Jokingly, based off a Photoshop of Houserville and Noise, I renamed the AFC North to the AFC Middle East.
It was fitting, based on how much they fight.
No one has complained, so it remains official. In fact, I have no urge to change it back. I like it.
This year, the fighting should continue. Houserville has a clear advantage on paper, but I really don’t see him going all Fear on this division and rolling away with an 11-2 record.
I see him more at 9-4, 8-5 and fighting until the final two weeks to lock up his fourth division title.
Fear and Jawz will battle for the second spot, while Noise will think back to what could have been had he utilized his third overall pick better.
1. Real Houserville
2014 Record, Finish: 6-7, 3rd in AFC Middle East
Career Record : 53-45
Playoff Record: 2-5
★★★★½ QB
★★★★☆ RB
★★★★★ WR/TE
The best team to fail at being the best team ever
Let’s just face it. Real Houserville has the best team in the AFC Middle East.
He might have the best team in the AFC, and at the end of the day, he might have the best team in the JFL.
So, why do I sound pessimistic?
Perhaps it’s because I thought Houserville could have done more damage with that slew of picks in the first four rounds.
There are many ways he could have gone with this team, and he decided to go with Jamaal Charles with the first pick, giving him an age 30 RB in Adrian Peterson and an age 28 RB in Charles.
Charles was nowhere close to his 2013 form, seeing a significant drop in production last season.
Peterson saw a drop in production due to his legal troubles, and call me crazy, but I don’t trust a 30-year-old who hasn’t taken a snap since last September.
Yes, rest is good, but to me, rust is bad.
I could be way wrong, and go ahead and brag about it in December, but I don’t like Peterson for this year. Maybe I’m just biased, and if that’s the case, I hope my fantasy team has a chance to knock Peterson and Houserville out of the playoffs.
Playoffs. It’s pretty much a guarantee for this team, right?
I mean, I'm predicting it, even if both Charles and Peterson go down.
Why? Because Houserville did the smart thing and drafted Knile Davis and Jerick McKinnon. He has both hand-cuffs.
He also has a decent grouping of wideouts, and Jimmy Graham.
He could really find himself in situations where he starts only one WR a week because of Graham, Charles and Peterson. Top options for that lone WR position include Alshon Jeffrey, Brandin Cooks and Jarvis Landry.
Houserville may not have made the most of those picks in my mind, but he still did a great job.
Lastly, at QB, he has Eli Manning.
Eli wasn’t the Manning that Houserville wanted — he admitted that to me the other day — but Eli will be just fine. I expect Victor Cruz to bounce back somewhat and Odell Beckham Jr. catches passes like hypochondriacs catch diseases. Eli will have a great fantasy year. (His team will still come in second to the Eagles in the division.)
At the end of the day, I can’t deny this is the team to beat. We said it would be before the draft and it clearly is after it.
So the pressure is on. Anything short of a trip to the Super Bowl would be an absolute disappointment.
2. Fear and Loathing
2014 Record, Finish: 11-2, 1st in AFC Middle East
Career Record : 67-58-1
Playoff Record: 3-6
★★★★★ QB
★★★☆☆ RB
★★☆☆☆ WR/TE
Fear looks to bounce back after producing the best JFL team in years
Fear had the dream team in 2014 with Andrew Luck, DeMarco Murray and Le’Veon Bell.
He could only keep one heading into 2015, so he went with the franchise QB he drafted a few years back. I see no reason for him to make a change at QB anytime soon. Keep using that first-round keeper to hold onto Luck.
Then, use the subsequent rounds to grab the coolest names in football.
That’s what he did at the draft.
“Oh, Carlos Hyde. I’ll take him.”
“Wait, there’s a guy named Latavius? I have to draft him.”
Seriously. He said that in the live draft room and got Latavius Murray several picks later.
After last year, one would expect that to turn into fantasy gold. Can he really do it two years in a row?
