When you break it down, the AFC and NFC Championships
feature two kinds of teams.
The first is the Super Bowl champs. Both the Dottsville
Toasters and the Sunday Slackers have their names etched into the fine JFL
Trophy that the News Team may claim was stolen from his house in a week or two
just so he can keep it.
“I swear I locked the house,” he'll say.
Sure, Nikish. Sure. Just ship it out when requested.
Both the Toasters and Slackers are excited for the chance to
get the trophy back.
The other kind of team is the franchise that has been in the
playoffs but never gotten over the hump. For T-Money, this is the first time
back in the playoffs since 2010 after he had made the dance in five straight
seasons. Three times he lost in the first round and the other two times, he fell
in the conference championship game.
Fear also has been in the playoffs five times over the first
eight years of the JFL, and he lost in the first round four times and the AFC
Championship Game last season.
Together, that’s ten playoff trips and no Super Bowl
appearances.
The odds are in their favor that at least one of them should
get there this year and end the streak.
The JFL challenge moves on with the four winners from last week
and the four JFL Playoff losers. The top four will move on to face the
championship game losers in Week 16. The top two in Week 16 win JFL accolades.
AFC CHAMPIONSHIP GAME
Sunday Slackers (8-6)
at Fear and Loathing (12-2)
WHITE FLAG:
Parker might as well just go away on Sunday. Don’t even watch the NFL because you’re
not going to like what you’re seeing. It will be better off this way. Perhaps,
you’ll wake up Monday morning and by some miracle, you’ll find out you’re
losing by only 20 points with Drew Brees to play Monday night. Then, you’re
Monday will be awesome. If you’re down by 60-plus points, as will likely be the
case, you can at least sit back and say, “Well, I didn’t waste my Sunday!” It’s
all about the positives.
GROUNDED: The
running game is in great shape for Fear. Coming off a monster week, where his
JFL leading backs combined for 72.7 points alone, he should get close to that
again this week. Murray is up against a 26th-ranked defense against the run,
and Le’Veon Bell is going up against the 32nd. Chalk them up for at least 50.
IF BY SOME CHRISTMAS
MIRACLE…: Parker just needs a miracle on Sunday. If he can be within 40
points on Monday, he has a legit chance, because we have to remember what Drew
Brees does on Monday nights for the Slackers. How many times has he come back
on me when trailing by 30 or more on a Monday night? It’s sickening. And for
Parker, it’s his only real chance at winning this matchup and going to JFL
Super Bowl IX.
ODD STARTS: I’m
rather surprised by this Daniel Herron start. I was shocked he started him last
week, and if it wasn’t for that kicker in St. Louis, it would have cost Parker
the win. I’m just not understanding why he’s not starting three WRs. I mean,
you need all the points you can get, and Herron clearly isn’t going to be exploding
for 20 points. Not with J.J. Watt in the way. Torrey Smith, Jarvis Landry and
Mohamed Sanu have better chances to put up 20 spots. Will they? Who knows. But I'd think they're more likely than Herron, especially Torrey Smith who has that big-play ability. All it takes is one 70-yard TD pass to turn a matchup around. Herron is not busting free for a 70-yard TD. And that’s what Parker
will need to win this matchup. Not the 8 points Herron will likely get. In this
situation, you need to go big or go home. Parker, I guess, just plans to go
home.
WIDE RECEIVER
COASTER: For Fear, he has the Big Three. Then it’s a mishmash of wideouts.
Julian Edelman has been the guy most weeks, but injuries and inconsistency have
been a big problem. On most weeks, Fear is left Sunday wishing he had started a
different wideout. It only cost him one win, so he’ll take that. This week,
with a pair of his wideouts playing on Thursday, he has to wonder if the two
guys he has starting today can surpass the combined 18 points they scored.
Eighteen isn’t a lot from WRs, but for Fear, when you add that to the 90-some
points the Big Three will score, that’s the difference between winning by 17
and losing by 1. So, it’s up to Edelman and Allen Hurns to score more than 18
and make him feel like he finally made the right WR play.
OUTLOOK: Well,
you’re not going to be surprised by this. I’m going with Fear. Not just because
I hate Parker, but I just can’t see how Luck-Bell-Murray fail to combine for 90
points. Parker averages around that, so add in a few more points from the “Others”
and Fear takes this matchup. The Slackers only chance is to put together a day
like he had in JFL Super Bowl VII. On that day, everything came together as
he posted a JFL record 186 points. That’s what he’ll need today and Monday.
