It’s a good thing I didn’t play Parker this past week
because that crazy man did it again.
With 40.5 points on Monday night, the Slackers completed
another one of his Drew Brees Monday night comebacks to beat the Choo.
Now, the playoffs are all of a sudden in his reach.
He wasn’t the only one to have a QB blow up in prime time as
the Jerk got 35.5 from Eli Manning to beat the Jammers and move into a
first-place tie in the AFC East.
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| What a Feast! Today is shaping to be quite the day for me in the JFL/NFL. For the first time in my lifetime of watching the NFL (I didn't care about it until I was 10 or so, around 1992) the Eagles are playing a Thanksgiving Day game. Yes, they played the Cardinals in that new primetime game a few years ago, but I don't count that. That's just a gimmick game. I'm talking about the Lions or the Cowboys. Those are the games we come to think of on Thanksgiving, and the last time the Eagles played either was in 1989 when the stomped the Cowboys 27-0. I hope that happens again today. It would be amazing. I don't think my wife totally understand how much this means to me. I've never sat down during an afternoon Turkey Day game, decked out in my Eagles gear. That's probably a good thing for most years, but once is nice. So, "dinner" is at 2:30 at the in-laws because of that and they know I'm going to be completely distracted at 4:30. But what they don't know is, I'm going to be even more distracted because I'm sending out a Turkey Day Army against the Choo. I have more players in line to play today than Wal-Mart has customers outside waiting to punch each other out for a cheap TV. ... OK, so that may be a bit of an exaggeration, but it feels like it. By the end of tonight, five of my eight fantasy players will be done for the week. Choo also has three going, so it will be quite the stressful day for me today. I have to drive during the Lions game so Matthew Stafford may send me flying off the road. And if that doesn't happen, Marshawn Lynch could do it to me on my drive home tonight. Oh, it's going to be dangerous out there. In the other AFC East matchup, the Slackers have Jason Witten, while the Jerk has Matt Forte and a kicker, so a bit of an easier day for the two. Houserville and Fear, in a must-win situation for Houserville, have a combined five players going, with the most significant being their running back battle in the 4:30 game: LeSean McCoy vs. DeMarco Murray. T-Money also has a slew of players going — five to be exact — and his matchup against the Steaks is similar to the Houserville-Fear matchup. The Steaks have Mark Sanchez going up against T-Money's Tony Romo. It's another matchup position battle in the 4:30 game. Man, this is going to be fun! The Toasters have three players going in his matchup vs. Chalupa, most importantly, Calvin Johnson in the Lions game today and Russell Wilson in the nightcap. Chalupa has his boy Dez Bryant. And lastly, the two teams who need a lot of help to get to the playoffs, also have a few players going. The Attack have his Bear duo of Jay Cutler and Brandon Marshall as he looks to beat the Noise, while the News Team has the Eagle trio of Riley Cooper, Zach Ertz and Cody Parkey going up against the Generals. So everyone enjoy the turkey and enjoy the games. It's going to be an exciting start to Week 13! |
All for AFC East teams hit 100 points last week, so the Choo
and the Jammers were the hard-luck losers in that case. For Choo, it eliminated
him from the JFL playoffs and he’ll now have to hope for a good showing in the
JFL Postseason Challenge.
The Noise is eliminated, too, after a 96.1-66 loss to Real
Houserville. LeSean McCoy finally made himself useful with 19.3 points and
Julio Jones took away some fantasy points from the Noise’s Matt Ryan in the
win.
Houserville hasn’t clinched and needs to win this week to
make sure he has a chance to get into the JFL Playoffs. A loss would knock him
out no matter what because he does not have the tie-breaker against the
Slackers or Jerk who can be the third-place team tied with him.
Right now, the way it works in the AFC East, either the
Slackers will (1) beat the Jerk and take either second (if the Jammers wins or
ties) or first (if the Jammers loses); or (2) lose to the Jerk and finish in
third at 6-7.
In the latter scenario, Houserville gets in with a win. A
loss would tie him with the Slackers at 6-7 and the Slackers get the nod.
Sounds like an easy shoe-in for Parker either way, right?
Nope, it’s not. Because with a Houserville loss, the Shark
Attack can win this week and take second in the AFC Middle East due to a
tiebreaker (division record would 3-3 to Houserville’s 2-4).
In that case, a 6-7 Shark Attack beats out a 6-7 Slackers.
Wouldn’t that be something.
Dead in the water at 2-7, Jawz has three straight wins and a
fourth could propel him into the playoffs. That included last week’s big
comeback win against Fear and Loathing. Justin Forsett’s 31.4 points on Sunday
night pushed the Attack ahead by just 1.3 points in an 89.6-88.3 win.
If he wins this week, he’s rooting for a Houserville and
Slacker loss. That’s his only path to the dance.
So, yeah, the AFC is going to be fun this weekend.
Not to be outdone, the NFC is going to be just as exciting.
In the NFC West, the Organ Thieves ran over the Generals
thanks to Peyton Manning’s 38.3 points, to move within a game of Team Boyer,
who lost to the Channel 4 News Team.
For the Thieves, he lost Julius Thomas but still managed to
put a Bronco trio on the field. Stepping in to pick up the points was C.J.
Anderson, who went for 26.3 points. Emmanuel Sander also scored 16.6 and he’s
now ranked fourth in fantasy at WR. Just insane what the Thieves have put
together with the whole Bronco Force.
Chalupa Batman is so jealous. He went all in on the wrong
orange team. … Well, the Bucs used to have some sort of orange involved in
their color scheme.
Either way, the Batman lost to the T-Money, and the Toasters
beat the Philly Cheese Steaks in what puts him in the driver’s seat for the NFC
East crown.
The Toasters just need a win over Chalupa to lock up the division title.
If he loses, T-Money will win the division with a win over the Cheese Steaks — thanks to what would be in that case a 5-1 division record.
The Cheese Steaks can win the division with a win over T-Money and a Toasters' loss. In that scenario, the Steaks and Toasters would be tied at 7-6 and the Steaks would have the better division record.
A loss would eliminate the Steaks from the playoffs.
In the NFC West, it’s Team Boyer vs. the Thieves in a
“division championship” game. A win for the Thieves creates a tie at 8-5, but
the tiebreaker gives the division to the Thieves.
Boyer locks up the division and No. 1 seed with a win.
Thieves, by virtue of head-to-head tiebreakers with a
potential 8-5 Toaster team, will get the No. 1 seed with a division title win.
For the defending Super Bowl Champion News Team, there is just one way into the playoffs: a win and an Organ Thieves loss. At that point, he would be tied with the
Thieves at 7-6 and he’d leap-frog him due to a 5-1 division record to the
Thieves 3-3 mark. In that scenario, the Thieves would be the third-place team in the West and could only get in if the second place team in the East is not T-Money. In that scenario, if T-Money beats the Steaks, but the Toasters win the division, T-Money owns the head-to-head tiebreaker with the Thieves. However, if the Steaks win, or if T-Money wins and the Toasters lose, to give T-Money the title and the Toasters fall into second, the Thieves would be in because he has the head-to-head against both the Steaks and the Toasters.
Get it?
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