I don’t think so. Fear again has questions at WR. I like Golden Tate, but the rest of the group is shaky at best. Last year, he overcame such a problem with DeMarco Murray and Le’Veon Bell.
This year, I think it will a little tougher to overcome.
3. Jawz Attack
2014 Record, Finish: 6-7, 2nd in AFC Middle East
Career Record : 26-39
Playoff Record: 0-0
★★★★★ QB
★★★★☆ RB
★★★½☆ WR/TE
In the year of the shark attacks, will the Jawz Attack take a bite out of JFL?
For Jawz, last season was like playing Monopoly. He constantly found his players in jail, out $200 and not permitted to pass go.
It was a long year. Even worse, in order to contend, he was forced to drop Adrian Peterson who was passed around like a hot potato until he landed in the willing arms of Houserville.
It was OK, though. Jawz had the perfect late-round keeper in Kelvin Benjamin.
Had is the key word. Benjamin went down for the season in preseason, and Jawz was forced to change course.
It wasn’t too bad as he was able to keep Rob Gronkowski in the third round.
He’s likely the best receiver on this team — especially now that Tom Brady is unsuspended. Jawz does have big names like DeSean Jackson, Roddy White and Marques Colston, but let’s be serious. That’s a receiving corps that only scares me if we build a time machine and go back to 2012.
In 2015, it’s not a big deal.
Fortunately for Jawz, he’ll likely only need to start one of those former studs each week.
With Matt Forte and Ameer Abdullah, Jawz has a formidable RB pairing. Forte ranked No. 4 last year at RB in fantasy, averaging 16.7 points per game. He’s 29 years old, so there’s a reason to start to worry, but he has a knack for avoiding contact which leaves me to think he still has some good years left in him.
Abdullah replaces the Reggie Bush factor for the Lions and we’ve seen what kind of fantasy impact that can be.
After all that, though, the reason the Jawz has a chance to make the playoffs for the first time in franchise history is because he has a real QB. No more Carson Palmers. Finally, Jawz has a legit starter in Peyton Manning. He also added Marcus Mariota later because who knows. Manning could retire and Jawz can hand over the keys to Mariota next year.
This assumes that none of these guys wind up in jail. I’m sure now that they were drafted by Jawz, the FBI has wiretaps ready.
4. World of Noise
2014 Record, Finish: 5-8, 4th in AFC Middle East
Career Record : 48-75
Playoff Record: 3-3
★★★★☆ QB
★☆☆☆☆ RB
★★★★☆ WR/TE
You can't teach an old Craig new draft tricks
The baffling case of World of Noise.
One of these years, he’ll draft like a normal human being.
He joins Boyer and Graybill with the questionable keeper decision, keeping a QB he could have easily drafted with his first-round pick, and most likely his second- or third-round pick.
QBs of Ryan’s caliber went in the third through fifth rounds at the draft, but Noise decided to forgo a different keeper to have Ryan as a first-round keeper.
He could have kept Jordan Matthews (who was a third-round pick by Chalupa this year) in the 12th round, drafted Jamaal Charles, Julio Jones, Dez Bryant, Le’Veon Bell — to name a few of the many — in the first round, drafted Calvin Johnson like he did in the second, and then taken Matt Ryan in the third. Imagine that team.
Instead, he doesn’t have a running back that scares me. He’ll struggle in that department all season.
Ryan was the sixth-ranked QB last year and he should be that again this year, and Megatron and Brandon Marshall make up a decent WR duo.
Johnson had an injury-plagued 2014, and a healthy Megatron should be big for the Noise. Marshall is now with the Jets, so he’ll lose some points solely on the fact he doesn’t have Jay Cutler throwing to him, but he’s still better than most in the red zone.
Where the Noise cashed in was with sleeper wideouts in Nelson Agholor and Ty Montgomery. Both could vie for that third WR spot for the Noise because he will clearly roll with one RB and three WRs each week.
