It’s been quite the fall for the Philly Cheese Steaks, but
he hasn’t hit the floor yet.
And if he did, someone called 5-second rule and picked him
up, because he’s still alive.
Scoring eight or less wins for the fifth time in the last
six weeks, the Cheese Steaks lost the division title to the Outs and just
barely held on to the No. 2 seed in the National League.
Vandelay held off a feisty, much-improved Steroid.ERA team
that just didn’t have enough to get in, scoring just eight wins in the final
week after posting back-to-back seven-win weeks against spoilers Chalupa and
Slammers.
Meanwhile, Vandelay’s 13 wins last week and nine in the
final week were just what he needed to beat Steroid by five games in the
standings.
Steroid finishes with 218 wins, one of five teams in the NL to win 209 or more and finish with a winning record. It's even more impressive considering the fact that we went from 24 categories to 22. Looking at past records, we actually saw a huge drop in ties, though, so the 42 wins or losses or ties were mostly ties in the past, hence the reason we got rid of shutouts.
Still, 200-plus wins for Steroid and Slammers!
I’m going to edit the non-playoff schedule to feature a
matchup between Steroid and myself, and we’ll call it the Holy Crap That Sucks
They Missed Out On The Playoffs Bowl, sponsored by DraftKings.com. DraftKings.com, where people who can't win year-long try to win daily.
Winner gets play the winner of the Gamblers-Otto Parts
matchup, which I will coin as the Flipped Over Target Shopping Cart Bowl,
brought to you by Target. Target, we sell products at basement bargain prices just so we can sponsor the basement-dwelling Gamblers!
But that’s enough about all us losers. Let’s talk about the
winners.
In the American League, Big League Choo did it again,
racking up 244 wins to lead the JLB. The Bombers took the No. 2 seed with 222
wins, while the Sex Panthers edged out the Jerk to get the second wild card in
the American League.
With the 244 wins, Choo has seen his win totals go from 201
in 2011, to 207, 222, 257 and now 244. It’s been a great run for the Choo, who
owns a career record of 1,131-934-341 (.541 winning percentage).
It’s pretty impressive, and he now has three straight
regular season titles in the American League.
Meanwhile, in the National League, the Outs also collect a
third regular season title. It’s his third in the last four years, and he’s
just been on fire since joining the JLB in 2011. He’s never had fewer than 230
wins and with a 1,204-898-304 franchise mark, he’s well ahead of everyone else
with a .564 winning percentage.
He’ll look to get back to the World Series where he won in
2013 beating Choo. Last season, the Outs fell short as Vandelay ran through the
National League bracket and destroyed Choo in the World Series.
This year, either Walter would love to do the same and make
the Choo the Buffchoolo Bills of the JLB.
That’s if he makes it.
The Sex Panthers and Bombers match up in the first round,
and if the seeds hold up, the Bombers will have yet another chance to take down
the mighty Choo.
And let’s not sleep on the Bombers. He’s never been to the
World Series, but 2014 marks the eighth straight season with 200-plus wins. He
joins the Slammers as the only teams that can tout that. The Gamblers would
have been able to make such a claim had it not been for his awful 153-win
campaign in 2015.
Firestine has consistently put together a winning team, and
there’s no reason why his squad, coming off 222 wins this year — his most since
2011 — can’t pull off the upset.
After all, it's fantasy. Anything can happen.
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