse,
the Juice? No. So, don’t refer to him as A-Rod. He’s not an awful person like
the real A-Rod. He doesn’t urinate on his cousin’s house. All Aaron Rodgers
does is kill Bears.
ROBBIN’ TIME: Denard
Robinson may rob some starts from LeSean McCoy. Well, that’s a joke, but man
has Robinson been on fire since garnering double-digit carries. In the last
four games, he’s had double-digit carries and double-digit points. That’s one
fewer than LeSean has had all season. Hey, maybe Adrian Peterson will come back
and put Houserville in a real RB pickle.
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