It’s also worth noting, Nick Foles is an interesting backup selection. He has a very accurate and big arm, and I could see him scoring some good points in St. Louis. I’m just not sure it will be consistent enough to lift him over Ryan weekly.
It was fitting, based on how much they fight.
No one has complained, so it remains official. In fact, I have no urge to change it back. I like it.
This year, the fighting should continue. Houserville has a clear advantage on paper, but I really don’t see him going all Fear on this division and rolling away with an 11-2 record.
I see him more at 9-4, 8-5 and fighting until the final two weeks to lock up his fourth division title.
Fear and Jawz will battle for the second spot, while Noise will think back to what could have been had he utilized his third overall pick better.
AFC Middle East Poll
1. Real Houserville, 39 points (6 first-place votes)
2. Fear and Loathing, 33 points (3 first-place votes)
3. Jawz Attack, 29 points (3 first-place votes)
4. World of Noise, 19 points
1. Real Houserville
2014 Record, Finish: 6-7, 3rd in AFC Middle East
Career Record : 53-45
Playoff Record: 2-5
★★★★½ QB
★★★★☆ RB
★★★★★ WR/TE
The best team to fail at being the best team ever
Let’s just face it. Real Houserville has the best team in the AFC Middle East.
He might have the best team in the AFC, and at the end of the day, he might have the best team in the JFL.
Perhaps it’s because I thought Houserville could have done more damage with that slew of picks in the first four rounds.
There are many ways he could have gone with this team, and he decided to go with Jamaal Charles with the first pick, giving him an age 30 RB in Adrian Peterson and an age 28 RB in Charles.
Charles was nowhere close to his 2013 form, seeing a significant drop in production last season.
Peterson saw a drop in production due to his legal troubles, and call me crazy, but I don’t trust a 30-year-old who hasn’t taken a snap since last September.
Yes, rest is good, but to me, rust is bad.
I could be way wrong, and go ahead and brag about it in December, but I don’t like Peterson for this year. Maybe I’m just biased, and if that’s the case, I hope my fantasy team has a chance to knock Peterson and Houserville out of the playoffs.
Playoffs. It’s pretty much a guarantee for this team, right?
I mean, I'm predicting it, even if both Charles and Peterson go down.
Why? Because Houserville did the smart thing and drafted Knile Davis and Jerick McKinnon. He has both hand-cuffs.
He also has a decent grouping of wideouts, and Jimmy Graham.
He could really find himself in situations where he starts only one WR a week because of Graham, Charles and Peterson. Top options for that lone WR position include Alshon Jeffrey, Brandin Cooks and Jarvis Landry.
Houserville may not have made the most of those picks in my mind, but he still did a great job.
Lastly, at QB, he has Eli Manning.
Eli wasn’t the Manning that Houserville wanted — he admitted that to me the other day — but Eli will be just fine. I expect Victor Cruz to bounce back somewhat and Odell Beckham Jr. catches passes like hypochondriacs catch diseases. Eli will have a great fantasy year. (His team will still come in second to the Eagles in the division.)
At the end of the day, I can’t deny this is the team to beat. We said it would be before the draft and it clearly is after it.
So the pressure is on. Anything short of a trip to the Super Bowl would be an absolute disappointment.
2. Fear and Loathing
2014 Record, Finish: 11-2, 1st in AFC Middle East
Career Record : 67-58-1
Playoff Record: 3-6
★★★★★ QB
★★★☆☆ RB
★★☆☆☆ WR/TE
Fear looks to bounce back after producing the best JFL team in years
Fear had the dream team in 2014 with Andrew Luck, DeMarco Murray and Le’Veon Bell.
He could only keep one heading into 2015, so he went with the franchise QB he drafted a few years back. I see no reason for him to make a change at QB anytime soon. Keep using that first-round keeper to hold onto Luck.
That’s what he did at the draft.
“Oh, Carlos Hyde. I’ll take him.”
“Wait, there’s a guy named Latavius? I have to draft him.”
Seriously. He said that in the live draft room and got Latavius Murray several picks later.
