Let’s just get my part out of the way quickly so you do not
have to listen to it later.
I mean, I don't want to have to deal with the pain any longer. First, the Jerk put on a dress and threw a Papal punch to my groin; and then a week later, Choo brought his friend who used to play soccer, and he delivered a swift kick to the balls.
It has been the worst two weeks of fantasy for me in a long time, especially considering the history that many of you couldn't possibly know.
"Cario Santos or Greg Zuerlein? Santos or Zuerlein?"
That’s the question I was faced with when looking at the
waiver wire after Week 1. I drafted Santos last year and Zuerlein failed me
late in the season, so what did I do? I went with the kicker inside the dome
again, Zuerlein.
Oops.
After seven — yes, seven — field goals, including two from
50-plus and another two from 40-plus, earned Choo a JFL record 27 points from
his kicker.
Twenty-seven. Amazing.
I had no chance, especially losing Marshawn Lynch for the
week. Even if I had Doug Martin in the lineup like I should have, I would have
lost because a kicker went for 27.
Time to get rid of that position.
A YEAR TOO EARLY
Last year, I drafted Devonta Freeman, hoping he’d step up
and be the steal of the draft. He was why I was comfortable drafting a
then-two-game-suspended Ray Rice. Fast forward to end of 2014 season, Rice
wasn’t a free man and Freeman played nothing like the old Ray Rice.
So, when I saw Freeman in the draft this year, I thought:
“Not falling for that again.”
Man, I should have.
Freeman has seven TDs in three weeks, including three in
each of the last two games. He has now scored 38.3 and 33.9 fantasy points in
back-to-back weeks and he’s ranked No. 1 in the JFL at RB.
He was finally in the lineup for the Noise, leading him back
to .500 at 2-2 with a 90.4-69.3 win over the Andrew Luck-less Fear and
Loathing. Luck will be out for a while and the Fear is in a lot of trouble.
Noise, on the other hand, is looking pretty damn good with
his lineup and he only needs one thing to become a serious threat, and that’s
the re-emergence of Calvin Johnson. (I know someone else who is begging for
this to happen, too.)
Noise was one of four teams to hit the 90s this week, which
is what we expect of winning teams, not the ridiculous 150 Jerk had.
This week, Jerk had only 57.4 points in a loss to the
Slackers. I didn’t hear Jerk cry about there not being a recap on Tuesday
evening — I guess when you score 90 fewer points than you did the week before,
you go find a rock with a comfy hole under it.
My point total would have be plenty enough to beat him this
week, and in fact, had the schedule for Week 3 and 4 been flipped, I’d be 4-0
right now. Instead, I’ve given up a JFL-worst 406 points, more than 50 worse
than the next worst team, and sit at 2-2. That’s why I’m not panicking.
Division is still mine to take.
AFC MIDDLE EAST
LEADER
For Houserville, the AFC Middle East is for him to take at
this point, after winning his third straight game 98.4-53.8 over Jawz Attack.
His plan was to have the two best RBs in the JFL, and instead,
thanks to Freeman’s explosion, he has the second and third best RBs in the JFL.
Both went for double-digits again, making me eat my preseason words for
breakfast on Monday.
But I still hold the right to have them come true later in
the season. Charles and Peterson are aging backs. This can’t last, can it?
If they do, Houserville has the right formula to hold up to
his preseason laurels as the best team on paper. Eli Manning has been great,
ranking No. 9 in the JFL, scoring another 29.3 points this week. He’s ranked 10
ahead of big brother and Jawz QB Peyton Manning. Maybe it’s Mariota time on
Amity Island.
MESSY NFC
The Generals fell giving us no more undefeated teams in the
JFL, and after Chalupa won a low-scoring affair — when the hell do I get one of
these? — there’s a tie for the NFC lead at 3-1 between the two 2014 cellar
dwellers.
Chalupa rode the current of Philip Rivers (35.4 points) to
beat the Toasters 67.7-54.9. The Toasters couldn’t get anything going, while
Chalupa saw 102 points scored on the bench. He made all the wrong decisions and
still won.
The Bombers did the exact opposite and made all the right
decisions, including the selection of Josh McCown to take over for Big Ben in
his 99.8-85.2 win over Graybill. McCown went for 30.5 points — double of what
secondary QB option Michael Vick score — and Le’Veon Bell hit the 20-point mark
for a second straight game.
T-Money reached 80 points and beat the lackluster Cheese
Steaks to collect his first win as a father. Congrats to T-Money and may this
be the start of a winning streak for you and your new assistant GM. Is the JFL
trophy in the nursery?
WINNING EVEN WITHOUT
BRADY
Tom Brady was on the bye, but Boyer turned his first win
with Brady in 2015 to a second win with Alex Smith. The big thanks goes to
Jeremy Hill, who became one of the many RBs to score three TDs in one game this
year. I’ll have to start adding them up if it happens again in Week 5.
But the big reason for the win came Sunday night as C.J.
Spiller broke free for 19.9 points on 99 yards receiving at a TD. That
completed the comeback over the News Team who needs some players to step up and
support Rodgers, or else, it’s going to be a long, long season.
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