And here we are folks, nine weeks in the books and Fear and
Loathing is 9-0 and the fastest team to win a division title.
With his two rivals, Houserville and Noise both losing in
Week 9, he now sits five games ahead of them with four weeks to go.
Fear is in good shape. It’s almost like he can take a little
vacation in Week 10, and he might as well because his only QB is on the bye.
The Jammers and Jerk are also in good shape in the AFC. They
could both clinch playoff spots next week, depending on other matchups.
After that, it’s four teams (Choo, Slackers, World of Noise
and Houserville) all at 4-5 battling for the fourth and final spot.
In the NFC, the East is a mess with three teams within one
game of first, including the Cheese Steaks and Toasters, who are tied at 5-4.
And technically, Chalupa, at 2-7 still is alive, but just barely. His chances
are even less if he scores
Team Boyer leads the West with the second-best record in the
JFL at 7-2, and the Thieves and News Team are battling for second.
Basically, we head into Week 10 with 12 of 15 teams still in
the race for the final seven spots in the JFL Playoffs.
Fear and Loathing
121.6, Jerkin’ My Kirk Herbstreit 90.8
NICE TRY: Well,
Jerk put up a fight, but without Matt Forte, he was no match. That’s because
Andrew Luck was at it again, with another 44 points (354 yards and four TDs).
He now has six games of 36 or more points and three in the 40s. His season low
is 27.5.
SURPRISE: DeMarco
Murray failed to reach 100 yards and double-digit fantasy points for the first
time this season. But, that didn’t matter because Julian Edelman exploded for
26.7 points to pick up the slack. This recap is pretty simplistic, so it will
be the shortest. On to the Spackler.
Team Boyer 99.9,
Dottsville Toasters 64.1
OVERDONE: The
Toast is getting burnt. Russell Wilson has scored in the teens in three of four
weeks and the Toasters don’t know what to do. How can it be that every QB he
gets is a bi-polar fantasy scorer? Forty points one week, 11 the next. From Rex
Grossman to RGIII to Russell Wilson — I’m beginning there’s a curse in
Dottsville.
REVERSED CURSE:
Tom Brady may have had a curse on him to start the year, but it’s long been
exorcised. With another 39.9 points this week, he’s not ranked fourth among QBs,
which is insane considering he was high 20s after four weeks of play —
29th, if my memory is as good as I think it is.
OVER THE HILL:
Jeremy Hill had a big week. I told you he would in the preview, saying he’d
scored twice and go for 70 yards. Well, he did score twice, but he had one run
alone that went for 60 yards, so his final total of 154 pushed his fantasy
tally to 30.5 points. Add that with Brady’s numbers and you can easily see how
Boyer nabbed his sixth straight win.
Chinese Organ Thieves
101.6, Chalupa Batman 35.7
DARK KNIGHT STIFLED:
If Chalupa wants to rebound like this, he’ll have to forget about the rope and
make the jump, because right now, he’s stuck in a deep hole. I think Bane took
whatever hopes he had left and busted it like a Bruce Wayne spinal cord. With
35.7 points, we have a new record for lowest point total in JFL history. Now,
to Chalupa’s credit, the record was set by a team that had one extra player, so
in this new “modern era” of the JFL, the lower scores are a bit more understandable.
Still, 35.7 is pretty crappy. His team played like the Chargers at 1 p.m. in
Florida or the Buccaneers anywhere at any time.
SUPER BIG BEN:
Big Ben has been eating his Wheaties or something because with 12 touchdowns in
two weeks — and 121 fantasy points in two weeks — he’s playing on a different
level. Right now, the Thieves have benched two would-be top five fantasy QB
performances in back-to-back weeks, and absolutely nobody can fault him for
doing so. Peyton Manning should still get the call this week, but man, it has
to be tempting with the Steelers playing the Jets.
SEARCHING FOR
ANOTHER: Ryan Mathews should be back soon and that’s big for the Thieves who
need another consistent threat outside of his Bronco trio. Taylor Gabriel
provided a spark this week with 17.2 points, but it was because he scored his
first touchdown of the season. I’m not sure he’s the answer, so Mathews has got
to be it.
Jimmy Jammers 142.5,
Shark Attack 99.7
AND I WAS WORRIED:
I can’t believe I forgot the biggest key to this matchup. I spent so much time
worrying about backup QB Blake Bortles and slumping Marshawn Lynch and injured
Jimmy Graham that I forgot the key point in playing the Shark Attack — everyone
goes crazy when facing Jawz. And here it happened again, 142.5 points, the
highest point total of the week, goes against Jawz. He now has given up 980.1
points (108.9 per week), which is a JFL worst this season. He’s scoring a lot
of points, too, so this is a shame.
MY MAN MACLIN: I
was iffy with trading Dez Bryant because I wasn’t 100 percent sure Jeremy
Maclin could be that No. 1 guy. I knew he’d be a solid second WR for me, but
man, has he been more. With 36.1 last week and now 31 this week, Maclin moves
up to No. 3 in the JFL. His eight TDs on the year have been huge.
HONORABLE MENTION:
For as good and surprisingly good as Maclin has been, Antonio Brown has been
better and he pushed his streak of double-digit games to nine this past week.
He’s ranked No. 1 in the JFL at WR, and he, too, has eight scores (nine adding
the return TD).
