I’m just not sure there’s much to say to the Dottsville
Toasters to make him feel better about this. I know, personally, I’d be so
livid I wouldn’t even be able to write this recap.
First, somehow, Dottsville goes through the majority of the
Monday night game without losing the slim lead he had with T-Money having
Alshon Jeffery and Martellus Bennett going.
Surely by halftime, T-Money would have clinched his first
bid to the JFL Super Bowl.
However, with 2 minutes left in the game, T-Money trailed by
5.1 points. The Saints had the ball and they were running out the clock. The
Bears were using their timeouts, so a first down would seal the Toasters trip
to a second Super Bowl.
But then the unthinkable happened. Mark Ingram found the
edge, got the first down and continued into the end zone with 1:47 left.
Why didn’t he stop at the 1-yard-line, Brian Westbrook
style?
Why?! He forced the Saints defense to get back out on the
field. Why create an injury risk?
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| The InGrinch That Stole Christmas
Every Dot down in Dottsville liked Toast a lot
But Mark InGrinch, who lived just North of Dottsville — did not.
The InGrinch hated Toast — whether with butter, cinnamon or raisin.
Now, please don't ask why; no one quite knows the reason.
It could be, perhaps, that his cleats were too tight.
Or it could be that he was mad a Brees for ignoring him all night,
But I think that the most likely reason of all...
May have been that his contract was two dollar sizes too small.
But, whatever the reason, his contract or his have-nots,
He stood there on Tuesday eve hating the Dots.
Staring down from the RB position, with a sour InGrinchy frown,
He decided that he was going to score a late touchdown.
For he knew that every Dots down in Dottsville below,
Was busy now packing their bags for the JFL Super Bowl.
Then he slid down the sideline; it was rather quite the
cinch,
But if Brees could do it, then so could the InGrinch.
He got held up only once for a second or two,
And then he ruined it for Dottsville; I just wish it was for the
Choo.
|
Even more, why did you give T-Money another chance? Hell,
even T-Money left the bar thinking it was over. He checked out, borrowed
Parker’s white flag and waved it in the air.
The Super Bowl was virtually in the hands of the Toasters.
Then, the 35-yard pass play to Jeffery to turn the 5.1-point
lead to a mere 1.2 points. The ball was near the goal line after a screen pass
to the RB, and the Bears went to Jeffery for unnecessary touchdown.
Well, unnecessary in the NFL.
In the JFL, it sealed T-Money’s 73.3-67.6 win over the
Toasters in the NFC Championship Game, sending him to JFL Super Bowl IX.
He’ll join another Super Bowl newcomer as Fear and Loathing
did exactly what we thought he would, beating the Sunday Slackers handedly
127.4-97.3. The Slackers got 36.7 points from Drew Brees on Monday night to
make it closer than it really was.
Fear got double-digits from seven players, and Allen Hurns
had 8.2 points as the only single-digit scorer. Andrew Luck had a pedestrian
day with 21.8 points, DeMarco Murray scored 20.6 and Le’Veon Bell had 24.9 to
continue the insane run from the Big Three.
Julian Edelman added 17.3, Delanie Walker hit double-digits
late adding 3.3 points on a crazy multi-lateral desperation play.
Fear did take a huge hit with Murray breaking his hand, but
he still scores enough points to win the Super Bowl. But, I’ll talk about that
in the preview.
As for the losers, the Slackers couldn’t have done anything
to beat Fear. He made the right move, reading the Jargon Sunday morning and
benching that Herron guy for a WR, but there wasn’t much else he could do in
this matchup.
The Toasters, on the other hand, left plenty of points of
the bench. Greg Jennings over Isaiah Crowell, Graham Gano over Randy Bullock,
Alex Smith over Russell Wilson all would have given him the win. It’s hard to
blame him, though, for not making those moves. Wilson has to get the start,
Crowell helped him get there and kickers are kickers — I know this well.
Outside of Wilson’s 15.7 points, the only other double-digit
scorer was Eric Decker, which was not expected. Lamar Miller had just 5.9 and
Calvin Johnson had 6.1. It was a huge disappointment and the last-second
comeback by T-Money made it all the worse.
T-Money has to be happy with his choice to stick with Tony
Romo, because had he rolled with backup Ryan Tannehill, he would have lost by
less than a point.
Now, that would have been awful.
JFL Postseason
Challenge
I read online that this was one of the worst weeks of
fantasy football in the history of fantasy football. Big-time players did not
perform, and that showed big time in the JFL Postseason Challenge. Team Boyer
easily moved on with his 115.5 points, and the Shark Attack joined him with
91.8 points. The next two to move on are lucky. World of Noise had 84.9 and
Jerk scored just 77.4. They move on because both the Thieves and yours truly
were stuck in the 60s, and Houserville and the News Team didn’t get out of the
40s. It was like a polar vortex of fantasy football slumps.
The four winners join the Toasters and the Slackers for the
final week of the JFL Postseason Challenge.
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