I am going to take the high road.
Last season, it was a snowstorm in Philly. This year, it was
a career-worst performance by a kicker.
I could spend the next 15 paragraphs complaining about how
Greg Zuerlein is a complete jerk, but I’m not going to do that. I know you
don’t want to read it and I don’t want to rehash it.
You’ve heard enough about my woes.
So, congratulations to Parker. Thanks to an 81-yard TD pass
to A.J. Green that gave him 33.6 points, the Slackers picked up a 92.7-81.2 win
in the AFC Divisional Playoffs. (Note, I can still be mad at Zuerlein after
Monday night because he should have had 11 points instead of negative-1, which
would have given me a 93.2-92.7 win over Parker.)
So, I say congrats, only to follow it up with good luck, Parker.
You’re going to need it.
But, Luck isn’t on your side. Neither is Bell or Murray.
Together, those three players combined for 108.5 points. That alone was enough
to beat the Jerk, but he tacked on nearly 50 more points to win 151.2-103.9.
Fear may be unstoppable. I’m serious. I can’t see this
ending without a JFL Trophy.
In fact, Nikish, why don’t you package it up and send it to
Harrisburg. Fear, get him your address.
Am I jumping the gun? Am I jinxing?
No way.
The No. 1 QB, the No. 1 RB and the No. 2 RB all on the same
team after 14 weeks. That has never happened in the history of the JFL. Never.
And even more, their averages are off the charts. Together, they are averaging more
than 75 points a week.
It’s just unfathomable.
And now, Fear is on to the AFC Championship for the second
straight season.
Then, if all the averages hold up, he’ll be on to JFL Super
Bowl IX to face the NFC Champion.
That team will either be the Dottsville Toasters or T-Money.
The old division rivals, the old roommates are going to battle for a chance to
play in the Super Bowl. T-Money has never been there and the Toasters already
has his name etched on the trophy. He’s looking for more.
T-Money scored most of his points on Thursday and survived
Sunday because Peyton Manning somehow scored 6.3 fantasy points, breaking the
hearts of millions of fantasy owners. For the Thieves, it was a triple shot to
the heart because he has Emmanuel Sanders and Julius Thomas. For weeks, those
guys were scoring 50 to 60 points together. This week, they garnered a mere 14
points.
And that was all she wrote for the Thieves in 2014. It was a
tough way to go, especially after Ben Roethlisberger, the true Jekyll and Hyde
of fantasy quarterbacks, scored 39.4 points on the bench.
It also was tough for Boyer, who got 30.2 points from Jordy
Nelson on Monday and fell 8 points short of the Toasters 120.8-112.1. Most of
his points came from Nelson, Tom Brady (29.2) and Joique Bell (26.3). The rest
of the group fell apart. The Toasters, meanwhile, got double-digits from five
positions, and another, Lamar Miller, had 9.9 points.
In both conferences, there were hard-luck losers. The Jerk
and Boyer, who both had more than 100 points, had enough to beat any other team
in their conference except the team they played.
They’ll get to take that scoring momentum, however, into the
JFL Postseason Challenge.
JFL Postseason
Challenge
I told you Shark Attack would enjoy this. With 131.9 points,
he’s moving on, along with Real Houserville (129.2), Channel 4 News Team (90.8
points) and World of Noise, who squeaked in at the last second thanks to a
monster night by Matt Ryan (43.8 points) to finish with 106.3.
Cheese Steaks, Choo Big TeeDees, Chalupa and Graybill have
all been eliminated from the challenge.
The four top scorers will move on to Week 15 where the
Jammers, Jerk, Boyer and Thieves will join them. The eight teams will battle
for the top four spots to advance to the Week 16 final.
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