Sunday Slackers
100.2, Real Houserville 91.1
APOLOGY ACCEPTED:
And Parker was all over me about Branden Oliver. After two surprising
double-digit weeks, he has returned to fantasy oblivion. He had 2.8 points this
past week and hasn’t scored double-digits since Week 6. We can safely say now
that it was OK to drop him.
NEXT UP: Now it’s
time for the next great waiver gem for Parker. Martavis Bryant has scored two
touchdowns in each of the last two weeks, and he has five total since he
started to catch passes three weeks ago. His 17.3 points this week were a huge
reason the Slackers finally picked up a win.
CHALUPA’S BUTLER:
Alfred has turned it around. With double-digits in each of the last two weeks,
it’s a shame the bye week comes in Week 10 for the team in Washington. Morris
should pick right up where he left off with the Buccaneers in Week 11.
Graybill’s Generals
94.8, T-Money 60.9
POP THE BUBBLY:
It’s over! The streak ends at eight! Generals won’t go winless! And he did it
without Eddie Lacy, Golden Tate or LeSean McCoy!
TROUBLE FOR THE
GREENBACKS: The Money Man has a problem at running back. Ben Tate seems to
have lost his starting job, while LeGarrette Blount was never really a viable
option. With only a combined 7.3 points coming from them this week, it may be
time to switch it up to three-wideouts when Alshon Jeffrey comes back from the
bye week. He’ll also need Rashad Jennings to return to the lineup.
NOT OVER YET: No,
don’t get me wrong, it’s over for Graybill when it comes to the JFL Playoffs.
That ship sailed weeks ago. … But the JFL Postseason Challenge? He has to be
happy with his lineup heading into it. He’ll just need Cam Newton to step it
up, because the quartet of Eddie Lacy, Golden Tate, DeAndre Hopkins and DeSean
Jackson can put up some serious points.
Philly Cheese Steaks
75.3, Channel 4 News Team 71.2
LUCKY CHEESE:
First, the Steaks survive a close battle with the News Team getting just enough
points from Larry Donnell and the Colts defense on Monday night to complete a
small comeback. Then, he just happens to have the No. 4 waiver pick and he
grabs Mark Sanchez with it. What a difference a year makes. Cheese was lucky to
grab Mark Sanchez. Imagine saying that last year. But we saw what Sanchez is
capable of in the Chip Kelly offense. Maybe the Jets just really, really stink
and that’s why he looked so bad there. I noticed this in preseason that the
offense did not miss a beat with Sanchez. Dare I say, because of his mobility,
he actually could be better than Foles for the offense. I said that in the
preseason, too. In no way should Foles lose his job, but I’m telling you —
Sanchez and the Eagles will be just fine. He threw for 202 yards and two TDs
against Houston to lead the Eagles to a win and I think you’ll see him do the
same this weekend. He did have one bad pick — another was absolutely a
receiver’s fault — but he’s smarter in this offense. … And for Cheese, to have
his top QB go down and be able to grab the backup on waivers is lucky. One
waiver move a week or two prior, and he misses out.
UNLUCKY CHEESE:
Well, I guess there’s another way to look at the Cheese’s Week 9. Not only did
Foles go down, but so did Arian Foster and Andre Ellington. Of course, it was
after they scored a combined 40 points — the News Team smacks his forehead
right now. Both are questionable heading into this week and this goes without
saying, the Cheese needs the two backs to play. Their a huge reason he’s tied
for first in the NFC East.
Choo Big TeeDees
91.6, World of Noise 77.2
DUDE, YOU’RE GETTING
ODELL!: Go ahead, use that if you’d like. I’m proud of it. About as proud
as Choo is right now with his rookie WR. Odell Beckham Jr. scored another 17.2
fantasy points last week and since he started catching passes in Week 5, he’s
scored double-digits in three of four games. He didn’t score a TD Monday —
although he has three on the season — but he caught eight passes for 156 yards
which was enough to blow past the Noise and pick up the Monday night win.
QB KAEPER: Colin
Kaepernick nearly made the Monday night game not matter. With time ticking
down, he took the QB keeper in for what Frank Gore thought was a TD for about 5
seconds before the Rams ran out of the pile with the ball. FOX somehow only had
two or three camera angles and none of them proved that he crossed the goal
line so the 49ers lost and the Choo had to wait until Monday.
SAINT INGRAM: If
there’s one thing Choo likes more than reading the Jargon on the john, it’s
irritating Parker. He’ll go out of his way to make Parker’s blood pressure
rise. It’s in his Choonetics. That’s why owning Mark Ingram has been so great
for Choo. In the five games that Ingram has played in — he was injured from
Weeks 3 to 6 — Ingram has scored six TDs. Last week he scored twice, like he did
in Week 1. The fact is, Ingram is taking away TD passes from Drew Brees. Yes, I
should be upset because it impacts Jimmy Graham, but let’s face it: (1) Jimmy
Graham is still catching one of the couple TD passes Brees does manage so it
doesn’t hurt me much anyway; (2) I, too, like to see Parker irritated; and (3)
did I mention I love to bother Parker? … If it wasn’t for the injury, Ingram
would be a top five back in the JFL. But who cares about overall rankings? Choo
has him healthy now, and he’s gunning for that last Wild Card spot.
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