After last year, one would expect that to turn into fantasy gold. Can he really do it two years in a row?
I don’t think so. Fear again has questions at WR. I like Golden Tate, but the rest of the group is shaky at best. Last year, he overcame such a problem with DeMarco Murray and Le’Veon Bell.
This year, I think it will a little tougher to overcome.
3. Jawz Attack
2014 Record, Finish: 6-7, 2nd in AFC Middle East
Career Record : 26-39
Playoff Record: 0-0
★★★★★ QB
★★★★☆ RB
★★★½☆ WR/TE
In the year of the shark attacks, will the Jawz Attack take a bite out of JFL?
For Jawz, last season was like playing Monopoly. He constantly found his players in jail, out $200 and not permitted to pass go.
It was OK, though. Jawz had the perfect late-round keeper in Kelvin Benjamin.
Had is the key word. Benjamin went down for the season in preseason, and Jawz was forced to change course.
It wasn’t too bad as he was able to keep Rob Gronkowski in the third round.
He’s likely the best receiver on this team — especially now that Tom Brady is unsuspended. Jawz does have big names like DeSean Jackson, Roddy White and Marques Colston, but let’s be serious. That’s a receiving corps that only scares me if we build a time machine and go back to 2012.
In 2015, it’s not a big deal.
Fortunately for Jawz, he’ll likely only need to start one of those former studs each week.
With Matt Forte and Ameer Abdullah, Jawz has a formidable RB pairing. Forte ranked No. 4 last year at RB in fantasy, averaging 16.7 points per game. He’s 29 years old, so there’s a reason to start to worry, but he has a knack for avoiding contact which leaves me to think he still has some good years left in him.
Abdullah replaces the Reggie Bush factor for the Lions and we’ve seen what kind of fantasy impact that can be.
After all that, though, the reason the Jawz has a chance to make the playoffs for the first time in franchise history is because he has a real QB. No more Carson Palmers. Finally, Jawz has a legit starter in Peyton Manning. He also added Marcus Mariota later because who knows. Manning could retire and Jawz can hand over the keys to Mariota next year.
This assumes that none of these guys wind up in jail. I’m sure now that they were drafted by Jawz, the FBI has wiretaps ready.
4. World of Noise
2014 Record, Finish: 5-8, 4th in AFC Middle East
Career Record : 48-75
Playoff Record: 3-3
★★★★☆ QB
★☆☆☆☆ RB
★★★★☆ WR/TE
You can't teach an old Craig new draft tricks
The baffling case of World of Noise.
One of these years, he’ll draft like a normal human being.
QBs of Ryan’s caliber went in the third through fifth rounds at the draft, but Noise decided to forgo a different keeper to have Ryan as a first-round keeper.
He could have kept Jordan Matthews (who was a third-round pick by Chalupa this year) in the 12th round, drafted Jamaal Charles, Julio Jones, Dez Bryant, Le’Veon Bell — to name a few of the many — in the first round, drafted Calvin Johnson like he did in the second, and then taken Matt Ryan in the third. Imagine that team.
Instead, he doesn’t have a running back that scares me. He’ll struggle in that department all season.
Ryan was the sixth-ranked QB last year and he should be that again this year, and Megatron and Brandon Marshall make up a decent WR duo.
Johnson had an injury-plagued 2014, and a healthy Megatron should be big for the Noise. Marshall is now with the Jets, so he’ll lose some points solely on the fact he doesn’t have Jay Cutler throwing to him, but he’s still better than most in the red zone.
Where the Noise cashed in was with sleeper wideouts in Nelson Agholor and Ty Montgomery. Both could vie for that third WR spot for the Noise because he will clearly roll with one RB and three WRs each week.
It’s also worth noting, Nick Foles is an interesting backup selection. He has a very accurate and big arm, and I could see him scoring some good points in St. Louis. I’m just not sure it will be consistent enough to lift him over Ryan weekly.
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