Someone has to blow up and go for 30. Three others need to go for 20. And Drew
Brees needs to put up 40. That’s what it’s going to take. … That, or a complete
collapse by the Big Three. So wave that white flag, Parker. It’s over. Fear 132, Slackers 91.2.
NFC CHAMPIONSHIP GAME
T-Money (8-6) at
Dottsville Toasters (9-5)
WHAT’S THE STORY
HERE?: This is the question that Chalupa asked me about the Toasters
matchup last week, so why not ask it again this week. For the Toasters vs.
T-Money matchup, there’s a huge backstory to it. As former roommates, they are
reunited for an epic battle to go to JFL Super Bowl IX. Strangely, despite
their regular season successes over the years, they have somehow avoided each
other in the playoffs as this will be their first postseason meeting. They
split their regular-season meetings with the Toasters winning 98.6-76-1 in Week
2 and T-Money winning 75.3-69.2 in Week 11. The even split adds to their
all-time series record, which is also even at 9-9. It’s the battle for the 10th
win and certainly the biggest win in the history of the series.
HOW DID THEY GET
HERE?: Up-and-down QBs. Running backs that nobody wanted. A single
noteworthy WR and tight ends that had surprisingly good years. That’s how you
can describe both the Toasters and T-Money, yet somehow, they’ve won the big games
to get to this moment. It’s really revolved around luck of the matchups for
them. The Toasters average 85.3 points per game, which is third-worst in the
JFL. T-Money isn’t much better, averaging 86.1, which ranks as fourth-worst.
So, if the averages hold true, this could be a low-scoring NFC Championship.
Although, the Toasters are coming of his highest output of the season, 120.8
points. It was the first time he hit 100 since Week 1. In between that is a
mess of 60s, 70s and 80s. T-Money is also coming off one of his highest point
totals, so don’t count him out if the Toasters scores 90 or more. Nevertheless, the averages suggest that if one team hits 90, they're in great shape.
NOT OVER UNTIL
MONDAY: With Alshon Jeffery and Martellus Bennett going on Monday night,
T-Money is still in this matchup if he’s trailing by 35 or less. Those two
players can easily combine for that total. Obviously, T-Money would like to be
a little closer than 35, but I’d personally put the line there. Jeffery went
for 43 points once last season, but we can't just expect that, so if the Toasters
leave Sunday with a 40-point lead, this matchup is essentially clinched.
LEANING ON LAMAR:
The Toasters’ eighth-round selection of Lamar Miller was a solid one. Ranked
11th among JFL running backs with an average of 11.1 points per week, he’s been
a decent option each week. He hasn’t exploded like a Murray or Bell, but he has
hit double-digits nine times this year. Another double-digits will go a long
way in this matchup where four RBs are playing. The Toasters is also starting
Isaiah Crowell, who has been hit or miss, but today with Johnny Football
starting, it could be a run-heavy day. LeGarrette Blount and Rashad Jennings go
for T-Money, and they’re both in systems where you cannot count on them getting
important carries. Of the four, Lamar Miller is the only solid play and that’s
why the Toasters gets the edge in RBs.
DIVISIONAL BATTLES:
It’s appropriate that the Toasters and T-Money, division rivals themselves,
have QBs playing in division rivalries. T-Money has Tony Romo against the
Eagles tonight. Romo scored just 7.4 points against the Eagles on Thanksgiving,
so T-Money obviously will need more than that tonight. The Toasters have
Russell Wilson, who plays the 49ers. Two weeks ago, Wilson had 21 points
against them. Clearly, that’s better than 7.4, so the Toasters will easily take
a repeat performance for both QBs. I think he'll get that and more. The 49ers are an absolute mess and I can see the
Seahawks stomping them at home. I’m talking 41-17. I’m talking
Russell Wilson throwing for two TDs and rushing for another. I'm talking more than 80 rushing yards and 200 passing yards. I'm talking 36.9 fantasy points. I'm talking big win for the Toasters.
OUTLOOK: I didn’t
even get to Megatron. I say Calvin Johnson adds 18 points and Heath Miller
gets in the end zone today to help the Toasters to a decent lead on Sunday night. He’ll move on to JFL
Super Bowl IX with a 109-78 win.
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